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October 2013 Moms
UO??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: UO??
Now then, to re-beat my gastric bypass drum...as someone who has had gastric bypass surgery and lost 175 pounds, I can assure you one thing: it saved my life and I work my ass of every day to keep it off. I think the bolded is the primary reason people think bariatric surgery is a "quick fix." There's an assumption made by most people, which is perpetuated by the fucking media, that fat people like me just go sign up for the surgery and then just sit back and watch the weight fall off. I can tell you, that's ridiculous and completely untrue. I had to undergo psychoogical testing, nutritional counseling, group therapy (pre- and post-op), and individual therapy (pre- and post-op). That was all required in order to even be considered by my surgeon as a candidate.
To hear someone say that a person who "worked so hard" to lose weight without surgery will be more successful in keeping it off than I will be is difficult for me to swallow (giggity). Because I bet you, every once in a while, on a special occasion, he can eat a piece of cake without vomiting, diarrhea, and 4 hours of stomach cramps. In my experience, people who have had gastric bypass surgery have more self-control, motivation, willpower, and determination than most of the people I have met in my entire life.
Sure, bariatric surgery doesn't work for everyone, but that depends on your definition of success. In my opinion, someone who loses 175 pounds and gains back 50 is still better off having had the surgery. At least that's what I tell myself every day when I look in the mirror. You'll always have the outliers for whom the surgery couldn't help, but that's the way it is with anything health-related. What we can do, as a community, is support individuals in being successful in reaching their health goals, whether it's weight-related or not.
The part you bolded of my post, I can understand why it would sting for someone, again my apologies. It was meant for my brothers case solely. It has taken him 5 years to loose the weight he has lost and I know for him that is what keeps him motivated to keep the weight off and keep losing more.
I've never been good at getting a correct point actress through text, that's why I mostly lurk. Headed back to lurking and the occasional aw post on hdbd.
#itsscience
i see what you are saying, though. what's interesting is- both my babies came out white. I mean, white. All the white people thought my babies were "soooooooo gorgeous" but as dd1 got older (it started about 4 months old) she got darker and looked more mixed. And as she got darker less and less white people commented on her appearance. But black and Hispanic people still come up to me all the time and tell me how gorgeous she is.
So far DD2 is staying light, and she has my eyes. IDK if her color will change or not. But everyone tells me she looks like me. Which she does, so I don't know it that is because of her light skin or people really think she looks like me.
DD1 looked exactly like the white girl version of DH as a baby, and she still looks like him- just slightly lighter. Everyone says she looks like him, but again IDK if it's because she's darker than me or they do think she looks like him.
--
Crunchy, my husband was laughing the other day about delivering a premature baby girl to a very anxious black couple. He worked on her for a while, she stabilized, and then he talked to the parents and asked if they had any questions. The mom had a variety of normal questions about the delivery, diagnoses, prognoses, etc. After all those were answered, he asked the dad if he had any questions. He said, "ummm....she looks so white. She is going to get darker, right? I mean, she's beautiful. But she will get darker?" Such a dad comment! (He assured them the pigment would increase with age!)
As for mixed race babies being automatically cute, I totally agree that is bizarre and somehow putting race ahead of any other characteristic. It just seems off-putting. That said, my little Scandinavian-German/Native American babies are so cute, I can't even stand it
Also: redskin = super offensive, as explained by NRyan. Doesn't matter if the crude has been "desensitized" to it. What matters is the idea that society can so ringingly endorse such a phrase, after all the atrocities dealt to the native Americans over the past 400 years or so.
#yourenotalurkerinmybook
>:D<
If your point isn't to shame someone for piercing their daughter's ears what exactly was your point in explaining how parents put their kids at risk for infection by piercing their daughter's ears? I cannot recall one single case of death due to ear piercing. Also, children can fall and scrape their knees on the playground, should we not allow our children to play on playgrounds until, I don't know, mid-twenties when they know better than to run and risk falling? Because, you know, scrapes can lead to infections.
And obviously, I dont mean people should turn their heads at abuse or anything that can put a child in danger. But I suppose you needed to find an exception to drive your point.
I probably decided not to comment because you seem to be leaning toward weaning (basing this on your comment about wanting to be done before your vacation. And Seriously?) and as the Mommy Wars seems to go, the battle of BF vs FF tends to accuse BFers of hating formula or "not supporting the mother" by encouraging her to BF (which is seen as more for the child's benefit) rather than wean (which is seen as more for the mother's benefit/freedom).
Here is the thing about guilt - there is a reason for it. It is there making you question whether you made the right decision. In this case, all the reasons people advocate for BF would be the reasons for you to question it. But as people have told you, there are advantages/freedoms/whatever to weaning. When you BF, do you feel guilty for not having those advantages/freedoms? (I hope this doesn't sound sarcastic because I can tell you that I know people who vocally advocate "having your life back" in a way that attempts to impose guilt for BFing.)
You really just have to figure out what is right for you. If you will feel guilty weaning, maybe it's not right for you. If you will feel plagued by the burden of pumping/BFing, then maybe you're ready to wean.
If people titled their posts "Talk me Out of Weaning" or "Remind me Why I BF" then maybe there would be more support. But people not wanting to "shame" others or not appear to be supporting the mother in her decision to wean is why there is less people speaking up in that direction.
And let's face it, people on this board LOVE when I talk about BF vs FF.
@tyrannosaurusbeck, not quite the same argument but the flames did pertain to formula. Happy to rehash it if you'd like since there are many a misconception about it on this board. LMK.
Caveat: I agree with @GearUp that "Mommy Wars for the purpose of shaming other mommies need to go".
If people put aside their shaming fingers, I think a good Mommy War should consist of people (possibly passionately) arguing both sides of an argument and by the end of hearing both sides, you should be able to see where you stand on the issue. No need to hate the opposition. It should help you feel confident in your decision, whatever that may be.
Some people hated the Name the Mommy Wars thread, but look at how many decisions we're faced with in parenting Every Day. And it's awesome that we have so many choices.
I think you're being pretty harsh @LC122. I feel like a lot of mamas are currently in the same boat as @KuhaBaby. And it's not "shaming" anyone if you are not in support of her decision...deciding to wean your baby is not a shameful thing. Neither is formula feeding your baby. No wonder why you don't see mommy wars as a bad thing. You are queen sanctimommy
There is not that implication at all. Reading Fail? I don't know why so many of you insist on reading that judgement into my posts. It's frankly weird that you do. It's like you're so defensive that you look for a villain.
Do I think BF is preferred over FF?
Yes, that's why I do it.
Does that mean I disparage someone who does FF?
No, that's why I said you have to do what is right for you.
Do I understand how someone could learn all there is about BF vs FF and choose (not "have no choice" but to, not try BF and have to quit) FF from the start?
No, and that was the crux of the original UO that lit on fire.
Where'd you go? vacation? Tried to quit us? It never works. Ha!
The only people I've heard enjoy pumping are the ones who get breaks from work and they can enjoy those breaks without feeling like they are falling behind or missing something. It's tough stuff.
So, yeah, if it were me, I would figure out a way to make it work as much as possible. But, that's based on how I feel about BF vs FF. So, even though I could tell you that, you really have to decide for yourself.
I guess I read your post as looking for sympathizers for weaning. If you're really that on the fence, here is another idea. As badass as you must feel for EPing this long, imagine how badass you'll feel when you go as long as you can. You'll be like the Bruce Lee of EP.
#BruceLeeofEP
#FeelFreeToPutThatOnYourBusinessCard
Sincerely,
All of us
Wars divide people. Discussions educate people. War usually has winners and losers. I am open to mommy discussions,I won't get on board with mommy wars.
One of my professors used to quote a German saying that I never bothered to learn (Germans? Care to chime in?) that basically means "What One Seeks, One Finds." Basically, this is a VERY sensitive subject for a lot of people. They are defensive about their decisions and therefore quick to be offended easily. When people look for something to feel judged about, they often find it.
There is a crisis of confidence among Mommies. The Mommy Wars get so bitter because people lack confidence in their decisions and feel a need to be like and have things in common with everybody. When they find people who disagree on something, they get sensitive.
No matter what you do (BF vs FF or any other decision), Be Confident in your decision. Do your research, weigh your options, consider your circumstances, and make whatever decision is right for you. It shouldn't matter what anyone else does or thinks because they are not you and will have different influences guiding their decision.
#GoForthWithConfidence
#"Germans"doesn'tMeanToAssumeThoseLivingInGermanyAreGermanNorThatNon-GermansDon'tKnowGerman
To this I say: Find a better excuse for your warped ideas. I don't think ANYONE (except maybe you) is 100% confident in their parenting decisions. When one is responsible for another human being, there will always be regrets and doubts along with triumphs and successes. Please stop blaming your opinions on natural emotions that occur with parenting.
Mommy Wars is just the commonly-used term. If you can get the rest of the world to start using the term "Mommy Discussions", more power to you.
I don't need to change the world, but I can refrain from using the term myself. I can't control everyone, but I prefer to treat others as I want to be treated.
Well, you were missed. I hope everything is okay. glad to see you around.
If your point isn't to shame someone for piercing their daughter's ears what exactly was your point in explaining how parents put their kids at risk for infection by piercing their daughter's ears? I cannot recall one single case of death due to ear piercing. Also, children can fall and scrape their knees on the playground, should we not allow our children to play on playgrounds until, I don't know, mid-twenties when they know better than to run and risk falling? Because, you know, scrapes can lead to infections.
And obviously, I dont mean people should turn their heads at abuse or anything that can put a child in danger. But I suppose you needed to find an exception to drive your point.
My point is not to shame - to me, shaming does not lead to potential change or knowledge/education. Shaming is done to simply make one person feel superior while the other should feel inferior. So, I wanted to clear that out of the way.
Your comparison of ear piercing infection risk vs. playground infection risk is like comparing apples to oranges. (Unless you are saying that both have benefits that outweigh the risks) First of all, playing outside has positive benefits (healthy positive benefits) while ear piercing carries absolutely no positive benefits for the child. Secondly, while my child might fall and scrape her knee at the playground, leaving her vulnerable to infection, it rarely happens. An infant becomes vulnerable to infection 100% of the time when her ears are pierced. Imagine using the mental image of weighing the pros and cons, this scale would be entirely tipped in one direction.
Now, an older child could benefit from ear piercing, by learning the importance of hygiene, the value of expensive earrings, enjoy the " pretty" factor, so there would be benefits vs risks then. An infant gains nothing from it.
Your comparison of ear piercing infection risk vs. playground infection risk is like comparing apples to oranges. (Unless you are saying that both have benefits that outweigh the risks) First of all, playing outside has positive benefits (healthy positive benefits) while ear piercing carries absolutely no positive benefits for the child. Secondly, while my child might fall and scrape her knee at the playground, leaving her vulnerable to infection, it rarely happens. An infant becomes vulnerable to infection 100% of the time when her ears are pierced. Imagine using the mental image of weighing the pros and cons, this scale would be entirely tipped in one direction.
Now, an older child could benefit from ear piercing, by learning the importance of hygiene, the value of expensive earrings, enjoy the " pretty" factor, so there would be benefits vs risks then. An infant gains nothing from it.
You are putting way to much thought into this subject. And all of your positives for an older child my daughter will learn as well.
I was so grateful to my Mom for piercing my ears as a baby. I wanted to do the same for my daughter plain and simple. If she don't like it then it's just one more thing she can "resent " me for as a teenager...lol
Oi.....