Pregnancy: expectations VS reality — The Bump
July 2014 Moms

Pregnancy: expectations VS reality

So, I'm curious. For the FTMs and the STMs, what were your expectations of pregnancy and now that we're all at the end, what was it really like?

Re: Pregnancy: expectations VS reality

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  • edited June 2014
    @jessa8907‌ , that was a good strategy :-). I should have expected pregnancy to be much harder, then at least I wouldn't have been so shocked when EVERYTHING in my body went haywire.
    [Deleted User]
  • I was expecting it to be easier. I expected the aches and pains, but I did not expect to be admitted to the hospital 5 different times for PTL. I learned a lot about my body during this pregnancy and I realized that it may be more difficult than I anticipated having the size family that I want. We may have to re-evaluate how many kids we try to have based on how the next pregnancy goes. I also have to wait longer now, so that means changing my plans for NFP because an "oops" is not OK anymore. It is a little depressing but better to be informed!

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    jensaviccighostof5letters[Deleted User]acciovino
  • STM here. I thought I'd be obsessive about this pregnancy like I was with my first. Turns out I've been totally laid back about it. I will go all day sometimes without even thinking about my pregnancy. I was sick my whole first pregnancy and only had a little sickness this time, so that was a pleasant surprise!
    One direction photo: One Direction gif onedirectiongifmacarenaey_zpsbdaf903f.gif
    DS born 3.12 
    DD born 7.14
  • I definitely thought it would be harder than it's been--I've been very fortunate to have a relatively easy pregnancy so far. I also thought that I would be hoping time would slow down at the end because I figured I would feel entirely unprepared (FTM, never even changed a diaper before) but I find myself feeling more prepared than I thought and more eager for my due date to arrive.
    Me: 31 DH: 30
    Married 07/2012
    DD born 07/2014
    DD2 born 10/2018
    IF history in spoiler:
    TTC #2 since January 2016
    June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
    Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
    Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
    Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
    Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
    Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/18

    jensavicciearichar23[Deleted User]
  • I'm a STM. DD never engaged in my pelvis and I was induced. I never had a single contraction before the induction, and now I have them all the time. In addition, I have so much pressure. It feels like there's a bowling ball on my cervix and it's almost too much pressure to be able to pee. I thought I would feel more...practiced this time around. But it feels like I'm doing it for the first time.
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  • My first pregnancy was a walk in the park compared to this one. I expected to get through the difficult days the same way I did with DS. I expected my bad morning sickness to pass by 16/17 weeks. It didn't this time. I expected worse though after I was diagnosed with hyperemesis because of how bad it was when my mom had it. I did not expect to still be getting sick at 36 weeks though. I'm probably much more emotional and hot-tempered this time around which is surprising. A lot aches and pains than I anticipated and I'm much more tired as well but have a much harder time sleeping this time. Overall some things are harder than I expected and some things are much easier.

    Like pp said, after this pregnancy I am really reevaluating if and when we will try for another child as hubs wants a bigger family but I don't know if I can risk another bout of hyperemesis for it.Heck,  I don't even know how I was able to make through the school year teaching like this! Women are troopers!

    I can only hope my expectation for labor, delivery, and recovery are spot on... *crossing fingers*

  • I expected to be a hormonal crazy! It was the one major thing that made me never want to give birth. Although I definitely go off it's more once a month rather than daily like anticipated.

    I expected to connect with LO during pregnancy like people talk about. I am not really connected at all.

    I expected to become extremely overweight due to my family history of obesity/weight problems, diabetes and my mom always telling me her weight problem is because of giving birth. None of this came into play and although I am a size bigger in the torso, I haven't gained anything in legs, arms or face.

    I expected DH to love the way I look and want tons of sexy time since he always loved pregnant chicks prepregnancy. Instead he lost his sex drive completely and just wants the pregnancy over (I think this has a ton to do with bed rest leaving a ton of stress/pressure on him).
  • I am in a lot more pain than I had expected. I thought I would be awkward and big, but not like, in actual pain. Every part of me feels broken.  On a positive note, I am a lot more emotionally stable that I thought I would be. You watch all these movies about pregnant women being crazy and irrational, but I don't find myself to be much different than normal. I had my moments in first tri, but I think my husband would agree, we both expected a lot more tears and stuff. 

    Mom to one beautiful July '14 little girl

    jensavicciearichar23[Deleted User]
  • BP607BP607 member
    I thought this time around I would know what is going on with my body, but not the case.  I find myself having random aches and pains I don't remember the first time around and this insane pregnancy rage I don't remember having the first time. I also knew I would be tired caring for a 2 year old and working, but didn't realize the epic proportions of tired that I would encounter. 

    I also had to have my appendix out at 13 weeks so that has totally changed things.  Recovering from the surgery was really rough and I was finally getting my energy back but took too much advantage of all that energy and basically exhausted myself which culminated in a trip to L&D to get fluids and being told to rest more. 

  • This pregnancy has sucked more than I expected based on my other two.  I definitely was not expecting to feel nauseous for four months straight, or to feel this shitty in the third trimester.  At least the end is in sight!

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

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    jensavicciJanuary Brideacciovino
  • I think this time has been easier because I was more distracted and there was an 'end date' much earlier. My symptoms were worse, but I am far more fearful of life with 2u2 than life while being pregnant and caring for a toddler.
    TTC since September 2009

    9 months with a RE, surprise BFP on a break cycle Jan 2012

    Baby girl born September 13,2012 at 41 weeks

    PAIF/SAIF welcome

  • mcvgalmcvgal member
    STM here. I was really worried after a loss and a preemie that I would not make it this far (36w3d). Once I made it past 30 weeks (when DS was born) I thought the rest would be a piece of cake. While his surprise birth was fast and scary, that pregnancy really was no problems and easy until the last week. Now this pregnancy has been a lot less smoother than last time. I didn't realize how hot I would get, how hard it would be to keep up with a toddler, how even when I thought I was in the "safe zone" things could change quickly (GD and now possibly pre-e rearing it's ugly head again).

    11.2011 - DS1

    02.2013 - loss at 6 wks

    06.2014 - DS2

    10.2015 - loss at 12 wks

    03.2017 - DD

  • I expected Pregnancy to be a lot worse than it has been. I have had back problems since I was a child and was told I would probably be on bed rest most of my pregnancy, but it hasn't been so bad. I'm still active somewhat at this point even though DH would rather I wasn't.

    Although I had bouts of nausea I was never sick which I was shocked by and that means I gained mucho weight the first trimester, which was also surprising to me since I'm accustomed to a very healthy and weigh conscience lifestyle.

    Like @chrinikki1‌ I was hoping for the fabulous sexy time pregnancy that I hear so much about but DH is not into it and to be honest sex had been uncomfortable and at times downright painful so I guess it's for the best.
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    chrinikki1[Deleted User]jensavicci
  • I expected the morning sickness, some aches and pains, and the hormones to just be crazy. Well, I got the sickness, wasn't expecting it to last until almost 20 weeks though. The aches and pains have been worse than expected! Had no idea your body could produce too much Relaxin and cause awful pelvic pain! My hormones have been surprisingly normal. I've had a few meltdowns over absolutely nothing, but who hasn't!?

    Was not expecting to have a cyst that they've had to monitor throughout the pregnancy, and I'll have to have surgery to remove it after the baby is born. Just hoping that no complications come from the cyst, and that going forward I'll be able to have normal pregnancies!
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  • STM- I didn't expect to go past 37w4d (when I delivered DS) with this LO, as I heard that many women go earlier with their second. I will be 38 weeks tomorrow, and she feels "late." I'm ready for baby to be on the outside!

    Mommy to R (8.23.11) and K (6.21.14).

  • I didn't expect to go into labor at 29 weeks! I expected a lot more pain. I also didn't expect my hips to be out of wack for so long after birth, especially given that Alexander was only 3lbs.
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  • I expected to gain the suggested 25-35 pounds and not an ounce more (HAHAHAHAHAH AT MYSELF).

    I expected to be more miserable and more emotionally unstable.

    I expected that as I gained weight I'd be all "whateva, I'm pregnant, my body is a temple and I'm gorgeous" instead of just feeling huge.

    Obviously, I only have a 50/50 shot of guessing correctly but I expected that even though I was so sure that LO was a boy early on that I would find out at the ultrasound that we were having a girl.



  • It has been both way harder and way easier than expected for me.  For the harder parts, I was not expecting all-day nausea for several months in the beginning, and I was not expecting how completely exhausted I would feel virtually all of the time.  I never got that second trimester energy boost that people talk about.  And the bathroom situation... I was not prepared at all for the trouble pooping + crazy amounts of gas I've had this entire pregnancy.  The gas is getting worse now too... Like when I'm out walking I often let out these squeaker toots and I can't control it.  So embarrassing :-/ 

    For the easier parts, I expected to gain a lot more weight (I bought a lot of very roomy maternity tops to make sure they'd last me through the end of the pregnancy.. 38 weeks now and they're still too big and just make me look overweight rather than pregnant), I expected to be a lot more emotional (I've generally been my normal self.. no pregnant lady crying at commercials type stuff here), and I expected that I would have a lot more pain/difficulty moving around than I have.  My long torso + wide hips + jumbo bones have done me some major favors.  I do have some discomfort, but I definitely don't feel miserable/uncomfortable all of the time, I generally don't have to waddle, and I don't have any trouble sleeping... at least not due to discomfort (but I do have to get up to pee multiple times during the night and have frequent bouts of insomnia).  Also, so far (*knock on wood*), no new tiger stripes across my belly!  I think I may have a few new ones on my hips but I already had a ton there so I can't really tell a difference.  

  • This being my second pregnancy, here are a few:

    Expected:  GD again.  Reality: no GD.  In fact, I passed my 1-hour screen with flying colors

    Expected: More weight gain. Reality: Same as last time

    Expected: This pregnancy would fly by.  Reality:  It has.

    Expected:  I will have to be induced again, since I didn't even have one real contraction on my own. I had BH, but no real, crampy contractions.  Reality:  I've been having real contractions starting late yesterday.  Nothing big or regular, but it gives me hope my body can get it done on its own this time.  I also hope this baby comes on or before my due date.


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  • Soon2BMrsNSoon2BMrsN member
    edited June 2014
    Third timer here/third pregnancy in five years. First, I didn't expect to get pregnant again and went through all of DS2's baby milestones thinking it would be the last time. So I didn't expect to be so grateful to get to go through an infancy again. I didn't expect to gain so much more weight this time. And I definitely didn't expect to find out this baby is a girl. I never thought I'd have a daughter and was totally loving being a boy mom, but I am sooooo excited to have a little girl. Physically/symptom wise, though, this pregnancy has been about what I expected it would be. (Edited for spelling)

  • Overall it has been pretty close to my expectations. I was surprised by how even keeled I've been emotionally. I tend to be an emotional train wreck on a good day (anxiety and depression) so being better than ever during pregnancy? Shocker. I also didn't expect the exhaustion or how difficult that has been.i don't slow down well and I've really been irritated by feeling so exhausted for no tangible reason. Also I was not expecting to have so little control over my weight and what my body does. I have gained too much weight but no matter what I do it just keeps on being steady. I have always had body image problems and really focused on weight and such so letting go of that control was harder than expected.

  • While this wasn't my first rodeo, I certainly was very surprised with a few things.  First and the absolute biggest, I did not expect twins. The shock from that discovery hasn't worn off yet.  Second, I didn't expect to be as sore/uncomfortable as early as I was.  The whole pelvis feeling like it's shattering every time I move has not been fun.  Third, I am amazed how much DH has stepped up for me and our boys while I have been laid up on the couch feeling useless.
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    jensavicci[Deleted User]earichar23lks18
  • First pregnancy, I expected it to be all shiny and magical like in the movies (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA). I did not expect 7 months of morning noon and night sickness OR the joint pain OR the fiery drill to the chest that was heartburn OR the sheer incompetence of the medical team who delivered my baby (long story, very rant-y). Did expect to gain weight but actually lost weight and ended up being monitored because I weighed about the same as a large housecat after delivery. Was very much not expecting to almost bleed to death but that happened during/after labor and wasn't fun so I'd rather avoid that this time.

    *loss men't briefly in first line*
    This time: Expected this pregnancy to fail like the previous 2 and was very surprised every time I had an appointment that still showed a heartbeat. Expected all the pains, nausea, exhaustion, weight loss and another incompetent medical team. Actually got a lot less joint pain this time around, less nausea less often, same amount of heartburn but the meds for it in this country SUCK compared to back home which really took me by surprise as most meds over here (now in the US) are better, I've actually put on half my body weight again which is awesome and my medical team (birth centre with midwives) are brilliant so far although we'll have to see how the birth goes as for whether that opinion stands.

    I'm expecting the birth to go better than last time because, quite honestly, there isn't much that could make it worse. Expecting it to hurt but not more than I can deal with and possibly for there to be excessive blood loss again but the hospital will be informed as soon as the birth center know I'm coming in so will be aware in case they need to deal with that. Was not expecting to be as relaxed as I am about the prospect of a med-free birth but that could be because I had a bad reaction to pain meds last time around that really messed with me.
  • I'm a FTM, and for the most part up until this weekend my only "issue" was getting up in the middle of the night to pee.  However, now that the summer heat is on and I am in the last few weeks of pregnancy and apparently must get miserable to want to push him out: I miss being able to wipe myself completely without the help of two different types of wipes, I miss wearing several different pairs of shoes (only one pair of flops fits now), I miss being able to shave my legs and lady parts (finally noticed the massive new hair there this morning), and I miss being able to wear cute underwear without the marathon that it takes to put them on in the morning.  

    I'm absolutely terrified of the birthing process.  Everyone and their brother has made it a point to tell me some sort of delivery room horror story.  So I'm guessing that I am ready for the worst case scenario and maybe I will be pleasantly surprised.  Anyone else a little panicky that they are going to the hospital and leaving with a tiny human???

    I thought I'd be more emotionally imbalanced. I had my moments, but nothing like what the movies and other women led me to believe (I'm a FTM) 

    I thought I'd skip over that whole feet swelling/extreme achey pain at night thing. :)) SILLY GIRL!

    I thought I'd sleep WAY more. I napped maybe 1 time during the day the whole pregnancy.

    I'm sad I won't feel LittleDude doing his 9PM shuffle in my belly in another month, very very sad but he will be in my arms instead. Which, of course is amazing, but I love knowing he is in the safest possible place right now with no worries. He is fully functioning and self sustaining when with me. 

    Emotionally imbalanced- I totally expected to be absolutely bat s crazy, but so far, I've really only broken down into crazy tears maybe four times- dancing with the stars and the memory episode of all things, facebook rescue dog story, the preview of "If I Stay", and the day I needed to go and buy h. wipes :-(

    I had no idea that my feet could get so large :-(  

    I'm gonna miss the daily pushes and nudges he gives me esp when I eat ice.  Though I know having him actually here will be absolutely amazing- I'll have to actually share him with others and that makes me a little sad.  

    jensavicciearichar23[Deleted User]
  • I definitely thought I'd enjoy pregnancy more. My mum was a midwife, and it always seemed so magical. It hasn't been for me. 4 months of nausea, feeling totally out of control of my emotions (I cried because DH wanted to watch basketball), and not having my usual energy have all made me pretty miserable. I do love the baby kicks and the progress, but it's not the amazing experience I always thought it would be. Part of it may be because I don't have my mum to chat with about it...that makes it all a little bittersweet too. I'm WAY more excited to have an outside baby, so I'm hoping my last few weeks fly by.


  • kwh33ls said:
    I definitely thought I'd enjoy pregnancy more. My mum was a midwife, and it always seemed so magical. It hasn't been for me. 4 months of nausea, feeling totally out of control of my emotions (I cried because DH wanted to watch basketball), and not having my usual energy have all made me pretty miserable. I do love the baby kicks and the progress, but it's not the amazing experience I always thought it would be. Part of it may be because I don't have my mum to chat with about it...that makes it all a little bittersweet too. I'm WAY more excited to have an outside baby, so I'm hoping my last few weeks fly by.
    Don't feel bad. I feel the same way. People in my life have basically said how horrible it is that I'm not enjoying pregnancy like they think I should be (and have insinuated that because I'm not enjoying it, I'm not going to be a good mom). I've learned to accept that everyone has a different experience. Good luck on your last few weeks! :)
  • I expected things to go similar to last time: The 1st and 2nd trimesters were uneventful followed by the last 6 weeks going to hell in a handbasket. I could not have been more wrong. 1st AND 2nd trimesters sucked ass and were neverending bouts of awful.
    However, since the start of 3rd trimester things have gotten progressively BETTER, my bp has remained low, I have not had crazy weight gain and my energy only continues to increase.
    But I have not forgotten 1st and 2nd tri and know that there is no way that I could reasonably handle another pregnancy and continue to function as a productive member of society.


    DS Born 4/7/2011
    DD Born 7/14/2014
  • Mine was sort of what I expected, sort of not. I think the first 30 weeks or so were pretty much what I expected - same as last time, pretty easy, not a lot of aches and pains. More tired in the evenings, but having a preschooler can do that to you.

    The last 6 weeks have been a little more miserable than I expected. Exercising and keeping active is taking much more of a toll on my body than the first time around. On the days when I am running and/or getting my 10K steps, my body HURTS in the evenings - not anything "baby" related, just like I have arthritis or something.

    I am also a bit more torn this time - the first time I was desperate to get to 40w because I wanted to meet baby so badly. This time, I want to meet her, but I know that in some ways, babies are a lot easier on the inside than the outside, so I'm a bit happier to just wait out these last four weeks patiently.

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