How "on board" is your DH?

Trampslikeus · June 2014

@LinnyDan12 - I'm so sorry you're going through that. I still have lingering negative feelings re: sexuality stemming from an ex boyfriend who was like that years ago.

My husband is also an engineer (lots of those in here it seems!) and intensely curious about how it all works. I've had to tell him there are certain things we just don't neeeeeed to talk about, like CM. The problem we've run in to is just being too tired at the wrong times. The nights I'm home at a reasonable hour, get showered, relaxed and ready - he's just coming in from a gig or a run and just wants to pass out. Summer is his busiest time for gigs, so we'll be better off after Labor Day.

MrsC0617 · June 2014

DH is very excited at the prospect of becoming a daddy and I feel so guilty for disappointing him every month when AF comes. I don't get too graphic about the details of my body, especially when it comes to CM, but I let him know when it's a good time to do the deed. He has a pretty high sex drive for a 40 year old but sex ED during my FW can even wear him down. Haha.

lizziemoore513 · June 2014

This is our first month TTC and I have been pretty open about my FW and OPKs etc. it doesn't seem to bother him, but he did mention the first time we...ya know...did it...it felt weird knowing that for the first time we aren't preventing it. If we don't get a BFP, I may keep my future FW on the down low and just put on some lingerie to make it happen haha! $:\$ ">

catwine · June 2014

I told H upfront when my FW is and he was fine with sex during that time. I actually think he enjoyed it because I was initiating.

yevev · June 2014

LinnyDan12 said
Also, sorry for taking over this post with my lack of sex life, OP.

No apologies necessary! The point of this is support so I'm glad you are talking about it! I hope things get better for you soon.

jacqueleen1 · June 2014

My husband agrees somewhat. He knows it has to be done but agrees it's just not that sexy. So we often have spontaneous sex too where we aren't using things like time and preseed or me keeping my pelvis elevated after sex

myweddingbells2010 · June 2014

LtColumbo said:

We tried to do the "let's make conception fun and do it when we want" thing, but that hasn't worked and our timing hasn't been great. So now we have to get down to business. I am the "project manager" for getting pregnant (my husband is an engineer) and I've already delivered by sex plan for this month. It's really romantic.

Ha! That sounds a bit like me and my hubs. He wants to know which day I am in my cycle and whenever I do an OPK test, I have to leave it on the back of the toilet so he can check too. Weird? Maybe. I see it as a bonding thing.

FitMom3510 · June 2014

My H is interested in it all but at the end of my fertile window last month he confessed that he felt like all I wanted him for was his sperm, and that I was making it a chore since we were normally twice a weekers to becoming EODers or EDers. He felt like I wanted to just get pregnant even though I still thought we were having good sex he thought since the frequency increased it wasn't real. He asks about my temps and when my window is though but I think next month I wont tell him and just seduce him unless he asks.

eskimozie · June 2014

My hubby really wants a baby and tracks my cycle as religiously as I do. However, he can't perform on command and we've missed a few windows because he's been sick, tired, or just feeling down. If I don't feel like it, I can just lay back and let him do all the work, but guys aren't like that. I have to manage him in such a way that when I'm ready he's able.

Robi1 · June 2014

JacqueleenF said:

My husband agrees somewhat. He knows it has to be done but agrees it's just not that sexy. So we often have spontaneous sex too where we aren't using things like time and preseed or me keeping my pelvis elevated after sex

You know that's a myth right? There's no need to elevate your pelvis. It can actually cause problems, like UTIs.

carabassa27 · June 2014

@LinnyDan12 - You've already gotten a lot of supportive feedback, but I just wanted to be another voice letting you know that you're not alone. My H and I dealt with his complete lack of sex drive recently, and it was definitely a self-esteem buster to be rejected in bed by the one person in the world who was supposed to find me attractive.

Eventually we decided to see a therapist about it, and were able to identify specific issues that needed to be dealt with and talked through. There wasn't an immediate fix, but after several months of small changes we started finding excitement in our sex life again. And now, everything's really great.

The point of my novel: if it turns out there isn't a hormone imbalance, I highly recommend going to counseling together. You don't need to feel doomed to be in a sex-less marriage. Our therapist recommended reading "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel, which was helpful as well.

Good luck - hope everything gets better soon.

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