Who will you have in the delivery room?

WonderWomanAbbey

This is my first baby, and I'm the youngest out of four sisters. It's a huge deal to them all, and to my mom, AND my partner's mom, AND his sisters. They all want to be there while he's making his first appearance. At first, early on, I was very much "Hey, the more the merrier!" But as we get closer to that day, I am starting to have my doubts. I keep having these images of thirty people grouped around my naked, birthing body all yelling instructions at me at once and it just makes me anxious even thinking about it! I don't want to tell them that no one is allowed in the room, but is it okay to set some ground rules first? Namely, no talking unless you're the doctor, dad, or telling me how pretty I am??

MrsKasel10

Just my husband and the OB/nurse. Possibly a doula if I decide to hire one.

cls0602

This is my first baby as well, and I also said the more the merrier early on, but have since changed my mind! Just DH is allowed in! The only thing that concerns me about it is I want pictures, and I'm sure my H will be too caught up in the moment or shakey to do so Lol

megs2011

I know this was asked before but it's going to be just Dh and maybe my mom. I'm trying for a vbac so I really don't want a bunch of people. If I end up with a section it will just be Dh unless they allow a 2nd person in.

conradraging

Just DH, and maybe my mom. I have a feeling i will probably start yelling for my mommy.

ve304856

When I had DS just DH and my sister were int he room. I was only allowed 3 people in the room. Our family lives our of the area so they weren't even in the waiting room. I am delivering this LO at a different hospital and they allow 5 people in the room. However I will only have DH in the room this time bc my sister will be watching DS.

britb143

As of right now just DH but in the moment that may change and I would most likely want my sister in there also. I think it's such a special thing and it's our first baby so we really want to cherish the time together. Of course never experiencing labor before I am open to other scenarios.

suitern

DH and the doula....I am still coming to terms with the doula ha ha.

sigkap710

I am giving birth in a hospital so other than healthcare professionals, just the hubby.

saraeric

DH and my mom...my mom will be there because she's worked mother/baby on a maternity unit for 15+ years.  

jortiz780

I would definitely do what makes you feel comfortable. If you decide to change your mind and just have yourself and SO in there, then so be it, but you or SO is going to have to tell the family. 

My personal opinion... I don't want ANYONE in the room besides DH and I and the doc and nurses - and that is during all of labor, all of the delivery and 2 hours afterward. I think the time after you deliver is very important for bonding and you need to bond with your LO. 

Either way, good luck with the decision you make and letting the family know. It's going to be hard, but you have to do what's best for your new family. 

tatorhead328

My hospital will only allow two people in the room during the pushing, and I think I just want my husband in there with me. Like others have said, I don't know if I might end up calling for my mom at some point, though. I'll absolutely want her there during the labor, at least, because there's just something really comforting about a mama's touch, y'know? (It's so cool that I get to have that special touch now!)

My hospital also recommends a golden hour, where we spend just one hour with husband, me, and the baby, bonding without any visitors or interruptions. I just went ahead and told my mom and MIL that that's the rule so they won't try to push in any earlier.

STM, how did you feel about tons of visitors right after baby was born?

brittneyandadam

So on my hospital tour, the nurse actually addressed this. She said that if you want that many people in your room, the more power to you....but to make sure that they are productive. You know, not munching on a doughnut or a burrito in front of you while you can't have anything but broth and Jell-o. And not talking over the doctors, giving you conflicting directions. That kind of thing.

She did say that if you change your mind during delivery or are just too afraid to speak your mind, to tell your nurse and they will make up a bogus rule about not allowing that many ppl in the room. They're ok with being the bad guys.

Another thing to think about is that you can have them in the room while your laboring, but when it comes time to push, tell them that you'd like them to leave so you can do it in peace. This will also give you and DH time alone with baby after delivery and give you a chance to bond without ppl playing pass the baby.

Bella2425

Just DH. My parents might stop by on their way home from work if timing is right, but they have zero desire to be there for the big event (nor do I). I'm very lucky in that everyone we know really respects boundaries.

Djcieply

I don't mind extra family members being in the room while I'm in labor, it actually helped me take my mind off the pain having more people there. But when it's time to start pushing everyone but DH need to get the hell out. My family is pretty respectful of this, my on the otherhand my MIL is going to be the one that will be bullheaded about leaving the room.

@tatorhead328‌ I had DS around midnight so the only people that I saw right away were my parents and younger sister since they were in the waiting room. Honestly I would prefer people visiting us at the hospital than at home, we have a small house and a dog that gets way too excited when we have visitors. I'm also the kind of person that worries about my house being a mess and would feel like I need to host people while they are at my house, whether they act like they expect me to or not. So I would rather be at the hospital and not have to have those thoughts running through my head while people are trying to visit us.

AccioPizza

Birth is not a spectator sport. It kind of sounds like you are mostly just trying not to hurt anyone's feeling, which is basically how I chose my bridal party of SEVEN. It was a circus. And that was a party, not an event where I'm in pain, mostly naked and possibly popping. If you are worried about feelings that much, make it only your DH an then none of them women feel specifically excluded. But frankly, it is your birth and you should have who you want, not who you don't want to offend.

ETA: I can't even imagine where all these people would sit/stand? My room had a small couch last time for DH to sit on after I had the epi. During pushing, he was on one side of the bed, nurse was on the other and a doc and nurse were obviously at the end. There was trays and such near the bed. So how would this work? Suggestion ... If you really WANT that many people to get to see you, why not allow them to pop in from the waiting room and say hi here and there when you are up to it, but not just camp there. You can use the small room as an excuse. And seriously just have your DH during pushing ... He shouldn't have to be craning his neck around like six women to see his baby born, or fighting over who is giving you the 'you got this, baby!' Pep talk.

Jenner37

It will only be DH, for DD1 it was only DH, one nurse and my OB and that was plenty of people for me!

@tatorhead328 as far as visitors, I only had one for my 2 day stay, I was so exhausted and did not feel like getting dressed. We had more once home but in the hospital I was just not up for it, I would play it by ear and see how you feel after delivery.

carryon23

I am the oldest of 4 girls !
Just my DH.
With DD it was DH, my mom, and 1 of my sisters.
DS was just my DH.

Just having my DH was SOOOOOO much less stressful.  My mom and my sister who lives locally with be at home with DD and DS.

MMason12

WonderWomanAbbey said:

This is my first baby, and I'm the youngest out of four sisters. It's a huge deal to them all, and to my mom, AND my partner's mom, AND his sisters. They all want to be there while he's making his first appearance. At first, early on, I was very much "Hey, the more the merrier!" But as we get closer to that day, I am starting to have my doubts. I keep having these images of thirty people grouped around my naked, birthing body all yelling instructions at me at once and it just makes me anxious even thinking about it! I don't want to tell them that no one is allowed in the room, but is it okay to set some ground rules first? Namely, no talking unless you're the doctor, dad, or telling me how pretty I am??

HELL NO would I be okay with that many people in there while I give birth! That is way too many people. Might as well invite the janitor while they are at it.

As for us -- there will be my husband and my Mom.  Possibly my Grandma if she gets here in time (lives 2.5 hours away in IN). Other than that I have one SIL who lives close who asked to be in the room -- we told her no. Even if my sister or my husband's parents lived close none of them would be allowed in the room during labor. I don't want a three ring circus of people around me while I'm laboring. 

T&HLove

My husband and my sister. We can't really afford a doula, so I wanted an extra support person. Eta: with my first I only wanted my H, and it caused some feelings to be hurt. (Actually on his side which is just weird to me since I'm not their daughter.. But that's another issue) I think it's easier to just say no one is allowed vs picking and choosing. Unless, of course, you really want someone there. Then screw everyone else

SingleMom31

It will be just DH again. 

You may want to check with your hospital as PPs have mentioned.  Ours only allows the MTB + 3 people in the room.  They gave my husband three stickers and said that he could allocate them to whomever he pleased, but that they had to have a sticker to be in the room.  After joking about whether he could give them to three people and hang out in the lobby until it was cigar time (I was not amused), he took one for himself and tucked the other two into the hospital bag.  When family asked, "Oh, no sticker, sorry - Hospital rules." 

MMason12

SingleMom31 said:

It will be just DH again. 

You may want to check with your hospital as PPs have mentioned.  Ours only allows the MTB + 3 people in the room.  They gave my husband three stickers and said that he could allocate them to whomever he pleased, but that they had to have a sticker to be in the room.  After joking about whether he could give them to three people and hang out in the lobby until it was cigar time (I was not amused), he took one for himself and tucked the other two into the hospital bag.  When family asked, "Oh, no sticker, sorry - Hospital rules." 

I agree!  Mine only allows three people total, including your DH or SO. That could help or hurt your problem. 

T&HLove said:

My husband and my sister. We can't really afford a doula, so I wanted an extra support person. Eta: with my first I only wanted my H, and it caused some feelings to be hurt. (Actually on his side which is just weird to me since I'm not their daughter.. But that's another issue) I think it's easier to just say no one is allowed vs picking and choosing. Unless, of course, you really want someone there. Then screw everyone else

I actually take serious issue with this! (I'm on your side!!)  I have ZERO idea how a MIL can "expect" to be in the room. It isn't her daughter giving birth and as far as I'm concerned she has zero rights to be there, unless invited/wanted.  It's part of being the mother of a son verse the mother of a daughter.  Everyone will tell you it's extremely different. 

mrsdanielleM2010

Conradgallagher said:

Just DH, and maybe my mom. I have a feeling i will probably start yelling for my mommy.

This is why I'm asking my mom to be "around." I'm not sure yet if I will want her in the room for delivery but I want the option.

AccioPizza

MMason12 said:

SingleMom31 said:

It will be just DH again. 

You may want to check with your hospital as PPs have mentioned.  Ours only allows the MTB + 3 people in the room.  They gave my husband three stickers and said that he could allocate them to whomever he pleased, but that they had to have a sticker to be in the room.  After joking about whether he could give them to three people and hang out in the lobby until it was cigar time (I was not amused), he took one for himself and tucked the other two into the hospital bag.  When family asked, "Oh, no sticker, sorry - Hospital rules." 

I agree!  Mine only allows three people total, including your DH or SO. That could help or hurt your problem. 

T&HLove said:

My husband and my sister. We can't really afford a doula, so I wanted an extra support person.

Eta: with my first I only wanted my H, and it caused some feelings to be hurt. (Actually on his side which is just weird to me since I'm not their daughter.. But that's another issue) I think it's easier to just say no one is allowed vs picking and choosing. Unless, of course, you really want someone there. Then screw everyone else

I actually take serious issue with this! (I'm on your side!!)  I have ZERO idea how a MIL can "expect" to be in the room. It isn't her daughter giving birth and as far as I'm concerned she has zero rights to be there, unless invited/wanted.  It's part of being the mother of a son verse the mother of a daughter.
 Everyone will tell you it's extremely different. 

100 percent agree that the mother of the dad has no right to 'expect' to be there (times a million!). But I also think absolutely no one, except the baby's dad, has the 'right' to expect to be there. That includes my mom.

conradraging

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

Conradgallagher said:

Just DH, and maybe my mom. I have a feeling i will probably start yelling for my mommy.

This is why I'm asking my mom to be "around." I'm not sure yet if I will want her in the room for delivery but I want the option.

Im a mommas girl, hands down. Haha. But I also still don't know if DH is going to make it home for the birth so my mom is already working as his stand in, going to the hospital tour with me and such.

nilvero

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

Just DH, and maybe my mom. I have a feeling i will probably start yelling for my mommy.

This is why I'm asking my mom to be "around." I'm not sure yet if I will want her in the room for delivery but I want the option.

This for me too! I love my mom, but she can either make me feel a million times better during stressful situations or stress me out more. So right now it's just DH with the option of mom. I shouldn't have too much fight with this.

Even though it's for a positive thing, not sure my dad is going to want to see me in a hospital situation, at least not until after everything happens. 

tatorhead328

MMason12 said:

SingleMom31 said:

It will be just DH again. 

You may want to check with your hospital as PPs have mentioned.  Ours only allows the MTB + 3 people in the room.  They gave my husband three stickers and said that he could allocate them to whomever he pleased, but that they had to have a sticker to be in the room.  After joking about whether he could give them to three people and hang out in the lobby until it was cigar time (I was not amused), he took one for himself and tucked the other two into the hospital bag.  When family asked, "Oh, no sticker, sorry - Hospital rules." 

I agree!  Mine only allows three people total, including your DH or SO. That could help or hurt your problem. 

T&HLove said:

My husband and my sister. We can't really afford a doula, so I wanted an extra support person. Eta: with my first I only wanted my H, and it caused some feelings to be hurt. (Actually on his side which is just weird to me since I'm not their daughter.. But that's another issue) I think it's easier to just say no one is allowed vs picking and choosing. Unless, of course, you really want someone there. Then screw everyone else

I actually take serious issue with this! (I'm on your side!!)  I have ZERO idea how a MIL can "expect" to be in the room. It isn't her daughter giving birth and as far as I'm concerned she has zero rights to be there, unless invited/wanted.  It's part of being the mother of a son verse the mother of a daughter.  Everyone will tell you it's extremely different. 

When my boss' wife was having one of her grandchildren (she'd already had two by her daughter), she was FURIOUS that her son's wife wouldn't let her in the room during the birth. She said it was her right as a grandma to see all of her grandchildren being born. It made me rage so hard. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I would be so incredibly uncomfortable with my MIL being in there with me during that.

TinkL0ver

My FMIL asked that she be allowed to come to town at least (I had mentioned not telling anyone when I go into labor and she lives an hour away) so we compromised and I told her we will let her know when we go in and depending on how I feel at the time she may be able to come into the room while I labor but will most likely have to leave when it comes time to push. She was happy with that. After thinking about it more I decided to open up the offer to include my mom and dad. Dad said he def. wants to be there but didn't want to even ask because he knows he has no right and shockingly my mom wants to drive the 6+ hours to come. I did explain that nobody else was to be told when I go into labor because my family is pushy and would show up even if I ask them not to and the hospital has already said that I can ether allow visitors or not allow them, they will not screen visitors though so it's all or nothing. Moms a little upset that she can't post to FB but understands my reasoning.

Ciardasully

My rule is that if you were not present at conception, then you will not be present at the birth. Obviously medical staff is excluded from that statement.

portentosa

Have whoever you're comfortable with having/allowed to have (some hospitals are more strict than others). I had a large crowd.... DH, my mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and two sisters were all in and out at different times during my labor and everyone but my step dad was there for the big show. My dad took pictures during labor and right after DS was born...I had set ground rules for when he COULDN'T take pictures.... and I cherish those captured moments. Everyone was very supportive (taking turns holding my hands through contractions) and no one was in the way or anything negative so it was a very good experience for me.

But everyone is different in their preferences and every family is different in how they'd act in such a situation so you have to decide what YOU want and stick to your guns if anyone gives you grief. In the end it's really about you and your more immediate family.

portentosa

knovitski said:

tromboner said:

*snipped*

 

My dad took pictures during labor and right after DS was born...I had set ground rules for when he COULDN'T take pictures.... and I cherish those captured moments.

In addition to limitations on how many people can be in the room, our hospital also has a written policy that they have already sent to us regarding photography (prohibited during later stages of labor and delivery).

My rule was no crotch shots. Once labor got far enough along that my feet were in stirrups the camera was put away. I was still in stirrups getting stitched together when I first held DS so my dad had to be careful with the angles, but since DS was up on my chest it wasn't too difficult.

purplestarz

Just DH. I can't even imagine having all those other people there. Additionally, if all goes to plan, I plan on doing skin to skin for an hour afterwards immediately after birth (my hospital even recommends this). I definitely don't need or want anyone else in the room during that time since I also plan to attempt to breast feed then too.

We told my MIL our plans for this, and then we told her she doesn't even need to be in the waiting room since she lives 30 minutes away and we can tell her after the baby is born and THEN she can head over and still have time to spare. I don't think she was too pleased.

So my advice is, it's your body, birth, and baby. You get the ultimate decisions. If you're not comfortable, don't allow them all there.

amandazant

Just the hubs and I. I also let any students come in as I delivered the last two at teaching hospitals. I figure the only ones that need to be in the delivery room besides nurses/doctor are the people that made the baby

brittneyandadam

Jen9608 said:

Just DH. I can't even imagine having all those other people there. Additionally, if all goes to plan, I plan on doing skin to skin for an hour afterwards immediately after birth (my hospital even recommends this). I definitely don't need or want anyone else in the room during that time since I also plan to attempt to breast feed then too. We told my MIL our plans for this, and then we told her she doesn't even need to be in the waiting room since she lives 30 minutes away and we can tell her after the baby is born and THEN she can head over and still have time to spare. I don't think she was too pleased. So my advice is, it's your body, birth, and baby. You get the ultimate decisions. If you're not comfortable, don't allow them all there.

I want to stress the importance of the highlighted area above. A lot of hospitals will encourage you to go skin to skin right away with the baby to help him/her regulate breathing, temperature, heartbeat, etc. It also encourages the baby to naturally seek the breast and have their first feeding within the first 2 hours. If people are in the room and grabbing at a chance to hold baby, skin to skin would be very difficult to do. 

punnybunny

Just DH. Unless I go past my due date to when my mom is in town. Then my mom is also welcome. Because we live so far from family, it's an easy decision.

Linz-E

Some people find it hard to tell their family no. Tell your nurses up front what you want- they are usually your best advocates when it comes to that. As for me it will be just hubby again ... and DD if my mom doesn't make it from out of state in time.

Ivorytower2

This is my exact feeling. I know my Mom wants to be there and she means well, but I think I could really go either way depending on her "level of emotion". Lol.

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

Just DH, and maybe my mom. I have a feeling i will probably start yelling for my mommy.

This is why I'm asking my mom to be "around." I'm not sure yet if I will want her in the room for delivery but I want the option.



This for me too! I love my mom, but she can either make me feel a million times better during stressful situations or stress me out more. So right now it's just DH with the option of mom. I shouldn't have too much fight with this.

Even though it's for a positive thing, not sure my dad is going to want to see me in a hospital situation, at least not until after everything happens. 

anna&nicholas

amandazant said:

Just the hubs and I. I also let any students come in as I delivered the last two at teaching hospitals. I figure the only ones that need to be in the delivery room besides nurses/doctor are the people that made the baby

When I had my son I had students in the room...I had no problem with that. They should experience all types of births.

Ss3457

I am honestly going through the same emotions right now! My mom wants to be in the room along with my husbands mom and my aunt and grandma too. More recently, I've been thinking that I want my birthing experience to be more personal between me and my husband rather than having everyone in the room.

I think what we've decided to do is allow the parents to wait outside and come in once she's born and then, when we are ready, make the call to other friends and family that it's okay to come and visit.

itsagalsworls1024

I plan on having my fiancé and mom if she is here for it. My mom lives in PA and hasn't been around for this pregnancy at all she and I are really close so I want her to experience some part with me. As for FI's parents they told us they would be in the waiting room. FI and I have talked about it and we decided we will call them when we are ready for them to come visit since they only live 15 mins away from the hospital. In the beginning I didn't want to hurt any feelings but I'm at the point now where I want to feel as comfortable during this whole process as a FTM as possible and I'm not afraid to hurt any feelings over being there or not.

conradraging

My hospital only allows two people. One is the "banded" (for security purposes) person, which in most cases is your SO and then one other. So ask your hospital about their rules.