FFFC

jaztastic · August 2014

Well damn (just went and read more on this thread) what is up with in laws?!! And family in general... Is everybody BSC!!

bhjones1980 · August 2014

jennwilhoite said:

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors. I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave. At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

This seems easy - Don't tell her you are in labor until after the fact. Does she live with you or something that she would find out anyway?

Alternatively, can't you give her the job of taking care of DS - who 'can't' be at the hospital when you are laboring? that would also be an easy solution.
This. And tell the staff that you don't want her there during delivery. They should be helpful. My SIL had this same problem but couldn't do anything about it because our MIL was a nurse in another ward at the hospital and our step-MIL worked in records so not only did she have 2 unwanted visitors but a fight broke out. GL with her.

I have no idea how she got in the first time since she wasn't on my list of two approved labor people. she just showed up.

She really doesnt have an option to watch DS since she wouldnd't stay at our house (weird like that) and bringing all his stuff to her house makes no sense when MY mom would just stay with us to watch him.

not telling her is also not a great option, DH and his mother are business partners which adds a whole lot of complication to their relationship. She is SO sensitive and holds grudges about the smallest thing, and since he doesnt want to deal with that passive aggressiveness on a daily basis it is easier NOT to ruffle her feathers.

lizjennings81 · August 2014

mommy510 said:

This is my mom! I asked her to watch DS1 when I was in labor with #2 because I didn't want anyone in the room except DH. (There was a roomful for my first birth and I didn't want that again.) Well, she found someone else to watch DS1 so that she could come to the hospital for the big event and showed up right after I got my epidural and I was just going to sleep. (She was there to stop the epidural. No. Just no.) I didn't even realize she was there until I woke up and it was time to push. It was super annoying to wake up and see her there smiling at me. My first thought was, "What did you do with DS1? Is he here too?"

Holy crap. I know this was your mom, but in my version I can't imagine anything worse than waking up to see my ILs smiling down at me. I'd be afraid I was about to be dragged to hell.

bhjones1980 · August 2014

And I bow out, JazTaz wins BSC MIL award

holy hell!

jennjilljo · August 2014

@bhjones1980‌ I am sorry. That sounds terrible. You guys are making me feel good about being 4 hours from the nearest family member.

pitdigger · August 2014

You all are making me really thankful for my MIL, who's only fault is that she's a bit of a drama queen and I wish she would stop comparing my pregnancy to SIL's whenever we talk, because it's not much of a conversation.

MIL: How do you feel?

me: Fine. Things seem pretty good.

MIL: Your SIL just had to buy the giant bottle of tums because her heartburn is so bad and she's been so sick and exhausted.

me: ... Well, this conversation seems over.

summerandmatt · August 2014

@kbelly777‌ I'm sorry, that is such a rough situation >:D<

My FFFC is that I sort of hope this LO will be another girl. I'd love to just shut up all the people asking if we were "trying to get that boy" by saying, we are SO excited to have a trio of girls!! We genuinely would be happy either way, and we wanted 3 children regardless of gender. These people that think you need a son to have a complete family (or vice versa) or that there's no reason to have more than 2 if you have "one of each" are seriously close to a TP.

kbelly777 · August 2014

summerandmatt said:

@kbelly777‌ I'm sorry, that is such a rough situation >:D< My FFFC is that I sort of hope this LO will be another girl. I'd love to just shut up all the people asking if we were "trying to get that boy" by saying, we are SO excited to have a trio of girls!! We genuinely would be happy either way, and we wanted 3 children regardless of gender. These people that think you need a son to have a complete family (or vice versa) or that there's no reason to have more than 2 if you have "one of each" are seriously close to a TP.

thank you.

ambernicole06 · August 2014

bhjones1980 said:

sugahcookie01 said:

bhjones1980 said:

when it comes to just me, i really have no preference of boy or girl for this baby.

BUT part of me is leaning towards a boy just so it will shut my MIL and SIL up.

Backstory: This will be the 8th (and last) grandchild for my MIL and FIL (DH is the youngest of three), and there are 6 boys and 1 girl.

MIL and SIL will NOT shut up about how this "better be a girl" since it is her "last shot", which makes me irate since she HAS a grand daughter (who is 4) but because both MIL and SIL dont really get a long with my other SIL (DH's brothers wife) or how she raises her daughter (i.e. she doesnt dress her in the frilly outfits my MIL buys for her, lets her be tomboyish, etc.) it is like that Grand daughter doesn't COUNT.

THIS.

Oh my god. So, my MIL is constantly telling us that the baby needs to be a girl, because she has one other grandchild who is a boy. She KNOWS that DH and I would actually prefer a boy slightly since my husband is the last boy of his name, though we would obviously be happy with both. Does she give a shit about what we think/want? NOPE.

Here are jackass things she has said, either to me or my SIL who has related it to me . . .

"You know, if your baby is a girl, she'll get to be the first of SOMETHING since she'd be MY FIRST GRANDAUGHTER!" My parents already have a grandson and granddaughters. Thanks MIL. Guess my baby won't be special unless it has a vagina.
"The baby has to be a girl because my sister has a grandaughter and I hate her trying to act like she is better than Jack (her grandson)!" I sincerely hope my baby can end your sibling war, MIL. It's the only reason I got knocked up, in fact!
"Well, I DO need a complete set!" Symmetry is important. I totally get it!
And my personal favorite, told to me by SIL . . . "I hope the baby is a girl because Jack will always be my favorite grandson no matter what." Oh. Okay . . .
So, basically if the baby is a boy she is already saying she will love him less because she doesn't WANT another boy for entirely selfish reasons. If it's a girl I won't be able to keep her off my back about it, either.

So fuck you, MIL.

ewww, just ewwwww

My MIL has lectured me about how my husband and I need to be married 5 years before we have kids yet when my BIL gets married and says they aren't waiting long she never says a freaking word! I'm like seriously?!?! Plus she tried to get my SIL to name her most recent baby her maiden name to keep the family name going... Ummm excuse me? You still have 2 sons that have no children to carry on the family name thank you I'm so sorry if my vagina is not as special as your daughters but come on now! Also my SIL has 4 sons and my MIL is dying for our baby to be a boy. I'm like you don't even have a granddaughter yet H and I plan on having 4 kids as well I mean surely we will get one of each (even thought my SIL didn't) but ugh super annoying MILs!!! Oh and she is mad a co worker is giving me a basically brand new crib and changing table because she said she was going to buy me all my furniture excuse me? You have known I was pregnant for 4 weeks now you should've mentioned it maybe but nope. Instead she is literally pouting over it.

I love mother in law rants lol

HerHighness · August 2014

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors. I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave. At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

I told nurses beforehand that i only wanted my mom and DH in the delivery room after a certain point. They were awesome!a they even put a sign on the door that said no more that 2 visitors at a time specifically to keep people the fuck out of there. They can come see me after i have the kid.

FlowerPower16 · August 2014

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors. I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave. At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

Don't call them until the baby is born. That's what we did, otherwise my MIL would have done the exact same thing.

FlowerPower16 · August 2014

jaztaz1 said:

Confession/Rant... I'm so annoyed that DH reached out to his mother (they had a huge fight and stopped speaking for months). Now she knows about the baby, and is being a diva grandmother. I want to unleash the internal bitch on her so bad but out of respect for DH I'm biting my tongue. Who says... "If you don't agree with when I want to see my grandchild I'll just take you to court for custody" . When H laughed and asked how she planned to do that, her response was "You think it's a joke now, until I report you to child services for being an unfit parent".... It took the holy angels to stop me from flipping my shit. I really really dislike her. Ugh

umm...WTF! That is crazy talk. Hopefully that comment will make your H not want to communicate with her anymore.

PikoPiko · August 2014

My rant with my MIL pales in comparison to you ladies'.

I just feel she's annoying me daily with emails, telling me you should buy this and that. DH and I are looking at a new car, she's bombarding us with emails several times a day telling me which one to get exactly. Half the things she says is just downright stupid. (Example, no-one should ever buy leather because it's expensive). God sake, it's not her money and it's not her baby, not her car, not her life, she needs to chill the f out. I feel she's infringing into my life and I want to make the decisions for us, not her.

She has been filtered from my gmail now. I don't plan on inviting her to Thanksgiving or Christmas at my house, DH doesn't know yet.

</rant>

mommy510 · August 2014

lizjennings81 said:

mommy510 said:

This is my mom! I asked her to watch DS1 when I was in labor with #2 because I didn't want anyone in the room except DH. (There was a roomful for my first birth and I didn't want that again.) Well, she found someone else to watch DS1 so that she could come to the hospital for the big event and showed up right after I got my epidural and I was just going to sleep. (She was there to stop the epidural. No. Just no.) I didn't even realize she was there until I woke up and it was time to push. It was super annoying to wake up and see her there smiling at me. My first thought was, "What did you do with DS1? Is he here too?"

Holy crap. I know this was your mom, but in my version I can't imagine anything worse than waking up to see my ILs smiling down at me. I'd be afraid I was about to be dragged to hell.

That was exactly how it felt! And the light was right behind her head, so she had this weird aura.

CatLadyTX · August 2014

@jaztaz1, What in the everloving F is wrong with your MIL?

PikoPiko · August 2014

I hope everyone here is taking notes on what not to do when we're MILs ourselves!!!!

bhjones1980 · August 2014

PikoPiko said:

I hope everyone here is taking notes on what not to do when we're MILs ourselves!!!!

Scoff... my little prince will never find someone who loves him as much as I do.....

*creepy overbearing MIL to be*

PikoPiko · August 2014

I wish I could post a picture of my MIL to go with the story above about waking up to see MIL smiling at you, but I've promised DH that I will not show pics of her around as horror stories anymore... I assure you she is quite the sight, I'd surely have a heart attack on the spot if she ever shows up in my dreams.

stefani103 · August 2014

My FFFC was that I think I fell asleep before setting the alarm, so the hubs had a late start today. He was still at work on time, but he wasn't happy. (Literally, I passed out last night. I woke up at 6am still wearing my glasses.)

But wow. I'm quite terrified of all of your ILs. I am suddenly grateful for my over-excited MIL that calls the hubs every day, but leaves me be.

Oh, and as writing this, I just sneezed on my cat. I'm a bad cat mommy.

SNail312` · August 2014

@pitdigger‌ I TOTALLY understand. That's how it is with my younger sister. "Well JESS had terrible ms and was in labor got blah blah blah..." My sister was 18 when she got pregnant, barely had her GED, no job, was living at home and had an on again off again alcoholic boyfriend. I AM NOT ANYTHING LIKE MY SISTER!!! Ugh.

I too like my in laws better than my own parents. My mother chose to respond to my news with discussion of -surprise- my sisters pregnancy and how excited her (my mothers) boyfriend will be. Saweeeet.

SNail312` · August 2014

Second confession:

I'm choosing to have a home birth (not trying to start any debates on here!) and will not be telling my half of the family. (Except my brother whom I'm incredibly close to) Nor will I be calling anyone to let then know I'm in labor. They are all welcome to visit after I've had a little time with my husband and baby. That's when my family will find out about the home birth I suppose because they won't be visiting a hospital!

Maple403 · August 2014

Wow, I feel a lot more positive about my own in laws after reading all your horror stories!!! Holy COW!

my confession:

I'm struggling with self-esteem issues. My hair is super greasy, no matter how much I wash it, because my scalp (and face) is producing a crazy amount of oil. So I am self-conscious that it looks like I never shower. I got some clarifying shampoo and another shampoo my stylist recommended (at CVS, not crazy salon prices) so hopefully that will help. In addition to being a grease monkey, all I see when I look in the mirror is a lumpy, dimpled body that I no longer recognize as mine. I do not have a bump. I am just round all over.

I can't even talk about how I feel about myself because I'm afraid people will think I'm fishing for attention.

I realize that some of this is probably hormonal. On the up side, I keep reminding myself how fantastic my new size-DD boobs are. DH loves them. He loves me. Sex is great (sorry, TMI). I wish I could banish my negative thoughts just by thinking positive thoughts, but it hasn't been very easy.

JessicaxLynn87 · August 2014

Y'all make me incredibly thankful that my family and in-laws are sane. My MIL is very reserved. She helped me in delivering DD. If it weren't for her, I would've fallen apart because my mom became emotional and tried to help but didn't know how. If anything, my mom is the slightly crazy one but I just shut her shit down when she starts and it's okay.

HerHighness · August 2014

Maple403 said:

Wow, I feel a lot more positive about my own in laws after reading all your horror stories!!! Holy COW!

my confession:

I'm struggling with self-esteem issues. My hair is super greasy, no matter how much I wash it, because my scalp (and face) is producing a crazy amount of oil. So I am self-conscious that it looks like I never shower. I got some clarifying shampoo and another shampoo my stylist recommended (at CVS, not crazy salon prices) so hopefully that will help. In addition to being a grease monkey, all I see when I look in the mirror is a lumpy, dimpled body that I no longer recognize as mine. I do not have a bump. I am just round all over.

I can't even talk about how I feel about myself because I'm afraid people will think I'm fishing for attention.

I realize that some of this is probably hormonal. On the up side, I keep reminding myself how fantastic my new size-DD boobs are. DH loves them. He loves me. Sex is great (sorry, TMI). I wish I could banish my negative thoughts just by thinking positive thoughts, but it hasn't been very easy.

Try mixing a little baking soda into your shampoo and applying to the roots of your hair. It does really well with fighting oily scalp and hair. I do it occasionally in the summer but dont do it often because it can extremely drying to the ends.

Maple403 · August 2014

@herhighness - Thanks for the tip, I will try it!

jennjilljo · August 2014

FFFC: just ran into and forgot how much I hate it until right now.

I hate when people plaster how they're amazing parents on things. It seems highly narcissistic to me and if you're kids not at least a teen than we should with hold judgement until we know if your kid turns out alright. I have nothing against these people I just dislike the signs, memes, number stickers, etc. I'm probably just misreading people's intentions a feelings but it's "a thing" for me.

mrsherr22 · August 2014

My SIL (DH's sis) is so self centered and narcissistic! She knew we have been ttc for 3 yrs and last summer at our camping trip she had the nerve to say: doing fertility treatments is really just God's way of saying you shouldn't have kids... I was about ready to pitch her in the fire (she was pregnant at the time and constantly bragging about it. The list of rude comments goes on and on. Well last night she and my In-laws were over at my house visiting for the night and she had the nerve to say I didn't look pregnant and just have a chunky belly. I'm 12 weeks with twins my uterus is already measuring well into the 2nd tri so thanks for being a bi*ch. Also everytime the in-laws would ask a question she would interrupt with her version of pregnancy/birth and so on. I can't stand the lady these days. I never usually post on here but today I've had it! She's 37 years old and had 2 kids no problem now that it's our turn she can't handle it.

psychobutthead · August 2014

I hate when people whose childrens ages combined don't equal DD age try to give me advice. I was pregnant way before you where and your kid is still in diapers and you want to give me advice really?

I also hate when people act like this is my first pregnancy. I notice this is happening alot with DH's family. They'll be like "ohh just wait until" umm yeah I already did that with Hailey so I know how that works.

I also drank a mountain dew and I now feel extremely guilty for it.

stefani103 · August 2014

I have more!

Inspired by @jennwilhoite, I too hate it when people say what grate parents they are. But recently, I want to scream when people claim their children are doing things that I know they are not. Sorry, your child is not speaking words at 3 months. No, I don't have kids, but I do know that's not how it works.

I'm also confessing and flaming myself. I'm terribly socially awkward. Tonight, I ran into a couple we are friends with. The husband was on the phone, so I'm talking to the wife, talking about how I'm on my way to Old Navy for maternity clothes (since there are at least 2 closer stores, but they don't have maternity). Instead of saying how I wear ON now, so that's what I thought I'd try for maternity, nooooooooo, I talk about how I'm plus size in some areas and not others, and that's why I like ON. I mean, really Stef.

mommy510 · August 2014

stefani103 said:
I have more!

Inspired by @jennwilhoite, I too hate it when people say what grate parents they are. But recently, I want to scream when people claim their children are doing things that I know they are not. Sorry, your child is not speaking words at 3 months. No, I don't have kids, but I do know that's not how it works.

I'm also confessing and flaming myself. I'm terribly socially awkward. Tonight, I ran into a couple we are friends with. The husband was on the phone, so I'm talking to the wife, talking about how I'm on my way to Old Navy for maternity clothes (since there are at least 2 closer stores, but they don't have maternity). Instead of saying how I wear ON now, so that's what I thought I'd try for maternity, nooooooooo, I talk about how I'm plus size in some areas and not others, and that's why I like ON. I mean, really Stef.

Lol! This reminds me of when I was in high school. My sister had this shirt that didn't fit her anymore because she had gained a bit in her belly. I also had a shirt that didn't fit me because my breasts had grown (yay!). So we switched shirts, and we thought it was amusing that we had each outgrown a shirt and traded with the other.
Unfortunately, my little brother (he was about 12) overheard us talking about it. We were at a party that night and for some reason my brother had been invited too. I walked into a room full of guys standing around my little brother as he was telling them about our shirt exchange. Of course, they all thought it was hilarious.

KMommytobe · August 2014

kbelly777 said:
@jessicaxlynn87 sorry you had such a rough day. No one is perfect. Try not to beat yourself up. Pregnancy nausea and a screaming toddler would be a struggle for anyone! ((hugs))

My confession: After my DD was born I started completely ignoring my cat. Prior to DD he was my shadow. He'd follow me everywhere and I loved it. Now, I just want him to leave me alone... It's sad, but it's just to much for me. After taking care of DD all day (Nursing her, rocking her, carrying her around, etc) the LAST thing I want to do is pet and hold a cat too. I just want to be left alone and have some personal space.

Feel the same way about our cat and 2 dogs.

KMommytobe · August 2014

kbelly777 said:
i'm not sure this really goes in FFFC but we are on the topic of family being selfish or unexcited about our pregnancies/children so here it goes:

I have an older sister. She has no interest in getting to know my DD. She has never met her, and never called or visited when she was born (granted she lives 10 hours by car away). She has also requested that our mother not mention my DD to her in conversation or show her pictures of my DD when they are together. Once when DD was a newborn I sent her a picture by text that said "hello aunt ***** (this was before I knew how much she would hate that) and all she said was a rant about how I had a bow in DD's hair and how I was forcing gender on her and I shouldn't dress her in pink. Seriously. This sister also chose not to come to my wedding (because she was starting a college semester the next week and didn't want to be tired from traveling) AND told our mother she was mad I was invited (and came to) her wedding a few years later.

it sucks.

Wow that is unbelievable and absolutely ridiculous. I smell jealousy big time

KMommytobe · August 2014

thegoodpotato said:
Everyone would love for this baby to be a boy. There are no boys on either side of the family.

I secretly want another girl. I like having daughters. I couldn't imagine feeling the same about a boy. I'm sure I would.... But I love my girls.

We have 2 boys and everyone we've told so far has expressed how much they want this baby to be a girl! I feel like it puts so much pressure on me. I WOULD love a girl but I am going to feel like I somehow let people down if it's another boy. I wish they kept their opinions to themselves!

KMommytobe · August 2014

lizjennings81 said:

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors. I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave. At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

Argh, that would be panic inducing! I am completely ignorant, how open is L&D that anyone can waltz in there?

Other people have made great suggestions--having the hospital enforce a limit seems like a good avenue.

(Damn, why are grandparents such entitled asses sometimes?)

You can tell the nurses that you do not want visitors. Or just don't tell your MIL when you go into labor. Give her a call after the baby is born.

Angeldcf · August 2014

FFC: I'm watching "Burlesque."

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