Curious how you answer this — The Bump
Infertility Veterans

Curious how you answer this

sorrellam30sorrellam30
250 Answers 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary
member
edited June 2014 in Infertility Veterans
I know we all get sick of the "why don't you just adopt question". I was just curious what reason you give if you give or have one. For us it started that ivf seemed like the solution for us having biological children. Now it's more that I just feel more comfortable w ivf using donor whatever, it's what we know at this point. Honestly it's also a $$ factor, we are in a guarantee program. I know "normal" people probably won't understand many reasons we have but I'm just curious if you'd share w me. Also for the record I'm not saying I'd never pursue adoption, more "why" we aren't pursuing it now instead of DE or ivf Also my race is next weekend!!! I'm really nervous because the heat kills me and I've been having some hip pain, but I'm going to run the whole thing if it kills me! Eek

 


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 Me(31). DH (31)

DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

FET 10/4/13 Chemical

IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

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Re: Curious how you answer this

  • Stupid iPad ran everything together, sorry it's hard to read

     


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     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • My answer always had various components. I am 40 and DH is 46. I was doubtful that a birth mother would pick us. We don't have a large pretty house. When I was working, I worked long hours. I didn't think that would be appealing to a birth mother. I didn't want to create a marketing plan to get someone to pick us. Wasn't willing to put my life on display to see if someone thought we were "good" enough. I didn't want to wait for years with no idea if we'd ever get selected. I knew I'd have to do all the paperwork etc--DH isn't good at that sort of thing. I didn't want to have my heart broken with a failed adoption. Financially, I believed it to be way more $ than we spent for DE. I also wasn't open to drug addicted issues etc. I just wasn't up for a lot of these challenges after IF treatments.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

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    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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  • My answer always had various components. I am 40 and DH is 46. I was doubtful that a birth mother would pick us. We don't have a large pretty house. When I was working, I worked long hours. I didn't think that would be appealing to a birth mother. I didn't want to create a marketing plan to get someone to pick us. Wasn't willing to put my life on display to see if someone thought we were "good" enough. I didn't want to wait for years with no idea if we'd ever get selected. I knew I'd have to do all the paperwork etc--DH isn't good at that sort of thing. I didn't want to have my heart broken with a failed adoption. Financially, I believed it to be way more $ than we spent for DE. I also wasn't open to drug addicted issues etc. I just wasn't up for a lot of these challenges after IF treatments.
    We have friends that just went through a failed adoption after having the baby for three months so this was also a concern of ours.

     


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     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • I haven't had too many people ask about adoption, but that's probably because I am not extremely open about our infertility. My biggest reason for chosing IF treatments over adoption is that I would like to experience pregnancy. I want to know what it is like to have a child growing inside of my body, even if that child is not my genetic child. I am also afraid that we would never get picked by a birth mother. We have a tiny house and don't make a ton of money. I just feel like we don't have anything that would be appealing to a birth mother.

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    TTC #1 since August 2011

    My Blog

    September 2012: Start IF testing

    DH (32): SA is ok, slightly low morph, normal SCSA  Me (32): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, Moderately high NKC, High TNFa, heterozyogous mutated Factor XIII, and +APA

    October 2012-May 2014: 4 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, and 1 failed FETw/donor embryos

    November 2014: IVF w/ICSI #4 Agonist/Antagonist with EPP and Prednisone, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, and IVIG for immune issues.  Converted to freeze all due to lining issues.  2 blasts frozen on day 6!

    January 2015: FET #2 Cancelled due to lining issues

    April 2015: FET #2.1


    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!

  • I hate giving my answer.  But I'm safe here so I'll tell.  When I was 17, I had a girlfriend she was pregnant and had chose adoption.  She drank, smoked,drugs,  partied hard .....  You name it.  When asked what about the baby.  She would say it's not mine anyways...  I never forgot that.   Any time I have told people that they feel the need to argue.   Some people think you fill out some papers and a fairy drops a healthy baby at your door the next day....

    Also, adoption is so expensive.  Our local agency wanted 15k just to start. And another 15 after placement with no guarantees.  
     36 DH 33 TTC for over 3 years
    First mini-IVF Sept 2011... Only 1 egg! ... BFN
    Switching RE
    IVF#2 May 2012 9 eggs and only 2 sperm, WTH!
    BFN
    IVF #3 March 2013~Tesa with back-up Donor Sperm,Tesa, unsuccessful used DS~ Chemical :(   

    Switching RE's within practice

    2 frosties waiting for us, November 2013!!!!!   Transferred 2 "average" blasts 11/20/2013
    BFP!!!!!!!  Boy/Girl Twins!!!!!! Due 08/08/2014

    My Blog




    *~God gives his hardest battles to his toughest solders. Unknown.
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  • I echo a lot of what McIrish said. I didn't want to feel like I was auditioning for a baby. I didn't want some random person picking my life & lifestyle apart. Another thing that totally turned me off is the popularity of open adoptions. I'm not into that at all and so many adoptions are set up this way now. Lastly, I really would be devestated if the birth mom changed her mind and took the baby back. That's why I cannot foster either. I get attached too quickly. 

    Side note- It really pisses me the F off when people just sling adoption around like it's as easy as going to the store, picking out and then paying for your purchase. People don't know jack __ about the process but yet want to look at you like you are selfish/unreasonable for not choosing adoption. Adoption is a wonderful option but it's not for everyone.

    Me & DH (33), 3 Furbabies, TTC since October 2011
    Day 3 #’s (Dec 2012) FSH 9, AMH .77, LH 2.4, E2 31, AFC 9 

    DX: Me-DOR + No Tubes, DH-Fine

    Ectopic 2007; lost tube/2nd tube removed Dec 2011 (hydro)

    April 2012=IVF#1- EPP Antag+ICSI, 2R,0F (BFN), Now dx’d with DOR.

    June-July 2012=IVF#2- MDL+ICSI&AH, 8R,4M,3F (BFP 9dp3dt) Beta#1 at 11dp3dt=36, Beta#2 at 15dp3dt=156, Beta#3 at 19dp3dt=671, dx'd with SCH, no growth-m/c at 7wks/Lap Dec 2012 to remove small fibroid.

    Feb 2013=IVF#3-MDL, 2/1=baseline, started 10 units mdl, AFC-7, 2/3 start gonal f, self cxld cycle b/c of low e2.

    April 2013=IVF#3.5-(with new RE)AG/ANT Conv + ICSI. 4/10-4/23 bcp's, 4/20-4/27 lupron, 4/28-ganirelix until end of stimming, 5/2-600 gonal f, 5/4-add 1/2 vial menopur, 5/13-ER (9R,1M,1F), 5/17-ET, 1 beautiful 8 cell (please be my sticky baby!!!!) 5/28-BFFN.

    Oct 2013=IVF#4-LLP+ICSI &AH, 10/14 (6R, 2M, 2F), 10/17-ET, 1 seven cell & a six cell, BFP at 9dp3dt, 1st beta=56, 2nd beta=52, CP.

    Jan 2014=IVF #5-LLP, Cxld after 6 days of stims due to fast response and lead follicle. 

    March 2014=IVF 5.5-LLP, Lupron 3/10, BL 3/18, 11 days of stims, Trigger 3/29, ER 3/31. 7R, 2M, 2F. ET 4/3. Txfd one 5 cell & one 9 cell. BFP on hpt from 7dp3dt & on. Praise be to God. Beta #1 at 11dp3dt=106, #2 at 13dp3dt=239. First u/s 4/28, measuring on track & heartbeat seen. 5/5-2nd u/s, measuring on track with strong heartbeat. 5/12- 3rd u/s & released from RE. Grow baby grow, we love you! Baby G&T is a BOY! Born 12/2014 via c/s! 8lbs, 8oz & 21 inches.


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    "God's Delay is not God's Denial"
    sorrellam30
  • mm29mm29
    Long-Lasting Membership 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
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    I say "Adoption is very difficult, and I have known many people have had adoptions fall though. I cannot handle that kind of loss.  And more than anything I want to experience pregnancy.'   
    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
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  • McIrish said it perfectly. I don't want to be a fake person to hope to be selected. I shouldn't need anyone's approval to be a mother. I am certified to watch 30 children that aren't mine for 8 hours a day, but I need someone's approval to care for one that would be mine. 
    Also, since our child won't have a grandmother, I'm afraid someone might pick someone who still has living parents.. and that idea upsets me a lot.
    ***WARNING***

    TTC Since 12/2008;  DH: 32, Azoospermia     me: 33, DX during IVF #4: Low AMH (Normal FSH) / SER due 
    to IVF Meds (causing failure to fertilize) Recent DX: Hashimoto's, Lupus Anticoagulant, White Blood Cell Disorder 
    High ANA, ATA, & APA, PAI-1 Heterozygous= blood clotting disorder; connective tissue disorder 
    IVF w/ ICSI #1 2/2011     IVF w/ ICSI #2 5/2011    IVF w/ ICSI #3 12/2012   *New RE* IVF w/ ICSI #4  5/2013
    IVF w/ ICSI #5 8/2013 (Natural Cycle- No drugs)- One follicle->one blast. CCS normal. FET 9/10- 6BB blast. m/c @ 5w
    IUI #1 12/23- BFN  IUI #2 Cancelled (ovulated during AF)  Prep:CoQ10 (300 mg); DHEA (25 mg); Melatonin (3 mg), Folgard 2.2, Metformin 500 2x, Levothyroxine 50mcg, Aspirin 81mg w/ calcium, B12,  Vit. D 4000 & Prenate Elite Daily; Cabergoline 1/2 pill 2x week-  Cycling: Estrace Priming; Prednisone 10mg, Lovenox 40mg 2x,  Femera & Menopur   
    IUI #2.1 6/30 & 7/1. 1st Beta: 90 (7/15); 2nd Beta: 226 (7/17); 3rd Beta: 766   EDD: 3/23/2015

       **ALL WELCOME**                                    My Blog 
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    luvboston
  • Km672Km672
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
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    Yup... For all the reasons McIrish stated.

    While we are considering it, we both aren't ready or comfortable with it. I'm not sure if we ever will be or how we will feel if it proves to be the only way we can have a child.

    No one 'just' adopts. I HATE it when people say 'just adopt'.. It's a huge undertaking in itself, full of unknowns and would force us to compromise about a lot of really important issues that right now we aren't ok with.

    I've found that if I try to explain this to people, I get a lot of examples of someone they know who adopted and how wonderful everything is...

    One of the woman I work with was telling me how lucky her friend who adopted us because her child only has 'a few issues' from the birth mothers lifestyle/habits during pregnancy...

    Wtf? I'm just not ok with that! Really? She's 'lucky' for this?

    At this point I simply tell people we aren't open to adoption. Usually people shut up, but if not I tell them it's a lot of issues and it's a personal decision.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

  • I haven't encountered this question too much even though we are open about our IF. I think if someone did ask, I'd point out how expensive and unstable the path to adoption is. I have a colleague who went through IF and then a failed adoption, and she said the failed adoption was far more devastating. I don't think I could ever bounce back from it to be honest. 
    **SIGGY WARNING**

    Me: 32 DH: 35  TTC#1 since March 2012
    Dx: Poor Embryo Quality, Arcuate Uterus, Poor Uterine Blood Flow, Mild Endo, 
           Protein S Deficiency, Sjorgen's Syndrome 

    IUI #1-5: BFN
    Laparoscopy & Hysteroscopy: minimal endo, partial septoplasty
    IVF #1: 10R/6M/6F ~ Day 3 ET = BFN
    IVF #2: 14R/9M/5F ~ transfer canceled ~ all embryos arrested at 1-2 cell stage
    IVF #3: 9R/5M/5F ~ 1 frosty!
    IVF #4 (FET #1): BFN

    IVF #5 (DE IVF #1 with Dr. KK protocol): Currently PREGNANT!!!!!!
    Synthroid + Prednisone + Metformin + Baby Aspirin + Supplements Galore = 15+ pills a day
    Lupron + Lovenox + Delestrogen + IVIG + B/W = 2-5 pokes a day
    19R, 17M, 17F - transferred two Grade A blasts 11/16, four frosties!!!
    Beta #1 11/24 (13dpo/8dp5dt) = 367 ~ Beta #2 11/26 (15dpo/10dp5dt) = 709
    Beta #3 11/29 (18dpo/13dp5dt) = 1,997 ~ Beta #4 12/1 (20dpo/15dp5dt) = 3,403

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    My Blog: Running and Dreaming for Two ~ All are Welcome!
  • Since no one knows about our IF struggles, I have never fielded the question. When DH and I talk, he asks me why not adoption instead of 'putting me through all of this'. To be honest, it seems easier in a few ways to do ivf and even DE or DS. I would want an infant or newborn adoption and I hear it's very difficult to find. I hate the thought of the mom changing her mind, worrying forever if the mom is healthy, smoking, drinking, etc. And as shallow as it may sound, I want the option of ivf DE instead because I won't have to explain everything. Outside people will think it is our child and we can choose who to share the information with. Also, I want the excitement and feeling of being pregnant.
    Me: 37, DH: 38: ttc 7 years, dx: unknown
    10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
    11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid & normal hsg),
    12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
    6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
    IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
    IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
    IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
    IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen.
    10/14 new local RE to look into what's next. CD3 FSH 4.7, AMH 0.9. Met with DE agencies and exploring options for feb/march 2015.
    Surprise natural bfp (4 days before donor is signed). Beta #1 at 9dpo: 51.8, 2nd beta: 195 (25 hours doubling) @11dpo. 3rd beta (12/15): 516 (35 hrs doubling) 4th beta(12/17): 895 (58 hours doubling) 5th beta(12/19): 2120. U/S at 5w0d(12/22): one gestational sac with yolk sac. U/S #2 (6w0d)12/29. One little bean measuring 6w0d with HR 124. 3rd u/s(1/4)7w0d: baby measuring 7w2d. HR 134. 3/30: A/S at MFM went great except for low lying placenta. Verifi results are normal! Team Blue! Please send any positive thoughts our way! EDD:8/24/2015
    Baby Will born 8/18. He's perfect.
  • I've honestly only been asked the adoption question once and surprisingly it was recently. A family I babysit for asked me to watch their kids about a month or so ago.... I've been one of their sitters for 7 years so we're pretty close. The Mom said, so now what , do you think you'll adopt instead? I was just confused as to why that would be assumed next on the list, like lose your baby well time to adopt!!   I just told her no , we're trying again and see where it takes us.
    Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
    NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
    • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
    • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
    • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
    • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
    • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

    Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

    My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

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  • I get asked this question ALL the time. I think because we have two close friends who have struggled with infertility and adopted (one successfully, one not) so people just assume we will too

     


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     Me(31). DH (31)

    DH SA normal count and motility, 1% morphology
    Me .72 AMH, Fragile X premutation carrier
    IVF #1 (6/12/13) BFN

    IVF #2 (8/16/13) BFN

    FET 10/4/13 Chemical

    IVF #3 MC 5 weeks 5 days

    IVF #4 DE 11/7 BFP, edd 7/28/15

    All Welcome

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • zazu13zazu13
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
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    I was open to adopting and looked into many options, but my heart could not fully embrace the idea until I had grieved the loss of a genetic or biological child. Also adoption was really no cheaper than ART nor was there any garuntee of a take home baby.

    Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR 

    IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response

     IVF #2 Nov '11  8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical

    IVF #3 April '12  11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c

    FET #1 Aug 2012  3dt x2 - BFN

    **new RE**

     IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN

     IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie

    9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!

    Twin girls! 3/6/14

     

    sorrellam30
  • I think it takes a certain personality to adopt. Personally me and DH always talked about it and wanted to to do it before IVF. It's not for everyone and info think that it's right that people always go to that question with women's doing IVF. I agree it's annoying and people just day stupid stuff in general to people struggling to have a baby.
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






  • I never wanted to adopt and then I was in a bad situation at work with adopted kids and now I really don't want to so I just tell people I don't want to adopt. If they press the issue I ask them if they feel they deserved to have bio kids.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



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