Who will you have in the delivery room?

ferchalicious · July 2014

My hubby, sister, and possibly my oldest daughter....to be honest tho...when it gets to the hard and fast stuff I wouldn't care if everyone and their mother was in there...at that point my only thought is to get it over with....with my DS I had my mom, hubby, and dad.... Plus all staff that was required as well as 12 nursing students, and I gave permission for them to be there but didn't even notice all the extra people...I was focused on me and getting that baby out!!! So moral if the story....whatever makes you feel comfortable and safe!!!!

Trish&Pete07 · July 2014

Me, DH, my doctor and what ever nurse is there. That is all. For baby #2 my MIL came in as well. She was never able to have kids of her own and adopted 6, my DH being the first. She was never present for a natural birth and after going through it once I was ok having her there. She is amazing and we get along really well so that helps too. This time she will have my other 3 kids to look after, so just DH and I until after birth and I am ready for visitors. Thankfully my family isn't the kind to wait around in the waiting room. They will get a phone call once baby is here and can visit at visiting hours 2-8 pm

JD83 · July 2014

Only DH during delivery and medical staff. I will not allow any trainees in the room either. I get that they need the experience, but I've been a training opportunity for enough people in my life and I will have none of that crap while I'm trying to evict a human from my body. Still need to check on hospital policy, but I'm totally fine with friends and family stopping by during labor and a couple hours after delivery. Luckily, our house is not convenient to the hospital so we likely won't have many people just dropping in, and our families live so far away that they won't be there anyway.

LTMama · July 2014

I'm surprised by all the comments about relatives expecting/wanting to be there for delivery. Maybe my family is unusual, but none of us would ever presume to even suggest that we be present for someone's birth, or expect to be there. That's so private! I feel like you either get invited or you simmer down.

LTMama · July 2014

knovitski said:

@LTMama I totally agree. My brother and sister each have 3 kids and no one in our family ever assumed or declared that they would be present for the birth. My sister did end up asking my mom if she wanted to be there for the first, and my mom was happy to be there but would not have pressured sis if she hadn't asked.

MIL on the other hand continues to be pushy about it. Despite telling her our expectations a few weeks ago (we will call when we are ready for visitors, no one in the room or even waiting room), she told DH and I this weekend that she will be in the waiting room and we can't stop her. I politely explained that it would be at least a couple hours after the birth before anyone would be allowed in since we want to do skin-to-skin, bonding time, initiate breastfeeding, etc (plus if I have a c-section, I'll need that recovery time too). She said she'll be coming into the room after 2 hours and 15 minutes then. It's just not worth arguing over it, so if she wants to sit in the waiting room, so be it, but she isn't coming in until we give the nurses the ok anyway, so she could be there all night or longer.

Dude your MIL is the WORST. Sorry, but man she's so pushy, I'm sorry you have to deal with her. I don't get how people make someone ELSE'S pregnancy/delivery all about themselves. It's just shocking to me.

I wonder if my MIL would be pushier if 1) my ILs lived in the country, and 2) we didn't have a language barrier issue. My French sucks, so I can only have simple conversations with them so DH handles anything important. And he's even more private than I am, so he even informs them when they can come to the US to visit us, after asking me how I want things to go LOL.

kmbk27 · July 2014

I originally said mom and 2 best friends can be in there with us during labor as long as I'm comfortable with it and just SO for delivery and a couple hours after.

Now that it's getting closer? SO and I just recently decided that we won't be calling anyone until baby is here and we are good and ready for visitors. In fact, the thing I am most looking forward to about our hospital tour on Wednesday is hearing about their restrictions on visiting/privacy policies.

BrightMoon1 · July 2014

Just DH. And the nurses/OB. I'm also delivering at a teaching hospital so I'm sure a resident will be in the room, which I don't mind at all. My hubby is a physician so of course he was a resident at one time. You have to start somewhere. Neither my parents nor my inlaws have ever asked to be in the delivery room with me. They understand it's a private affair between the mother and father and newborn. However we've always invited them to come see the baby soon after delivery, usually about an hour later.

MMason12 · July 2014

knovitski said:

@LTMama I totally agree. My brother and sister each have 3 kids and no one in our family ever assumed or declared that they would be present for the birth. My sister did end up asking my mom if she wanted to be there for the first, and my mom was happy to be there but would not have pressured sis if she hadn't asked.

MIL on the other hand continues to be pushy about it. Despite telling her our expectations a few weeks ago (we will call when we are ready for visitors, no one in the room or even waiting room), she told DH and I this weekend that she will be in the waiting room and we can't stop her. I politely explained that it would be at least a couple hours after the birth before anyone would be allowed in since we want to do skin-to-skin, bonding time, initiate breastfeeding, etc (plus if I have a c-section, I'll need that recovery time too). She said she'll be coming into the room after 2 hours and 15 minutes then. It's just not worth arguing over it, so if she wants to sit in the waiting room, so be it, but she isn't coming in until we give the nurses the ok anyway, so she could be there all night or longer.

That is exactly what my SIL who lives closetold us as well. She is a L&D nurse at an other hospital and insists that she be in the waiting room "just in case" I need her. We told her that she is an adult and if she insists on being in the super uncomfortable waiting room that is her decision. However, we made it very clear that no one would be allowed back to see us for at least 2, if not 3, hours after they moved me into the post-partum room. She FREAKED out saying there was no way in hell she would wait longer than 1 hour 15 minutes to see her new niece. I have been pretty sassy (as my DH calls it) lately and I immediately responded with, "Well thank goodness our hospital has super strick rules on stuff like that unlike your hospital - so at the end of the day all that matters is what we tell the nurse. Guess you'll be waiting till we're ready for visitors!"

She wasn't happy at all but I could give two rats @$$ if people are mad or hurt by our labor decisions.

AccioPizza · July 2014

MMason12 said:

knovitski said:

@LTMama I totally agree. My brother and sister each have 3 kids and no one in our family ever assumed or declared that they would be present for the birth. My sister did end up asking my mom if she wanted to be there for the first, and my mom was happy to be there but would not have pressured sis if she hadn't asked.

MIL on the other hand continues to be pushy about it. Despite telling her our expectations a few weeks ago (we will call when we are ready for visitors, no one in the room or even waiting room), she told DH and I this weekend that she will be in the waiting room and we can't stop her. I politely explained that it would be at least a couple hours after the birth before anyone would be allowed in since we want to do skin-to-skin, bonding time, initiate breastfeeding, etc (plus if I have a c-section, I'll need that recovery time too). She said she'll be coming into the room after 2 hours and 15 minutes then. It's just not worth arguing over it, so if she wants to sit in the waiting room, so be it, but she isn't coming in until we give the nurses the ok anyway, so she could be there all night or longer.

That is exactly what my SIL who lives closetold us as well. She is a L&D nurse at an other hospital and insists that she be in the waiting room "just in case" I need her. We told her that she is an adult and if she insists on being in the super uncomfortable waiting room that is her decision. However, we made it very clear that no one would be allowed back to see us for at least 2, if not 3, hours after they moved me into the post-partum room. She FREAKED out saying there was no way in hell she would wait longer than 1 hour 15 minutes to see her new niece. I have been pretty sassy (as my DH calls it) lately and I immediately responded with, "Well thank goodness our hospital has super strick rules on stuff like that unlike your hospital - so at the end of the day all that matters is what we tell the nurse. Guess you'll be waiting till we're ready for visitors!"

She wasn't happy at all but I could give two rats @$$ if people are mad or hurt by our labor decisions.

-____--------------------------
Effing quote box.

WELL DONE!! I'd let her ass simmer there for hours, even longer than the two or three you said. But I'm a spiteful jerk like that ;-) Where do people get off deciding how long they are willing to wait?

ETA: @Knovitski's MIL would be getting the same treatment =-D

brittneyandadam · July 2014

LTMama said:

knovitski said:

@LTMama I totally agree. My brother and sister each have 3 kids and no one in our family ever assumed or declared that they would be present for the birth. My sister did end up asking my mom if she wanted to be there for the first, and my mom was happy to be there but would not have pressured sis if she hadn't asked.

MIL on the other hand continues to be pushy about it. Despite telling her our expectations a few weeks ago (we will call when we are ready for visitors, no one in the room or even waiting room), she told DH and I this weekend that she will be in the waiting room and we can't stop her. I politely explained that it would be at least a couple hours after the birth before anyone would be allowed in since we want to do skin-to-skin, bonding time, initiate breastfeeding, etc (plus if I have a c-section, I'll need that recovery time too). She said she'll be coming into the room after 2 hours and 15 minutes then. It's just not worth arguing over it, so if she wants to sit in the waiting room, so be it, but she isn't coming in until we give the nurses the ok anyway, so she could be there all night or longer.

Dude your MIL is the WORST. Sorry, but man she's so pushy, I'm sorry you have to deal with her. I don't get how people make someone ELSE'S pregnancy/delivery all about themselves. It's just shocking to me.

I wonder if my MIL would be pushier if 1) my ILs lived in the country, and 2) we didn't have a language barrier issue. My French sucks, so I can only have simple conversations with them so DH handles anything important. And he's even more private than I am, so he even informs them when they can come to the US to visit us, after asking me how I want things to go LOL.

I haven't gotten push back from mom or MIL (yet)...but I have from ppl who aren't even family! A family friend of DH's fam asked MIL within earshot if she was going to be in the delivery room. I interjected that it would just be DH. She rolled her eyes at me and asked why I wasn't including MIL. It was so rude...I told her that it was a private moment and that I didn't want anyone at the hospital.

brittneyandadam · July 2014

knovitski said:
@AccioPizza I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I would like to blame the hormones but I would probably be a jerk about it even if I weren't hormonal. MIL's attitude definitely just makes me want to make her wait even longer.

Also, thought of something uncommon but wanted to throw it out there as a warning- be very clear with the hospital staff who is allowed where, not just the delivery or recovery rooms. When my sister had her first child, the staff let her MIL in the nursery when my sister was recovering and her MIL gave the baby the first bottle before my sister ever even got to feed her. It's still a bitter subject to this day (7 yrs later).

Holy crap. The only ppl allowed in the nursery at our hospital is the 2 ppl with arm bands. I'd be livid.

kmbk27 · July 2014

knovitski said:
@AccioPizza I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I would like to blame the hormones but I would probably be a jerk about it even if I weren't hormonal. MIL's attitude definitely just makes me want to make her wait even longer.

Also, thought of something uncommon but wanted to throw it out there as a warning- be very clear with the hospital staff who is allowed where, not just the delivery or recovery rooms. When my sister had her first child, the staff let her MIL in the nursery when my sister was recovering and her MIL gave the baby the first bottle before my sister ever even got to feed her. It's still a bitter subject to this day (7 yrs later).

Holy shit. There are no words in any language to describe how absolutely pissed off I would have been in that situation.

Shit, I was pissed off at SO's mom this morning for a DREAM I had last night where I had the baby, they were visiting, I was about to get checked so I asked them to step out of the room, and she tried to take the baby with her and tried to argue with me about why I wasn't okay with that.
TRIED being the key word.
So, yeah, fuck all that.

AccioPizza · July 2014

knovitski said:

@AccioPizza I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I would like to blame the hormones but I would probably be a jerk about it even if I weren't hormonal. MIL's attitude definitely just makes me want to make her wait even longer.

Also, thought of something uncommon but wanted to throw it out there as a warning- be very clear with the hospital staff who is allowed where, not just the delivery or recovery rooms. When my sister had her first child, the staff let her MIL in the nursery when my sister was recovering and her MIL gave the baby the first bottle before my sister ever even got to feed her. It's still a bitter subject to this day (7 yrs later).

HEADS WOULD ROLL. Omg.

portentosa · July 2014

brittneyandadam said:

@AccioPizza I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I would like to blame the hormones but I would probably be a jerk about it even if I weren't hormonal. MIL's attitude definitely just makes me want to make her wait even longer.

Also, thought of something uncommon but wanted to throw it out there as a warning- be very clear with the hospital staff who is allowed where, not just the delivery or recovery rooms. When my sister had her first child, the staff let her MIL in the nursery when my sister was recovering and her MIL gave the baby the first bottle before my sister ever even got to feed her. It's still a bitter subject to this day (7 yrs later).
Holy crap. The only ppl allowed in the nursery at our hospital is the 2 ppl with arm bands. I'd be livid.

Same at my hospital. Me and DH got security bracelets that matched up with DS's and had to be scanned whenever we went into the nursery to visit DS. We were allowed to bring one or two other people in WITH us, but they couldn't just wander in on their own!!

I would be so fucking pissed off if something like that happened.

MMason12 · July 2014

knovitski said:

@AccioPizza I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I would like to blame the hormones but I would probably be a jerk about it even if I weren't hormonal. MIL's attitude definitely just makes me want to make her wait even longer.

Also, thought of something uncommon but wanted to throw it out there as a warning- be very clear with the hospital staff who is allowed where, not just the delivery or recovery rooms. When my sister had her first child, the staff let her MIL in the nursery when my sister was recovering and her MIL gave the baby the first bottle before my sister ever even got to feed her. It's still a bitter subject to this day (7 yrs later).

Holy crap balls.... Heads would roll for me! I would never forgive anyone (Mother, MIL, Sister, SIL, etc.) who had the balls to do that!

Our hospital does not have a nursery any more -- baby has to stay in the room with you 100% of the time unless they need special medical attention -- but we 100% plan to make it CRYSTAL clear who is and is not allowed in the labor room/recovery rooms and when.

LTMama · July 2014

knovitski said:

@AccioPizza I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I would like to blame the hormones but I would probably be a jerk about it even if I weren't hormonal. MIL's attitude definitely just makes me want to make her wait even longer.

Also, thought of something uncommon but wanted to throw it out there as a warning- be very clear with the hospital staff who is allowed where, not just the delivery or recovery rooms. When my sister had her first child, the staff let her MIL in the nursery when my sister was recovering and her MIL gave the baby the first bottle before my sister ever even got to feed her. It's still a bitter subject to this day (7 yrs later).

Dude. DUDE. I would be absolutely livid. I can't believe your MIL had the balls to do that! And I'm shocked the hospital staff let her!

At our hospital, as far as I know parents aren't allowed in the nursery at all, they bring the baby to you when you ask (or you just keep baby in the room with you). When DD was in the NICU, DH and I had bracelets that had to be checked before we could go in (and you have to get buzzed in), and were allowed to bring one visitor at a time with us. But we had to escort them - when my mom would meet me there, they'd make her wait for me in the waiting room, even though at that point the nurses recognized her.

PerpetualHJ · July 2014

Just me, DH, and the nurse, Dr. And I'd like it to be that way for an hour or two after birth. I want to just get to know my little family better and adjust to there being 3 of us.

My mother and entire family is totally okay with that. They don't want to be there any more than we want them there. God love em! and they definitely don't want to hang out in a waiting room for hours. Of course, this is the 8th grandchild for them. My MIL on the other hand... this is her first and we haven't discussed with her yet. I don't even want them in the waiting room... not that I don't love them. I do. I have a great relationship with them, but I want my DH concentrating on me, not feeling torn like he needs to visit the waiting room and give updates, etc. I don't know how all that will play out.

ve304856 · July 2014

I guess I am very lucky that my mom has no desire to be in the room. With DS my MIL didn't even come to the hospital, she visited us on the day we came home but only stayed less than an hour, and they live 2 hours away. I just wanted to say some of your MIL's are crazy. I don't know why people think they are entitled to be in the room.

conradraging · July 2014

My MIL wants to drive 9+ hours to make it to the hospital, and doesn't even have any expectations about being in the room. She just wants to be there when I'm ready. Thought that was pretty sweet.

Sammiethamma · July 2014

The first time around I had my parents, my sister and my husband. But this time it'll just be my husband.

cozybluebear · July 2014

You're going to want to check the hospital's policy. I was in labor for 14 hours and during that time, I was allowed three people at a time which included my husband. I was induced at 8PM and our family members took turns visiting all night. Once I had my epidural, the nurse banned all visitors from my room and demanded that I get sleep and I'm glad she did. Once it was time to push, I was able to have my husband and one other person. We broke the rules and had both our Moms.

The room filled quickly when I started pushing. We had our OB, 2 high risk OBs, 2 nurses, a NICU team of 4, and two random guys who were training for Life Flight and never saw an actual birth. It was crowded! When you're pushing a baby out though, you could care less who is looking at your vagina.

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