Hey guys, didn't know where to put this, but since this is happening during my 2nd trimester I decided to put it here.
My mother in law has always had problems getting along with her kids (my husband excluded, for some reason), but I never fully understood why...until now.
We invited her down for our gender reveal party about a month ago and that's where things started going wrong. My sister was in charge of the party because this is her first nephew and she's been super excited since she found out we were expecting. I collected all the addresses from DH's side of the family and since the majority of them live about 6 hours away we didn't expect most of them to show up, but we wanted them to have an invite anyway - as a keepsake if that's what they wanted to do with it.
Well from the moment she found out about the party and that my sister would be the only one who knew the gender in advance (since she was the one planning the surprise) my mother-in-law would often complain and say "well that's not right". She even went as far to accuse my sister of deliberately not sending her an invite because she obviously must not have wanted her at the party when the invite got sent back because the address was wrong. It could very well have been my sister's handwriting or maybe I got part of the address wrong. But to my MIL it's "clear" that my sister has something against her.
And it gets worse. We were counting on my MIL being at the party since DH is her youngest and this is his first child. But up until 2 days before the party she still wasn't sure if she would be there because "you never know what could happen."
Well, the day of the party came and when she got there she didn't say a word to anyone. She even pitched a mini-fit when she found out I dyed my hair (which my doctor assured me was safe in moderation) and was so shocked that I would potentially harm my baby like that. Thank goodness she waited until we were alone before saying that.
Now here's what is really driving me nuts and stressing me out.
Two nights ago my MIL came over to visit because she was going to be leaving in 2 days and wanted to spend some time with us. When we showed her our son's nursery and she saw everything my family had bought for us as gifts she lost it. My cousins had bought us a bassinet and a bouncer and my mom had bought us a baby swing and a change table.
I was then told that she had made arrangements with my mom that everyone on her side (herself included) as well as my mom would pool their money together and buy us our nursery furniture as a shower gift. My mom had bought the change table, used, from my cousin's friend who was going to sell it the next day and we had to make a decision then and there whether or not we wanted it. And seeing as I didn't know about this arrangement my MIL had with my mom I told my mom to go ahead and buy it.
The entire visit all my MIL could keep saying was "I don't get why she would do something like this." and "I called her about this and we were going to go together, I don't understand." despite how many times I tried to explain that my mom was just trying to do something nice and we had no time to discuss it with anyone because we had to make a decision. It was ONE piece of furniture for the actual nursery and my mom hasn't even looked at any other furniture yet. It was only bought because it was a good deal.
I then came home from work yesterday and DH said we needed to talk about something. His mother had called him and told him she doesn't want anything to do with anything my family plans for the baby. She has also unfriended my sister on facebook for an innocent post she made about having a baby nephew on the way, which said "I'm going to have a baby nephew...nanni nanni boo boo." to which my MIL replied with "lol" before unfriending her. The post was only made because the majority of people who knew about my pregnancy thought I was going to have a girl, and my sister isn't one to write harmful things on her facebook. Everything is usually upbeat and about things she does from day to day.
She also apparently criticized the games my sister had chosen to have everyone play at the gender reveal.....and also criticized the flowers she bought me as a gift.
She took offense to the a comment my aunt had made about having to change the date of our family Christmas party this year since my son is due 5 days before the party, and seeing as this is my first pregnancy, he will probably be late and it would be nice if he could attend his first Christmas party. My MIL took this as rubbing it in her face, even after we invited her to spend Christmas day with us and my parents this year for our son's first Christmas. We wanted all grandparents there.
Up until now she has made no attempt to be part of any baby events with the exception of asking to help with my shower when we first announced we were expecting, to which we answered that we would ask for her help once it got closer. My shower is still 3 months away and no planning has been done yet.
I do NOT feel like my parents have to ask her permission to buy anything to my son and she has been more than welcome to purchase items for him had she wanted to. I have always tried to keep her updated on my pregnancy so she wouldn't feel left out and spoke to her about the shower and told her that it would be nice if she could help out. However, she hasn't mentioned to me, or any of my family any ideas or even wanting to do anything yet.
She does this at every major event. For our engagement party last year she claimed that no one wanted her there (even though she received an invite) and opted not to go. At our wedding last September she made a fuss about her hair and about how her kids (who she never speaks to) didn't talk to her all night even though she had a great time with my uncle and DH's best man's parents and reminds us about how upset she was all the time.
Every time she comes to visit she takes something my parents or sister said or did and finds a way to turn it around to make it look offensive to her. She is always talking about how DH will always be her baby.
I am at my wits end and I cannot handle the stress this is putting on me. I am at the point where I don't want her around when my son is born or after we are home from the hospital. It is too much for me to handle.
Has anyone else had in-laws like this?? How did you handle it??