So I judged some dad today (shocking, right??)

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

I took the kids swimming and there was this little boy about five there with his dad. He told my kid he shouldn't jump in the pool because he was going to split his skull. The dad actually was holding his kid who had floats on and had a noodle under him. I seriously felt bad for the poor kid.

rosesandpetals · June 2014

Before we moved, people grumbled about this at the pool all the time. I've never seen someone yell at someone else's kid, though. That's odd.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

roses&65335678 said:

Before we moved, people grumbled about this at the pool all the time. I've never seen someone yell at someone else's kid, though. That's odd.

The kid said that, not the dad. It was family swim at the y so only kids. I felt bad because this five year old kid was being held in a pool by his helicopter parent and couldn't jump in/swim independently with the other kids his age.

Mrs.Hizzo · June 2014

Huh. Today at my sister's country club, my 5 year old repeatedly jumped off the 10 foot high dive into 12 foot deep water while I sat on the other side of the pool and sipped a mimosa. I'm guessing the dad would have been apoplectic about this?

rosesandpetals · June 2014

KC_13 said:

roses&65335678 said:

Before we moved, people grumbled about this at the pool all the time. I've never seen someone yell at someone else's kid, though. That's odd.

The kid said that, not the dad. It was family swim at the y so only kids. I felt bad because this five year old kid was being held in a pool by his helicopter parent and couldn't jump in/swim independently with the other kids his age.

Oooh, okay. That is sad, poor kid is too afraid to have some fun.

honkytonk_kid · June 2014

Well, since the bump is ALL about super special circumstances, I'll just say that it's entirely possible that the kid, by temperament, is anxious and cautious and the floaties, noodle, and being held were his idea.

I mean, let's be real, it's likely a helicopter parent scenario, but you know... maybe not.

Andrewsgal · June 2014

I would have judged too.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

amy052006 said:

Judging is also different than "I feel sorry for your child".

And trust me, I feel sorry for a some kids -- none of it has to do with pool noodles though.

I didn't feel sorry because he had a noodle ffs. what he was doing was beyond developmentally inappropriate for that age. It was the equivalent of taking a school age kid to a playground and telling them they could only play on the toddler slides because they might break their neck going to the bigger slides. it wasn't a kid nervous in the water who wanted dad to stay close. he just wouldnt let him go.

Spin313 · June 2014

@KC_13‌ ...I think there's a lot of assumption in both of your posts. You said the kid looked "about five" but maybe he was younger. Also, unless you chatted up the dad or the kid was asking dad to leave him alone, you don't really know the dynamic of how the kid feels about the water or whether he was playing off someone else's fear.

This is so not judge-worthy, IMO.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

To add some additional info to illustrate this guys paranoia it was 4 feet of water and the kid was probably close to four feet tall--id bet money that the kid could touch on his tippy toes. even if his multiple floatation devices failed the pool was full of parents. my kiddo was playing and swimming around with three other kids his age and it was clear crazy dads kids wanted to join. it was really sad.

Spin313 · June 2014

I get what you are saying, I just don't think the dad seems crazy even if he's taking water safety a little further than you think is "normal."

My son is six and can't swim...not for lack of swim lessons, he just hates water up his nose and freaks out. He loves playing in the water, but can't keep up with his friends that are confident swimmers. He went to birthday parties at a pool and a lake recently and I was definitely nervous. I didn't get in and hover over him, but I was close by and watching him like a hawk.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

Spin313 said:
@KC_13‌ ...I think there's a lot of assumption in both of your posts. You said the kid looked "about five" but maybe he was younger. Also, unless you chatted up the dad or the kid was asking dad to leave him alone, you don't really know the dynamic of how the kid feels about the water or whether he was playing off someone else's fear.

This is so not judge-worthy, IMO.

It was very clear by the kids behavior/words the dad was holding him because of his fears, not the child. also teaching your kid that you don't jump in a pool because you will split your skull is f'd up.

lala5507 · June 2014

I think a small child saying, "don't jump, you'll split your skull" is really odd. But, is it really that uncommon that a 5 year old can't swim independently without any floatation device? My dd just turned 5 and can't swim on her own yet.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

lala5507 said:
I think a small child saying, "don't jump, you'll split your skull" is really odd. But, is it really that uncommon that a 5 year old can't swim independently without any floatation device? My dd just turned 5 and can't swim on her own yet.

A five year old wearing some swim device=not that odd. if your holding your kids waist while they're wearing a floatation device in water as high as they are tall with 15+ parents around...that's odd.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

letranger said:

feffy11 said:

letranger said:
I'd judge anyone for telling me kid that. Actually i 'd tell the dad to mind his own b
I couldn't judge the kid for regurgitating some information (which he clearly believes is true).
Totally read it as dad told KC's kid!

Yeah, "he" wasn't very specific there. my fault.

Aussie45 · June 2014

There's a difference between your kid having trouble swimming and this dad. He *seems* (and I say seem because none of us really know for sure why he acted the way he did) like a way overprotective helicopter parent. Seriously, back away from the 5 year old and let him try to learn how to swim on his own. He can't get better if the dad holds his waist constantly.

Plus the whole, don't jump you'll split your skull thing is just weird. He seems like he has major paranoia when it comes to pools.

carlab44 · June 2014

Well clearly you're the better parent here.

Signed the mom of a 5.5 year old who still can't swim independently, wears a life jacket at the pool, yet also often wants us to hold him, and while in the 75th %ile for height is nowhere near being able to stand in 4' of water and keep his head up.

Aussie45 · June 2014

carlab44 said:

Well clearly you're the better parent here.
Signed the mom of a 5.5 year old who still can't swim independently, wears a life jacket at the pool, yet also often wants us to hold him, and while in the 75th %ile for height is nowhere near being able to stand in 4' of water and keep his head up.

There's a difference between your kid not being able to swim and your kid being taught to fear jumping in the pool for splitting your head open. Clearly, the case between this kid and others aren't the same. It's more than just being a helicopter parent. The dad's anxiety is probably rubbing off on the kid which sucks.

**waits for more special snowflakes to come in**

carlab44 · June 2014

Aussie45 said:

carlab44 said:

Well clearly you're the better parent here.
Signed the mom of a 5.5 year old who still can't swim independently, wears a life jacket at the pool, yet also often wants us to hold him, and while in the 75th %ile for height is nowhere near being able to stand in 4' of water and keep his head up.

There's a difference between your kid not being able to swim and your kid being taught to fear jumping in the pool for splitting your head open. Clearly, the case between this kid and others aren't the same. It's more than just being a helicopter parent. The dad's anxiety is probably rubbing off on the kid which sucks.

**waits for more special snowflakes to come in**

I just don't understand how someone can discern all of that from this post. Who knows who told his kid that? Maybe he heard another parent say it? Maybe a swim teacher said it? Maybe another kid said it? Maybe he heard it randomly and that has given him anxiety in the water.

Aussie45 · June 2014

I'm going to assume that it's a safe bet that if the dad is holding the kid's waist and won't let him go, regardless of him having floaties on and a noodle under his butt, that the dad was the one to tell him that.

There are a lot of things that we assume from this post. Clearly, none of us will know the true story (even OP) because we don't live in that person's life. It's easy to judge from the outside and people do it in a split second without even thinking about it. If you go up to someone and say something then that's rude, but just judging and thinking about it for a while? I think we've all done that.

carlab44 · June 2014

LalaMama81 said:

carlab44 said:

Well clearly you're the better parent here.
Signed the mom of a 5.5 year old who still can't swim independently, wears a life jacket at the pool, yet also often wants us to hold him, and while in the 75th %ile for height is nowhere near being able to stand in 4' of water and keep his head up.

Honest question, what would he do if life jackets weren't allowed?

He'd want to hang on to us or to the side of the pool. Or he may want to use a kick board or other floatation item to help him. He's been in swim lessons on and off for over a year, but gets really freaked out by having to put his face in the water. He won't even let me dunk him if I'm holding on to him.

We live in an urban area in the PNW and there really aren't neighborhood outdoor pools where people spend their days. If you're going swimming you're more likely going to a lake or the Sound. So admittedly he isn't in the water regularly. But he also is a more anxious kid in general.

Andrewsgal · June 2014

carlab44 said:

Well clearly you're the better parent here.
Signed the mom of a 5.5 year old who still can't swim independently, wears a life jacket at the pool, yet also often wants us to hold him, and while in the 75th %ile for height is nowhere near being able to stand in 4' of water and keep his head up.

Defensive much?

Mrs.Hizzo · June 2014

I'm actually a little disturbed that so many people think it's normal/acceptable for kids who are 5+ to not be able to swim independently. Not that I'm suggesting a 5 year old should be Micheal Phelps, but shouldn't they at least be able to dog paddle from one side of the pool to the other? I'd be scared to death if I thought my kid was going to sink and drown without the aid of a floaty.

Mrs.Hizzo · June 2014

@CJ, I give you props for making sure they're learning, that's the most anyone can do. I just get irritated when people stick their kids in a puddle jumper and call it good. Kids drown or nearly drown at such alarming rates, I don't get not prioritizing swim lessons.

My take on the helicopter dad is that teaching the boy to swim would ultimately keep him a lot safer than multiple PFDs and having a parent at arm's reach.

LoveBeingMama · June 2014

My kid remembers and often repeats things I say. It's entirely possible that if my kid was running at near a pool and jumping head-first into the shallow end that, in the moment, I might have yelled, "hey stop running on the deck and jumping in like that before you bust your head open!" And then it would be entirely possible for my kid, even weeks later, to repeat something similar to someone else. I don't find it that odd that the kid said it. If the kid was freaking out about kids jumping in, that's different than just saying it.

I agree that the kid should be more confident at that age in a pool, but I still wouldn't find it strange if a 5 year old wanted to wear all the floats and be held. Maybe he has had little experience in a pool. Not everyone spends summers near pools and lakes. Maybe he just thinks the floats are fun. Maybe he's a great swimmer, but had some kind of scare last time, and on that particular day, he just wanted to be with dad in the water. Who cares?

This is a stupid thing to judge. Maybe OP can judge a little, because she was there and had a better sense of the situation. But everyone else automatically pegging this guy as an anxious helicopter parent? Crazy. Dads get a bad reputation when they take care of kids. This stuff does nothing to help it.

I'm clearly in a bad mood today. And ironically, I have to go take my kid to swim lessons now.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

LoveBeingMama said:

My kid remembers and often repeats things I say. It's entirely possible that if my kid was running at near a pool and jumping head-first into the shallow end that, in the moment, I might have yelled, "hey stop running on the deck and jumping in like that before you bust your head open!" And then it would be entirely possible for my kid, even weeks later, to repeat something similar to someone else. I don't find it that odd that the kid said it. If the kid was freaking out about kids jumping in, that's different than just saying it.

I agree that the kid should be more confident at that age in a pool, but I still wouldn't find it strange if a 5 year old wanted to wear all the floats and be held. Maybe he has had little experience in a pool. Not everyone spends summers near pools and lakes. Maybe he just thinks the floats are fun. Maybe he's a great swimmer, but had some kind of scare last time, and on that particular day, he just wanted to be with dad in the water. Who cares?

This is a stupid thing to judge. Maybe OP can judge a little, because she was there and had a better sense of the situation. But everyone else automatically pegging this guy as an anxious helicopter parent? Crazy. Dads get a bad reputation when they take care of kids. This stuff does nothing to help it.

I'm clearly in a bad mood today. And ironically, I have to go take my kid to swim lessons now.

To reiterate this wasn't a case of a child clinging to dad because he was a little nervous of the water. I wouldn't have made a post about that. Nor would I have judged a kid still using floats at five. It was very clear this child wanted to go play with the boys his age and wanted dad to let go. It isn't silly to judge because this parent was doing the child a great disservice by treating him like an infant that still needs to be held in the water.

Aussie45 · June 2014

LoveBeingMama said:

But everyone else automatically pegging this guy as an anxious helicopter parent? Crazy. Dads get a bad reputation when they take care of kids. This stuff does nothing to help it.

I'm laughing that you think this gives dads a bad reputation. It doesn't matter if it was a dad or mom, I would still judge. 8-|

Angela814 · June 2014

Mrs.Hizzo said:
I'm actually a little disturbed that so many people think it's normal/acceptable for kids who are 5+ to not be able to swim independently. Not that I'm suggesting a 5 year old should be Micheal Phelps, but shouldn't they at least be able to dog paddle from one side of the pool to the other? I'd be scared to death if I thought my kid was going to sink and drown without the aid of a floaty.

DD1 started swimming lessons at 3 and couldn't swim independently until she turned 6. She just didn't like to put her face in or jump in, so it didn't click until then. I wouldn't be shocked by a 5 yo who couldn't swim.

Lolapop29 · June 2014

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you ladies judge before. It's kind of disgusting actually. You know nothing about this family, a 5 year old that can't swim is not at all uncommon, AT ALL. And WTAF at judging a fucking child for giving what I'm sure the child thought was legit safety advice. The kid was probably confused and the difference between "jumping" in the pool and "diving" in the pool. Who cares if the dad was hovering over his kid who can't swim? it's not your kid and you don't know the circumstances. FFS.

Mrs.Hizzo · June 2014

Lolapop29 said:

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you ladies judge before. It's kind of disgusting actually. You know nothing about this family, a 5 year old that can't swim is not at all uncommon, AT ALL. And WTAF at judging a fucking child for giving what I'm sure the child thought was legit safety advice. The kid was probably confused and the difference between "jumping" in the pool and "diving" in the pool. Who cares if the dad was hovering over his kid who can't swim? it's not your kid and you don't know the circumstances. FFS.

Wow. You're very angry about this.

Andrewsgal · June 2014

Mrs.Hizzo said:

Lolapop29 said:

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you ladies judge before. It's kind of disgusting actually. You know nothing about this family, a 5 year old that can't swim is not at all uncommon, AT ALL. And WTAF at judging a fucking child for giving what I'm sure the child thought was legit safety advice. The kid was probably confused and the difference between "jumping" in the pool and "diving" in the pool. Who cares if the dad was hovering over his kid who can't swim? it's not your kid and you don't know the circumstances. FFS.

Wow. You're very angry about this.

lol I was thinking the same thing. Wonder if she has a five year old that can't swim?

Mrs.Hizzo · June 2014

Andrewsgal said:

Mrs.Hizzo said:

Lolapop29 said:

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you ladies judge before. It's kind of disgusting actually. You know nothing about this family, a 5 year old that can't swim is not at all uncommon, AT ALL. And WTAF at judging a fucking child for giving what I'm sure the child thought was legit safety advice. The kid was probably confused and the difference between "jumping" in the pool and "diving" in the pool. Who cares if the dad was hovering over his kid who can't swim? it's not your kid and you don't know the circumstances. FFS.

Wow. You're very angry about this.

lol I was thinking the same thing. Wonder if she has a five year old that can't swim?

LMAO that's exactly what I was wondering.

notkateanymore · June 2014

Lolapop29 said:

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you ladies judge before. It's kind of disgusting actually. You know nothing about this family, a 5 year old that can't swim is not at all uncommon, AT ALL. And WTAF at judging a fucking child for giving what I'm sure the child thought was legit safety advice. The kid was probably confused and the difference between "jumping" in the pool and "diving" in the pool. Who cares if the dad was hovering over his kid who can't swim? it's not your kid and you don't know the circumstances. FFS.

You are not that new here are you?

notkateanymore · June 2014

My only question and it might have been answered is how do we know the kid was 5? Maybe he was big for his age?

Andrewsgal · June 2014

cjcouple said:

I was more thinking, not many 5yo's are a full head over 4' tall.

My 5 year old is of. The charts 99%+ and he is 49 inches. I agree with you.

notkateanymore · June 2014

I didn't read the thread, I have no idea how tall KC said the kid was...

Andrewsgal · June 2014

amy052006 said:
These are the types of posts where I kind of get where parenting is coming from with this board. a five year old not being able to swim is such a first world problem, and the lack of perspective not to mention the kind of bitchy "I bet your kid can't swim" lacks total perspective. Or maybe it's just snobby and bitchy.

Actually, most kids don't regular access to a pool or a lake or fucking private swim lessons.

Not to mention of all people, it blows my mind that KC can't wrap her head around maybe this kid having issues she can't see with the naked eye.

I have no idea why this is so annoying to me, but the reactions totally seem like bullshit to me. "I feel sorry for this kid"? Give me a fucking break.

I missed where someone said they felt sorry for the kid. My side eye was the helicopter parent not the non swimming kid and the posters reaction to this thread was totally over the top. I don't give a flying fuck if a
five year old can't swim, but I do judge over the top parents in any situation. And I get the over the tip annoyance I have been there with other posts but really we all do it at one time or another we are all guilty of it.

Mrs.Hizzo · June 2014

Oh come on, Amy. You'll have to work hard to convince me that most people don't have access to a Y or a rec center. Group swim lessons aren't that expensive, and most places offer them on weekends. Not teaching your 5 year old to play tennis is a first-world problem. Not making an effort to teach them to swim is flat-out dangerous.

Andrewsgal · June 2014

Eh I don't think every five year old needs to know how to swim but I do think this has less to do with privilege and more with where you live. We have pool access everywhere it is average a hundred million degrees all summer long everyone I know from every SES swims in Texas there is nothing else to do in august. So yes the majority of 5 year olds swim. This has nothing to do with privilege (even our govt subsidized apt complexes all have multiple pools) and more to do with way of life. I think it is shitty to pull you are all elitist snobs when in reality it is the way of life around here. Andplusalso swimming is virtually the only free activity around here.

Andrewsgal · June 2014

amy052006 said:

Mrs.Hizzo said:

Oh come on, Amy. You'll have to work hard to convince me that most people don't have access to a Y or a rec center. Group swim lessons aren't that expensive, and most places offer them on weekends. Not teaching your 5 year old to play tennis is a first-world problem. Not making an effort to teach them to swim is flat-out dangerous.

You seriously have zero perspective if you think that. Like astoundingly zero perspective.

Jesus -- many summers the pools at the rec centers here can't even afford to open.

That us YOUR reality like I said in my previous posts that is absolutely not the reality where we live, not even close. For example of you can prove you live in the city limits here by a lease, bill or DL you have access to some amazing kick ass pools for FREE! See how things are very different in different areas?

Andrewsgal · June 2014

amy052006 said:
KC said she felt sorry for the kid in the OP.

I missed that. I don't feel sorry for the kid but I do judge helicopter parents either at the park, pool or indoor at place.

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