so pissed at my husband!!!

negritosmami · July 2014

He does not want to go to my 10week appointment...only wants to go to the "important" appointments(u/s, gender reveal etc)...I can't tell if its hormones or if I'm actually justified in my anger but I'm sooooo mad right now!!! I feel like at ANY appointment I can get bad news and will need support!!Is anyone else's partner less than thrilled about going to ALL of the appointments?

magsame · July 2014

My DH can't make it to all my appts. I think he will pretty much just be going to the major important ones too. I can't hate on it, his company makes him work like a dog and I understand he won't be able to get time off for all appts. Try not to stress, maybe you can have a friend go with you if you are really concerned who can support you if you may need it.

ambmama · July 2014

My H only went to the 20 week u/s with my first, and that's the plan for this pregnancy as well. Honestly, a lot of them in the middle are quick and just some bloodwork or a quick check up, but I see what you are saying about possibly getting bad news. You would likely only get bad news at an u/s or a follow up call, though, so I would try to "negotiate" with your H so you both are comfortable. I think my H really appreciated me not making him go to them all and was really excited both at the 20 week and also when it came down to delivery. Good luck!

mandamoochie · July 2014

With my ds my dh went to alllll the appts. With this one he is only going to "important ones" someone has to watch ds

negritosmami · July 2014

Lol yes I'm a first time mom..and he's a second time dad so he's like been there done that..cool..but IIII have not so I'd appreciate the support...if he had to work that's different but hes just gonna be at home watching tv so I feel like he can go...

lizjennings81 · July 2014

I don't know. I'm also a FTM but the husband isn't hitting up the 12-week check-up with me. He was there for the first u/s and wants to come to the 20-week, but knows he won't make all. Aren't you having to go every two weeks or weekly towards the end? Why scuttle both of our schedules?

I feel like you can get bad news at any doctor's appointment, OB or not. Take a deep breath and remember he'll definitely be there when you need him.

negritosmami · July 2014

But I'm so glad to have you guys feedback cause I was supppper mad 10mins ago..ur feedback is helping me calm down some lol

PollyPositive · July 2014

magsame said:

My DH can't make it to all my appts. I think he will pretty much just be going to the major important ones too. I can't hate on it, his company makes him work like a dog and I understand he won't be able to get time off for all appts. Try not to stress, maybe you can have a friend go with you if you are really concerned who can support you if you may need it.

This. Bring a friend of another support person if that will decrease your anxiety about the situation.

Personally, it would hurt my feelings if my hubs wasn't interested in coming to my appointments. If he couldn't because of work, you really can't blame him. Everyone is different, and if this is really something that is going to continue to bother you, you need to talk to him. He'll come or he won't, but at least you'll have a conversation about it. He probably doesn't even see what the big deal is. He's a guy.

aks01 · July 2014

I'm a FTM as well and as much as I would love for DH to hold my hand while I get blood work done, it's not worth him using a personal day. He'll be there for my first u/s and the gender reveal and that's okay with me.

triplej9 · July 2014

Personally, I am only having him be there for the Ultrasounds from here on out (he hasn't been to either of my ultrasounds/appts. yet).

The in-between appts. are ususally me peeing in a cup, listening to the HB and having the doctor measure me and it lasts a total of 10-15 minutes. I just don't think it is worth him trying to take off of work and drive down to the dr's office just to have to turn around and go back.

firelizard83 · July 2014

I leave it up to him. If he wants to, great if not, great. Honestly I think he's more excited than me so he is probably going to all.

pitdigger · July 2014

Will he be relatively close?

My husband is only for sure coming to the a/s and delivery since he's maybe a 5 minute taxi ride from the doctor to work. It's the schedule we worked out right from the start because this is both of our first times, but he actually needs to be at work.

negritosmami · July 2014

Oh for the record I would never ask him to take leave for that..I scheduled the appointment AFTER he gets off work for that reason..for all that I could've went early this morning but I waited so he could come and now he doesn't wanna go and I'm annoyed

lilybug319 · July 2014

I got lucky because my husband gets Fridays off so he's able to go to all my appointments with me. I wouldn't force it though.

JNettie73 · July 2014

So sorry. I guess I am extremely lucky. My husband has been with me to every appointment so far and he plans on going to every one as long as his work allows him to. He is not going to any appointments where I am just having blood drawn though. We are FTM and FTD. I enjoy having the company and having him there when the doctor is giving me tons of information. It helps having him there too to absorb some of it.

Have you sat down and had a heart to heart with your DH? Maybe if you discuss it again and express how much this means to him he will be a bit more supportive. Best of luck to you.

WanderingA · July 2014

DH pretty much goes to whichever appointments he is able to, but I don't expect him to do the monthly/weekly appointments with me if he's busy. If I have an important appointment I try to schedule it in the evening so that he can come with me. He MIGHT be able to come to my first appointment next week but if not it's not that big of a deal. He will be there for U/S and A/S appointments.

negritosmami · July 2014

@JNettie73‌ THATS the part that made me mad..I calmly kept explaining to him why it was important to me(especially that information overload part u mentioned) and he kept on saying no he doesn't want to go and so then I went from calm to irrate in a matter of .5 seconds lol seems like the majority opinion is its ok for him not to come so I guess ill calm down

aks01 · July 2014

negritosmami said:

Oh for the record I would never ask him to take leave for that..I scheduled the appointment AFTER he gets off work for that reason..for all that I could've went early this morning but I waited so he could come and now he doesn't wanna go and I'm annoyed

Oh. That changes things. I think I would be a little upset too, then.

jaztastic · July 2014

DH works 3rd shift so he is usually getting off work right around the time of most of my appointments. I think he is more excited than I am and wants to try to make any appointment I have. I think its cool that he wants to be there for everything, but I dont think its important other than major ultrasound appointments.

negritosmami · July 2014

For those of u sayin "he's busy"...that part I understand. .but the question is.if he's NOT busy...just wants to stay home and watch tv..is that still perfectly fine?

ConstanceGoodspeed · July 2014

Honestly, I don't even enjoy the appointments in the middle.

I can't imagine being a partner dragged there to watch someone else pee in a cup, get weighed, listen to the heartbeat on a doppler similar to what you have at home, and measure your belly. Done in ten minutes after waiting an hour in the waiting room, reading women's magazines.

negritosmami · July 2014

Looool @ConstanceGoodspeed‌ see I have no idea what to expect so I didn't know that's what will happen...when u put it like that lol I understand him not wanting to go now if that's what's gonna happen...how often do these appointments happen?

mommy510 · July 2014

I think it's perfectly fine if he wants to stay home and watch TV. Once there is a new baby in the house, his world is going to change too. Let him relax and do what he wants because soon he is going to be losing sleep and helping you take care of a newborn.
Plus, the appointments really aren't that exciting. Basically, you pee in a cup, get weighed and measured, have your BP taken, you answer a few questions, and you're done. DH comes to the US, and at the end of the pregnancy I ask him to come in if we schedule an induction so that he can work his schedule around everything. (I've been induced twice because my babies are stubborn.)

Beth.1212 · July 2014

DH only went to the 18/20 week ultrasound and the delivery for our first, and I imagine it'll be the same the 2nd time around. He is at work, though. If he was free and it was really important to me, I think he'd go.

I would probably be annoyed if I were you given your situation, OP, but I would try to let it go. It doesn't sound like you're going to change his mind today. Maybe before your next appointment you two can chat about when he'll go and when he'll stay home and reach some kind of compromise.

ConstanceGoodspeed · July 2014

@negritosmami‌ That was pretty much every office visit for me, minus the ultrasound appointments, which were special and DH did attend (though he still complained about waiting an hour in the waiting room filled with women's mags). So, once a month until third tri, then every other week until the last month, then weekly.

HailsMom · July 2014

Yeah, not much happens at the appointments. And the appointments where things do happen, I really don't want hubby there watching me get my butt swabbed. As long as he can make it to the scans or if there is something going on that makes me feel like i need him there, I'm happy. Regular appointments, I would rather just take my book to wait, since you will spend more time waiting than actually talking to anyone.

michelle142 · July 2014

With DS, DH only came to 2 of my appointments. My Dr. is closer to where I work, so the logistics of him driving 45 minutes one way away from his work just didn't make sense.

He came to the 20 week U/S and then again around 36 weeks when we discussed delivery options with my OB at the time.

I had no problem with that and neither did he, but TETO.

mh269650 · July 2014

My DH will only be going to appointments where there is an ultrasound. I didn't even think of having him come to anything else but that's just our preference. We are first timers too. I don't need him whining about how long we've been in the waiting room while I'm trying to do my crossword puzzle! U/S appts only for us.

maltwin1 · July 2014

Honestly I'm pretty sure my H feels a little awkward going to doctors appointments where there's really nothing new to be learned. Most of the time they just find the HB on the doppler, which we can do at home, and do things like weigh me and check fundal height and what not. No real reason for him to be there for that and I don't see any reason for him to interupt his time off when there's nothing exciting going on. It would be like me accompanying him to a doctor's appointment, which would make me feel weird.

Now ultrasounds are an entirely different conversation. If we are going to get to see gummy bear his presence is not only requested, but required.

MLSprague · July 2014

At our first appointment, I asked the doctor if DH should come to all the appointments. (He came with me to the first appointment because he wanted to be there.) The doctor laughed and said it was his choice, but she understands if he doesn't. My doctor suggested that he come to the u/s appointments and if there were any other big appointments that might come up along the way, he might want to attend those too. But otherwise, she said it's a lot of time off of work and it would be better to save that time for when the baby comes. Plus, as my doctor put it, she is the boring one but the u/s tech is more fun and you get to see pictures of the baby. DH agreed and said he would love to be there, but he wants to save his time off of work for the arrival.

michelle142 · July 2014

Honestly all routine appointments are VERY uneventful and maybe last a total of 10 minutes. The measure your belly, listen to the heartrate, ask you if you have any questions and that's about it.

In the last month, they add internal checks to that short list.

dreemkin84 · July 2014

DH only goes to u/s appointments. The other ones are boring and it'd be pointless for him to be there. But to each their own.

rainbowbrite22 · July 2014

I guess everyone is just different. My DH wants to go to every appointment and he was upset he missed the first one. I told him nothing interesting was going to happen, and nothing did lol. I would prefer he come to appointments where there is something to see other than a pee cup and a scale.

Nvywife · July 2014

My DH won't be able to make it to appointments, I will be lucky if he gets to go to the gender ultrasound. He's in a training command right now ( he's military). So right now I'm trying to figure out how to schedule my c-section so he can take the least amount of time off class. Hoping he only has to miss 1 day.

negritosmami · July 2014

Oh ok well it helps to know all of this..thanks everyone

JNettie73 · July 2014

I understand what you ladies are saying that it isn't really necessary if you are just peeing in a cup and getting weighed and measured. However so far at all of my appointments they have done US, gone over the results of tests (pap) and discussed future tests (blood work, maternit21). So far he has been there for every appointment and has been asking questions or going home and researching some of the things the doctor has said. Plus we belong to a practice so each time we are meeting with a new doctor. I like that he is getting to know my doctors with me. Granted he works less than 10 minutes away from my doctor so it's easy for him to get there. Like OP we are trying to schedule the appointments in the evenings so he can go after work. He has to pass by the office anyhow on his drive home so it really works out well for us.

@negritosmami‌ - Especially with the pregnancy brain I have been having and the amount of information they are giving me. It helps having him there. I am glad you are calming down from what the other ladies are telling you. I hope it works out for you!

Neesey · July 2014

Having ridden the IF train, DH has gone to a lot of appointments with me. He went to the first with this pregnancy but not the second. I figured it was only a week later so there wasn't a point in making a big deal about it. Well, at that appointment I got to hear the heartbeat. All I could think about was I wish DH had been there too. I think once I get released to a regular OB, he will only come to the major appointments, but since we are having a u/s weekly with our RE, he's trying to make as many as possible. If he can come and wants to, take him. If not, don't get frustrated and just let him be. I know that if I had an afternoon to just relax right now, I'd much rather do that than go to an appointment!

Jay_Cee · July 2014

My H comes to the first two appts (ultrasound and first time hearing the heartbeat), the anatomy scan, and the last appt (if I go past 40 weeks) to schedule the induction. He doesn't come to any others, and I wouldn't ask him to. They are boring.

He comes to the first two (first tri) appts because there's a higher risk something could go wrong in the first tri. I don't request that he comes to the 12w appt, he wants to be there.

I'd be annoyed if he didn't want to come to an ultrasound appt. but I don't need his support to pee in a cup, get measured, and hear the hb.

Bensmom13 · July 2014

My h only comes to the AS at 19 weeks. Other than that I just call him after and let him know everything's ok. He did the same thing with our first.

easton2131 · July 2014

df never went to a single appt with dd1. he deeply regrets it and promises to be there with this one. he said he didn't go BC he didn't believe he was having a kid.

BeckyP005 · July 2014

I think it's great that some husbands want to go to all appts. MH didn't come to the 5 wk or 6 wk u/s. He is not coming to my first OB either. Work is crazy for him right now. I'm hoping (which I think he will) can make one of the u/s appts

I'm a FTM.

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