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Disciplining 4 Year Old

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Re: Disciplining 4 Year Old

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  • dashofrealitydashofreality member
    PrivacyWanted said:
    prittipiglet said:

     

    Please stop saying I am not open to suggestions.  That's what I asked for, suggestions.  Most of what I'm getting in feedback is for me to put him in timeout, but as my initial post read, I do not have the ability to do this 100x at this particular time of the day and by myself while DS 2 cries for attention as well.  



    The problem is that every suggestion is going to revolve around you addressing it in some manner 100x at that time of day. There is no way around it. If you do not address it (pick your method) every time it is never going to get better.

     

    Unless you figure out how to get that 'act right' to work, maybe it is time of day specific... let me know.

    DD Nov 2010 ~ DS June 2012
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  • angelashlyangelashly member
    Oh and something else is that I set her up at the table with paper and crayons and ask her to draw me different things or try and write.


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  • MissyC979MissyC979 member
    We had some rough behavior earlier in the year with my 4 year old, right around the time the baby came. At our pedis advice, we focused on the positive versus being punitive. We focused on the things he needed to do each night and behaviors we wanted to enforce. He would get a star for all the things he did without fighting us (e.g. putting on PJs, brushing teeth, eating (a reasonable) dinner, etc.) It really helped us reset things over about a month or so. We do timeouts again, but focusing on those positives really helped us get over the hump of rough behavior. We also let him help brainstorm the list for the star chart, which seemed to help with his buy in and focus on earning stars.

    I've also noticed that our stress and anger rubs off on him. When I've had a bad day at work or am stressed, we're more likely to have problems with DS1 due to less patience, etc. So a snack and decompressing as well as I can on the way home is pretty essential to us.
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  • ShakeyJakeyShakeyJakey member
    I went into detail with time out because I think I can be an effective tool for certain behaviors (hitting being one) but definitely not the only one. I still do think less reaction and more a more calm attitude will make a huge difference. You scream so he screams so you scream. It sucks. It takes time to get practice it and I still mess up. But it TRY to not engage him as much as possible in that moment.

    If your husband works mid shift does that mean he's home for dinner? If he is, have him help you. Take a little break when you all walk in the door (after you let the dog out) and spend time together before starting dinner. If your husband isn't home for dinner, what the hell are you rushing for. You can eat dinner 30 minutes later, right? Why do you HAVE to eat dinner at that exact time? Life will still go on if dinner is late. Relax, calm down and spend time with your son.

    Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

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    There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
    Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
    Without you I'll never make it out alive
    But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
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  • ShakeyJakeyShakeyJakey member
    Excuse the typos.

    Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

    image

    There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
    Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
    Without you I'll never make it out alive
    But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 
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  • aglennaglenn member

    Evenings are the worst and we are all cranky and tired; I get that part.  I can honestly say that I am definitely at my best at that time of day, and I don't think it's reasonable to expect my kids to be either.  When DH is not home in the evening and it's just me, I make it as easy as possible.  Usually I serve a bunch of healthy snacks and that IS dinner.  The end.  Cheese, fruit, crackers, PB&J, maybe a cheese quesadilla if I'm feeling fancy.  There is no point trying to cook a "real" dinner that nobody will eat and everyone will get frazzled about.  Then we play, read books, and move into the bath and bed routine.  I will alternate baths (bathe one of the two each day), and DD is able to chill in her room with a book on tape while I get DS to bed, then I read her a story in her room.

    My kids hate when I am trying to distract them with toys or crafts so I can attend to something else.  They really, really hate it and will do anything and everything to get my attention.  I know it's annoying, but that's why I try to super simplify because I know I am not going to have the opportunity to focus on anything during that time.  I think a lot of it is adjusting your expectations and working with the things you know are going to be issues every single day.  Work around them. 

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  • rin89rin89 member
    edited August 2014
    prittipiglet said:
    I do this as well, and then he gets mad that I am walking away.  I repeat what I already said to him and attempt to walk away again, and the cycle keeps going round...
    Other's have already explained the issue with this so I'll just agree with PP's. I know it's rough for you right now, but there isn't some magic wand you can wave to make everything better. Whatever you do to improve his behavior is going to require tedious repetition on your part. Does that suck? Sure, but it's part of being a parent.

    If you want his behavior to change, then you have to change how you behave. 


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  • ShakeyJakeyShakeyJakey member

    prittipiglet said:


    I do this as well, and then he gets mad that I am walking away.  I repeat what I already said to him and attempt to walk away again, and the cycle keeps going round...




    ------

    Don't say anything. Set him down and walk away. Talk after the time out. Any communication is the reaction he's craving. He KNOWS you'll come back if he says he wants to talk. Don't come back. When you set him down the first time say you'll talk after and stick to it.

    It sounds silly but I got this from super nanny. I've tried it and noticed a big difference. The parents that stuck to it in the follow up segment also said it worked once they both got used to it.

    I know it's not easy. Especially since you have two. It's going to be hard to change but something has to change right? At least try a few of the other suggestions. The worst that can happen is it won't work, which is what's already happening. Good luck!

    Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

    image

    There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
    Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
    Without you I'll never make it out alive
    But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 
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  • beachcomberbridebeachcomberbride member
    Just my opinion: 

    Yes, a snack would help, yes, try giving him 5 or 10 minutes of one on one attention, but past that, the behavior that you describe would be considered spoiled in my home and not tolerated. Your 4 year old is old enough to understand timeout, and it sounds like he is manipulating you because he doesn't think that you'll enforce it, which you're not. Your 1 year old also needs to learn to not constantly cry and beg for your attention. I have a 7 and 5 year old, and they learned at a very early age that they needed to tow the line, because it's very difficult to deal with toddlers/babies that close in age. It has really served me and them well in the long run, because they're very well behaved, independent children now that help around the house and help with their baby brother. Also, my kids knew from a very young age that they eat what they are served, and they do not throw tantrums about it. It's disrespectful to act like that when Mummy worked very hard to make them a good meal.

    If kids know they can walk all over you, they will. Bottom line. I wish you all the best of luck, it's not easy having kids this age. 
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  • beachcomberbridebeachcomberbride member
    Do they jump on the couch? I'm not sure I understand you. If you're asking if they're allowed to jump on the couch, no, they are not.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Sorry, that was a joke.  
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  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    Meh I mean, I don't set out each day to "teach" my 1 year old to TOE the line but to a lesser degree I kind of agree with the poster.  My little guy is at that age where he's starting to realize how to get his way.  I don't ignore him to ignore him but I also know that he is beginning to learn that he isn't going to get his every whim tended to by squealing.  If I need to do something important, he must wait and that is teaching him something but that's not the REASON I do it, kwim?
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • jorkz821jorkz821 member
    Late to this but when is "mid shift"? Like 3-11pm? Can the h start dinner and leave it to cool for you guys so all you have to do is heat it up? My h is in charge of making dinner on the weekdays he works night shift because why should I have to be the one doing all the running around in the evening hours? Can't your h let the dog out before he leaves? Or straighten up? Why is all of this your responsibility?
    SQUIRREL!!!

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