Ugh - social media (trigger warning) — The Bump
August 2014 Moms

Ugh - social media (trigger warning)

jendem8jendem8
Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Photogenic
member
edited July 2014 in August 2014 Moms
Not sure if it's been on anyone else's FB newsfeed, but it's come up on mine twice now... pictures of a family dealing with a stillbirth.  I didn't read the whole thing, but I definitely burst into tears after finding out just the gist of the story.  

I'm just posting here since I'm sure most of you understand the emotion of seeing something like that, especially at this point in our pregnancies; I don't want to bitch on FB or anything, but I'm not sure why this has to be shared.

ETA: I'm referring specifically to the pictures that are being broadcast across FB by Internet strangers... not to the parents desire to have the pictures or share their story in some way.
image
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Ugh - social media (trigger warning)

  • nyagocnyagoc
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic
    member
    I've seen it too.  I read the article, and it freaked me out that with less than a week to go, I could have the same problem.  It probably wouldn't have bothered me much 6 months ago.
    image
    image


  • My great aunt posted it on my wall. I don't mind people sharing it, but posting it on my wall?!? It made me want to unfriend her and never talk to her. 
    Married June 2012
    DH: 31 Me: 30 dx PCOS 2001
    Surprise BFP 12/8/13 EDD 8/14/14
    Stroke: 3/15/14 dx expressive aphasia: had to relearn how to communicate
    Charlotte Joy Born 8/9/14

  • Loading the player...
  • I'm not sure which article/photo y'all are referring to, but I have a FB friend/acquaintance who posted photos two different times of her friend's deceased baby (in the funeral home, I believe). I found it really disturbing. If a parent or family member wants to take a photo like that and keep it for themselves, that is one thing, but I don't think it's appropriate for a family friend to take that and share it on Facebook.
    BabyFruit Ticker

    BabyName Ticker
    chase16Cat&SJennicillin
  • I worked with a girl several years ago who had the photo of her still born on her desk.... I was weirded out by it.
  • I have total empathy for people going through that loss, but it is not something I personally want to see, however briefly, at this point in time.
    I've actually seen two different stories of still birth in the past week and they both have given me high anxiety and made me super worried. I didn't even read through the details of the stories.
    They absolutely have a right to share, and I don't see it as taboo at all. However, it is a trigger and stirs up a lot of emotions and thoughts I do not want to be thinking right now.
  • These things are why I deactivated Facebook. Along with the videos of someone throwing puppies in a river, and photos of people mangled in accidents. I hate how uncaring this can sound but it's really odd to me how people share all of these painful things on social media and sort of torment themselves with it. I can't handle emotional things like that this pregnancy. I can't even watch horror movies or anything with children being hurt! While I feel deeply for the family and understand that they are going through real distress and that maybe sharing their story on social media is somehow healing to them during this time.. I understand completely not wanting to see or hear of those kinds of stories on your feed. No point in torturing your mind with the what ifs if it hasn't happened to you. Keeping my mind filled with positives is essential to my mental well being, personally. Garbage in garbage out.
  • Ck61 said:
    I have not personally experienced a loss but I have a friend who had a still birth in January and I've seen her struggle with not only the loss but being worried of mourning in a way that might offend others. I see nothing wrong with her posting her sons pictures on FB, those are the only things she's has from him. Was it tough for me to see being newly pregnant? Yes, but those are my emotions to deal with and they shouldn't stop her from grieving and sharing her emotions.


    ------------- quote box -------------------
    Last summer I was a week away from my due date when I had to hear the doctors tell me he had no heartbeat and go through the process of delivering him. Trust me, it was not what I had in mind for the 9 months leading up to it. He is still my first born son and I am still so proud of him! My journey through grief was/is much harder since I'm "not allowed" to share him with others.

    OP, you came here to share how upset you were just seeing this story in passing. It didn't even happen to you. Imagine being that mother, living it every day, and not being able to share your feelings with others!
    I am very sorry for your loss.  Being this far in my pregnancy I empathize now more than ever with how awful a late term loss would be.

    I also do not feel that you nor this mother nor any should be unable to share your story; I don't feel that I'm approaching loss in general as something to be ashamed of, but I was instead reacting to the very painful visuals that I had no control over seeing at such a sensitive point in my own journey.

    Hearing stories/understanding loss is important for everyone because it still happens; at no point did I mean to imply that women shouldn't be able to share their stories.  To me, it's the way that it was shown.  Understanding loss has personally made me more aware of what's happening in/with my body, which is important for all pregnant women.  Again, I don't turn a blind eye to such tragedy, but I also think that people post things on FB to get reactions more than show they actually care.

    I also personally don't approach loss as taboo (as I've said I've had a few friends go through the pain, and I just try to be there to listen), but I've never had to go through it so I don't know how other people might react to friends/family who experience it.  To me, it seems just as painful to me as losing an older child or sibling... maybe worse in some ways.

    I hope that all goes well for you and all of the other moms who will hopefully have successful labors and healthy babies very soon.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    dogperson11[Deleted User]
  • Ck61 said:
    I have not personally experienced a loss but I have a friend who had a still birth in January and I've seen her struggle with not only the loss but being worried of mourning in a way that might offend others. I see nothing wrong with her posting her sons pictures on FB, those are the only things she's has from him. Was it tough for me to see being newly pregnant? Yes, but those are my emotions to deal with and they shouldn't stop her from grieving and sharing her emotions.


    ------------- quote box -------------------
    Last summer I was a week away from my due date when I had to hear the doctors tell me he had no heartbeat and go through the process of delivering him. Trust me, it was not what I had in mind for the 9 months leading up to it. He is still my first born son and I am still so proud of him! My journey through grief was/is much harder since I'm "not allowed" to share him with others.

    OP, you came here to share how upset you were just seeing this story in passing. It didn't even happen to you. Imagine being that mother, living it every day, and not being able to share your feelings with others!
    I don't think the OP has a problem with people sharing their personal stories and pictures (correct me if I'm wrong). Rather, it is the picture with a VIRAL story. People are sharing a story and picture of a family they don't know. I agree that infant and fetal loss should not be taboo, but I can understand not wanting a picture of a stranger's dead child flashed on the screen every time you open Facebook. Sharing a third party's story is one thing (maybe with a link to a story with a picture or a picture in the comments), but shoving it in people's faces is another. I think it is different if someone I'm friends with shares their own or a family member's story and picture. I haven't seen the story on my newsfeed, however.
    You're exactly right.  I don't know this family at all, so it's just shocking and completely heartbreaking to suddenly see pictures of a deceased child with no warning of what I'm about to see.

    As I've said several times, I have no problems with people sharing their stories and don't personally see loss as taboo.  I also understand the family's desire to have pictures to have and share with their friends/family.  It's just how things are done on FB that bothers me (hence the reason I titled this "social media" and not something about loss stories).
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    [Deleted User]dogperson11
  • jendem8 said:




    Ck61 said:

    I have not personally experienced a loss but I have a friend who had a still birth in January and I've seen her struggle with not only the loss but being worried of mourning in a way that might offend others. I see nothing wrong with her posting her sons pictures on FB, those are the only things she's has from him. Was it tough for me to see being newly pregnant? Yes, but those are my emotions to deal with and they shouldn't stop her from grieving and sharing her emotions.


    ------------- quote box -------------------
    Last summer I was a week away from my due date when I had to hear the doctors tell me he had no heartbeat and go through the process of delivering him. Trust me, it was not what I had in mind for the 9 months leading up to it. He is still my first born son and I am still so proud of him! My journey through grief was/is much harder since I'm "not allowed" to share him with others.

    OP, you came here to share how upset you were just seeing this story in passing. It didn't even happen to you. Imagine being that mother, living it every day, and not being able to share your feelings with others!

    I am very sorry for your loss.  Being this far in my pregnancy I empathize now more than ever with how awful a late term loss would be.

    I also do not feel that you nor this mother nor any should be unable to share your story; I don't feel that I'm approaching loss in general as something to be ashamed of, but I was instead reacting to the very painful visuals that I had no control over seeing at such a sensitive point in my own journey.

    Hearing stories/understanding loss is important for everyone because it still happens; at no point did I mean to imply that women shouldn't be able to share their stories.  To me, it's the way that it was shown.  Understanding loss has personally made me more aware of what's happening in/with my body, which is important for all pregnant women.  Again, I don't turn a blind eye to such tragedy, but I also think that people post things on FB to get reactions more than show they actually care.

    I also personally don't approach loss as taboo (as I've said I've had a few friends go through the pain, and I just try to be there to listen), but I've never had to go through it so I don't know how other people might react to friends/family who experience it.  To me, it seems just as painful to me as losing an older child or sibling... maybe worse in some ways.

    I hope that all goes well for you and all of the other moms who will hopefully have successful labors and healthy babies very soon.


    Well said. I debated whether or not to comment, since I'm pretty certain my opinion will be unpopular.. But here goes:
    My heart breaks for families that experience loss; both of a baby and of an older child. And I think that grief is a very personal experience that differs for everyone. I don't think that a mother or father sharing a loss story is taboo.

    However, I really don't understand taking a picture and sharing it with others. You wouldn't take a picture of your relative or friend at a funeral home and share that all over social media. Why is this different? To me, it's unnecessary, the same way I don't want to see getting hurt or beat up, or pictures of abused animals on social media. We live in a culture that no longer understands boundaries or what's appropriate. And to share a picture of a complete stranger's baby? Hell no.
    dogperson11
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.

    dogperson11[Deleted User]mercedesbenz802
  • I just want to put it out there that I am really confident that if one of our ladies had a loss, and needed to share, that would be absolutely welcomed and encouraged.  Trigger warnings would be suggested as they are with any sensitive topic.  But all the mothers on this board, especially those who have been active in our community and are considered "friends" would find support here if at the bottom of the ninth the unthinkable happened.  We are fragile....yes.  We are at that stage right now....and most of us can't stop fearing the worst.  Maybe in a month people will be less unnerved by the subject...but again, if it happened here and one of us needed support and/or help....they would get it.   Nobody on this board is cruel.


    Yes - that's very different (to me at least) because we would be there with a purpose, as a support system.  Exactly why I tried to provide kind words to those who shared stories of loss early on.  It's much different when you're talking directly to the person experiencing it.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • @jendem8 ; I guess I misunderstood what you were saying when you posted. Because of my experience, I automatically get upset when a mother is judged (I know that's not how you meant your post) for how she grieves her baby. It's something most people will never understand and it can be very isolating. However, I never post anything on Facebook and I completely agree that people go overboard with what they share. I think nobody needs/cares to see half the things posted on there!
    Thank you for responding back.  I honestly felt very sad that I accidentally upset anyone on here, especially moms who have gone through loss.  I was just very shook up from seeing the initial post on FB and DH's response was just "Well don't look at that stuff," but I certainly wasn't seeking it out at the time; so I came here for support but obviously didn't phrase it right or just shouldn't have said anything.  I can't imagine the pain...
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    mmsweeney1
  • jendem8 said:
    @jendem8 ; I guess I misunderstood what you were saying when you posted. Because of my experience, I automatically get upset when a mother is judged (I know that's not how you meant your post) for how she grieves her baby. It's something most people will never understand and it can be very isolating. However, I never post anything on Facebook and I completely agree that people go overboard with what they share. I think nobody needs/cares to see half the things posted on there!
    Thank you for responding back.  I honestly felt very sad that I accidentally upset anyone on here, especially moms who have gone through loss.  I was just very shook up from seeing the initial post on FB and DH's response was just "Well don't look at that stuff," but I certainly wasn't seeking it out at the time; so I came here for support but obviously didn't phrase it right or just shouldn't have said anything.  I can't imagine the pain...
    @jendem8 I saw where you were coming from.  While I have plenty of empathy for people who have gone through such horrific losses, with a week left to go with my pregnancy, the last thing I would want is to experience such a loss...nor have one additional thing to freak me out.
    image
    image


Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards