Ugh...why did I do it?

mommy2C

I'm about 11 dpo today and decided to test since we're going on a trip at the end of next week to Europe and I thought I should "know" even though I told myself I wouldn't test unless my period was really late. BFN of course and even though I shouldn't have expected a different result since that is all I have seen this past year I still had a major meltdown complete with ugly cry.

To top it off, I went on Facebook and saw a pregnancy announcement for a third child and my friend's husband complaining about them being one day past their due date and no baby. Cue a bunch of unfollowing people and more sobbing. Then my brother says to me that if C was the only child I can have I should just be happy with that and that I should just forget about a second child. And more crying along with me telling him what an insensitive thing it was to say to someone in this situation.

This is just such an awful feeling. I hate feeling this raw despair. I wish I could not care and be happy to just give up but I can't do either of those things. Maybe it is because we are heading to the RE at the beginning of October and I'm scared. I don't know. I guess I never really got used to seeing all the BFNs and I don't know if not being able to give up all hope is a good thing or a bad thing at this point.

Anyway, I don't really know what the point of this post is except to share with people who "get it". I feel so alone sometimes.

CheesyPeas

I'm sorry, hon.  BFNs suck ass.  Particularly when everyone else on the planet it seems is knocked up or holding a baby.  I try to avoid facebook but when I do get on, I always scroll through the news feed so tentatively like I'm just bracing myself for someone to jump out and scare me.  I just know I'm going to scroll past a baby or new pregnancy annoucement and it will ruin my mood.  If I ever make it through about a page of posts with nothing upsetting, I breathe a sigh of relief and put my phone down so as to not test my luck any furthur.

I'm glad you told your brother how insensitive he was being.  Hopefully he just didn't realize it and now better understands what not to say.  It makes me very ragey that people think that way though.  It blows my mind actually.

You're definitely not alone.  We get it.  Feel free to vent anytime you like.  We all need that release with so many ass holes, disgustingly fertile couples, and unappreciate pregnant folks in the world.

dmsmth

((Hugs))

tigerlynx31413

I'm so sorry for your BFN and your brother! I hope he understands his insensitivity and keeps his trap shut for now. Sending you hugs!

ellebelle2384

Big hugs.  That's so much at once.  I'm glad you told your brother how insensitive that was though!

mara005

mommy2C said:

I'm about 11 dpo today and decided to test since we're going on a trip at the end of next week to Europe and I thought I should "know" even though I told myself I wouldn't test unless my period was really late. BFN of course and even though I shouldn't have expected a different result since that is all I have seen this past year I still had a major meltdown complete with ugly cry. To top it off, I went on Facebook and saw a pregnancy announcement for a third child and my friend's husband complaining about them being one day past their due date and no baby. Cue a bunch of unfollowing people and more sobbing. Then my brother says to me that if C was the only child I can have I should just be happy with that and that I should just forget about a second child. And more crying along with me telling him what an insensitive thing it was to say to someone in this situation. This is just such an awful feeling. I hate feeling this raw despair. I wish I could not care and be happy to just give up but I can't do either of those things. Maybe it is because we are heading to the RE at the beginning of October and I'm scared. I don't know. I guess I never really got used to seeing all the BFNs and I don't know if not being able to give up all hope is a good thing or a bad thing at this point. Anyway, I don't really know what the point of this post is except to share with people who "get it". I feel so alone sometimes.

WHO DOES THAT?!?!? I would be very upset if anyone in my family said something like that!

mommy2C

Thank you so much for all the support ladies. It can be such a lonely experience especially with the added lack of empathy a lot of people have towards Secondary IF. My brother did end up apologizing which I appreciate. At least he will know what not to say in the future either to me or someone else in the same situation.

I felt bad for C...she saw me crying and said "mommy why crying? " and patted my leg. I told her that sometimes people feel sad and cry and that it isn't something to be afraid of. It is ironic that before she was born I always said I wanted a 4 year age gap and then changed my mind never thinking there would be a problem and that 4 years (or more) would be the reality like it or not.

I'm so grateful for all of you and hope I can return the support when you need it the most too. For now, all I can so is immerse myself in things I love to do, spend time on here and with the people who support me offline and look forward to a nice trip with H. Hopefully the RE can find some answers and give us a successful treatment plan in October so I just have to hang in until then.

kj808

I totally get it. It's hard for me not to be bitter about other people's pregnancy announcements and it absolutely kills me when people complain about their pregnancies (feeling sick, baby not showing up yet, etc.).

And that was so not cool of your brother to say that. I'd be pissed.

Anyway... I feel ya ((hug))

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camdensmom32

I totally understand. We have been TTC for over a year. Each month I get my period I'm devastated and so tired of seeing everyone else get pregnant so easily!! My sister made the comment to me the other month that maybe I'm just meant to have one baby. I told her that was hurtful!! She doesn't get it! I'm trying to accept the fact that maybe I won't have another baby but it doesn't make it any easier when people make unnecessary comments. Big hugs to you!!

LuluRM

Awe, in sorry about the BFN, they always sting, I feel ya there. Insensitive comments are defiantly salt in the wound. ((Big hugs)) Go find some wine!!

mommy2C

Thanks everyone I'm not feeling too bad today about it all. H and I had a good talk last night and we decided our trip will be a Secondary IF-free 10 days so we can both just relax and focus on having fun. He is eternally optimistic and told me that I *will* have another baby in my arms one way or another which helps so much. I truly wish I was the type of person who could always see the sun through the rain...he suffers so much less that way!

emmuffy

Hugs! Sorry for the bfn. Hope you enjoy your time away