I'm about 11 dpo today and decided to test since we're going on a trip at the end of next week to Europe and I thought I should "know" even though I told myself I wouldn't test unless my period was really late. BFN of course and even though I shouldn't have expected a different result since that is all I have seen this past year I still had a major meltdown complete with ugly cry.
To top it off, I went on Facebook and saw a pregnancy announcement for a third child and my friend's husband complaining about them being one day past their due date and no baby. Cue a bunch of unfollowing people and more sobbing. Then my brother says to me that if C was the only child I can have I should just be happy with that and that I should just forget about a second child. And more crying along with me telling him what an insensitive thing it was to say to someone in this situation.
This is just such an awful feeling. I hate feeling this raw despair. I wish I could not care and be happy to just give up but I can't do either of those things. Maybe it is because we are heading to the RE at the beginning of October and I'm scared. I don't know. I guess I never really got used to seeing all the BFNs and I don't know if not being able to give up all hope is a good thing or a bad thing at this point.
Anyway, I don't really know what the point of this post is except to share with people who "get it". I feel so alone sometimes.