Late Term and Child Loss

GTKY: What makes you feel better?

I know we are all hurting--- a lot. I know it's hard sometimes to focus on the good, but I am curious as to what makes you feel better.

For me, sometimes I talk to Madeleine. I have told her over and over how sorry I am that I couldn't protect her from her trisomy. I tell her how much I love her and I thank her for being so strong. This helps to take away the intense sadness and then I can find something to distract me such as putting together a puzzle or painting a room. Being with family is my biggest outlet right now.

What about you?

Re: GTKY: What makes you feel better?

  • Writing helps me a lot. That's a big reason I started my blog. I had been journaling since we lost Nathaniel and thought sharing my thoughts might help someone else too.

    Being outside in nature by myself going for a walk or a bike ride is really helpful too. It gives me time to think and process things and talk to God.
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
    Nathaniel Willis born sleeping 2/6/14
    Felicity Hope 4/6/15

  • XathXath member
    edited June 2014
    ***ticker***

    I've never been much of a writer or journal keeper, but after Eleanor died I started a journal in which I write a letter to her at least once per day.  They're not always long; sometimes only a few sentences, but that's the time in my day that I dedicate to just her.  

    I don't really know how to make myself feel "better" when I get sad about her, but I find distractions help.  I end up watching a lot of TV and playing Candy Crush to get out of my own head.  It's not the healthiest activity, but it helps me escape when I need it.  
    Lilypie - Personal picture Lilypie - Personal picture Lilypie - Personal picture 
     DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
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    Blogging, and going to the cemetery.  It's a place of comfort for me.  I like to buy her a little something and talk to her for a bit.
    Lilypie - (fm2j)

    Lilypie - (YesX)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!

    image

  • Going for walks helps me to clear my head, and being in the sunshine reminds me of Caroline.
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                                        motheringcarolinegrace.wordpress.com

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  • I talk to Ana a lot. I write, I listen to music, I go to the cemetery, go for walks, talk to H or my family/close friends, usually after I cry I feel better. Going to therapy, and my support group

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        My Blog

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    BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
    Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013

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  • I agree with you all - writing helps tremendously.  Reading helps me as well, especially reading memoirs of other people's losses.  I talk to my boys constantly and read to them at night, and it helps me feel like I am still a mom. 
  • MCH77MCH77 member
    I wish I was better at doing "something."  I feel like it is a piece of this process that is missing, yet can't get my head around doing anything.  Years ago I was really good at journaling, so I bought a new book, but I can't write in it.  I've tried. 

    BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010

    BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011

    BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013

    BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy.  Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)    

                                  <3 We love and miss you Timothy <3

    BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014

  • BoraBoraBabyBoraBoraBaby member
    edited June 2014
    MCH77 said:

    I wish I was better at doing "something."  I feel like it is a piece of this process that is missing, yet can't get my head around doing anything.  Years ago I was really good at journaling, so I bought a new book, but I can't write in it.  I've tried. 

    That must be hard. :( I think once you find an outlet you will feel a little weight lifted. Are you crafty or have any desire to learn? There are tons of YouTube videos that teach how to crochet a blanket, or maybe you could try painting? I think having something to do with your hands helps tremendously.
    I totally get not being able to journal. The urge might come later though, I just hope you have some kind of outlet now though.

  • Being outside, talking to my son and looking at his pictures helps.
  • I don't have a specific outlet yet. We have a japanese maple tree that we are growing and will eventually plant in Fiona's memory, so I like to water/prune this. I think that it gives me something to nurture and take care of, which does help. I have a blank journal that my mom gave me, but I have yet to start writing in it. I do think it would be a good release though since I am not an overly talkative person and tend to keep my feelings and emotions to myself.
  • Talking about Mae, looking at pictures & going to grief group helps. I also found a blog that I read once in a while. Sometimes I read a daily grief meditation which seems to help too. 

    @ashtog I LOVE what you said...we are surviving somehow. 

    One day at a time ladies. 




    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
     TIcker should read 5 months, 4 weeks & 6 days....6 months tomorrow
  • Being outside, listening to sad music, thinking about him, and letting myself breakdown. It helps to really feel the sadness of losing and missing him. When I need to get out of my head, I organize.

    @jocie28 Would you mind sharing your grief meditation?
    After 2+ years TTC, 1 miscarriage, & 3 failed IUI's... IVF#1 worked! DD born 2012
    2013 FET#1: BFP, but we lost the baby at 12 weeks
    2013 FET#2: BFN
    2014 FET#3: BFP, but our sweet baby was born sleeping at 33 weeks
    IVF#2: BFP! DD born 2015
    2017 IVF#3: BFN
    2017 IVF#4: BFN
    1st Dx = Unexplained IF, 2017 Dx = DOR
  • jocie28jocie28 member
    edited June 2014
    @SandyEggo5‌ - the book is called Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman. Its a page for ever day. Its a quote, a small paragraph relating to the quote & then an affirmation for the day that also relates to the quote. For example my favorite reading so far has been from April 26th. Everything was related to this affirmation which I think is powerful-- 

    I am strong. I am saddened, sometimes tired, discouraged. But I've made it so far. I will not be overcome.



     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I've been writing. I started a blog write about how I'm feeling day by day. Being around people also helps me. I spend a lot of time alone at home, so even if being with people wears me out, it's great to be away from focusing on myself for a few hours. 
  • I'm lucky that I have a job I love and find very rewarding. When I am at home I like to read and sometimes I go through our memory box and look at the pictures and feel the tiny hand and footprints.

    Asher born February 5, 2011.

    Baby #2 born sleeping at 20 weeks. May 6, 2014.

  • I cry, I walk. I'm not a big writer, but sometimes I write in my head. Being outside and trying to garden (I largely fail at this) is therapeutic. Reading. Reading is great.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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