so pissed at my husband!!!

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HerHighness

On one hand i dont understand why he needs to be at every appointment. DH went to a few with my first(the family history, the u/s and the ones he had to drive me to when i was on bedrest). Other than that i really didnt see the point of him being there... Especially at the end when you are there every week. He went to my amnio only 2nd pregnancy and none so far this one.

On the other hand you are asking him to go to support you. He should be willing to be there if you need it.

modernfairytale8709

First time pregnant after 18 months of trying. I was miffed at DH's reluctance to come to the first appointment only because he is off work all summer, but still would have preferred I go myself.

The actual appointment is just going to be blood work and vitals on me, anyway, but afterwards we're getting a tour of the facility, as I'm opting to birth outside the hospital. I think it would be wise for DH to see that this kind of birth is normal and safe. He'd never thought of birthing anywhere but a hospital.

maltwin1

HerHighness said:

On the other hand you are asking him to go to support you. He should be willing to be there if you need it.

This is a very good point. While I don't see the need for DH to come with me, if I told him I was anxious and really wanted him with me AND he wasn't busy, I'd be a little hacked off if he didn't see the need to support me.

krispy83

DH came to all appointments during my pregnancy with DS except for the one with the glucose screening.  I had to take the morning off work for that and he couldn't (and I didn't expect him to) but my mom came with me and kept me company for the hour wait.  She was really excited because she got to hear the heartbeat  

The plan at this point is for him to come to all of the appointments this time as well.  We're both teachers so we have the same schedule, therefore scheduling appointments around his work hours is not an issue.  I wouldn't expect him to take off work early to watch me get measured, but he wants to be at all of the appointments (or at least that's what he says) and I appreciate his excitement and support.  This time around, it may get more complicated because we'll need someone to watch DS so if he has to miss some of them, I'll be okay with that.  But he will definitely be at all ultrasounds and the first time we hear the heartbeat.  We don't have a doppler, so we're both very excited to hear it.

526SadieSadie

I was really hurt what DH didn't come to the viability ultrasound with me for this pregnancy.  If there was no heartbeat, it was not news I wanted to receive all alone - so I definitely understand your frustration and anger, OP.

In the end though, it's up to the two of you to sort it out.  If you really need him there to support you, and he is able to go, he should go with you.  You might find yourself comfortable enough to go by yourself as you have more appointments though, honestly.  Unless there's a problem, you're going to be giving blood and urine samples and talking to your OBGYN for about 10 minutes. 

Allie429

With my first, he missed the one when we first heard the heartbeat but that was because he had just started the fire academy and could not get off. He was there for ones he could (esp the important ones - any ultrasounds and when they started to check me). Ones in the middle didn't bother me bc it was a quick in and out. If I couldn't schedule them around his work schedule-it wasn't too big of a deal. He NEVER said he didn't want to go to any though. He has gone to 2 out of 3 so far this go round but I know normal check ups may be just me and that is fine.

Mommy2CB

I would just let him know that you are nervous and at any appt feel you could get bad news and would like his support. That being said, it's not always easy to get time off of work so if he can't make it because of work I wouldn't get mad. But yeah just let him know how you feel good luck!

This is our third child but I basically tell my husband of every appt (that involves an ultrasound) and he does his best to be there. Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't! I wouldn't make my husband come to just a regular office visit though!

chickyclg

My DH usually always tries to be there, but he was out of town for my first US when we found out we were having twins, he was upset. He is also missing the appt I have tomorrow because he is back out of town. I never go solo for baby US if DH can't go I bring my mom it's a nice treat for her.

negritosmami

Just left...now its funny thT I got so mad..u ladies were right..totally a boring appointment! !!

triplej9

negritosmami said:

Just left...now its funny thT I got so mad..u ladies were right..totally a boring appointment! !!

You didn't know any better as a FTM! You had no idea what these appts. were going to be like.

Hopefully he will be there to support you in some of your future appts! Especially the big ones 

maltwin1

negritosmami said:

Just left...now its funny thT I got so mad..u ladies were right..totally a boring appointment! !!

I'm glad it all worked out! Now if he doesn't want to haul himself off the sofa for the anatomy scan or something I'd totally put your foot down.

StephanieLBerg

My hubby will accompany me to every appointment because he's the only thing that keeps me calm while I'm getting my blood drawn. I hate needles, I'm scared to death of them, but when he's there I'm not so afraid. I would sit down with your hubby and explain to him why YOU need him there. Because, I've noticed, if you try and tell a man why it's important that he go too, it doesn't sink in as much. But if you tell him why YOU need him there, he's much more likely to listen and agree. :-)

Jaileewin

Maybe compromise and have him come to all through 20 weeks. This is my second baby ... But with my first, I wanted to support but I found I was okay with him not coming after I could feel her move daily. Before then, I wanted him there ... Just in case.

jmcgra06

ashleeann22 said:

My hubby is going to every single dr. Appt, lab testing, u/s, everything. He wants to be hands on on all of it. I love it though. I'm a ftm too but it's not because of that. He feels like it his baby too and just because it's not in his body doesn't mean he doesn't want to be there. We plan all my appointments around his schedule because I can go pretty much whenever. I love him so much

Me too. I kept saying "I bet you won't go to all the appointments for the next baby," and he was shocked that I thought he wouldn't. Yeah, there were awkward moments, but it was really nice to feel supported, and now it's nice to watch him get excited again... plus wrangle DD while I'm getting weighed

It's a personal thing, but I don't think you are wrong for wanting him to come. Sometimes DH just needs time to think about things - maybe bring it up again in a day or two and see where you get.

maryxc1

With DS, my DH only went to the first one, the second where you meet with the nurse and get an overview of the process, the AS, and the last one (I was 41 weeks and we knew they wanted to induce). That is pretty much the plan again this time except he won't go to the nurse one because we know the process.

I know he feels awkward in the office plus it is more time off work so it doesn't bother me at all.

williamandrachelray

My husband is going to try to come to as many appointments as he can. He's Air Force and when he is just in the office they are really good about letting him leave to come with me. If he's flying or in a briefing though he won't be able to make it. I'm crossing my fingers he doesn't get unexplectedly scheduled to fly during the anatomy scan or other major appointments.