TITLE CHANGE: I'm scared to have a missed miscarriage

kaileywoliver · August 2014

Had anyone here ever have a missed miscarriage? I always seem to find reasons to freak myself out. If so, did you notice any symptoms?

mrslandes2011 · August 2014

I don't have any personal experience with missed miscarriage, but generally there are no symptoms which is why it is also called a silent miscarriage. There can be a reduction in symptoms like breast tenderness, or morning sickness. If any time you feel there may be something wrong, it is ALWAYS okay to call your OB's office for help. A lot of times they can answer questions over the phone, and can help alleviate any fears you might have.

tiffmatt · August 2014

I had a missed miscarriage the first time but it was super early. I experienced heavy bleeding and basically started my period 10 days after I had a BFP. It was before any symptoms had started. Had I not tested early I would have just thought my cycle was late.

ashleyrh661 · August 2014

I had one and didn't find out till I thought was 10 weeks. Still had all my symptoms and had no idea until my ultrasound. I'm trying not to stress out and worry myself this time around. I've just been reminding myself that it's not in my control and taking some deep breaths to calm my crazys.

MrsZko · August 2014

I had one at 19 weeks. Baby's heartbeat stopped at 15 weeks but my body had no clue. It isn't as common as it was second trimester but it does happen and unfortunately you can't prevent it or know unless you start bleeding or go for an ultrasound. The worries are never ending so try to focus on your little bean growing away and send positive vibes and love to him/her. Visualization and meditation help me when I start to panic or go down the what if road.

okayestmom12 · August 2014

I had a missed m/c my first pregnancy. A true missed m/c is when the fetus stops developing but you have no signs that this happened (which really means no bleeding). I had all my other symptoms - boobs hurting, queasy, etc. It was a difficult time and incredibly hard for me to wrap my head around the whole situation. For me, I ended up with a D&C which, while expediting the process, just adds more sadness to the situation.

That being said, you can't control any sort of loss so it is really better for your mental well being to focus on the positive - today you are pregnant and you love your baby.

Unknown · August 2014

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wendyld · August 2014

There was no change in symptoms with my missed miscarriage. Try not to focus on something that happens in 1-2% of pregnancies and that you can't do anything to change. Save the stress for problems that are real.

Strawberry9 · August 2014

I haven't had one but I obsess over this as well. From everything I read on here, your body still is producing symptoms but the baby had stopped growing.

AlinnJo · August 2014

Still had some symptoms, still had positive pregnancy tests. Went in for ultrasound at 12 weeks and had no heartbeat.

snickersforeveryone · August 2014

jessuhmarie said:
Is it possible for you to change the title? Maybe "has anyone had a mmc?" I think a lot of us thought we lost another mom to loss and rushed in here to offer support. I'm sorry you're worrying, but honestly the title is a little shocking. It is especially frustrating that you don't have any reason to think that you have lost your baby. I was a bit annoyed and maybe it's a little too early for me in the morning, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I'm struggling for the right words, but yeah, can you please edit?

+1

ETA: OP, I understand being nervous, I really do. I have experienced a MMC and am worried about it myself. But to be completely honest (and I'm truly not trying to be mean here), it is more appropriate to Google this question, or even ask your doctor. Asking those who have experienced loss to relive it to make you feel better is...well, let's just not right. I wish you the best and hope you can find a way to calm your nerves.

peppermint53 · August 2014

I'm nervous about a missed miscarriage too! This is my first pregnancy and I have my first appt/ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. All I can think about is what if there is no heartbeat? I am trying to stay positive but it is definitely hard when I know how many women have miscarriages. The only thing that is really getting me through is that my mom had 3 pregnancies and 3 babies...hoping I can follow in her footsteps.

ngolimento · August 2014

Yeah, making a group of ladies in early pregnancy recount something that you could have easily gone to Google for information is kind of innapropriate. Especially since your pregnancy is most likely completely healthy. Which means people are re-living a terrible time in thier lives so you can feel better.

wendyld · August 2014

BBnut said:

wendyld said:

There was no change in symptoms with my missed miscarriage. Try not to focus on something that happens in 1-2% of pregnancies and that you can't do anything to change. Save the stress for problems that are real.

Ouch. Perhaps you mean "things you can control" but this really hurt me to read having been through it.

So have I. I wasn't in any way minimizing the pain of a loss, the opposite in fact. If she has some kind of indication, any kind, that something is wrong, then that is a problem that is real. For now, though, she's asking for attention and hair pats for something that hasn't happened and she has no reason to think will.

AlinnJo · August 2014

AlinnJo said:

Still had some symptoms, still had positive pregnancy tests. Went in for ultrasound at 12 weeks and had no heartbeat.

So I apologize for being so blunt. But, it makes me a little upset that you want me, who has had a missed miscarriage, to come in here and relive my experience, just so you feel better. It seems very selfish and insensitive on your part. I don't think you mean it that way, but that's definitely how it comes off.

wendyld · August 2014

jcar2 said:

BBnut said:

wendyld said:

There was no change in symptoms with my missed miscarriage. Try not to focus on something that happens in 1-2% of pregnancies and that you can't do anything to change. Save the stress for problems that are real.

Ouch. Perhaps you mean "things you can control" but this really hurt me to read having been through it.

I think/hope she meant that OP is not having or has belief to think she is going through a missed miscarriage. So to save her stress for actual problems instead of worries of what could happen.

Yes, this exactly.

FrecklesInside · August 2014

This thread pisses me off. Everyone is stepping politely around it because, yes, we get being scared. But there are a ton of PgAL moms on here, many of whom have had MMC. You have NO reason to believe you're having one and yet you want people to relive their experiences so that you can know what to look for JUST IN CASE??

Yea. Fuck off.

amismom · August 2014

I can go into great detail about missed miscarriage and also into all manner of scary, sad things that can happen to your baby. I've seen it all. I won't because it isn't necessary. You wanna worry about the million of tragic things that can happen by all means but don't invite us. The OP hurt. I really don't know why, other then making me remember all the crappy things that have happened to me and those I love.

akleng · August 2014

I just wanted to echo PPs. I also came to this post thinking we'd lost another mom. It is incredibly hard to come here thinking you'll be offering support, only to be asked to relive your experience, especially being so close to my loss milestones. I know that you didn't intend for this post to be hurtful and I understand all of the nerves and feelings of uncertainty of early pregnancy. Don't give yourself more reason to stress, especially over something you literally have no control over. Focus on the positives. Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

Unknown · August 2014

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janda426 · August 2014

And she doesn't even have the decency to come back to her own thread. Way to go, OP.

peppermint53 · August 2014

Didn't mean to be insensitive with my comment either. Hope I didn't offend anyone and for those that have had a loss I am wishing you all the best this time.

jurassicrabbit · August 2014

OP: ONLY because I'm having a good day:

Click here.

But yeah, I'm sure you didn't mean anything offensive, but it is. We're here to support you if you need support, but we have emotions and loss and lives, too. This is a very sensitive topic. If you had experienced the loss of a child/fetus/anyone, I'm sure you would understand. It's one thing to offer support to someone based on a common experience/tragedy, but that's a personal decision someone has to make when they're comfortable with doing so. It's just plain not fair to ask people to relive their grief.

There are literally millions of posts about this on the internet from women who have already made the choice to share their experiences.

Unknown · August 2014

This content has been removed.

Lmsq1611 · August 2014

I haven't had a mmc but I'm sorry for the ladies that had to relive their experiences from this post.

Also posting things like this probably just adds to the stress you are experiencing about your pregnancy. It sounds like you are choosing to create more worry for yourself. Don't look for symptoms or problems that don't exist. Focus on the positive and you'll probably have a much happier pregnancy.

rsnichols · August 2014

Reading the context of this inquiry is shocking.
To echo the 20+ posts here PLEASE use google before posting something like this. The amount of pain it causes to relive a loss... There are literally no words. Please don't ask women to do it.

cakergirl · August 2014

Yes I had a missed miscarriage. 2, actually. No there is nothing you, me, my ob, or any other person can say to make me not worry about it. Ultrasounds don't mean damn thing to me because I have *had* a healthy ultrasound on more than one occasion and even seen a beating heart only to go on to have a missed miscarriage. Realize when you ask a question like this, you aren't going to get answers like "oh don't worry, I'm sure you will be JUST fine!" Or "No, it never happened to me, or anybody else I know so no worries" or "on yeah it happened to me but I'm sure you are so much smarter, healthier And more perfect than me so I'm sure you won't have ANY issues" Or "oh yeah, I had a missed miscarriage once and it really wasn't too bad, I kind of enjoyed it". I really don't mean to be mean or cruel, I know stressing and worrying about what could go wrong is real, and hard. Yes it's rare and uncommon. No, you aren't at any higher risk than any other woman. no, worrying about it wont help. but this post will not make you or anyone else feel better, because most of the people who click on this link are ones who have sad stories to tell, and thought you needed support by asking this question with this title, and we all came to say "oh I am so sorry, I have been through it and its terrible!"... But no, we won't have any ways to "reassure you" or help keep you from "freaking yourself out" because we have all been there, we all know there is no way to know/predict/prevent. Just remember, until someone tells you otherwise, you are pregnant, and all you need to be is try to be healthy, and beyond that, there is nothing else you can do.

dombuck · August 2014

I have had a 2 MMCs.
I am not upset that you are concerned.
Both were my first and second pregnancy. I will pray for you to have a healthy baby.
It's normal to be worried. My family always tells me stay calm, not for you, for the baby. Sending lots of prayers your way.

kaileywoliver · August 2014

I'm extremely sorry to have you all relive this. It was very insensitive of me and I didn't realize it when I posted. I'm very sorry for the losses you ladies have had to go through. I pray that God will be there to comfort you and guide you through it. Please forgive me and I will pray for each and every one of you, that you have a healthy pregnancy. Also, I work 12 hour shifts and sleep during the day. I wasn't being insensitive to this post, I was simply wore out from working several days in a row. I had a concern so I posted to the thread. I thought that was what the community was for. I find comfort in the answers from you ladies before I do google. Once again, I'm very sorry to hurt anyone.

kaileywoliver · August 2014

@dombuck‌ thank you. You're very kind. I'm so sorry you experienced this. It's hard not to worry, especially with your first pregnancy. I have no idea of what to expect.

janda426 · August 2014

kaileywoliver said:
I'm extremely sorry to have you all relive this. It was very insensitive of me and I didn't realize it when I posted. I'm very sorry for the losses you ladies have had to go through. I pray that God will be there to comfort you and guide you through it. Please forgive me and I will pray for each and every one of you, that you have a healthy pregnancy. Also, I work 12 hour shifts and sleep during the day. I wasn't being insensitive to this post, I was simply wore out from working several days in a row. I had a concern so I posted to the thread. I thought that was what the community was for. I find comfort in the answers from you ladies before I do google. Once again, I'm very sorry to hurt anyone.

I respect you for apologizing and not freaking out.

FTR this community is definitely supportive to concerns any of us might have but definitely let this be a reminder to try and words things in the most respectful way to anyone who has been in this situation before. And try not to borrow trouble. Just focus on the love for your baby and doing everything you have control of.

chaysefaith · August 2014

kaileywoliver said:

I'm extremely sorry to have you all relive this. It was very insensitive of me and I didn't realize it when I posted. I'm very sorry for the losses you ladies have had to go through. I pray that God will be there to comfort you and guide you through it. Please forgive me and I will pray for each and every one of you, that you have a healthy pregnancy. Also, I work 12 hour shifts and sleep during the day. I wasn't being insensitive to this post, I was simply wore out from working several days in a row. I had a concern so I posted to the thread. I thought that was what the community was for. I find comfort in the answers from you ladies before I do google. Once again, I'm very sorry to hurt anyone.

I personally have not had a mmc but your apology is very appreciated and a great example of how others should approach a similar situation where they are shown why something they post wasn't the best thing to say. Thank you for the apology, I'm sure the other women here will appreciate it as well.

And really, thanks for approaching the situation like an adult and understanding why it was upsetting, we see a LOT of posts go the other way.

kaileywoliver · August 2014

I'm an adult, I will act like one. I will always treat and speak to others in a respectable manner. That's how I was raised and those are my morals. Everyone makes mistakes. Unfortunately, life is full of losses but thankfully, is full of gains too. That's the beauty of it. Once again, I'm sorry about bringing up a subject that I didn't realize was so hurtful at the time.

ngolimento · August 2014

@KaileyWoliver mad props, lady. You are a classy mature woman.

cakergirl · August 2014

kaileywoliver said:

I'm extremely sorry to have you all relive this. It was very insensitive of me and I didn't realize it when I posted. I'm very sorry for the losses you ladies have had to go through. I pray that God will be there to comfort you and guide you through it. Please forgive me and I will pray for each and every one of you, that you have a healthy pregnancy. Also, I work 12 hour shifts and sleep during the day. I wasn't being insensitive to this post, I was simply wore out from working several days in a row. I had a concern so I posted to the thread. I thought that was what the community was for. I find comfort in the answers from you ladies before I do google. Once again, I'm very sorry to hurt anyone.

. You live, you learn.. I know you got a lot of negative responses (my own included) but there aren't a lot of uplifting stories related to MMC's, but its not really as common as it seems. Especially after reading this particular thred. I hope it is something you never EVER go through! Just keep healthy, try to stay optimistic, and hope for the best. And no worries on being "away" all day- I don't have access to social media or pop culture type websites at work so I'm not around the Bump for the majority of the day either. Good luck ith your pregnancy and thank you so much for understanding where some of us were coming from with responses!

wendyld · August 2014

I would also liketl to thank you for coming back and acknowledging how hard these posts can be.

snickersforeveryone · August 2014

Thank you for your apology.

This is an amazing, supportive place. As you can see, we try to protect each other from hurt. I for one hope you choose to stay. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and I'd like to get to know you better.

AlyBeeVee8 · August 2014

I understand that this topic is touchy for those who have experienced loss, but it was a concern of hers. All we had to do was respect it and lend support. If people felt it was rude or insensitive, maybe they shouldn't have read the post not knowing how they would feel about it. Getting upset is affecting all of you as well, and I think we should practice what we preach.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2014

AlyBeeVee8 said:

I understand that this topic is touchy for those who have experienced loss, but it was a concern of hers. All we had to do was respect it and lend support. If people felt it was rude or insensitive, maybe they shouldn't have read the post not knowing how they would feel about it. Getting upset is affecting all of you as well, and I think we should practice what we preach.

You can't be serious. Do you not know how to read? Did you not see the support the OP got once she apologized? At least the OP is a grown woman who can act like one instead of trying to act holier than thou and berate everyone for explaining their pain. I pray to god you never experience what they have and you can stay in your ignorant little bubble.

*not sure if that violated anything but it really burned me up to read that. My heart breaks for everyone here. I've had a loss myself.

ngolimento · August 2014

AlyBeeVee8 said:

I understand that this topic is touchy for those who have experienced loss, but it was a concern of hers. All we had to do was respect it and lend support. If people felt it was rude or insensitive, maybe they shouldn't have read the post not knowing how they would feel about it. Getting upset is affecting all of you as well, and I think we should practice what we preach.

Did you just really tell a room full of women who have experienced miscarriages to calm thier tits and stop being so sensitive? REALLY?!? You are not a classy lady like the OP. I do not give you props.

snickersforeveryone · August 2014

Peledreamsofrain said:

AlyBeeVee8 said:

I understand that this topic is touchy for those who have experienced loss, but it was a concern of hers. All we had to do was respect it and lend support. If people felt it was rude or insensitive, maybe they shouldn't have read the post not knowing how they would feel about it. Getting upset is affecting all of you as well, and I think we should practice what we preach.

Did you just really tell a room full of women who have experienced miscarriages to calm thier tits and stop being so sensitive? REALLY?!? You are not a classy lady like the OP. I do not give you props.

-----------quote box fail------------

Yes, this one does not have a good head on her shoulders...perhaps a mushy melon.

Madam white knight, do you seriously suggest that we should have
1) told her all the gory details of our heartbreaking losses? Which would NOT have helped her feel better and would have been horrible for us?

Or

2) left the thread without educating her as to why this post was offensive? If she had posted such a thing or anything similar elsewhere on TB, she would have been ripped to shreds. It would be a huge disservice to her to allow her to continue posting like that without explaining what it was doing to us...she would never have been accepted and supported, not to mention the pain it would cause others reading her threads.

She took our suggestions in stride, apologized, and came out looking extremely classy.

You should take lessons from her.

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