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Baby Daddy Drama

SnowWhiteandBabySnowWhiteandBaby member
edited August 2014 in 2nd Trimester
Please review my comment below. I have received a lot of negative response from how this was worded and have communicated my thoughts on this issue a little clearer than before.
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Re: Baby Daddy Drama

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  • TehysKitaBugTehysKitaBug member
    I was in a similar situation with my babys father when we conceived. Long time friends, but not exactly dating. Difference is we are (although still not officially "dating") doing our best to build our relationship and so far its been wonderful. He's been incredibly supportive and has let me move in with him to prepare for our child. It seems like you need to decide one way or another for sure if you would like to be in a relationship...even if its not necessarily serious at the moment. Are you willing to be with him at least for the time being to attempt to build a solid foundation for your child. If not you need to make that clear, and work on setting up for yourself and preparing for your baby without him. Walking around relationship limbo isn't going to do anyone any good.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    Also, relevant:
    https://elitedaily.com/dating/hookup-culture-non-relationship-generation-getting-nowhere/664654/


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  • SerunatuSerunatu member
    I'd take this to the single parents board, under specialty.
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    I have never wanted dick bad enough to bang someone I was meh about.  But, that's just me. Time to grow up and get serious OP.  That baby is coming.  You and the father need to have a discussion ASAP.  
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  • BigbonededBigboneded member
    Consider adoption? Then you wouldnt have to deal with Baby Daddy or his "totally awesome chick" types.... just sayin'
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    emmyg65 said:

    To be fair, accidents happen even when you have protected sex. Abstinence is the only 100% effective birth control and all that jazz. Regardless, OP, it's time to be an adult, figure out what you want, and discuss that with your baby's father.

    Right but sweet Christ! Why bang someone you don't even like?! :-??

    Casual sex doesn't bug me, but FFS the way she talks about this kid it wasn't even good sex with someone she was hot for?!


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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    emmyg65 said:
    To be fair, accidents happen even when you have protected sex. Abstinence is the only 100% effective birth control and all that jazz. Regardless, OP, it's time to be an adult, figure out what you want, and discuss that with your baby's father.
    I wasn't even really trying to assume if the sex was unprotected or not cause OP didn't say.  Im on the same page as Prim. It sounds like she couldn't really stand him before she got pregnant.  

    "well she's a totally awesome chick." This in my mind clearly means he has no standards for who watches our child and he is too much of a child to communicate any qualifications that he can see in other person."   This sounds so nit picky.  The person is a friend that he described as awesome and that means he has no standards?  I describe one of my friends who watches my kids as "cool as hell".  How old are you OP? 
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  • shellybean3788shellybean3788 member
    If you wouldn't make him a partner, I wouldn't suggest making him a father. That said, what's done is done, and it's up to you to make the most of it.
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  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie member

    You don't have to be a couple to co-parent, let's say that first and foremost. 

    I'm going to ignore the fact that you had unprotected sex with someone you really don't like as a person because you can't take that back, you can only move forward.  Just make wiser sexual decisions in the future, particularly since you're going to be responsible for a child's welfare and not just a collector of orgasms.

    Lastly, all guys kind of suck at first.  Whether it's because they have no way to understand how difficult/uncomfortable/confusing/stressful pregnancy can be, or they're too caught up in their own worries about their loss of freedom/youth/whatever. 

    As soon as this kid is born, get to court and establish a child support schedule.  If you really want to try to make it work with this guy, or at least learn how to work together as parents, try counseling, try parenting classes.

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  • BookitBooBookitBoo member
    It sounds like he's trying to be responsible and look for someone to watch the baby. Is your only gripe because his description of her was that she is 'totally awesome?'

    If he's operating under the impression that you two are now in a serious relationship, you should address that. If he thinks you're serious then it's understandable that he might be jealous occasionally, especially if you're not behaving like you're in a serious relationship. Not saying there is anything wrong with either decision, but You need to let him know if you're still just friends who happen to be having a baby together -- men aren't mind readers.

    You need to decide if you want a serious relationship or if you would prefer to co-parent. Then you need to let him know, and depending on what you decide on, couples counseling is a very good idea.
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  • shellybean3788shellybean3788 member
    edited August 2014
    And not all guys.   DH was pretty fucking awesome during both pregnancies.  A good amount of my guy friends also did bang up jobs supporting their partners.  Do some guys suck at this?  Yes. 

    This is true, and the women who have men in their lives who are supportive from start to finish are beyond lucky. However, I will say that it is pretty darn common for guys to go a little crazy and not be themselves at first. Mine certainly dropped his noodle a few times and is just now coming around toward the middle of our second trimester to being a supportive partner.

    That being said, like PP's have commented, you need to let him know where he stands. Letting him continue to think he's in a relationship with you when you clearly don't feel that way is a little cruel. Sit down, figure out what you want, and talk to him about it.

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  • wintersong139wintersong139 member
    emmyg65 said:
    Sounds like you two could benefit from a good couples' counselor to either negotiate being together in a newly more serious relationship or forming a functional, positive co-parenting relationship if you decide not to be together.
    Good advice. You need to be on the same page, regardless.
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  • sandrabrookesandrabrooke member
    I just can't get over the having sex with someone you don't like.  .....but to each their own
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  • Meery82Meery82 member
    Bliss+Berry said:
    I am 13 weeks along and want to choke my baby's father most of the day. We were mainly friends and causally dating when we got pregnant. Since we have started to tell people he has been acting like we are seriously dating now which I am in no way ready for. He has been acting jealous and making statements that I would expect to come from a teenage boy even though he is 33 years old. Today he told me about a friend that he told that we are expecting and how she wants to babysit then follows it up with "well she's a totally awesome chick." This in my mind clearly means he has no standards for who watches our child and he is too much of a child to communicate any qualifications that he can see in other person. We are so far even from that point but he drives me crazy almost daily at this point and it seems hard to picture a future with someone I can barely stand at this point. I know a lot of this is petty but has anyone else felt this about their partner?
    Qfp. Also, I think anyone who uses the term "baby daddy" is going to have drama because they are obviously not mature enough to have an adult relationship. Sorry that you chose to have sex with with someone you have a poor opinion of. Time to start acting like a responsible adult and learn to communicate like a grown up because you're about to be parent and it's not about you anymore.
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  • jennypolkadotsjennypolkadots member
    I know people make choices for all sorts of reasons, and I don't know you. I just can't even fathom considering having sex with someone that I am not committed to. It would always cross my mind, even in using safe sex, the "what if a baby comes out of this?" idea. But, then again, DH and I have only ever been with each other and both would have been fine getting pregnant when dating. Still glad we waited until several years after marriage. 

    I think you have to define what this relationship will be for you. If you disrespect him so much as to assume from some faulty comment that he is basically totally incompetent, then I would say you shouldn't be in a relationship with him and should start talking about a custody agreement and child support arrangements. Don't delay the inevitable or fool yourself into thinking your obvious dislike for him will change. That is my two cents. Regardless of your choices, there is a baby on the way now so whatever happens I really hope the best for you and this guy to work out some good plan. 
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  • SnowWhiteandBabySnowWhiteandBaby member
    edited August 2014
    To make a few things clear I am 26 and he is 33. We are both in the military and he has been away on training for the past few weeks when I wrote this. He typically is very responsible and stable and is my closest friend which I guess is why after 6 months of casually dating I "dropped my panties". When we met I had recently divorced because my ex was arrested for domestic violence which is why I have had issue starting a serious relationship with someone else. I had just restarted my birth control and we had a broken condom issue and I guess the birth control had not started fully working. With him being gone these last few weeks I had to notify a lot of family members, my work, apply for military separation and go to my doctors visits without him. Needless to say I have been very stressed and he has been getting on my nerves. This post was more to ask people get super annoyed with little things their partners do. I was annoyed at the time so it obviously did not come out correctly. I am leaving my job and moving in with him so there is not an issue of anyone actually watching the child since I will be a full time mom. My question was if anyone experiences absurd annoyances because I do realize that what I was annoyed about was ridiculous. The "baby daddy drama" was a joke but it's nice to see that a bunch of pregnant strangers are as hormonal and willing to say bitchy comments to someone they don't know. Thank you for confirming that the moodiness and bitchiness are normal. Thank you to the people that responded to me with real advice and supportively. I was surprised to see how many rude comments I received from this question and it was nice to see some compassionate, understanding people amoung people who enjoy cutting others down.
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  • MaebbMaebb member
    Well, the "pregnant, bitchy, hormonal strangers" line is not going to go over well.

    DH does get on my nerves more now for things like hitting his snooze alarm too many times, clearing his throat, burping, farting, listening to the tv too loud when I'm trying to sleep, etc. I am definitely more irritable about those types of things. I'm not questioning our future though.

    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and whatever your future brings. I do think it was good advice from PPs to figure out how to work together because you'll probably have to co-parent with him if he wants to be involved, even if the relationship doesn't work out.
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  • SnowWhiteandBabySnowWhiteandBaby member
    And when I say casually dating I was dating him exclusively without putting a label on it. He was interested in a serious relationship but I wanted to focus more on being friends until I was ready to put that title on things. He had already accompanied me to my brothers wedding and met my family and knows all of my friends before I got pregnant. We had built more of a friendship than a romantic relationship. When I posted this we had argued for a few days in a row and it was the first time we argued since we have met. Since I have notified work, my family and had my last ultrasound I have been less annoyed and stressed about everything.
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  • firsttimeaussiemumfirsttimeaussiemum member
    edited August 2014
    Ok so I think everyone one is taking this the wrong way. I feel like she may have wrote this when she was very annoyed with her guy friend? :-??

    @SnowWhiteandBaby‌ I to have found my self getting incredibly annoyed with everyone around me for doing things that wouldn't have bothered me before. It's such a pain and no matter how hard you try everything will still piss you off.

    But with your whole relationship thing (it's for anyone on hear to judge) you have to think about what's best for bub if you feel you can make what's going on now work then go for it hun. If not maybe come up with something that will.

    Good luck with it all sweetie don't let what some people on hear say get you down. They don't know you or what your life is like there just judging you off one simple question.
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  • Meery82Meery82 member
    firsttimeaussiemum said:
    Ok so I think everyone one is taking this the wrong way. I feel like she may have wrote this when she was very annoyed with her guy friend? :-?? @SnowWhiteandBaby‌ I to have found my self getting incredibly annoyed with everyone around me for doing things that wouldn't have bothered me before. It's such a pain and no matter how hard you try everything will still piss you off. But with your whole relationship thing (it's for anyone on hear to judge) you have to think about what's best for bub if you feel you can make what's going on now work then go for it hun. If not maybe come up with something that will. Good luck with it all sweetie don't let what some people on hear say get you down. They don't know you or what your life is like there just judging you off one simple question.
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  • firsttimeaussiemumfirsttimeaussiemum member
    @allrightmeow‌ your not assessing the situation your judging her. She is been called immature and everything else under the sun. No one has really answered her question of if anyone else gets annoyed with there partners. There's no need to be so hard on the poor lady.

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  • UnknownUnknown
    edited August 2014
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    kyliedaniellexx said:

    Take it easy on the assiemom, she went all BSC in a few other threads... just a warning :) 

    And the bump rule of "mom/mommy username" prevails. 
    Where?


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  • firsttimeaussiemumfirsttimeaussiemum member
    @PrimRoseMama‌ sorry I didn't read that you did actually answer her question. I get that everyone judges and what ever I do to but you could see a heap of other people racking her over the coals about been immature and all the rest of it. There really isn't any need to be so hard on her. Yes she needs to sit down and talk to her guy friend but she didn't ask for peoples opinions on that. And I'm not saying you need to pussy foot around her but if you see everyone else been nasty you could maybe think I won't put my two cents in this post.
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  • firsttimeaussiemumfirsttimeaussiemum member
    Your just a little shit stirrer aren't you @kyliedaniellexx‌
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  • firsttimeaussiemumfirsttimeaussiemum member
    Haha lol.
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    firsttimeaussiemum said:
    @PrimRoseMama‌ sorry I didn't read that you did actually answer her question. I get that everyone judges and what ever I do to but you could see a heap of other people racking her over the coals about been immature and all the rest of it. There really isn't any need to be so hard on her. Yes she needs to sit down and talk to her guy friend but she didn't ask for peoples opinions on that. And I'm not saying you need to pussy foot around her but if you see everyone else been nasty you could maybe think I won't put my two cents in this post.
       Like I said before, you can always tell the posters who have allowed the butthurt to consume them.  They go balls to the wall with the WKing. 
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