FFFC

JessicaxLynn87

... and go!

JessicaxLynn87

Yesterday was a bad day. DD threw fit after fit and I lost my cool more times than I can count. She's incredibly high maintenance. I was feeling awful because of the nausea that seems to be never ending. When she didn't get what she wanted, she threw any and everything in sight (often including food). Reasoning with her just doesn't work. So, basically I felt like utter shit when I went to bed because I couldn't be patient with her. Not my finest moment as a mother. Not at all.

abc313

I'm 13 weeks today! But this nausea and fatigue is still killing me. My Dr gave me zofran on Monday. It helps get me through my morning, but everyday from 3 till 8ish it's the worst I've felt this whole pregnancy.

kbelly777

@jessicaxlynn87 sorry you had such a rough day. No one is perfect. Try not to beat yourself up. Pregnancy nausea and a screaming toddler would be a struggle for anyone! ((hugs))

My confession: After my DD was born I started completely ignoring my cat. Prior to DD he was my shadow. He'd follow me everywhere and I loved it. Now, I just want him to leave me alone... It's sad, but it's just to much for me. After taking care of DD all day (Nursing her, rocking her, carrying her around, etc) the LAST thing I want to do is pet and hold a cat too. I just want to be left alone and have some personal space.

Ducktale

@kkleigh10‌ Is she trying to get pregnant?

mishka29

I feel bad I'm taking a poop in the toilet that my cleaning lady just cleaned.

psychobutthead

kkleigh10 said:

Ducktale said:

@kkleigh10‌ Is she trying to get pregnant?

They started NTNP the month I got married (which was only in May) but she "announced" they were serious about it right after I told them I was pregnant.

why even announce trying? ttc is a very personal thing amd they could have problems and regret announcing later if it doesnt happen right away.

Ducktale

kkleigh10 said:

Ducktale said:

@kkleigh10‌ Is she trying to get pregnant?

They started NTNP the month I got married (which was only in May) but she "announced" they were serious about it right after I told them I was pregnant.

I agree she sounds self centered, but it really sucks to not be able to get pregnant, even if it's only been a few months. I can relate to feeling ugly feelings about people I care about when I was TTC and pregnancy came easy to them, even though my feelings were dumb and unjustified. After knowing what I know now I couldn't imagine "loving it" when someone else was struggling to conceive no matter who it was. You can never know for sure how long or how hard someone's been trying.

cannolioh

@jessicaxlynn87 My daughter is 22 months also, and I could have written your post. Yesterday was filled with fits, and I went to bed feeling lousy about my mothering skills.

bhjones1980

when it comes to just me, i really have no preference of boy or girl for this baby.

BUT part of me is leaning towards a boy just so it will shut my MIL and SIL up.

Backstory:  This will be the 8th (and last) grandchild for my MIL and FIL (DH is the youngest of three), and there are 6 boys and 1 girl.

MIL and SIL will NOT shut up about how this "better be a girl" since it is her "last shot", which makes me irate since she HAS a grand daughter (who is 4) but because both MIL and SIL dont really get a long with my other SIL (DH's brothers wife) or how she raises her daughter (i.e. she doesnt dress her in the frilly outfits my MIL buys for her, lets her be tomboyish, etc.) it is like that Grand daughter doesn't COUNT.

Ducktale

kkleigh10 said:

@Ducktale‌ - I definitely wouldn't be loving anything if they were struggling, but she has been extremely upfront about exactly when they started trying. Trust me I would never revel in anyone else's pain, I do have a heart! My FFFC was (secretly) enjoying the fact that this woman, who tortured me for years over being single, now cannot stand the attention this baby is getting.

I'm assuming you got pregnant pretty quickly? Even 3 months is hard. I know I was struggling by month 3, and if my SIL announced a pregnancy then I would have been happy for her but sad for myself. My sister started trying a few months after us and isn't pregnant yet. I know she loves me and is happy for me, but I completely understand her mixed emotions about my pregnancy and I try to tread lightly when I talk about the baby with her. It's not necessarily hating the attention my baby is getting, she just wants it for herself too.

jennjilljo

@kkleigh10‌ I get it.

JessicaxLynn87

@kbelly777‌ - Thank you. I am looking at today as a new one and so far we are off to a good start! @lilynblue‌ - Ugh, so sorry you also went through it yesterday. I feel bad because she's had a lot of big changes this summer with moving into our new home, then spending a week with both of her families on vacation, and part of me wonders if she knows that I am pregnant. I don't know. She's just a very high maintenance child and I should be more patient with her but it hasn't been easy!

sleeepybunny

My confession:  I still find myself getting jealous of my friends who have children.  I've always wanted a family.  We had a tough time TTC and trouble staying pregnant, and even though I am finally pregnant and things are going well so far, I still catch myself being in that mode of wishing for something I don't currently have.  It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me; I know I need to shut up and be happy because I have so much to be thankful for right now.

cls78

I watched Sharknado 2 yesterday. I actually had my husband dvr it Wed night, because I was to tired to stay up and watch it.

thegoodpotato

I'm not sure anything too dramatic has gone on in the BF post.  Someone asked me for a link to the study. I'm not sure what else went on there. I think I read the majority of the comments yesterday, but don't remember anything too controversial. 

bhjones1980

sugahcookie01 said:

bhjones1980 said:

when it comes to just me, i really have no preference of boy or girl for this baby.

BUT part of me is leaning towards a boy just so it will shut my MIL and SIL up.

Backstory:  This will be the 8th (and last) grandchild for my MIL and FIL (DH is the youngest of three), and there are 6 boys and 1 girl.

MIL and SIL will NOT shut up about how this "better be a girl" since it is her "last shot", which makes me irate since she HAS a grand daughter (who is 4) but because both MIL and SIL dont really get a long with my other SIL (DH's brothers wife) or how she raises her daughter (i.e. she doesnt dress her in the frilly outfits my MIL buys for her, lets her be tomboyish, etc.) it is like that Grand daughter doesn't COUNT.

THIS.

Oh my god. So, my MIL is constantly telling us that the baby needs to be a girl, because she has one other grandchild who is a boy. She KNOWS that DH and I would actually prefer a boy slightly since my husband is the last boy of his name, though we would obviously be happy with both. Does she give a shit about what we think/want? NOPE.

Here are jackass things she has said, either to me or my SIL who has related it to me . . .

• "You know, if your baby is a girl, she'll get to be the first of SOMETHING since she'd be MY FIRST GRANDAUGHTER!" My parents already have a grandson and granddaughters. Thanks MIL. Guess my baby won't be special unless it has a vagina.
• "The baby has to be a girl because my sister has a grandaughter and I hate her trying to act like she is better than Jack (her grandson)!" I sincerely hope my baby can end your sibling war, MIL. It's the only reason I got knocked up, in fact!
• "Well, I DO need a complete set!" Symmetry is important. I totally get it! 
• And my personal favorite, told to me by SIL . . . "I hope the baby is a girl because Jack will always be my favorite grandson no matter what." Oh. Okay . . .

So, basically if the baby is a boy she is already saying she will love him less because she doesn't WANT another boy for entirely selfish reasons. If it's a girl I won't be able to keep her off my back about it, either.

So fuck you, MIL.

ewww, just ewwwww

cannolioh

I want this baby to be a girl. My mom was not a great mom, and I always thought that my childhood would have been better if I had a sister. I want my daughter to have the sister bond that I never had. 

Perhaps what makes me feel the most guilty over this confession, is that my first pregnancy was a late loss of a little boy. I feel like I should want to raise a little boy more than another little girl. 

jennjilljo

@ChickenOnSunday‌ it's back to normal responses. Everyone responding is TL:DR to the 6 (or however many) pages of crazy that occurred.

thegoodpotato

Everyone would love for this baby to be a boy. There are no boys on either side of the family.

I secretly want another girl. I like having daughters. I couldn't imagine feeling the same about a boy. I'm sure I would.... But I love my girls.

kbelly777

i'm not sure this really goes in FFFC but we are on the topic of family being selfish or unexcited about our pregnancies/children so here it goes:

I have an older sister. She has no interest in getting to know my DD. She has never met her, and never called or visited when she was born (granted she lives 10 hours by car away). She has also requested that our mother not mention my DD to her in conversation or show her pictures of my DD when they are together. Once when DD was a newborn I sent her a picture by text that said "hello aunt ***** (this was before I knew how much she would hate that) and all she said was a rant about how I had a bow in DD's hair and how I was forcing gender on her and I shouldn't dress her in pink. Seriously. This sister also chose not to come to my wedding (because she was starting a college semester the next week and didn't want to be tired from traveling) AND told our mother she was mad I was invited (and came to) her wedding a few years later. 

it sucks. 

lizjennings81

FFFC: My husband and I are hoping my ILs have no interest in this kid. They're pretty narcissistic, so if the focus isn't on them, they get bored. Given that they were controlling and abusive to their kids, my daughter will not be missing out on much if they're not in her life. If they are interested, well, I'm betting they screw up and we cut ties forever. Husband is determined she will not go through what he went through as a child.

(I feel like all my FFFCs have to do with my ILs. But they're just such train wrecks and our biggest worry right now.)

thegoodpotato

@kbelly777‌ that sounds rough. I couldn't imagine having that kind of relationship with my sister. I'm the older one, and I do tend to be a little colder, emotionally (my sister is a wet, dripping sack of emotions), but that sounds plain robotic.

Come to think of it, my brother has almost no emotion (he has always been that way - he's like Sheldon Cooper, but with better social skills), but still knows to at least act happy and excited for you when it's appropriate.

I'm sorry your relationship is so rough. We'll cheer you on, though.  <:-P  (I know it's not the same. )

jaytee16

cls78 said:

I watched Sharknado 2 yesterday. I actually had my husband dvr it Wed night, because I was to tired to stay up and watch it.

I'm disappointed I forgot to PVR it

I have to agree with @Ducktale, my IF sensitivity is on high alert when I read things like being happy you get pregnant before someone else.  TTC is a tough journey, and you never know just how tough it can be until you get there, and I wouldn't wish that for anyone.  

@kbelly777 - wow, I'm sorry, that sounds like a seriously strained relationship, and I imagine it must be hurtful that your own sister doesn't want to meet your DD (not to even mention the wedding stuff!)

mishka29

sarabell52 said:

Sticking to the theme:

I like my in laws better than my actual parents. I've been blessed with the best MIL and FIL anyone could hope for!

Yeah mine are pretty awesome too. I'm not looking forward to the groan of disappointment I will hear from my mother if this baby is a girl. Stfu!

jennjilljo

sarabell52 said:

Sticking to the theme:

I like my in laws better than my actual parents. I've been blessed with the best MIL and FIL anyone could hope for!

Me too. My IL are more supportive of me and my decisions and they use tact when talking to me. My family is borderline mentally and emotionally abusive at times.

bhjones1980

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors.  I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave.  At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

psychobutthead

kkleigh10 said:

@psychobutthead‌ - I totally agree and my mom and I were pretty taken aback by how vocal she's been about ttc. I just think she has no idea how difficult the journey can turn out to be. Everything has been handed to her in life and I'm sure she thinks getting pregnant will be easy. For their sake I really hope it is, but you never know.

it sounds like shes ttc for the wrong reasons. we didnt tell anyone we werd ttc either time because we didnt want to hear the rude comments if it didnt happen fast or anyones on we should wait. you sil sounds as wonderful as mine.

dacora

After reading all this stuff about parents talking about other grandchildren, it makes me relieved I don't have any siblings or siblings-in-law to 'compete' with. My brother is gay and still living at home, and is single (not that him being gay means that he won't have any children adopted or otherwise, but he's nowhere even close to having a family of his own). My husband has been an only child since he was 18 (I am NOT saying that I'm glad he doesn't have his brother anymore, I hate how much it still hurts him, and I know that he's going to feel that pain again when we have our child knowing that his brother isn't there to share in that happiness) so on both sides we are currently the only child-producing members of direct family in the foreseeable future. That was actually one of the many deciding factors when we chose to try to get pregnant. Part of me is a bit sad that there's a good chance our child(ren) won't have any cousins though.

MaddScientist

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors.  I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave.  At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

This seems easy -  Don't tell her you are in labor until after the fact. Does she live with you or something that she would find out anyway? 

Alternatively, can't you give her the job of taking care of DS - who 'can't' be at the hospital when you are laboring? that would also be an easy solution.

lizjennings81

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors.  I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave.  At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

Argh, that would be panic inducing! I am completely ignorant, how open is L&D that anyone can waltz in there?

Other people have made great suggestions--having the hospital enforce a limit seems like a good avenue.

(Damn, why are grandparents such entitled asses sometimes?)

kbelly777

@sarabell52 Well... I guess it's complicated. I kinda don't know really.

There was never a big event or falling out or anything. We are very different people.

We grew up in the same house. Our parents are still married (and very much in love). Basically, I think I'm everything she hates. She was gothic and into tarot cards and dungeons and dragons and the like. I was preppy and a ballet dancer. She was Buddhist for awhile, Wiccan for a while, and now she attends a Unitarian church. We were raised christian and she disliked it. She tends to be a bit "anti-christian"  now and I ended up marrying a baptist youth minister. We fought a lot as teens but only about silly sibling things.

 I am two years younger but I got my drivers license first, moved out first, graduated from college first (she actually still hasn't graduated after 10 years), got married first, started my family first. I mean, it isn't like I did any of those things to spite her. I was just living my life. 

When I went to her wedding I tried to sit down with her and have an honest talk. I really want to mend things. I told her how happy I was for her and that I truly wished them well. I told her I was hoping that we could have a better relationship now that we were older. She told me to drive home safely.

She just seems to wish I didn't exist. It's hurtful. 

Thanks for the encouragement @thegoodpotato

jennjilljo

MaddScientist said:

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors.  I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave.  At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

This seems easy -  Don't tell her you are in labor until after the fact. Does she live with you or something that she would find out anyway? 

Alternatively, can't you give her the job of taking care of DS - who 'can't' be at the hospital when you are laboring? that would also be an easy solution.

This. And tell the staff that you don't want her there during delivery. They should be helpful. My SIL had this same problem but couldn't do anything about it because our MIL was a nurse in another ward at the hospital and our step-MIL worked in records so not only did she have 2 unwanted visitors but a fight broke out. GL with her.

jaztastic

Confession/Rant... I'm so annoyed that DH reached out to his mother (they had a huge fight and stopped speaking for months). Now she knows about the baby, and is being a diva grandmother. I want to unleash the internal bitch on her so bad but out of respect for DH I'm biting my tongue. Who says... "If you don't agree with when I want to see my grandchild I'll just take you to court for custody" . When H laughed and asked how she planned to do that, her response was "You think it's a joke now, until I report you to child services for being an unfit parent".... It took the holy angels to stop me from flipping my shit. I really really dislike her. Ugh

kbelly777

Wow @jaztaz1 , she is seriously terrible. I can't believe she would threaten you guys like that.

jennjilljo

@jaztaz1‌ I can't believe someone would do that! It obviously happened but, I mean, that's a whole new ball field of insane. She must not know how that system works. As they say here in the south, bless her heart.

jaztastic

kbelly777 said:

Wow @jaztaz1 , she is seriously terrible. I can't believe she would threaten you guys like that.

She is a nightmare... People think I exaggerate the stories I tell about her, until I call 1st hand witnesses. And to think just a couple days ago I actually started feeling bad that she didn't know about the baby. I guess this is partly my fault for mentioning it to H. Now I remember why I hate the cunt.

lizjennings81

jaztaz1 said:

Confession/Rant... I'm so annoyed that DH reached out to his mother (they had a huge fight and stopped speaking for months). Now she knows about the baby, and is being a diva grandmother. I want to unleash the internal bitch on her so bad but out of respect for DH I'm biting my tongue. Who says... "If you don't agree with when I want to see my grandchild I'll just take you to court for custody" . When H laughed and asked how she planned to do that, her response was "You think it's a joke now, until I report you to child services for being an unfit parent".... It took the holy angels to stop me from flipping my shit. I really really dislike her. Ugh

In what world do you decide it's fine to say this?

I'd say start talking boundaries with your husband now. She's bluntly said what would happen; definitely would treat her behavior as something to prepare for.

boxerrrmama85

Holy shut the fuck up balls @jaztaz1‌ -- what an awful human. She needs a reality check and by reality check I mean an encounter with your fist on her mouth! (I really am not violent-- but fuck-- she sounds all sorts of cray)

jaztastic

sugahcookie01 said:

jaztaz1 said:

Confession/Rant... I'm so annoyed that DH reached out to his mother (they had a huge fight and stopped speaking for months). Now she knows about the baby, and is being a diva grandmother. I want to unleash the internal bitch on her so bad but out of respect for DH I'm biting my tongue. Who says... "If you don't agree with when I want to see my grandchild I'll just take you to court for custody" . When H laughed and asked how she planned to do that, her response was "You think it's a joke now, until I report you to child services for being an unfit parent".... It took the holy angels to stop me from flipping my shit. I really really dislike her. Ugh

That is so ridiculously uncalled for.

Your DH better step up and shut that shit DOWN, and NOW.

Oh I went off on DH about it. It's completely unacceptable. I told him to deal with before I do. I feel like I fucked up by trying to make him reach out.

mommy510

bhjones1980 said:

sticking with the ILs theme...

Any ideas how I can keep my MIL OUT of labor and delivery this time?

Yes no joke she showed up when I was in labor with DS, I was about 7 cm dialated had not had my epidural yet and was NOT in a good place for visitors.  I had specifically told my DH that I didnt want her there and he said she wasn't coming.... surprise surprise she came... and then wouldnt leave.  At one point she said "Oh honey (to my DH) your father will be here as soon as he gets off work"... and my head almost exploded.

finally MY MOM (who was allowed to be in there with me) told the nurses the situation and they lied and said everyone had to leave the room (but DH) so I could get my epidural, and then DH told her she may want to go get some dinner and we would call her when DS was here.

I am already having panic attacks about her showing up again.

This is my mom! I asked her to watch DS1 when I was in labor with #2 because I didn't want anyone in the room except DH. (There was a roomful for my first birth and I didn't want that again.) Well, she found someone else to watch DS1 so that she could come to the hospital for the big event and showed up right after I got my epidural and I was just going to sleep. (She was there to stop the epidural. No. Just no.) I didn't even realize she was there until I woke up and it was time to push. It was super annoying to wake up and see her there smiling at me. My first thought was, "What did you do with DS1? Is he here too?"