First Appointments

kat0217 · September 2014

@twinkletoes3126 That is NOT attacking your choice. Sharing information is never attacking someone's choice. It would have been attacking your choice if I had said, "All women who get early ultrasounds are terrible people." I didn't say anything remotely close to that so stop looking for a reason to be a victim when my post had nothing to do with you or anyone but myself and my midwife.

momtosam · September 2014

@kat0217‌ : it is great you have done your research. You have shared. Move on. Let these mamas make the choice for themselves. I would encourage you though from a STM point of view, to be careful of the positions you take. You sound very "sactimommy". You very well may not want these things for your pregnancy, but may indeed be eating every one of these words when it is all said and done. I did NOT want pitocin, but due to how my labor began. It was the best option for me and my son. I also had several ultrasounds, but that is because it was best for us in dealing with circumstances we each have been dealt. Thank you for the information. But again, be careful of what you say as a first time mom. Everyone is the PERFECT mom, until they actually become one. Then their perfect world gets flipped upside down. You may end up getting numerous ultrasounds, you may end up being okay with just one during your pregnancy. Sometimes it is out of our control, even with the best intentions.

Again thank you for the input and the reason behind your choices. But leave it. Natural birth is NOT for everyone. Please do not judge those who take different routes from you. Be more careful in how you phrase things in the future. A better way to say is "this is the choice we have made after doing research for myself and consulting with my MW/OB." You do not need to say mamas are lemmings for trusting their doctors. That is what we are supposed to do!

Personally I am VERY grateful for my early ultrasound, as I have experienced previous loss. Since I am going to be measuring 3 weeks off of my LMP, they will do a second early ultrasound to make sure of the growth. I too did not ovulate until day 35 of my cycle.

OnceInLoveWithAmy · September 2014

@kat0217- I understand you were trying to be helpful, I totally get it.

Let me give you some inside info: You are about to enter the world of motherhood. Everything you say, every decision you make, is going to be criticized by some other mother. It's a sin, but it's true. However, I've found that in cases like this, it's best just to say your intentions, and leave it at that. If someone questions it, then give your reasons. I think just putting your reason out there before anyone had a chance to question it, is what came off as a little judgey.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't have even questioned an ultrasound until 18-20 weeks.

kat0217 · September 2014

Well since everything I say is now attacked and taken out of context, guess I'll go be alone with my baby and stop posting here. I thought this would be a place to connect with other pregnant women, especially with my husband beging gone until the 3rd trimester. But you guys succeeded at running me off. I quit. I'll just talk to my damn cat from now on. Fuck.

kat0217 · September 2014

For the record, I NEVER, I repeat, NEVER FUCKING EVER said that other people had to do things "my way" at all. Go re-read the original post that this is about. I merely stated MY reason for MY choice. That is the beginning and the end of it. Everything else was you guys reading into it.

By the way, commenting that you agree with a post but couldn't think of a way to say it nicely doesn't make you polite. It makes you passive aggressive and rude.

Edited for wording.

twinkletoes3126 · September 2014

@kat0217‌ The name calling is completely unnecessary. Step back and read what everyone wrote. The issue is that you come across completely judgmental. If you had worded things differently, no one would have said a thing. No one is asking you to leave, just be mindful of how you say things.

kat0217 · September 2014

Did you read my initial post?!?! At all?!?! Explaining MY reasoning is not the same as saying others have to do the same or that I'm better than others. Stop projecting your own insecurities onto me.

kat0217 · September 2014

There. I changed the wording. Did YOU step back and read what I wrote? You took it as judgmental; I didn't write it that way. You don't get to tell me what MY intentions are.

twinkletoes3126 · September 2014

It's like talking to a wall...

OnceInLoveWithAmy · September 2014

kat0217 said:

There. I changed the wording. Did YOU step back and read what I wrote? You took it as judgmental; I didn't write it that way. You don't get to tell me what MY intentions are.

LOOK. Several people have said they understand your intentions and that they were pure. We are just telling you that the initial post came off as judgmental.

How else would you like that explained?

Take the night off. Come back tomorrow.

kat0217 · September 2014

How would you feel to have 50 people tell you you're a horrible judgmental person? It only took one. The rest of you did it for fun.

kat0217 · September 2014

norsern said:

kat0217 said:
How would you feel to have 50 people tell you you're a horrible judgmental person? It only took one. The rest of you did it for fun.
No, the rest of us jumped in when you weren't seeming to understand what 1 person tried to say.

I understood it. I don't agree with the claims. Big difference.

Regardless, I'm done here. I was just upset at first and not sure if I would actually leave, but considering most people here don't share the same beliefs I have about pregnancy and the rest are just plain rude, there's no reason for me to stay. None of you are worth getting upset over. I'll stick to real life people who are actually supportive and not just looking for a stranger to attack online.

To the few who were kind: thank you. Good luck to you.

OnceInLoveWithAmy · September 2014

kat0217 said:

How would you feel to have 50 people tell you you're a horrible judgmental person? It only took one. The rest of you did it for fun.

::puts head in hands:::

No one said YOU were a horrible judgmental person for Christ's sake. We were just trying to help. We aren't doing this for kicks. You seem like you are having a hard time understanding, and we are all trying to break it down for you.

momtosam · September 2014

norsern said:
You said everything that I wanted to, but couldn't find a nice way to do it.

Thank you. I was trying really hard to say it nicely and be helpful.

kat0217 said:
I understood it. I don't agree with the claims. Big difference. Regardless, I'm done here. I was just upset at first and not sure if I would actually leave, but considering most people here don't share the same beliefs I have about pregnancy and the rest are just plain rude, there's no reason for me to stay. None of you are worth getting upset over. I'll stick to real life people who are actually supportive and not just looking for a stranger to attack online. To the few who were kind: thank you. Good luck to you.

This is what I was referring to as being "sactimommy". NOT everyone will see eye to eye with you about the choices you make. In fact MOST will not. And you definitely are making yourself holier than thou for the choices you want to make. I REPEAT. Be careful. Your best laid plans may not come true. It leads to a lot of heartbreak and feeling like you are the worst mother in the world. Talk to any mom who wanted to breastfeed and had to feed their LO "poison" formula for XYZ reason. IT FUCKING SUCKS!

Calm down. Grow a back bone. If you can not hack it here, you most certainly can leave. I was very polite in my post. Please read again and do not misinterpret what I was trying to tell you. These comments were far from snarky and were very reasonable.

xcjump · September 2014

@kat0217 I appreciate your input. This bump page is pretty tame right now, but there are a lot of opinionated people on here and it can get heated. There are going to be many people who believe in natural birth and many people who are going to disagree with you on a range of issues. Honestly, I have found the best policy is to ignore those who don't agree with you. You aren't going to see eye to eye on every issue. Just let it go. Arguing back and forth online is rarely productive

Also, I switched from an OB to a 24 weeks to a midwife. I was having weekly ultrasounds because I previously had LEAP down. When I switched, My midwife told the ultrasounds were unnecessary. My point it that you can talk to 10 different OBs or midwives and they can each have a different opinion.

Stick around. Keep expressing your opinion. Just don't be surprised if people don't see things your way.

twinkletoes3126 · September 2014

@xcjump‌ I could care less if she has 1 ultrasound or 25, and I am all for people expressing their opinion. It's the mommy wars that I am not into. I don't like feeling judged for decisions that I make and that's what I felt her original post was doing by saying that early ultrasounds weren't necessary. I may personally choose to stay home with my son, have a medicated birth in a hospital, have as many ultrasounds as my dr recommends, breastfeed, not CIO, etc. I DO NOT judge those that work, CIO, formula feed, etc. I can nicely say my opinion without coming off judgmental and it would be nice if she could have done that too. The whole post was not at all about her opinion but rather her judgement of those with early ultrasounds.

xcjump · September 2014

@twinkletoes3126 I get your point, but I guess I just didn't find her original post judgmental. That is probably partially because I disregard information that I don't agree with or that I will make my own decision on.

sabriel1 · September 2014

Why are you all feeding the troll... Honestly though, both of her posts have come across as pretty judgmental. I see you are all telling @kat0217 to stick around but I can promise her that the two posts that are in question here (this one and the cosmetics one) would have gotten her eaten alive anywhere else on TheBump... she lucked out only because this board is so new.

TheBump is full of snark and people can get pretty heated where sanctimommies are concerned so if she can't take the heat this really might not be the best place for her. May I suggest BC, there are a lot more rainbow-shitting unicorns over there.

TJPam · September 2014

And so it begins....

I was hoping it would take a few more weeks before the claws came out. I was having flashbacks from my son's Nov 12 BMB. Not everyone is going to agree with everything we say. I have learned that. We all have our opinions. What matters is that we have healthy and happy children.

sabriel1 · September 2014

Meh, I certainly enjoy seeing some snark but have seen it go over board on The Bump as well. I only mentioned it because people constantly tried to educate her on both threads and she's not really having it. Clearly it is falling on deaf ears because she got so butt hurt about it.

xcjump · September 2014

@katnhiding @irishtheatrechic @norsern thanks for your well spoken comments. I completely agree. I love the fact that this board is so civil. Thanks for all of those helping to keep it that way.

twinkletoes3126 · September 2014

I mean with all due respect, she called someone a "passive aggressive ass". I feel as though everyone else was completely civil.

hbn7614 · September 2014

Holy crap. This is my fifth pregnancy 4th child. For those who don't know you will soon figure out that not everything is rainbows and unicorns. This mom stuff is hard ass work. Everyone will judge you for everything down to the diaper on your kids butt. Everyone will have an opinion on how to raise your child. Do what YOU need to do an don't apologize for your beliefs but don't shove it down others throats claiming it's gospel.

sabriel1 · September 2014

That's the hardest part about being a Mom is all the judgement from other Moms... I find it's worse in real life than on here though. It's certainly made me more aware of how I say things to people now because feeling judged is the worst - especially because ALL of us want the best for our children

twinkletoes3126 · September 2014

Well said @holly1416‌. I think because I am a STM, I am overly sensitive to judgement of others. I seriously feel like Moms get judged all the time and I wish it would just end!

OnceInLoveWithAmy · September 2014

easy there @holly1416, I wouldn't call her a troll-- she didn't come in here looking for trouble. I think she honestly didn't understand where she went wrong.

I don't care if she stays or goes. But if you stay @kat0217, put on your big girl pants. Understand what you did, learn from it, and move on.

mommyofaei · September 2014

I had bloodwork today (already got a call that my HCG and Progesterone were perfect) I go in for another round of bloodwork on thursday.

ahardenburgh · September 2014

My first appointment is going to be at 8 and a half weeks on September 25th!!! So excited! Anyone have any advice on doing or not doing ultrasounds on first appointment!

momtosam · September 2014

@ahardenburg : completely up to your doctor and you. Most offices wait until 8-10 week mark for u/s. Some wait until later. I know with my last OB I would not have had one till the NT at 12weeks, if I had not had a previous loss and wanted to do an earlier scan. This office does one at 10 weeks. But my LMP due date is really off of my ovulation due date. So I think it will be more around 7 weeks in reality. Also if you are unsure of LMP they will do one early for dating purposes. GL.

flyinghorses6 · September 2014

My first appointment is Thursday. I will be 4w3d. It is just for blood work and a urine. Then based on numbers they will schedule me in a few weeks for an ultrasound.

maybebride · September 2014

ahardenburgh said:

My first appointment is going to be at 8 and a half weeks on September 25th!!! So excited! Anyone have any advice on doing or not doing ultrasounds on first appointment!

Not all doctors will do an u/s at that first appointment. For many, the only u/s you get will be at 20 weeks unless you choose to do an NT scan. My doctor did one at 8 weeks with DS and I expect the same will happen this time. They are routine, it seems, for her and I like having that confirmation as 8 weeks is normally too early to hear the heartbeat on the doppler and we chose not to do the NT scan (have not decided this time as I am AMA this time).

Do what you feel comfortable with and talk with your doctor. I trust my doctor and felt I had no reason to refuse any u/s she deemed necessary.

bridabug · September 2014

I had my first appointment yesterday, 9/2. EDD 5/3/15. Wanted to hurry and get in being that I'm only 7 months post op rny! This kid snuck up on us, but it's a blessing from GOD and we are very excited. Congrats to all of you. ❤️

chetasu · September 2014

First appointment is September 29th. I wanted to wait until afterwards to tell people but DH can't keep it in and we made calls yesterday. He promised we won't make it FB official until then though.

kpeterson404 · September 2014

My first appointment is September 9! I was shocked for it to be that early, not sure what all to expect

JenPynduss · September 2014

My first appointment is Oct 14th, I feel like it's so far away! This is my first baby, and I thought the appointment would be much sooner! I'll be 10w3d, I'm going to call and see if I can get in a little sooner, even if it's just so I can get questions answered and know what is and isn't normal.

Sarahbmcd · September 2014

First appointment at 10 wks is pretty normal. Especially If this is your first pregnancy, or you've been pregnant before with no complications.

maybebride · September 2014

JenPynduss said:

My first appointment is Oct 14th, I feel like it's so far away! This is my first baby, and I thought the appointment would be much sooner! I'll be 10w3d, I'm going to call and see if I can get in a little sooner, even if it's just so I can get questions answered and know what is and isn't normal.

That is a perfectly normal timeframe for your first appointment. Before 8 to 10 weeks, there isn't much going on for them to do anything with. If you have questions, you can always call and ask the nurse.

mommyofaei · September 2014

Had my second round of blood work done today - came back perfect - I have an ultrasound scheduled next thursday. (at my RE) then if all goes well I will be released to my OB

flyinghorses6 · September 2014

My first appointment was yesterday for hcg. Results were great at 1700 at 4w3d or 4w4d. Based on this I am scheduled for my first US and prenatal appointment September 22, I will be right at 7 weeks.

RhythmeKrow · September 2014

The consultation with the midwives went great! We scheduled my first prenatal appointment for Tuesday afternoon. EEEEEEEEEE

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