RANT: Shit my DH does

sopranoali · July 2014

Must. Rant. About. To. Explode.

DH takes these nasty 30 min long dumps. Doesn't spray air freshner. WORSE: doesn't look at the toilet seat! I swear sometimes he gets more shit ON the toilet than IN it. When I potty train LO I'm going to ask him to sit in on the lessons fml!!!!!!!!

Any other rants about our DHs?

sopranoali · July 2014

The smell I could tolerate. Shit on the toilet seat and lid (the LID FOR CHRISTSAKE) not so much

jennybean80 · July 2014

My DH threw a hissy fit tonight because I told him that children's Tylenol is NOT the same as infant Tylenol and then showed him the spot on the bottle that says "under 2 years use Infant Tylenol". Apparently I was supposed to nod and smile and let him give LO the wrong medication. (It's just a different concentration, so the 1mL I told him to get would have been such a small dose of the children's that there would have been no point giving it.)

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

nlane0723 · July 2014

I'm dying.

PerkyErky · July 2014

Haha

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

laurenann89 · July 2014

Edit: mobile gif fail, 70th times the charm!
Poop on the lid!

Just kidding I'd still be mad.

jennybean80 · July 2014

It's all good @bandteacher‌! I think we are all secretly 12 when it comes to poop humour!

desertmouse39 · July 2014

the shitrus put me over the edge. i'm crying laugh tears. and yes, DH does exactly the same things. all of them. i don't understand it at all.

Missfunball · July 2014

bandteacher said:

q

)

laurenann89 · July 2014

My husband's bathroom habits...I won't even go there. Shudders.

laurenann89 · July 2014

bandteacher said:

laurenann89 said:

My husband's bathroom habits...I won't even go there. Shudders.

GOOOOOO THEREEEEEE

You asked for it haha

Well he starts out by dusting me with the most horrendous smelling farts at least half an hour before he even goes to the bathroom. Seriously, 30 minutes of awful sulfur ridden rotten egg farts. Followed by not 1, but at least 2, nightly 30 min shits in which he has a very elaborate toilet paper dispensing ritual. It's absurd. And disgusting.

And yes, he poops with the door open.

ladyglittersparkles · July 2014

I'm dying reading this

sopranoali · July 2014

monkeyseat said:
No way! And he just leaves it there?

YES. I'm like..."do you not look at the toilet when you flush? Realize it's nasty and that another person is going to use it? It's common courtesy!"

And he says "no I don't look at the toilet."

-________-

sopranoali · July 2014

Missfunball said:

bandteacher said:
q
)

Omfg

tsmith312 · July 2014

THIS IS HILARIOUS !

My DH just annoys me bc his poos must be hard as bricks, they leave stains on the bottom of the toilet. Like really clean that shit ( no pun intended ).

karen31186 · July 2014

After having a rough night of sleep, I so needed this good read this morning. I haven't laughed so hard in quite a while! I can always count on you ladies to keep me entertained!

MeggsM · July 2014

Trying not to lol as LO is asleep but yes we are apparently all married to the same man.

My FIL told me years ago that men in his family are the ones who clean the toilet because of explosive pooping skillz they all have "it's really just not fair to ask the wives to clean that Meg" lol.

bumpuser9058414 · July 2014

kirotea said:

You ladies ain't seen nothin until you live with someone who has Crohn's....

A guy at my work had it and he said, "I can shit through a screen door." Nice image.

Thanks for the laughs ladies, I am LOLing at my desk.

bumpuser9058414 · July 2014

Also DH read about this and says he's doing me a favor and adding years to my life.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/23/smelling-farts-healthy_n_5612908.html

stace13 · July 2014

Jenstwins said:
My DH threw a hissy fit tonight because I told him that children's Tylenol is NOT the same as infant Tylenol and then showed him the spot on the bottle that says "under 2 years use Infant Tylenol". Apparently I was supposed to nod and smile and let him give LO the wrong medication. (It's just a different concentration, so the 1mL I told him to get would have been such a small dose of the children's that there would have been no point giving it.)

I'm bored and lurking today but want to comment because I think medication dosing is important. Unless you have an old (probably near or past expiration) bottle of Tylenol, the infant's and children's really are the exact same thing. Only difference is one comes with a dropper and one with a cup. Both are 160mg/5ml concentration. This changed a couple of years ago in an effort to cut back in dosing errors. Hopefully someday soon ibuprofen will be the same way.

laurenann89 · July 2014

@torilea‌ I forgot about to mention my dh, does in fact play on his phone while he's in there too. And take the occasional phone call....

@sopranoali‌ my husband and I have had the "you don't look at the toilet talk" so many times it's not even funny.

@Berry30‌ is that's true I'll live to be 120.

kstar83 · July 2014

we call the pine scented spray Shitmas... Poop christamas trees. Or DH has a hawaii smelling one... Tropical shits...

jrw526 · July 2014

Thanks for the laughs ladies. Also glad I'm not alone. DH is the one who cleans the toilet because of the mess he makes. He seriously has to wipe down the toilet with Clorox wipes every time he goes.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

DiMama · July 2014

Ok I have the best dh poop story...

DH is out farming in the hay meadow when he gets the urge. So he has to lean against the tractor so he can get rid of his explosive diarrhea. The story doesn't end here though. He didn't have anything to wipe with so he turned an old leather glove inside out and used it (it was a cheap pair that he didn't like).

Well he gets back to the shop, turns the gloves right and then throws them away. The next morning he gets to work and his boss was wearing the poop gloves! DH was going to say something but his boss started in on him saying that he must pay DH too much if he can throw out a perfect pair of gloves! So dh just smiled and walked away so he didn't laugh at him.

He still wears the gloves to this day! We laugh every time. (

jennybean80 · July 2014

stace13 said:

Jenstwins said:
My DH threw a hissy fit tonight because I told him that children's Tylenol is NOT the same as infant Tylenol and then showed him the spot on the bottle that says "under 2 years use Infant Tylenol". Apparently I was supposed to nod and smile and let him give LO the wrong medication. (It's just a different concentration, so the 1mL I told him to get would have been such a small dose of the children's that there would have been no point giving it.)
I'm bored and lurking today but want to comment because I think medication dosing is important. Unless you have an old (probably near or past expiration) bottle of Tylenol, the infant's and children's really are the exact same thing. Only difference is one comes with a dropper and one with a cup. Both are 160mg/5ml concentration. This changed a couple of years ago in an effort to cut back in dosing errors. Hopefully someday soon ibuprofen will be the same way.

Ours the infant is 80mg/mL and the children's is 160mg/5mL. Maybe it's different here in Canada.

Kmwberg · July 2014

uggggghhhhhh -- I refer to it as office hours. DH takes office hours everyday, usually 30-45 mins. He runs the sink faucet too, b/c he doesn't want me to hear him. That' was fine, when we lived in a small condo. But we are in a multilevel house now. I can't hear you. Also- I'm too busy with our 4 month old to listen to you even if I wanted to listen. More importantly - you just ditched me for 45 minutes again! No. No. No. No. Not fair. ugggghhhh

amybug13 · July 2014

torilea said:

laurenann89 said:

bandteacher said:

laurenann89 said:

My husband's bathroom habits...I won't even go there. Shudders.

GOOOOOO THEREEEEEE

You asked for it haha

Well he starts out by dusting me with the most horrendous smelling farts at least half an hour before he even goes to the bathroom. Seriously, 30 minutes of awful sulfur ridden rotten egg farts. Followed by not 1, but at least 2, nightly 30 min shits in which he has a very elaborate toilet paper dispensing ritual. It's absurd. And disgusting.

And yes, he poops with the door open.

Are we married to the same person? This is EXACTLY what MH does. Except he has his phone with him the entire time he's in there.

Omg! This is MH! I don't understand how you can be in the bathroom for over 30 minutes, leave poop marks in the toilet, and play on your phone the entire time! It's disgusting!

MH jokes that he sits backwards on the toilet so he can use the toilet as a table. *gag*

ahc1503 · July 2014

Jenstwins said:

stace13 said:

Jenstwins said:
My DH threw a hissy fit tonight because I told him that children's Tylenol is NOT the same as infant Tylenol and then showed him the spot on the bottle that says "under 2 years use Infant Tylenol". Apparently I was supposed to nod and smile and let him give LO the wrong medication. (It's just a different concentration, so the 1mL I told him to get would have been such a small dose of the children's that there would have been no point giving it.)
I'm bored and lurking today but want to comment because I think medication dosing is important. Unless you have an old (probably near or past expiration) bottle of Tylenol, the infant's and children's really are the exact same thing. Only difference is one comes with a dropper and one with a cup. Both are 160mg/5ml concentration. This changed a couple of years ago in an effort to cut back in dosing errors. Hopefully someday soon ibuprofen will be the same way.
Ours the infant is 80mg/mL and the children's is 160mg/5mL. Maybe it's different here in Canada.

In the US they recently changed the concentration to the same for both. Which totally sucks because infants have to take more volume than they used to....and they are SOOOO cooperative.

Bltbear82 · July 2014

When my DH and I were first dating I lived in a studio apartment and I could touch the bathroom door from my bed. Soooo, yeah…there's literally nothing that he can do now that would phase me. We got that out of the way very quickly. But still, pretty gross soundtrack when you're just relaxing in bed.

Missfunball · July 2014

DH has his shiterature and marathon poops too.

How the hell does that happen? I'm a fan of the quick poop. But FUCK the ghost poop.

OP @ill respo d to your post probably when DH gets back. I just miss the bejeezus out of him and it'll probably be puppies and rainbows for a little bit.

Oh and brilliant giffing ladies

Aliki · July 2014

NewMomma8 said:

I find it amusing that my hubby basically shits the same time everyday. He gets home from work, plays with LO for a few minutes, then says "I'm going to take my shower",...you can hear the vent turn on and then 10 minutes later the shower finally kicks on.

My husband poops the first thing in the morning, like it was building up all night and he just has to let it out, like it was pee.

He thinks I'm strange because I don't poop at the same time everyday. I'm like "hey, it comes when it comes..."

Zombielove126 · July 2014

Dang it, I can't believe I missed the poop thread! My BF refuses to fart in front of me which is lame because it makes me look extra gross when I fart and laugh my head off about it. I don't even care anymore.
One time though, before we moved in together we were at my parents house and he was in the bathroom for literally 45 minutes. He was playing candy crush. Lol. Who the fuck does that?! My whole family thought he was shitting his brains out!

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RANT: Shit my DH does

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Married : ** 09/09/2011 ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 **

** BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 ** EDD 09-11-15 **

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Married : 09/09/2011 BFP : 07-18-13 Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14

BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 EDD 09-11-15 **