What to expect...

spaghettiohs · September 2014

14 Weeks today! DH is finally agreeing to go to an appointment. I'm hoping they do an ultrasound so he can see LO.

We are second time parents, no problems so far. What can we expect at our 14 week appointment?

uneek1323 · September 2014

Your husband has never been to an appointment with you?

spaghettiohs · September 2014

@uneek1323‌ Just not with this pregnancy.

Engineer81 · September 2014

You could call your doctors office and ask what they are going to do. Just an idea.

blinksmb · September 2014

Yeeeeeeeah, "finally agreeing" sounds pretty shitty on his part.

blinksmb · September 2014

Engineer81 said:
You could call your doctors office and ask what they are going to do. Just an idea.

I second that. I don't think an appointment at 14 weeks is a standard thing where I live. I had one at 12 and will have another at 16. I've called before every appointment to get an idea of exactly what they will be doing. It's also helpful to know because if they don't need a urine sample or a full bladder for anything I'm not going to torture myself holding it

bumpuser10258960 · September 2014

I've got an appt in 2 weeks and I'll be 13 weeks... I'm getting my Pap done.. Needless to say, H is NOT going to this appointment. You may want to check with the office first. Don't want to make your H's first appt his last!

honkytonk_kid · September 2014

uneek1323 said:
Your husband has never been to an appointment with you?

It would never have occurred to me that H should go to anything but the a/s, until the bump.

OP, it depends on the practice, but after the initial dating scan/blood work/maybe PAP, most appointments are going to be vitals, pee in a cup (maybe), check your belly, discuss any questions.

daizedoo · September 2014

MandJS said:

At 14 weeks, all I would get is a doppler and they might measure my fundal height if it's high enough (on a 2+ pregnancy, it might be). Otherwise, pee in a cup, weight check, and ask if you have any questions.

This, for me as well. My appt is next week, I'll be 13w and some change and I already asked what to expect. They said no ultrasound. You normally only get 1-2 ultrasounds for a normal non-high risk pregnancy. If you've already had one ultrasound, you're likely to not get another until your 20 week anatomy scan.

daizedoo · September 2014

Also, they wouldn't let DH in the exam room with me for my 8w dating u/s appt, until the u/s at the end. Apparently that was so they could ask me in private whether I was "safe" at home, not being abused, etc. He sat in the waiting room for a good 40 min before he was allowed back, and was not pleased at all. Mostly because he didn't understand why he had to wait. First time parents, neither of us anticipated that happening. So, your hubby may have to wait in the waiting room a bit.

uneek1323 · September 2014

honkytonk_kid said:

Your husband has never been to an appointment with you?
It would never have occurred to me that H should go to anything but the a/s, until the bump. OP, it depends on the practice, but after the initial dating scan/blood work/maybe PAP, most appointments are going to be vitals, pee in a cup (maybe), check your belly, discuss any questions.

That just blows my mind. Different perspectives and experiences and all, but yeah. It would never occur to me that he wouldn't go.

crunchymamaof2 · September 2014

daizedoo said:

Also, they wouldn't let DH in the exam room with me for my 8w dating u/s appt, until the u/s at the end. Apparently that was so they could ask me in private whether I was "safe" at home, not being abused, etc. He sat in the waiting room for a good 40 min before he was allowed back, and was not pleased at all. Mostly because he didn't understand why he had to wait. First time parents, neither of us anticipated that happening. So, your hubby may have to wait in the waiting room a bit.

At my last appointment my doctor asked if she could speak to me privately. I know what she was going to ask as I've been there, done that, and declined. You don't have to agree to such things.

daizedoo · September 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:
At my last appointment my doctor asked if she could speak to me privately. I know what she was going to ask as I've been there, done that, and declined. You don't have to agree to such things.

Hmm. We weren't even given the option. They called my name, we both got up, and the medical assistant said your husband can wait here until we're ready for him (or something.)

crunchymamaof2 · September 2014

It is highly unlikely you'll get an ultrasound. Some offices have smaller machines they can use at their disposal but that's not the norm. I can pretty much guess how your appointment will go: a nurse will check your vitals, you'll wait for the doctor, doctor will ask you how you are. She'll check baby with the Doppler, possibly check your stomach/uterus, and then send you on your way. My husband and I prefer he goes to at least every other appointment just so he can get to know the doctor but it's more to support me. Prenatal appointments are rarely excited, which is exactly how they should be. So don't expect much. But him "finally agreeing" to go sounds pretty shitty.

honkytonk_kid · September 2014

uneek1323 said:

honkytonk_kid said:

Your husband has never been to an appointment with you?

It would never have occurred to me that H should go to anything but the a/s, until the bump.

OP, it depends on the practice, but after the initial dating scan/blood work/maybe PAP, most appointments are going to be vitals, pee in a cup (maybe), check your belly, discuss any questions.

That just blows my mind. Different perspectives and experiences and all, but yeah. It would never occur to me that he wouldn't go.

To all of them? Why? Moral support, or curiosity, or what? Don't get me wrong, I have no judgment at all if the dad goes to every single appt, but like I said it never would have occurred to me.

Then again we are pretty "divide and conquer" in most areas (ie I don't go with him to buy a car, I make most of the kid related decisions, etc). So I guess since I'm a nurse and the one who is actually pregnant he sees MW appts as my turf? Or maybe we are the weird ones?? Haha I am going to start polling my friends.

lewispm · September 2014

honkytonk_kid said
To all of them? Why? Moral support, or curiosity, or what? Don't get me wrong, I have no judgment at all if the dad goes to every single appt, but like I said it never would have occurred to me. Then again we are pretty "divide and conquer" in most areas (ie I don't go with him to buy a car, I make most of the kid related decisions, etc). So I guess since I'm a nurse and the one who is actually pregnant he sees MW appts as my turf? Or maybe we are the weird ones?? Haha I am going to start polling my friends.

MH only goes to the ones with ultra sounds or if there is something particularly important happening. He would never be able to get enough time off work to go to all of them, especially in the end when they are every week! He's super supportive and excited about the pregnancy and all, it's just not something either of us view as necessary, like you said @honkytonk_kid.

Rachbobach · September 2014

honkytonk_kid said:

honkytonk_kid said:

Your husband has never been to an appointment with you?
It would never have occurred to me that H should go to anything but the a/s, until the bump. OP, it depends on the practice, but after the initial dating scan/blood work/maybe PAP, most appointments are going to be vitals, pee in a cup (maybe), check your belly, discuss any questions.

That just blows my mind. Different perspectives and experiences and all, but yeah. It would never occur to me that he wouldn't go.
To all of them? Why? Moral support, or curiosity, or what? Don't get me wrong, I have no judgment at all if the dad goes to every single appt, but like I said it never would have occurred to me. Then again we are pretty "divide and conquer" in most areas (ie I don't go with him to buy a car, I make most of the kid related decisions, etc). So I guess since I'm a nurse and the one who is actually pregnant he sees MW appts as my turf? Or maybe we are the weird ones?? Haha I am going to start polling my friends.

I think it's weird that the OP said he "finally agreed to go" which sounds like she has been asking him to go and he's been saying no. My husband wants to go to all of my appointments but if for some reason he wasn't planning on going to one and I asked him to go for me he wouldn't put up a fight at all. Just sounds odd. It's his child - why wouldn't he want to go?

knottie93263eb66eeacb31 · September 2014

My husband would freak if he was told he couldn't go into the room with me. He has been to every appointment (including my initial 3 hour one), every blood draw and every u/s. My OB never even asked about abuse or anything maybe because he is so involved? My nurse from the my insurance company did and of course the answer is no but yeah nothing from the OB.

spaghettiohs · September 2014

Okay ladies. I've posted before about DH and his opposition to baby#2. But he works, a lot. That's why he never goes, he's "too busy".

Thank you for the personal experiences at the appointments and i will take your advise to call my doctors office and ask them!
(They aren't friendly on the phone but they are nicer than some of you judgy mommies)

Hopefully at my 18w appointment they will do an a/s. Fingers crossed

spaghettiohs · September 2014

Sorry hormones! And they are so not nicer than you mommies!

kellbell1982 · September 2014

spaghettiohs said:
Okay ladies. I've posted before about DH and his opposition to baby#2. But he works, a lot. That's why he never goes, he's "too busy".

Thank you for the personal experiences at the appointments and i will take your advise to call my doctors office and ask them!
(They aren't friendly on the phone but they are nicer than some of you judgy mommies)

Hopefully at my 18w appointment they will do an a/s. Fingers crossed

spaghettiohs said:
Sorry hormones! And they are so not nicer than you mommies!

Ummm
Hormones are not to blame for you getting butt hurt over some joking around. If you don't have a sense of humor don't blame it on hormones

thejucheidea · September 2014

uneek1323 said:

Your husband has never been to an appointment with you?

My husband's never been to an appointment and probably won't go to any of them but the next ultrasound appointment in late October or early November. It's nbd. We're both really into our work, and I understand why he doesn't want to take time off to something he doesn't need to be there for. He'd drop everything and go if I asked, but for now I just go with my mom because she's retired.

FrecklesInside · September 2014

Opposition to baby #2?? And you are butthurt that we are judging you?

Ok.

crunchymamaof2 · September 2014

Wtf? We've only responded to your exact words.

crunchymamaof2 · September 2014

FrecklesInside said:

Opposition to baby #2?? And you are butthurt that we are judging you? Ok.

Exactly. He's so opposed to another baby yet you're having one. Not much can be done now.

finallyourturn2 · September 2014

Every single appt./doctor is different. I can guaranty you my 14 week appt won't have a u/s because I have to go somewhere else for those.

almeyer2013 · September 2014

spaghettiohs said:
14 Weeks today! DH is finally agreeing to go to an appointment. I'm hoping they do an ultrasound so he can see LO.

We are second time parents, no problems so far. What can we expect at our 14 week appointment?

This is baby #2 and you ask us what to expect at an appointment?! Shouldn't you already know?
Did you eat amnesia cookies between the first and now?
P.s. H sounds like a douche. Bet he doesn't help with diapers either.

blinksmb · September 2014

Wait, what in the fuck did I just read?? Opposition? It sounds like him not feeling enthusiastic about tagging along to watch you get blood drawn might be the least of your worries.

Critter015 · September 2014

So far the only appointments my DH has been to for any of my pregnancies have been the initial family history appointment and all of the ultrasounds. This time he has to miss the first ultrasound because the only day they have available he has an important meeting at work, and I don't think he'll come to the history one because our history hasn't changed in 3 years and they are also doing my pap at that appointment this time.

My doctor's office schedules ultrasounds as separate appointments with the ultrasound tech, and then the doctor follows up at the following appointment.

ETA: It was hard enough for me to get off work for the constant, seemingly useless appointments. I would never expect my husband, who has a more important job than mine, to take off work as well.

capulet · September 2014

honkytonk_kid said:

Your husband has never been to an appointment with you?
It would never have occurred to me that H should go to anything but the a/s, until the bump.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat. Technically, DH can take time off work. In reality, he has to work a certain number of hours and certain tasks have to get done and will either get done during the work day or they'll carry into evenings and weekends. Given a block of 90 minutes or two hours coming to my appointments would take him, I'd rather have him at home with me and the kids doing something we all enjoy than coming to routine appointments that bore even me. He's been to our kids' anatomy scans, the pre-op appointment for DS's c-section, and maybe a couple of others, but I don't feel like it benefits either of us or makes him meaningfully more involved or whatever to come to routine appointments in (what have thankfully mostly been) uneventful pregnancies.

That said, there is something weirder going on here and I'm just not going to comment on that.

sweaver93 · September 2014

If my husband is in town, he's there with me. Never fails. He went to every appointment with our first, and most of our second daughters ones. He's offered to drive the 8 hour trip to make it to everyone this time, even if it's just simple blood work. And he did drive a total of 9 hours just to being me sprite, soup from my favorite place up in stillwater(a 4 hour drive for me), and check on me when I went to the hospital last week. So to see that your husband doesn't want to go and has opposition to the baby blows me away. Call up there and see, did they not give you a list of what happens at each appoitment? My old doctor did that, and my new one told me at the first appoitment I get a sonogram each time.

chelseeea · September 2014

I know for the appt. I have scheduled at 14 weeks, they will be doing a physical, and taking blood. You will also probably hear baby's heartbeat. And ultrasound will depend on your ob/gyn and what their normal routine is...some do them and some don't. I know with this pregnancy I will probably only have 1 ultrasound around 20 weeks. They didn't do a dating one or anything. Best of luck at your appt. though!

Whitfry · September 2014

I had my NT scan the day before my 13/14 week appt. DH came for the scan, and then the u/s tech hunted down my doctor so I could just have my appt right then. The actual bit with the doctor went:

Her: how are you feeling?
Me: great! Got a new job at XYZ. Super excited.
Her: that's good, it will be lower stress. I've heard good things about XYZ. Do you have any questions about your pregnancy?
Me: nope!
Her: great! See you in four weeks!

They did weight/ blood pressure/pee in a cup, too. That's it. I mostly just go to my mom with questions, since she's the head midwife at the practice. So I'm a low-maintenance patient.

DH comes to the u/s appts, but I don't want him to take off work for fifteen minutes of chatting and getting vitals done. It's not worth him missing work in our case. If I wanted him there, though, he would definitely come and be genuinely happy about it.

rita213 · September 2014

This is our third child and my husband has been to every appointment with the first 2 and all so far with this one, I am having to go to a high risk and I Told my H that he didn't have to go but he said he wants to be there because I do have some medical problems they are watching. I love that he goes to all appointments couldn't think about if he didn't want to go because he has always went.

Unknown · September 2014

This content has been removed.

spaghettiohs · September 2014

Are you just trying to make me feel bad with all these my DH has been to all these appointments? We aren't on the best of terms and have PRIVATE PERSONAL problems. I asked about a visit and yall just talk about how he's a terrible person.

Thanks.

Whitfry · September 2014

spaghettiohs said:

Are you just trying to make me feel bad with all these my DH has been to all these appointments? We aren't on the best of terms and have PRIVATE PERSONAL problems. I asked about a visit and yall just talk about how he's a terrible person. Thanks.

Wow. You might want to go and re-read your own thread. There are a LOT of women with a LOT of different perspectives on what appointments their DH's are going to. There has been nothing but polite sharing. Some people are surprised about the way others are choosing to do things - but there has been no rudeness over that. Only calm and appropriate discussion. Nobody has been attempting to make anyone feel bad, only sharing like adults do during adult conversations.

There HAS been commentary on the fact that YOU stated your H was "opposed" to having another baby. Because that information is rather alarming. Your own wording makes it seem that he only reluctantly agreed to attend an appointment for this child. You are now stating that you and your H are experiencing PRIVATE PERSONAL problems. If it's so PRIVATE, why are you bringing it up in this thread? Of course people are going to comment on these sorts of things. You can't realistically expect that to be ignored. If you just wanted people to comment on their experiences (which we all have, very helpfully and politely), then why fan the flames by posting things that are clearly going to inspire conversation?

This thread has been nothing but polite and helpful. If you can't handle that, you have bigger problems than the women on this board.

allibeing · September 2014

All my appts are scheduled on Fridays which my DH and I both have off. He may not go into each exam with me but he wants to be involved as much as possible, and at least drives me there. Gives us a chance to focus on the baby together. It's his first baby so I'm ok with it, but his presence is far from necessary:) I'm also hopeful that these outtings will lead to a lunch/treat date while DD is in school.

capulet · September 2014

spaghettiohs said:

Are you just trying to make me feel bad with all these my DH has been to all these appointments? We aren't on the best of terms and have PRIVATE PERSONAL problems. I asked about a visit and yall just talk about how he's a terrible person. Thanks.

Actually, a number of us have said that our DHs don't come to all our appointments. Mine is a great dad to our kids, I just don't think taking a couple hours off work to watch me get my blood pressure taken is really something he needs to do as a parent. It's not going to every prenatal appointment that makes someone a good partner or father, and any suggestion to the contrary (because I do get a bit of that from this thread myself) is wrong, not to mention it doesn't take into account that our DHs don't all have flexible work schedules. But since you yourself said that he's opposed to your baby, the fact that your DH doesn't want to go to appointments is not the problem. That is something you two have to work out. Maybe you should discuss how often he realistically can accompany you and decide what kind of appointments are a priority for him to attend (those with ultrasounds, etc.) and then ask your provider when you can expect those, because what happens can vary a lot from one office to another and from one pregnancy to another.

daizedoo · September 2014

Actually you received quite a few examples of what to expect.

Engineer81 · September 2014

My DH went to the anatomy scan and one other appointment towards the end of my first pregnancy. That was it. It is no indication of his love and involvement. He is a truck driver when he is working that is how he is taking care if us. He will probably only be at the anatomy scan this time, too. So the fact that he doesn't go to your appointments doesn't mean anything. The opposition to the baby is another story.

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