Any other tomboys having a girl?

SheHulk723 · August 2014

I've been a tomboy ever since I was little. I always played with my toy tool bench set instead of the barbies, I grew up playing and watching football and fishing. The color pink repulses me. Aaaand now I'm having a little girl. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled. I'm just hoping she ends up like me or I don't know how I'll relate to her when she's older haha. And I don't care if it's the social norm, my baby is NOT wearing pink... at least not very often haha. The hubby insists that she has to wear pink sometimes. Anyone else in the same boat?

TXUltraRunner · August 2014

Yup only my husband isn't forcing pink on my child and we both agree that she can be whomever she wants to be. We are not telling anyone we know do that we can avoid pigeonholing her before she is even born. Maybe she will like pink and dolls and frilly things, but she might not. However she chooses to express herself when she's old enough we will roll with it.

UberBiz · August 2014

I was, before I had a daughter. Now pink is one of my favorites. Yeah, I grew up playing outside, loving dinosaurs and watching Ninja Turtles and GI Joe, and I HATED pink. Then I had a girl. Oh, how those little tiny beings change you. She gets her nails done with her father's gf, she wears dresses and skirts and loves glitter. She also loves getting dirty, riding bikes, catching bugs, and all that other good stuff. I have no idea how to apply makeup, but she's only 9 so we'll just deal when the time comes. lol. You roll with the punches and get over it. I don't know why people get so uptight about the pink thing.

UberBiz · August 2014

I'll also add that even if you DO put your baby infant in pink, she may NOT still like it when she gets older. Just like putting a girl in blue/yellow/green, she may get older and LOVE pink. No matter what you put a baby in, I don't believe it will pigeon hole them for life. They grow up and have their own opinions on stuff.

Lanatir · August 2014

Me. Sort of.

My first is a girl. I don't know the sex of this one yet.

It almost killed me the day we were in the store and my daughter went over to tutus and started picking them off the rack and bringing them to me asking for them... Right now she mostly has blocks, cars, and puzzley toys (so less girly by the majority of standards), and I suppose we'll get to a point where she's going to want "girl" toys as well as girl clothes, and I'll just have to suck it up and let her get some girl toys sometime.

Like @UberBiz, I have no idea how to apply make up and the only time I ever bought something was to cover bruises (yeah... great story there not) and I ended up even buying the wrong stuff because I didn't know the difference. So if she wants make up, idk. Google/youtube tutorials for her. haha.

Idk. You get over it mostly. But UberBiz also has like 7 years on me on this? So I'm sure she's much better at adjusting to that than I am with just 2 years of it. haha.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

I don't consider myself a tomboy but I also don't like pink and frilly things. I'm just going with the flow as I am having girl #2.

amiej1227 · August 2014

My mil told me once that she was very thankful she never had a girl because she didn't think she would have known what to do with one. To me this idea is silly, you are a girl and you are what you are. They are going to have minds of their own on what they do and don't like. Doesn't mean they will or won't be over the top girly. I'm a little worried if we do end up having a girl if she will be comfortable around her. So we'll see

SheHulk723 · August 2014

Yeah, obviously she's going to grow into her own person with her own likes and dislikes and I'll suck it up and support her no matter what. But my little sister is my polar opposite; she's into musicals and makeup and whatnot. And my sister and I don't get along too well simply because we have absolutely nothing in common, besides our parents haha. I'm just nervous and hope I can relate to my little girl.

I hadn't even thought about it until I announced I was having a girl and someone said "Welcome to team pink." Then I had my 'holy crap' moment and a mini anxiety attack wondering if I'm fully equipped to raise a little girl haha. If she wants to wear makeup, she'll definitely have to look at those youtube tutorials because I have no idea what I'm doing! Lol.

aerotigergirl · August 2014

Yep.

I've always been a bit of a "tomboy" and I'm pregnant now with a girl. As a kid, I would have much rather dug in the dirt and played baseball, but I could tell my mom really wanted me to be a "pretty" girl, so I did certain things to please her (thus the beginning of my lifelong career as a people-pleaser).

amiej1227 · August 2014

If you feel uncomfortable about makeup take her to a department store like Dillard's, Macy's or jc penny's... They will help you figure out what she needs and teach her how to apply it, but get what you are comfortable with her wearing too. Meaning if you think mascara is enough start with that, when my niece turned 13 her mom took her in and they were trying to get her to wear all the stuff and I was like she doesn't need everything to start off with, start slow and see if she even likes it.

Of course makeup is a long way off still...

MusicFanatic · August 2014

This was my mother when she had me! She was always a "tomboy" (for lack of better terms, I don't like using that) and then had me.

As a result, I'm a tutu wearing lacrosse player

She always exposed me to what I wanted to be exposed to.. and I'm a wonderful mix. I love my girly pink and ballet. I love my lacrosse and baseball and beer.

I think there will always be things you don't necessarily "relate to" with your kids because they are not YOU and they're their own people and will develop interests and loves of their own. But I think all parents will find that "thing" they will relate to and it works perfectly fine.

Lanatir · August 2014

@ladyamanuet-- OMG I try to deal with the girly, but I might die if DD starts asking for Barbies... Can't they stop making her have like a 17 inch waist with like 32 GGGGGGGGGG boobs? Did they ever change that like every one (except the special "gymnast one I had) had to wear heels? Blech.

I suppose there MIGHT be a body type like that, but the only way I can think of having such huge boobs to waist size is if Barbie is a few months into nursing... hahahahahahaha

SheHulk723 · August 2014

@ladyamanuet "There will not be a play kitchen unless there is also a play workbench. "

My mom was very much like that. I had both a kitchen and a tool set. I specifically remember "cooking" (aka torturing) a roach who had climbed into one of the pots haha. Our play set was in our play room at my parent's shop. But yeah, my mom always gave us access to all kinds of toys, both 'boys' and 'girls'. For the first bit of my life apparently everyone also assumed I was a boy because my mom thought I looked really cute in blue haha so she dressed me in it regularly. I suppose I'll probably do what she did.

And ah, I didn't even think about the whole dolls/body image issue. I guess I wouldn't want my daughter playing with those either.

Eyefrog · August 2014

I am a tomboy who can be very "girly" if the mood strikes. I have also so far been involved with 6 very boy boy's so having our daughter last time was not only shocking it made me terrified, not because I couldn't do the pink I am actually enjoying it. I kept thinking about whether she would be disappointed in my choices for her clothing more than what toys or activities we did together. I swear I was in the baby store staring at the girl clothes and feeling very overwhelmed and then i picked up my first ballet type outfit and my heart burst with joy. I thought oh I hope she wants to dance as I used to do. She is 13 months old now and she is already very much a tomboy but she has definite diva attitudes and I love it. its been an amazing experience for myself and glad I was able to have it. Go day by day

amiej1227 · August 2014

I guess I have an unpopular opinion on Barbies. I remember playing with them with my cousins and I never once thought, wow I want to be just like Barbie and be thin and sexy. Of course I was probably 6-7 and those thoughts weren't on my radar at all. It wasn't until I got older that I had any body issue thoughts. But then again I think times have changed and I don't know if young girls feel the pressure to be thin that early.

If my kids want to play with them, I will let them and if not then I won't push it either.

britb618 · August 2014

Yea I think it's a bit extreme to say no Barbie or dolls in house...it's a toy and I loved them as a kid. My daughter can play with whatever she wants I'm just going to try to raise her not to be spoiled I don't care if she likes balls barbies or both

amiej1227 · August 2014

I would agree on the Bratz as they look like sluts. And do they still make the vampire ones? I saw a commercial once and I was like wtf is that?!

Stargirlb · August 2014

They look like.... Sluts? Uhhhh really? Slut shaming = not cool

Stargirlb · August 2014

Female children are as diverse as male children. Would you be fine with your son playing with pink, dolls, etc? Why would a daughter be any different? And vice versa. If you have children , it's unlikely they will be just like you. If you have more than one, the variety you may have will blow your mind. The hardest part of raising a daughter is that society values them less. Sometimes fear of the feminine is just more misogyny. Not always, but I think that feminine things are often met with derision, insults, are the butt of jokes, the ultimate insults for guys, etc.

Stargirlb · August 2014

A dad not supporting his son's self expression teaches him that the jerks are right, and/or that dad has sided with the ignorant bullies. Sucks to see. Kids with dads like that often grow up to enforce those views on other kids themselves. So it's not just the son that ends up hurt.

Stargirlb · August 2014

"Pretty faces" can be productive parts of society, no less than an engineer who builds amazing things. Not mutually exclusive, too much focus on qualifications of ANY sort needed for human worth is a problem. Just being a caring/compassionate person is one of the most valuable things for any child to learn, not their career , collection of degrees, number of children, or gender expression. I just don't like to see other females getting derided and taken down in the process of wanting more options.

Stargirlb · August 2014

Sounds like a straw man. I don't think "dumb" is an appropriate insult. Even people who are interested in just fashion/appearances (be they male/female,) tend to have a lot more going on or their own stories if you dig a but below the surface. Just like people who are prejudice against various other forms of appearances.. Be it tattoos, hipsters, cross dressers, Etc.

Stargirlb · August 2014

Not everyone needs to be an engineer , not everyone needs to be a SAHM. Want to be a barista and enjoy the "easy" work and socialize with people, paint your nails, and do your hair? That's great, IMO.

Stargirlb · August 2014

And I do know what you are saying, you at the root of it seem to be attacking the premium that society places on women for their appearance. Well, let's just not replace that with other, different, premiums, while still blaming individual women for society's misogyny.

Stargirlb · August 2014

Some people AREN'T much interested in those things though, and that's fine. Some people who are interested end up hurting others way more than the one who stays silent.

I hate the fact that many women cannot fully express themselves, I just do not want to see blame being inadvertently placed on victims or blaming women themselves for not making a stand for something other than what they want to do for whatever reason. It's easy to assume too much about people.

Stargirlb · August 2014

If you don't know someone's reasons for their life choices, you can't tease apart what choices they are making because of nature/nurture. Minor point-- there is no single typical feminine gender role IMO, there are many. What IS fairly typical is that anything associated with the feminine end of the scale is met with derision from society at large. Encouraging your female children to pursue diverse paths is great, but it doesn't make them any more or less worthwhile based on how society treats them.

Society treats 'sluts' terribly, and that's a social hierarchy/discrimination problem, not a problem with sluts.

Stargirlb · August 2014

If a father came in here and posted a topic 'Any manly-men expecting a little boy?' and wanted advice on how to raise a son who might turn out to be not-'manly', I would roll my eyes a bit at first but basically give advice to not focus on a gender-- that will emerge. Build a relationship with them by exploring the world together, see things through their eyes, and enjoy learning new things WITH them, not just teaching them what you like.

Stargirlb · August 2014

'Sexualized clothing' IS slut shaming. You are saying essentially that this is clothing only sluts or women with low self worth would wear. Right?

Stargirlb · August 2014

If a man goes shirtless, it's hot out, he's working, showing off his abs, or just not giving a shit. If a woman follows the societal norm of keeping her filthy nipples covered with pieces smaller than a generous swath of fabric, that's 'provocative.'

Stargirlb · August 2014

It's a fine comparison. I said that the 'manly' father was asking for advice on how to raise a son that might NOT be manly. Not that he was overtly looking to 'make' his son one way, just that it reveals some potentially underlying beliefs about gender that will be a barrier to developing a multifaceted relationship.

robsbabygirl08 · August 2014

I would consider myself a tomboy, I hunt, fish, play sports, do minor upkeep work on my car, stuff like that. I didn't know what to do with my daughter. I only put her in pink if somebody bought her an outfit and I was going to be seeing them ;-) Now that she is almost four I feel like she is very well rounded. She loves to wear Pink and purple, princess dresses, and tiara's, but she also plays with her tool box, basketball hoop, t'ball set, anything that has to do with dinosaurs and she likes to shoot. Yes, we have let my 3.5 year old shoot a real gun. But don't worry, she sat in Daddies lap and wore proper ear protection :-) She is an absolute blast. It cracks me up to see her in the backyard playing t-ball in a princess dress with cowboy boots and a Tiara.

Stargirlb · August 2014

Ugh. So you agree women should be topless if they want but some clothes are sexualized and should be therefore off limits to children? You do not see the victim-blaming here?

Stargirlb · August 2014

How about short skirts and tube tops? Designed for sex?

Stargirlb · August 2014

Clothing causing arousal is more victim blaming. You weren't really raped if you were wearing clothing 'designed to cause arousal,' right? I have never owned lingerie... How on earth have any of my bfs managed to get aroused?

Stargirlb · August 2014

Or tube tops with suggestive language are just tube tops with suggestive language. I've never actually seen a child in a tube top that said 'rape me'.... Have you?

Stargirlb · August 2014

"Juicy" is not suggestive to children. It's a word. Juicy on the butt of pants (though not my taste,) does not offend me, no matter if you are 6 months old or 60.

mom2case · August 2014

I was very much a tomboy, although not quite to the degree as you. We have a little girl, and oh goodness is she girly!!!! I'm so anti-"Princess" it's laughable and yet, my daughter demands that we call her princess. She dresses up every minute of every day. When she doesn't have dress-up clothes, she MAKES them with blankets! She's a mess. Over time, I've gotten more used to it and you will too if it comes to be. I'm actually glad she's not a carbon copy of me and my likes. I know full-well that this princess thing is all her own personality.

Stargirlb · August 2014

I have NEVER heard of kids clothes that say "ribbed for your pleasure." That's a condom slogan, right....?

Stargirlb · August 2014

Ya it's a straw man because a condom slogan is not the same as "provocative" clothing like a short skirt, juicy couture clothes, a bikini, or whatever people typically are 'sad' about girls wearing.

SheHulk723 · August 2014

Boy has this conversation devolved from my original purpose haha. My point was simply that I can't relate to other females who are into 'girly' things. My one female friend is as into sports as I am, she's my beer drinking (man I miss beer) and football watching partner. All my other friends are males. And I'm ok with that. I just made the original post as an expression of my worry of relating if she ends up 'girly'. Which I'm ok with! She's going to be who she's going to be. Perhaps, my real fear is having to change myself in order to connect with her. Cause man, I could live the rest of my life without watching any more musicals lol. I really think I meant for this to be more of a humorous internal fear thread than an argument (debate, whatever you wanna call it.)

Also, I had said that I wasn't going to dress my infant in pink, I never said I wouldn't allow my child to wear pink. When she's capable of voicing her own opinion and wants pink, then she can go for it. In fact, if anything I'm going to base my color choices on color psychology rather than gender stereotypes. Blue is proven to release calming chemicals in the brain, yellow enhances metabolism, etc.

Now, I don't believe in shaming people, but I have certain beliefs and moral standards and I will instill and inculcate moral standards into my children. And I personally believe that sexualized clothing is not appropriate for children. Modesty is important to myself, my husband and our core beliefs and standards. Does a person wearing clothes that I consider immodest deserve to be treated any differently, or have anything happen to them? Absolutely not. Does that make my child any better than any other child? Absolutely not. I'm just going to make sure my kids are covered up to a reasonable extent lol. Certain types of clothes are appropriate for certain occasions.

SheHulk723 · August 2014

sassquatch said:

@SheHulk723‌ Even if your daughter is girlie, she won't care that you aren't. Like I said before, there will be other women in her life, family members or friends, who can do girlie things with her. You don't need to change yourself because she likes certain things. I hate to fish, even though I'm a tomboy, so her dad takes her. My youngest loves baby dolls, I hate them - she has lots of baby dolls. My older girl loves tutus and dancing, I dance like Elaine on Seinfeld, so my Nana dances with her. I don't wear make-up or paint my nails, so my mom does a lot of that. I wanted nothing but boys because I thought I couldn't relate to a girl. Now I have two daughters and despite me being a jeans and t-shirts girl, I have kids that love to buy pretty dresses and spin so fast that their skirts fly up around them. I relate to them just fine because they're MY girls. You're going to be just fine, I promise. You may even find that watching a musical like Frozen 400 times a month isn't so bad - because you don't actually watch it, you learn to tune it out. My point in my posts was just not to sweat it. Your girl will love you regardless of what your hobbies are. And good luck with the no pink on your infant. At some point, you'll run out of your non-pink clothes and all the girlie pink clothes you get for your shower will be there, with no spit-up stains and you'll cave. Pink isn't going to hurt her (this coming from a woman who begged ppeople to keep pink to a minimum, cause I hate it too).

Yeah, I'm sure it will all be fine

And (animated) movie musicals are ok with me, I meant the broadway and off broadway shows I was subjected to due to my little sister being obsessed with musical theater. Although am I the only one in the world who doesn't like Frozen? Haha, even my guy friends love it. Maybe it's the native Floridian in me that hates the idea of the cold lol! Pocahontas is more my style

And yes, I know she will end up wearing pink sometimes. I was hyperbolizing. Although I'm not having a shower, I'm sure I'll end up with pink gifts still and then there's my hubby who wants some pink involved haha.

As long as she ends up a Broncos fan, I won't disown her. (Definitely just kidding) I was the child who rooted for Rusty Wallace because my parent's were Earnhardt fans and always rooted against the Bucs for the same reason haha. Always a fan of friendly rivalry. Although I became a Broncos fan thanks to Elway kicking ass.

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