i am up at 3am thinking about how 3.5wks ago....just 2wks before being admitted to the hospital, how i went to my OB with diarrhea, abdominal pressure and contractions...and he said it was a stomach bug, checked my vitals and the heart rate with a doppler...and put me on bedrest....why didnt he do an ultrasound? why didnt i insist he do one??? those 2 weeks could have caught my weak cervix before my bag prolapsed and hourglassed into my vagina....could have saved my son's life. i knew soomething was wrong, thats why i went to the doctor...why didnt i insist he do an ultrasound? im literally getting so angry at myself and at my doctor. i just want to scream.
Oh sweetie this isn't your fault. My heart aches for you. I've had 4 losses myself and with each one i questioned all the what ifs.. So I can relate to your emotions but there's no guarantee even that would have helped. With each loss I've become more insistent with every part of my care and monitoring of the next pregnancy but there's always something new that comes up. I'm so sorry for what you're going thru.
I'm sorry you're feeling like this, although it is of course natural. Perhaps you could write two letters. One of how you're feeling and all you want to say. Be as open, honest, vulnerable, and angry as you truly feel. Just to vent and to get it all out of you. Then maybe a second that you actually address and give to your doctor that's a little more professional/reserved about how he could have done further investigation and taken better precautions with your symptoms, which were classic Preterm labor symptoms.
What ever you do, know that in time you will be able to breath, eat, and live without this heavy cloud on your heart and body. You truly will rise through it. It's just a matter of time. Anger and regret are healthy steps in the grieving process. It's OK to feel like this.
Aw my heart just aches for you uberlacey22.. You did the right thing, you went to the Dr when you knew something wasnt right. Yes he dropped the ball and should have did further investigation. Please dont blame yourself. Praying that you will find peace..
Re: weak cervix...
my happy boy
Nov. '14 January Siggy : Work Sucks!
Me 32-DH 38
Married July 14, 2007 ----- TTC # 1 October 1, 2013
BFP March 7, 2014 ----- EDD November 17, 2014 ---- Baby boy born November 16, 2014
My T & P are with you during this difficult time. .**hugs**
Mama to sweet baby girl, Emerson Rose, born November 7th, 2014
What ever you do, know that in time you will be able to breath, eat, and live without this heavy cloud on your heart and body. You truly will rise through it. It's just a matter of time. Anger and regret are healthy steps in the grieving process. It's OK to feel like this.
Best of luck. You're in our thoughts.
10/16/04 ~ lost our first baby boy at 20 weeks due to IC
3/05 ~ another loss at 12 weeks
2/14/06 ~ Our sweet valentine miracle was born after a nightmarish 8 months!
Surprise Baby Boy, born sleeping at 31 weeks on 9/21/14