Hey everyone
Hope the weeks are going by smoothly!
I know this may be WAYYYYY early to be asking about this... but I am a planner! So, I will be a FTM in about 7 months or so... but I'm already thinking about our next baby, but only because I'm thinking about my 'AMA' and all and wondering how much planning others have done as well. I'll be 38 by the time my first is born and I know you need time to heal and everything... but I don't want to wait too long before trying for a second. I was thinking if I am due in March 2015 and I wait about 6-12 months before trying again, and have the second baby some time between August and December of 2016, the first will be over a year old-close to 2 years by the time second is born. And it will be before my 40th birthday (Jan. 2017)... I know there's no guarantee that this will all work out how I'm planning it, but I was just thinking about it and wanted to know what y'all think!
My husband wants to wait until the first is 2 before having the second to spread them out some, but I'd be over 40 by then. And for me it's not just an age/number thing, my AMH was 0.4 back in Jan. 2013, and I'd like to try to do this all as naturally as possible.
I'm just thinking out loud here... but if anyone has any comments, please do share! Thanks!
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Re: Question for ladies here with LO(s)...
Mine will be almost 3yrs apart, wish I was braver to wait longer but that's what I was comfortable with given my age.
I have a friend who had her 2nd a month after her 1st turned 1, so I guess they got prego 3 months after the 1st was born.
Another of my friends had 4 kids within 4 years, bc that's how she wanted it. All close in age.
You can wait as little or as long as you and your hubby feel comfortable. Just try not to get stuck on one set plan. You may not be ovulating again for a while, esp if breastfeeding - though that's not a good preventive method...my friend who had her son 13 months after her dd, was counting on that I guess.
Also you may end up with a c/s in which case waiting longer might be recommended for health reasons.
Or you may get prego on 1st try and not even have to try.
You guys just have to come to some agreement and go with it.
I had my first at 36, I'm 39 and will be 40 with this one turns about 4 months. I'm a planner as well, after DS, my plan was to go for #2 so that they would be about 2 years apart. DS was 15 months when that rolled around and I just couldn't do it. I had a difficult time with his sleep the first year, nursed for over a year, and just needed more time so at the point where we planned to try again, I just wanted time to myself (I know that sounds selfish) in terms of getting back on a work-out schedule, etc. Now I will admit I think we made it much more difficult as FT parents than it had to be - I was so paranoid with DS, didn't allow him to cry for a minute, was a complete "chopper mom" as DH would say. So I took the extra year and it was a good one, lost 25 pounds, was in great shape, DH and I could spend more time together, and I could spend lots of one-on-one time with my son.
We then started trying which would have given us a 3 year age difference (age and school). We lucked out and got pg right away the second time, but I had a MMC (which becomes more common with age, but is never something you plan on happening). This set us back a bit, after we dealt with that and waited two cycles per my MD, we got pg with this one on the second try (very lucky in this area). DS will be 3.5 years apart from his brother (4 in school because of the cut-off). Honestly, looking back I wish the age difference wouldn't be so great. I do wish we would have bit the bullet and stuck to our original plan. DS is potty trained and much more independent, and the extra 1.5 years isn't a huge deal but feels like a lot to me. We always said two was the right number for us - I now think 3 might have been nice, but don't want to do it in my 40's. I think if we had them closer together I might have considered this option more. I have plenty of friends who started families late, and most did 2 at 2 or 2 under 2 and it wasn't the big deal I thought it would be.
It's a personal decision, you never know how you'll feel once you have the baby and that first year can be rough. There are pros and cons to doing it right away and waiting a bit depending on how you're feeling. However, you'll never regret just going and getting #2 once #2 is here. You may regret waiting, even a little bit. Also, you can't plan for everything (how long it might take TTC, MC, etc.) Those things throw timing off. If we had a hard time TTC #2 I would be kicking myself a whole lot more that I wasted so much time and even with a MC in between, I know I'm lucky. I sometimes think I was either cocky or just plain ignorant thinking we'd get pg right away (twice) like we did with DS given my age. Lucky and blessed, but in retrospective it was stupid given biology and aging. See how you feel, but if you want a 2 year different, it's a nice gap and it's not really a huge difference (you said your DH wants to wait a little more) in terms of the little ones, but if you have set-backs, time really counts. Good luck in your decision when you get there.
Me: 42, DH: 40; Surprise BFP 4/27/2011; no heartbeat at 9w3d, we miss you, Baby Manatee; D&C 6/1/2011; AF returned 6/26/2011; Ready to try for our take-home baby. 7/24/2011--BFP! Peanut born March 2012; BFP: 7/31/2013!; blighted ovum at 7 weeks 8/26/2013. Holy Cannoli! BFP 2/23/2014. EDD 11/6/2014!
I hope I didn't get too personal... I guess maybe I was asking more like -- are there any advantages/disadvantages from having them too close together or is it better to spread them out -- I didn't know anything about Autism as @NeonNoon has mentioned, will need to research that. And I didn't even think about myself through this whole thing, just thought about the kids and as @wonknessmonster mentioned about being sleep deprived -- I'll also be breastfeeding (I hope), so I didn't think about how tired I might be pregnant again with a less-than-1yo. These are good things to consider!
ME: 38, DH: 42, stopped BCPS 1/2013, TTC #1 2/2013, AMH 0.4, started acupuncture: 7/2013,
BFP: 10/07/2013; MC 10/15/2013 @ 7 wks (natural), focused on health issues for 7 months.
TTC again: 6/2014, 2nd round Letrozole, BFP 7/7/2014!!! --- EDD 3/18/2015!!!
Me: 42, DH: 40; Surprise BFP 4/27/2011; no heartbeat at 9w3d, we miss you, Baby Manatee; D&C 6/1/2011; AF returned 6/26/2011; Ready to try for our take-home baby. 7/24/2011--BFP! Peanut born March 2012; BFP: 7/31/2013!; blighted ovum at 7 weeks 8/26/2013. Holy Cannoli! BFP 2/23/2014. EDD 11/6/2014!
- I didn't get my period again for over a year, likely because we EBF for a while.
- Hard to anticipate how you will feel about you, life, baby, parenting.... until you are in it.
- Try not to get too attached to a plan. M/Cs happen, it tends to be more difficult getting PG the second time around (not age-related... my younger mom friends seemed to have similar stories).
For us, we agreed to have our first baby and see how we felt once we were in it. It spared us a difficult conversation that we really weren't equipped for yet. (For us it was a 1 vs. 2 kids convo vs. spacing).
I'm due now with our 2nd (at 41), and there will be 3.5 years between our kids. My son is getting settled into pre-school now and seems emotionally and physically in a great place for a new sibling. But like everyone's said,.... totally personal decision and nothing wrong with anything you decide!
I had my first (two - twins) at 35 and am now (4 1/2 months later) pregnant with our third. I never thought I'd have 3 children before 37, but I guess since I had the twins..
You can't plan really but definitely go with what makes you feel comfortable.
A very good friend who had trouble conceiving said the one thing she would have done was not to wait so long, since it was such a long process for her. (not that this is your situation)
But if you have a "feeling" you should have another child sooner, go for it. Explain your concerns to your husband and hopefully he'll understand.
Plus you won't have to go through the "toddler jealousy of a baby" since they'll all be babies together!
:x"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt