1) You keep saying that an invite was sent to her. As far as she knew, it wasn't. She didn't receive it.
2) I would be hella pissed if I had made arrangements to purchase nursery furniture with someone else and found out they they had alrady purchased part of it without so much as a phone call. Your mother was incredibly rude for doing that. 100% in the wrong and there is no way you can justify the fact that she didn't even make a phone call to your mil.
3) Your sister's comment was really immature. And why do you care of your mil and your sister are no longer fb friends? It is only facebook.
You need to stop holding your family up to a different standard than you hold her, it is not fair.
khanley1980 said:As a psychologist, it sounds as though she may have a personality disorder. I would look up/research/go see a therapist to find out the best way to handle her. It does involve not reacting to her AT ALL. Tough stuff. She will likely never see the error of her ways. People with personality disorders tend to drive everyone around them nuts but never see it themselves.
As a psychologist, it sounds as though she may have a personality disorder. I would look up/research/go see a therapist to find out the best way to handle her. It does involve not reacting to her AT ALL. Tough stuff. She will likely never see the error of her ways. People with personality disorders tend to drive everyone around them nuts but never see it themselves.
jenjenbrassard said:Did everyone just ignore the part where I said I got some perspective and that we may BOTH be in the wrong and that there was lack of communication on my mother's part? After I found out about the phone call about the nursery I repeatedly told her how much I would like to go out shopping with her. Been telling her since day 1 how much I want her involved, but, like I said, there's only so much that I can do to involve her and she needs to meet me halfway and EXPRESS VERBALLY to us if she's feeling left out, but she doesn't. I'm not a mind reader. Also, to outright accuse someone you barely know of deliberately not inviting you to something we've only been talking to you about for months isn't rude? Instead of coming to me and asking me or even asking her what happened she went behind my back to everyone else in her family who all told her she needed to get the whole story. Instead she continued to accuse.I'm definitely not perfect and she and I have had differences in the past where I ended up telling her that I was wrong. DH, in this instance, is feeling the same way I am. To him this was a big weekend. He does not have a father, His father passed away from cancer when he was 13 so the only one he has is his mom. All he wanted was for his mother to come and be joyful and celebrate with us. He feels she could've just waited a little bit longer so he could enjoy that he's having a son. If that's selfish, so be it.Instead, we were put in the middle of EVERYTHING. Instead of speaking with the parties who upset her, she came to US and put it all on us, just like she does when she has a disagreement with anyone. It can be a lot to handle sometimes. We are constantly put in the middle and are sick of it. We explained to her during the wedding planning process when she was having issues with her other kids and only ever called us to complain about someone that we couldn't be put in the middle of every conflict. She never once called to find out how we were doing. And we are afraid it's continuing.We have no problem with her confiding in us if she needs to. But instead of dealing with people she ignores it and then we are thrown into everything and have even been told in the past not to talk to someone just because they upset her.It's a lot of stress to be put in the middle. I would not have been as upset if she had decided to confront and discuss the situation with whomever upset her.
Did everyone just ignore the part where I said I got some perspective and that we may BOTH be in the wrong and that there was lack of communication on my mother's part?
Okay so you have a dramatic mother in law. I relate but as it has been pointed out you married her son. Even though he may have irriation with her trust me it probably hurts him that everyone can't just get along. This is what I have learned in my life at 42 being married a second time in dealing with in laws. I don't live close to them, I express my needs, I consider their needs, like someone said I pick my battles. I learned that for any argument or issue there are always two parties participating. It is very easy to point fingers and blame even if the other person is in the wrong but I have learned there is always a part I play into or help create. If I look at my part and change what I can in my attitude and behavior (which often trust me is difficult because I married a man who is the baby) it shifts things. If there is not some common ground found it won't be just you or your husband that suffers but your child will pick up on this and miss out and it won't be all MIL that has had a part. Do your best to include her and when it is all said and done like with the invite let her be her. She obviously loves drama and is creating it because you are participating and getting mad to get the attention she is seeking. There should be boundaries and you do not have to explain however you should be considerate and think would I want to be done this way no matter how insignificant it is in your mind treat it as if it isn't. I am sure there are things that you find important others would find insignificant but do you want to be treated as such. Explain to your family about inclusion as someone said it is just good manners that if you include her in say buying baby furniture and she sees you bought something that you didn't communicate. Obviously she doesn't have the coping skills to process and let it go so treat her in a sense as if she doesn't but with respect. It all sounds like there is a lack of communication from you, your family and his family. Also I noticed you asked for advice by posting on a forum but when the truth and advice is given I can sense your not open because you have 'reason's'. I have learned and still learned anytime I inject but they, but this, then I am not open for solution and want to be right in the problem and I have really good friends that help me to see this. Drama, stubbornness and lack of communication killed my first marriage and two wonderful kids were caught in the middle and I still deal with it. I am remarried and have found issues with every family including my own who often I am sorry to say will make errors and aren't perfect. We have limits and boundaries and trust me, my husband, his family and I visit them but when I squarely sit down and view my part in creating the mess and initiating the bad behavior from the other side then I have something to work with. I try to be honest and open with my MIL and I can see some very co-dependent behavior but I learned to deal with it and walk away when I need, communicate my feelings which can't be argued, acknowledge her feelings which are very real to her no matter how dramatic (most of it stems from old past stuff) and try to forgive and include. Yes she sounds selfish but I find in the past somewhere I probably and most other others too stepped on the toes of others and they retaliate as I would if they stepped in mine. Maybe apologize for lack of communication, admit your part which is pretty hard but mature, and move forward with the motivation to communicate better. You can't change others but can learn to live with difficult people if you find your okay with you then people won't get to you as much. Look at the ages you all are acting with the nah nah boo boo thing, your mother in law behavior, your mother, your husband, and your own behavior and treat it as such. Some of it sounds like a toddler, sorry if that is harsh but we all have been there. Would you treat a toddler that way if so well your in for an awakening with this baby because how you act will be reflected in his/her attitude and as my mother told me you get to see what you are like. They mimic your attitudes, Here is a great poem to remember when dealing with adults, children or the your own behavior and then maybe giving a little forgiveness:
Children Learn What They LiveBy Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Bliss+Berry said: mommy5point0 said: OP, do you regret asking now? ETA: not finger pointing, but I am willing to bet this didn't shake down like you imagined it would...and FWIW I would be avoiding anyone who shows histrionic tendencies after this.
mommy5point0 said: OP, do you regret asking now? ETA: not finger pointing, but I am willing to bet this didn't shake down like you imagined it would...and FWIW I would be avoiding anyone who shows histrionic tendencies after this.
when my husband and I were about to get married our priest sat down with us and literally told us. Husbands handle his parents, wife handles theirs. If you say something to her, she'll never forget or forgive it. If her son comes to her and says something she doesnt necessarily want to hear, she'll forgive her own child. Dont put yourself in the line of fire. My MIL is the queen of maniuplation and guilt trips. My husband is her only child. LUCKY ME! but the best thing you can do is make him handle it. You're his wife, and he needs to be on your side of things. You're MIL is being dramatic and is just trying to get the pity attention from people. Dont give it to her. It's like a child when they start acting crazy, it's for attention. dont give it to them and they eventually give up and realize it's not getting the result they want. GL
TTC since 11/11. 10 months natural= 10 BFN 8/12 First appt with RE 4 semen anaylsis later 1.9 million count, 21% motility and very poor morphology Me- bloodwork, 2 ultrasounds, HSG exam =I'm fine / 3 months of testosterone treatments = 3 more BFN DH bloodwork after 3 months treatment= no change/
RE says we can continue with hormone treatment for MIF, RE says we can try IUI but doesn't expect the results to be good based on severe MIF/
IVFw/ICSI Cycle #1 1/11/13 Antagonist Protocol IVF Cycle #1 Canceled due to poor response and lead follicle problems. 1/18/13 started Provera to get body back to baseline / take a break to re-evaluate and recoop finances
IVFw/ICSI Cycle #2 4/13/14 Supressed with Estrace for 7 days. / Started injections 4/22/14. Baseline -0 follicles Started 75iu menapur/150iu follistim, morning and evening injections ER- 8 Retrieved, 7M, 7F, 5/8 transferred2 Good 8 and 9 cell Embryos. Beta #1 at 11dp3dt 67! I'm pregnant! Beta #2 174! Ultrasound scheduled 6/6/14
Ultrasound on 6/6 confirmed a singleton pregnancy and a heartbeat, although my iradic breathing would allow us to get the rate. Second ultrasound measured great and got to hear he heartbeat!! 176 bpm Graduating to my OBGYN with our next appointment with them being 7/23/14
khanley1980 said:So I took down my post since a few if you were so offended! It was just a suggestion guys. If you react so strongly to a silly online forum I can't imagine how you must react to true problems in your lives! Your poor families! Y'all need to relax and remember this forum is meant to be supportive.
So I took down my post since a few if you were so offended! It was just a suggestion guys. If you react so strongly to a silly online forum I can't imagine how you must react to true problems in your lives! Your poor families! Y'all need to relax and remember this forum is meant to be supportive.
So I took down my post since a few if you were so offended! It was just a suggestion guys.
If you react so strongly to a silly online forum I can't imagine how you must react to true problems in your lives! Your poor families! Y'all need to relax and remember this forum is meant to be supportive.
I post on the multiples board but just wanted to say that I can understand your MIL being upset about the nursery furniture because I had something similar happen to me back in April. I co-hosted a friends shower with 2 other ladies that I did not know. They wanted to go in on the shower gift and get a gift card but I had already gotten the mother-to-be a gift. We all agreed (a one-time agreement) that we would still give a combined gift...we would give the item I purchased plus a small gift card and it would be from all of us. I brought the gift wrapped and another co-host had the gift card in an envelope. They were not taped together but I made sure the mother-to-be knew the wrapped gift was from all the hosts. Imagine my surprise when she opened the card with the gift card and there was no acknowledgement of me being a contributor. Then after she read the card, one of the co-hosts tells her the gift card was only from the her, the other host, and the mom of the mother-to-be. The situation certainly irritated the heck out of me. Since I did not know the other co-hosts, I chose to just leave it alone at that time.
My advice would be for you to at least acknowledge your MILs feelings about the situation or others as they come up. You don't have to agree with her but sometimes just hearing someone and acknowledging how they feel can be therapeutic for that person.