STM+ Moms: things you are not looking forward to

digwriter · August 2014

If you're a first time mom and you don't want to hear about labor, postpartum or newborn grievances this might not be the post for you.

I want to talk about the crap no one tells you about as a ftm. So if you've been through all of this before, what things related to late pregnancy, labor, postpartum and those first few months with baby are you not looking forward to?

My list includes:
The first postpartum poop, especially with stiches.

Massive pads

Waking up multiple times a night

Super swollen feet

People asking if you've had the baby yet

Sttangers trying to touch your newborn's hands!!!!

Your turn

thegoodpotato · August 2014

Mostly just how it's going to be handling a newborn with two other kids. I think I did pretty decently with #2, but I only had one other kid to look out for. I think three is going to be a huge challenge, and I'm not sure I can handle that....

ryeleeandrori · August 2014

I'm with @thegoodpotato‌. The thought of 3 worries me.

Angeldcf · August 2014

The unwanted belly touching from strangers.

The first few weeks home. I was a miserable zombie sticking a newborn on my boob EVERY 2-3 hours and it took 30min per feeding. He didn't STTN (straight 5 hrs) until he was 6 weeks old.

Being stressed about my milk supply. Mine tanked when I went back to school/work. I tried Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle but I dried up.

Role change: going from "pregnant princess (how are you feeling?)" to "we're here to see the baby, oh yeah- you're still here. we forgot about you." Not as worried this time, but this one caught me off guard. I'd have visitors/his family over who barely spoke to me. made me feel like an incubator.

sleepymama29 · August 2014

I'm with you with the first PP poop! It took me over a month to go last time

I'm also worried about managing a 2 year old and a newborn. Last time I had DD in July and my mom was able to come down and help. With this one being due in Feb I know she won't be able to come down. Plus this time DH has a job so I won't have any help during the day which scares me

psychobutthead · August 2014

Im not looking forward to the first time they push on your stomach after birtg. The first time you go pee after birth or poop.

Not looking forward to labor.

not looking forward to in laws being up my ass.

mishka29 · August 2014

Wearing pads - they start to chaff pretty quick

The stress of having a shitty sleeper who only sleeps if they are touching you and doesn't like swings or bouncers.

Not being prepared for the marathon breatfeeding sessions. It takes a long time when you first start, be prepared to be sitting around a lot - it doesn't sound like a bad thing but combined with a shitty sleeper who falls asleep after the feed...its hard to find time for a pee break or a painful poop lol

CdnFarmGirl08 · August 2014

2 kids who won't sleep- DS still barely ever sleeps through the night
The never ending advice on what to do from unwanted people
Looking after 2 by myself. The plus side is February is better timing for DH. He'll at least be home now!

ColleenS629 · August 2014

I don't have any labor things I'm not looking forward to the second time around because I had a c/s last time and I'm hoping for a VBAC this time.

I'm not looking forward to the sleepless nights (I'm just hoping that I'll get a little more sleep with one newborn that I did with two). My toddler twins are napping less and less often and I am really terrified of being so incredibly exhausted from a newborn and then having two crazy 3 year old boys running around all day leaving me zero time to rest. I'm also nervous about how they will transition to having a baby around all the time.

krispy83 · August 2014

Sciatica, back and hip pain in the last few months. Just could not get/stay comfortable.

Labor, obvs. Ditto the nurses pushing down on your abdomen/uterus after!

Growth spurts and sleep regressions.

Cluster feeding. My boobs hurt just thinking about that.

TEETHING!!! DS just finally cut his last molar a couple of weeks ago and I'm so glad to be done.. just to start it all over again in a year.

All the sleep interruptions. DS didn't STTN until he was 2. I'm terrified for another crappy sleeper.

The 45 min nap intruder.

digwriter · August 2014

I actually look forward to the nurses pushing down on my belly. The last time no one ever came. Two weeks later I was in emergency with massive hemorrhaging. Passed a liver sized clot in the middle of the emerg waiting area. Talk about nightmares. I'm also very worried about that happening again.

psychobutthead · August 2014

digwriter said:
I actually look forward to the nurses pushing down on my belly. The last time no one ever came. Two weeks later I was in emergency with massive hemorrhaging. Passed a liver sized clot in the middle of the emerg waiting area. Talk about nightmares. I'm also very worried about that happening again.

just gonna warn you when they do it take your pants off and make sure you`re on a chuck because you're going to pee everywhere.

ckimberley14 · August 2014

I'm with y'all on the first PP poop. I'll never, ever forget that. Makes me cringe just to think about it now!!

In the same boat with you, @thegoodpotato‌ about looking after 3. My girls will be a few months shy of their 2nd birthday when baby #3 arrives. They're very attached to me since I'm with them 24/7, so I worry about how they will handle a newborn demanding most of my attention.

RLP--it was horrendous even during second tri and I was miserable even with a support sling. Maybe it won't be as bad this time since I'm carrying a singleton? (crossing fingers)

bookworm982 · August 2014

Sleep deprivation. DD didn't sleep through the night until a the week of her first birthday. DS was still getting up 4-5 times a night a couple weeks ago, but he's down to 1-2 times now, and he'll be one a week from today. I'm only going to get a tiny break before starting all over with #3. Really, I can handle everything else, but I really want to sleep sound stretches again.

mandamoochie · August 2014

Im scared about being home with 2. All day long. How do i watch a toddler when im exhausted from being up every 2 hrs...ill take advice on that one ladies.

Really not looking forward to the zombie like 3 months. DS has always been a good sleeper and I know im gonna get a terror of a sleeper this time. I barely handled with a good sleeper.

blondemarmot · August 2014

The touching! All the goddamn touching. I work in retail and the amount of customers who have walked toward me with their hands drifting to my gigantic stomach. *shudder* They're lucky I don't work with big knives anymore.

A vacuum extraction again. That was rough. Only got to 9 1/2 cm and Squeaker had a 34 cm head.

That first poop after labor. I didn't get an epi during labor but I wanted one then.

The itchy crack. It's a sore, bloody mess down there and it itched like I was wearing a burlap pad. Couldn't scratch it, could only spray the numbing stuff on it.

Getting 2 babies ready in the morning before work. 3 if you count the husband. 5 if you count the dogs. Crap, I'm exhausted thinking about it.

Mrsgclark81 · August 2014

Contractions are the devil's children...I swear!

t8keepr03 · August 2014

I'm not looking forward to standing up and peeing for the first time after birth, looked like a murder scene in the bathroom when I was done... Not looking forward to the PP poop either. I felt like I was giving birth again and I was home alone with a screaming newborn. That wasn't fun. I am not looking forward to when the epidural starts to wear off and feeling comes back. I am also not looking forward to sitting down after and no one ever told me my feet and ankles would be more swollen PP than they were during pregnancy. I am not looking forward to being home alone with a newborn and a 1 and a half year old.

PeaceofKia · August 2014

Juggling attention between DD and the twins. She's been the only child and grandchild for six years and now she's getting two siblings and two cousins all within weeks of each other!

boob engorgement if BFing doesn't work out.

Having two newborns vs. One.

I've had hip surgery since having daughter and it's already beginning to hurt, so I'm terrified of increased pain as the twins growth.

Bedrest if my irritable uterus issue returns with this pregnancy.

So not ready for the financial shifts about to take place.

Labor wasn't too bad for me even though it ended up in emergency c section, so that's actually the least of my worries this time around. Weird.

srcr2011 · August 2014

All of the above, especially the first PP poop and wondering how my son will adjust. Also, the first couple weeks of BFing. OMGOODNESS, that hurt sooo bad. I had a LC check the latch and it was a great latch. It just felt like shards of glass. Also, the great uterine pain when nursing. I swear it was worse than contractions. At least with contractions, I got a little break between them. 4 weeks of complete misery.

mommy510 · August 2014

I'm not to worried about labor. Even the first PP poop wasn't that bad for me.

I hope I don't tear! Stitches are the worst and the healing is so much longer.

Most of the things I'm not looking forward to are pregnancy related.
I am dreading heartburn.
And the discomfort of not being able to sleep at night because of the huge belly.
The painful kicks/ baby under my ribs.
The sheer exhaustion of being 38+ weeks pregnant.

kimmykaye · August 2014

Being put on hospital bed rest again (I have 3 kiddos at home). Going into preterm labor again at 26 weeks. First time standing up after the c/s. Definitely the first poop (stool softeners will be your new BFF). Getting mastitis again (not sure I spelled it right), it's NOT fun. That's about all I can think of right now.

babybou3 · August 2014

The post delivery contractions are the worst for me. I don't ask for an epidural for the labor portion, but hook me up for after..or at least some good pain meds to take the edge off.

KMommytobe · August 2014

Take your stool softener as directed by hospital staff and you won't have any issues popping after lol at least I didn't.

For me I guess it's the pain of labor itself. With my first I had 3 failed epidurals (I can't even describe the pain) and with my second I didn't get the epidural until between 6 & 8 cm. so definitely "suffered" way longer than planned both times, though my second was leaps and bounds a better birth experience.

So I will be going to the hospital at the first feeling of labor (waited an hour as directed last time and it was just too long, progressed way too fast) and hoping to get that epidural asap.

Post partum bleeding and care really wasnt a huge deal for me. I mean it's not fun but the little bottle of warm water to squirt on yourself as you pee and such is a life safer (especially if you tore) so definitely will be doing that again. I didn't mind the pads you don't have them forever... Really for me it's just getting the baby OUT. I can handle things after lol

Oh and being a stay at home mom to 3 children under the age of 4 - yikes! This baby was a total surprise but my oldest will be in preschool twice a week and at his grandmas once so hopefully I will do okay. I will figure it out one way or another!

KMommytobe · August 2014

thegoodpotato said:
Mostly just how it's going to be handling a newborn with two other kids. I think I did pretty decently with #2, but I only had one other kid to look out for. I think three is going to be a huge challenge, and I'm not sure I can handle that....

Right there with you! We will figure it out though!

anxiousmommy85 · August 2014

I am one of those women who seems to love pregnancy even with all of its myriad discomforts, including labor, delivery, and its aftermath, so nothing there, though uterine massages and first postpartum bowel movements are definitely unpleasant.

I'm concerned about Hobbit's sleep habits and DD's adjustment. She'll have been an only in the house for almost 5 1/2 years by the time LO arrives, so I'm sure that will be a little rough on her learning to share all her people and a chunk of her space.

I also detest the belly and the baby touching, but I generally go with wearing warning signs and then letting others take a hint. For example, my out myself shirt is a tshirt that reads "touch the belly, lose a hand" and I'm hoping to make a sling with nursing cover for baby that comes with a "potentially breastfeeding" sign.

ConstanceGoodspeed · August 2014

Tearing and the stitches, they took forever to heal and hurt for at least two weeks. I had 30+ stitches holding my crotch together.

Then having sex for the first time pp was worse than losing my virginity; I was so tight and it took several tries before we were "successful."

mom2xover2002 · August 2014

Starting all over
Pumping at work
1st PP poop or pee
Nurses touching my stomach
Family members (his family) wanting to in the room post birth constatntly or being loud (they aren't quiet people)
Parenting a teen and a preteen with a newborn in the house
Not sleeping at night again after FINALLY getting the now 12 yr old to sleep all night (sleep issues with autism and adhd)

jennjilljo · August 2014

Not looking forward to not eating for hours while in labor (hopefully labor is way shorter thus time). Having to sit on ice packs just to feel more comfortable, the discomfort of getting used to all new hardware based on how it's sewn back together, a toddler and an infant at the same time, the cost of diapers for the next few years, invasive personal questions about how "it" feels. I am looking forward to sleeping on my stomach though.

anamculbertson · August 2014

How hard it is to lose the baby weight.
The fact that your baby probably won't sleep the 16 hours books like to tell you they sleep. My first NEVER slept. And if she did they were like 15 minutes power nap!
If you CHOOSE to breast feed, your baby may not want too. And it's a hard realization for some moms!
You're still a great mom even if your personal choice is not to breastfeed!
It can HURT!
Your nipples will crack & bleed.
You will be too tired for sex. For AWHILE! And it's normal.
You may not bond with your baby right away. Again it's normal for some women & you'll get there eventually.
And the best advice I can give to you is please do not take a mirror & look at how your vagina has changed since you delivered. It will go back to normal but you will freak the f out if you see what it looks like after pushing out a watermelon!

mamabisme · August 2014

My first two were csections (this one will be too). I honestly can't complain about the deliveries or recoveries at all. My complaint is the whole newborn phase. Not sleeping, having something attached to my boob practically 24/7, the constant flooding of poop/spit-up...nope. Hate it. I hate the newborn phase. I love kids. I even love babies. I do not enjoy newborns. It gets better (obviously) but when you are in the newborn phase it feels like it will never end.

mamabisme · August 2014

thegoodpotato said:
Mostly just how it's going to be handling a newborn with two other kids. I think I did pretty decently with #2, but I only had one other kid to look out for. I think three is going to be a huge challenge, and I'm not sure I can handle that....

Slightly worried about this too. We are about to be officially outnumbered. As of now, if both kids start losing their shit, we can easily divide and conquer. What do we do when there are three?

phisigangel28 · August 2014

I'm not looking forward to the possibility of another c-section (hoping for a vbac).

I'm down right terrified of the thought of being a SAHM to a 2 1/2 year old and a newborn soon after coming home from the hospital (my husband likely won't be home for more than a day or 2 and I'm not sure how long my mom will be here to help). There will be more of them than me

(

I'm not looking forward to trying to take both lids out to my daughter's activities by myself.

crabigator · August 2014

My daughter's first six months were so bad that we decided back then that instead of two kids, we'd just stay with one. It took us years to change our minds back, which is the real reason that our kids will be 3.5 years apart. So that's the special hell I'm dreading the most this time: the months-long slog of endless crying, fussing, no-sleeping, changing, feeding, with no communication from the baby, and wanting to wring her neck... except that I also want desperately to protect her against all harm.

Also: the damn second-guessing and heavy guilt about every decision we would make re: the newborn. I'm really hoping that's gone -- or at least not as strong -- this time around though.

psychobutthead · August 2014

Im also not looking forward to dealing with an umbilical cord falling off and nasty tar like newborn poop.

WanderingA · August 2014

I am honestly most worried about the car ride while in labor. I forgot about most of the pain right away but I do remember how horrible the ride to the birth center was when having contractions every 2 minutes.

I'm also worried about balancing my time between my toddler and a newborn AND finding time to finish my degree. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to not sleep at all in 2015.

AF9211 · August 2014

So I'm not really sure if this counts as something I'm not looking forward to, but I just can't shake the feeling that if we find out this baby is another girl, I won't feel the same about her as I do DD1. We have a special bond and she's my #1. I feel like if this baby is a boy, then we will have a relationship that's just as special as mine & DD's, but at the same time it will be different because he's my son and she's my daughter. Anyone else dealing/dealt with this? @thegoodpotato, I know you have 2 daughters and are expecting your 3rd little one, did you ever have any feelings like this?

chicagojackie · August 2014

-Leg cramps and lightning vagina pains in 3T. Oh, and sciatica. With a 2 year old to watch. Hmmm.
-Hurting my hemorrhoid (which is finally under control) with another vaginal delivery (and then a poop, argh).
-Losing the baby weight, again.
-Being a hermit in my house in a cold chicago winter with a new baby.

thegoodpotato · August 2014

@AF9211‌ it's definitely hard. But they're completely different children, so you love them in different ways. I do admit to having a much more difficult relationship with Amanda. Marnie takes after me in many ways. Amanda is much more like her father.

I'm not sure if I'm being encouraging here. I know I had the same fears going in, but they were completely unfounded once she hot here. You just love them differently because they're them, and not the other, but still a part of you.

kavydz · August 2014

I hope we don't have another colic baby. 6 months of constant crying and breast feeding nonstop. It's just tiring mentally. Feeling cooped up was the worst part for me. I like to be out doing things, not sitting on the couch breast feeding alllll day (this was my kid who was extreme with it...) It feels lonely. And feb in a cold state will be even worse (hello infant in negative weather? Yeah ok). But, hopefully it's an easier baby and it's more fun. Anyways, keep the eye on the post six months fun

MrsTucker2011 · August 2014

Not looking forward to strangers doing the belly grab. No touchy!
Labor- everything about it is messy business.
The whole PP party downstairs - pads, spray, ice, etc.
And the hormonal rollercoaster afterwards. I hated feeling like I couldn't control my emotions! I cried because we missed the carpool lane last time. :-/

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