AW...weight

xc1148 · August 2014

I just need to vent. Starting at, hmm, 3 weeks, my mom took it upon herself to start talking about how I was already gaining weight. This continued through the first trimester and led to a blowout fight right around 20 weeks. I thought maybe she would finally get the message. Then my mother in law, who is normally fine, made a comment about me watching my weight. Then yesterday, my dad came over and tried to make a joke about me being fat. I cried all night and it ruined me and my husband's anniversary plans. Today (of all days) this coworker I never talk to says "time to hit the treadmill." I'm alternating between laughing and crying because what pot-bellied, santa claus wannabe thinks that is a smart thing to say to a pregnant lady??

I'm just surprised I guess because after everything we've been through to get here, I thought my family would be a source of positivity and happy all the time. The most hurtful part is that they keep saying things AFTER I told them to stop. Also, I haven't gained that much weight! I mean people shouldn't say crap regardless, but i still wear pre-pregnancy pants (unbuttoned lol) and pre-pregnancy tops as long as they are long enough to cover my maternity band. ALSO I'M PREGNANT.

My wonderful husband is going to call my parents and tell them to knock it off. Which should do the trick. But I'm sad because I'm very, very close with my parents, and it's gotten so bad that now I don't share any part of the pregnancy with them. I just want to avoid the topic entirely because of where it may lead. And that just sucks, because I've been looking forward to this for 3 years and now they are completely out of the process. I had a friend that did IVF also and her parents drove her to tears over the name she picked out for her son. 100% normal name, they just didn't like it. I just don't understand how you can't be 100% happy for other people who have struggled so much.

/end rant
//totally wearing a bikini to the beach this weekend

pblge · August 2014

Ugh. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. The idea that thin is the only acceptable shape for women is so pernicious that even well intentioned people can't help but channel those norms sometimes. Example: A friend of mine recently had a crazy variant of appendicitis and landed in the hospital for a month. She almost died, but she lost tons of weight and people kept telling her how fabulous she looked, including her mother ****who is a shrink for women with eating disorders.*** Unbelievable. I hope a stern talking to will get your family in line!

Mrs.McIrish · August 2014

Hugs. My MIL is like this. When I saw her at 20 weeks, the first words out of her mouth were "oh I'm glad you are keeping your weight in check. The doctors today let women gain too much". Ummm, what??? I gained a lot of weight over the course of 8 IVFs so I'm heavy starting off. I haven't gained too much with the pregnancy, especially with twins, but I eat what I want to eat. I'm not trying to "not gain". Also, I'm having twins--- not the same weight recommendations as a singleton yet MIL thinks it should be the same. So annoying. Why would you even mention weight to a pregnant woman? (Not that it should be mentioned to anyone unless they ask for help losing etc).

OutdoorGirl10 · August 2014

@xc1148 I'm so sorry you're dealing with people with no filter. No, filter is the wrong word - common sense is better, no common sense. Hugs. Who says that to a pregnant woman? It's so hurtful when it comes from family members who should know better. As for the pot bellied work guy, if he makes a comment again, tell him you saw a 2 for 1 membership at the gym and perhaps he'd like to join you. What an a$$hat.

xc1148 · August 2014

@ OutdoorGirl10 I thought of a comeback like 2 minutes later ugh! It's like that Seinfeld episode where George has a line but it's too late lol.

BellaLux · August 2014

I'm so sorry, and sadly completely understand how you feel as I too have been on the receiving end of not too nice comments. My parents visited us when I was around 10/11 weeks and my mom made the comment "oh you're already showing, you are going to be so big and fat"! I wanted to smack the crap out of her! First and foremost, I had terrible constipation and bloat so it wasn't the baby and why on earth....after all we've been through, would she make such a mean comment! As much as we've shared with them, and as often as I've thought over the course of us trying for 3 years that they understood, I'm always reminded that they still don't have a clue!

We've also received a few comments about working on baby #2....although we've already stated repeatedly that we are not doing another IVF and this will be the only child! These are the same people who don't contribute a dime and we have no insurance coverage.

Again, I'm really sorry that you've had to endure this. This should be a very joyous occasion! I'll recommend and it's what I've had to do as well, limit the time you have with them. I refuse to spend my only pregnancy stresses, sad and fearful...so I'm very protective of the energy around me.

I hope that after your husband has a serious talk with the family they will get it together!

chucktgirl · August 2014

That sucks all around.
Next time one of them opens their stupid mouth, choose one of the responses below, based on your mood.

Dumb-headed Statement, "Well, you're certainly showing! It might be time to put that treadmill to use. Make sure you stay a healthy weight for the baby!"

Mood Response:
Crabby/annoyed - "I'm right on track, thanks for noticing. But keeping a healthy weight is always good advice. How's YOUR workout/diet/coffee fetish coming along?"

Jovial - "Hahaha! That's funny! You're SO funny. You WERE joking, right? Because no normal and polite person would ever say something derogatory about a pregnant friend/daughter's weight!"

Bland/surprised - <stare them dead in the eye> "Do you actually think that was an appropriate comment/question? Because it wasn't." <continue to stare at them until they uncomfortably back-pedal>

There are a lot more options, but that should get you started. Be happy - you're healthy and so is your baby.

BellaLux · August 2014

@chucktgirl I absolutely love every single one of those comebacks!!!!!! I'm totally going to use them!

I usually give them 1 pass, I'll ignore for a short period of time, but by the 3rd time it's ON!!!

ajlmom · August 2014

So sorry you're going through this! If you still fit into your pre pregnancy pants I'm sure you haven't gain too much. Tell them how much that's hurting you and hopefully they will stop. ((Hugs))

xc1148 · August 2014

@ IntuitiveBlue you look great!! Looks like it's all belly to me

rox825 · August 2014

Ugh, I hate the weight/size comments when they come from co-workers and strangers, I would probably lose my $hit if I heard it from family. I haven't gained *that* much weight, probably close to 25 pounds at 30 weeks but it's mostly been in my stomach so I do look further along. Doesn't matter, people should keep their opinions to themselves! I hope that they back off once your H talks to them, sorry you're having a tough time with them.

indianaalum · August 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can relate to having the "fun" part of your pregnancy ruined which sucks. I can't believe ANY person would tell a pregnant (or even NON pregnant) person its time to hit the treadmill. HOW RUDE.

This sucks, and I am so sorry you are going through this.

on a side note: I love this board. I was feeling sad about a family stressful situation and posted about it on a different pregnancy board and I got ripped to shreds. I like that people here are always so supportive of each other

southernyankeegirl · August 2014

That really, really sucks. I would probably start being pretty rude to people, honestly. Not sure I can come up with a good snappy statement to put them in their place at the moment, but I'll probably keep mulling it over since it pisses me off so much that you're being treated like that.

I've gotten some of the opposite comments - about how skinny I've stayed since being pregnant - and it also pisses me off. Don't praise me for that, dipshits. I'm eating plenty, trying to make healthy choices, exercising a bit, but it isn't about how I've managed to not put on weight. It's just how my body has reacted to pregnancy, and everyone's is different. It makes me really, really uncomfortable when someone comments about how I'm "all belly" and then starts making some nasty comment about some women "let themselves go" and then I want to hit them in the face. I do typically tell them that it's just how my body has gone, and I don't care if I gain lots of weight if it's what's necessary for my body to grow this child.

One of the things that pisses me off THE MOST is how everyone else seems to think it's okay to judge how much weight someone is or has gained or has lost. Most especially pregnant women. JUST SHUT UP PEOPLE! I see so many women on my BMB who complain about gaining weight, or worry about gaining weight - dude, you guys are growing a person! Eat healthy, exercise - those are generally good things to do no matter what, especially when pregnant, but stop focusing on the damned scale.

If someone finds they're eating too much mac 'n cheese and ice cream and sitting on the couch? Well, those two things should probably be improved upon, but not because of how much the scale says or because your cheeks got pudgy - because it's HEALTHIER to eat healthy and exercise, not because of how you look or what you weigh! UGH!

The most infuriated I think I've ever been on the subject was when I saw a magazine headline basically shaming Kim Kardashian (who I don't particularly like) and Jessica Simpson (who I also think is a bit nutty) by showing a picture of Catherine Middleton and saying basically how those two women could learn about how to stay "stylishly sleek" during pregnancy. WT-ever-loving-F is wrong with people?!!! Catherine Middleton had HG, I'm sure both she and her doctors wished she could gain a bit more weight. And the other two are growing human beings! Their boobs and bellies and butts get bigger because that's just what happens! After years of probably intense diets and exercise routines, can you blame a woman for lessening it a bit when pregnant, which is probably what her doctors wanted?!

I just... I can't with people. Weight shaming just pisses me off so much.

jszy10 · August 2014

Wow...it what world is it ever ok to mention a pregnant woman's weight!?!?!?! I am so baffled by the things that come out of people's mouths...but to have it be family is even harder.

sorry hun

WA1215 · August 2014

I'm so sorry people, especially family are being so harsh about this. Next time they say something, tell them your doctor says your weight is fine and....HELLO?! You're PG!!! Ugh. While at a party recently, a friend's wife (who is also pg) asked me if I had gained any weight yet. When I told her no, not yet, she looked me up and down like "yeah right" to which I then followed up with well, you obviously know I was overweight before getting pg, my fat is probably shifting

Then she starting whining at how she's been told she's gaining too much weight. Smh. Weight is such a touchy subject, I don't know why some people are so focused on it...oh yes I do..it's bc they are the insecure ones!

kmc84 · August 2014

((Hugs)) I don't have much to add to what has been said already. I'm sorry people have said these things to you. I remember one day at work when I was pregnant with A that one floor all agreed that I looked huge and that I had to have twins (they all knew I did IVF and had 20 u/s...) 10 minutes later another floor said I looked too small and the baby was probably growing too slowly..... I don't know what it is about a pregnant lady that makes people lose their filter and common sense!

absolutelymaybe · September 2014

Oh, hun. I'm sorry! Those people are absolutely ridiculous. I'm so tired of people judging pregnant women on their weight gain! You are supporting another living human being FFS! It's not like you've just been eating too many ding dongs.

FWIW, I'm 5'5, carrying twins, and went from 112lb at BFP to 152 lb at 27 weeks (last week). I think I'm beautiful and if anyone has any issues with that, I'll sit on them :-p

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