I know we are all hurting--- a lot. I know it's hard sometimes to focus on the good, but I am curious as to what makes you feel better.
For me, sometimes I talk to Madeleine. I have told her over and over how sorry I am that I couldn't protect her from her trisomy. I tell her how much I love her and I thank her for being so strong. This helps to take away the intense sadness and then I can find something to distract me such as putting together a puzzle or painting a room. Being with family is my biggest outlet right now.
Writing helps me a lot. That's a big reason I started my blog. I had been journaling since we lost Nathaniel and thought sharing my thoughts might help someone else too.
Being outside in nature by myself going for a walk or a bike ride is really helpful too. It gives me time to think and process things and talk to God.
I've never been much of a writer or journal keeper, but after Eleanor died I started a journal in which I write a letter to her at least once per day. They're not always long; sometimes only a few sentences, but that's the time in my day that I dedicate to just her.
I don't really know how to make myself feel "better" when I get sad about her, but I find distractions help. I end up watching a lot of TV and playing Candy Crush to get out of my own head. It's not the healthiest activity, but it helps me escape when I need it.
I talk to Ana a lot. I write, I listen to music, I go to the cemetery, go for walks, talk to H or my family/close friends, usually after I cry I feel better. Going to therapy, and my support group
I agree with you all - writing helps tremendously. Reading helps me as well, especially reading memoirs of other people's losses. I talk to my boys constantly and read to them at night, and it helps me feel like I am still a mom.
I wish I was better at doing "something." I feel like it is a piece of this process that is missing, yet can't get my head around doing anything. Years ago I was really good at journaling, so I bought a new book, but I can't write in it. I've tried.
BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010
BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011
BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013
BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy. Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)
We love and miss you Timothy
BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014
I wish I was better at doing "something." I feel like it is a piece of this process that is missing, yet can't get my head around doing anything. Years ago I was really good at journaling, so I bought a new book, but I can't write in it. I've tried.
That must be hard. I think once you find an outlet you will feel a little weight lifted. Are you crafty or have any desire to learn? There are tons of YouTube videos that teach how to crochet a blanket, or maybe you could try painting? I think having something to do with your hands helps tremendously. I totally get not being able to journal. The urge might come later though, I just hope you have some kind of outlet now though.
I don't have a specific outlet yet. We have a japanese maple tree that we are growing and will eventually plant in Fiona's memory, so I like to water/prune this. I think that it gives me something to nurture and take care of, which does help. I have a blank journal that my mom gave me, but I have yet to start writing in it. I do think it would be a good release though since I am not an overly talkative person and tend to keep my feelings and emotions to myself.
Talking about Mae, looking at pictures & going to grief group helps. I also found a blog that I read once in a while. Sometimes I read a daily grief meditation which seems to help too.
@ashtog I LOVE what you said...we are surviving somehow.
Being outside, listening to sad music, thinking about him, and letting myself breakdown. It helps to really feel the sadness of losing and missing him. When I need to get out of my head, I organize.
@jocie28 Would you mind sharing your grief meditation?
After 2+ years TTC, 1 miscarriage, & 3 failed IUI's... IVF#1 worked! DD born 2012 2013 FET#1: BFP, but we lost the baby at 12 weeks 2013 FET#2: BFN 2014 FET#3: BFP, but our sweet baby was born sleeping at 33 weeks IVF#2: BFP! DD born 2015 2017 IVF#3: BFN 2017 IVF#4: BFN 1st Dx = Unexplained IF, 2017 Dx = DOR
@SandyEggo5 - the book is called Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman. Its a page for ever day. Its a quote, a small paragraph relating to the quote & then an affirmation for the day that also relates to the quote. For example my favorite reading so far has been from April 26th. Everything was related to this affirmation which I think is powerful--
I am strong. I am saddened, sometimes tired, discouraged. But I've made it so far. I will not be overcome.
I've been writing. I started a blog write about how I'm feeling day by day. Being around people also helps me. I spend a lot of time alone at home, so even if being with people wears me out, it's great to be away from focusing on myself for a few hours.
I'm lucky that I have a job I love and find very rewarding. When I am at home I like to read and sometimes I go through our memory box and look at the pictures and feel the tiny hand and footprints.
I cry, I walk. I'm not a big writer, but sometimes I write in my head. Being outside and trying to garden (I largely fail at this) is therapeutic. Reading. Reading is great.
Re: GTKY: What makes you feel better?
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
Blogging, and going to the cemetery. It's a place of comfort for me. I like to buy her a little something and talk to her for a bit.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010
BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011
BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013
BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy. Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)
We love and miss you Timothy
BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014
I totally get not being able to journal. The urge might come later though, I just hope you have some kind of outlet now though.
2013 FET#1: BFP, but we lost the baby at 12 weeks
2013 FET#2: BFN
2014 FET#3: BFP, but our sweet baby was born sleeping at 33 weeks
IVF#2: BFP! DD born 2015
2017 IVF#3: BFN
2017 IVF#4: BFN
1st Dx = Unexplained IF, 2017 Dx = DOR
Asher born February 5, 2011.
Baby #2 born sleeping at 20 weeks. May 6, 2014.