I really want to know if I'm justified being upset over this. So I lost my baby March 5th, he was my first with my husband and we've been trying for 3 years for him. So the loss was horrific!
Well my sister in law whom I've always gotten along with got me a necklace that says remember with my birth stone (Or the stone of the month I lost my child). my husband brought it home to me yesterday and it hurt me like you wouldn't believe!! I love her a lot she's like a big sister but why would you give someone a gift to "remember" that horrible night. thinking about it brings back so much pain and I just want to move forward but it seems like people keep reminding me that I lost my baby. I still avoid family gatherings cause I know people are going to say they are sorry for our loss which is the very last thing I want! I know she meant to be kind and loving towards me but I'm having I difficult time even touching that necklace. I know
I know people mean well but I really just want people to drop it don't bring it up to me anymore cause out of everyone I know the loss. why is it when something like this happens even after almost 3 months people "hover" over you and keep reminding you of it.. its almost like I have to sent a message saying don't talk to me about it, don't mention anything not even "I'm sorry for you loss". Just act like it didn't happen cause if I want to talk about it i'll bring it up I don't need you too do it for me.
I'm not going to bring it up to her cause last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings, but do you agree with the gift? or am I just being sensitive?
Sorry about my rant I just really needed to let that out..
Re: would you get someone a gift after they lost the first baby?
I know everyone is different and for you, maybe it is hurtful to receive something like that. However, I have to play devil's advocate and say you're lucky to have someone who cares enough to think of you and get you a gift. Most people tend to ignore child/pregnancy loss (I wasn't clear on which you had, but it's loss either way) and go around you like nothing ever happened. That said, you feel the way you feel and that is valid. I just wouldn't go lashing out at her or anything. Most people don't know how to deal with others' child loss, but at least she's not going the "doing nothing" route.
sorry I should have said pregnancy loss. and I agree with you I don't want to lash out at her and I'm very lucky to have people that care so much about me. I've just told them that I wanted to be left alone on this subject and it seems like no one is listening.
So i'm not going to say anything to her about it cause I don't want to lie but I cant wear it.
Me: 34; DH: 38; SD: 9
TTC #1 since November 2013
BFP #1: 2/4/14--EDD 10/14/14--CP 2/8/14
BFP #2: 3/1/14--EDD 11/15/14--MMC at 12w6d (baby stopped developing at 11w4d)
D&C 5/13/14; Retained Tissue Found: Cytotec 5/30/14; 2nd D&C 6/20/14
BFP #3: 12/13/14--EDD 8/27/15--MMC at 7 weeks (no fetal pole and measuring 1 1/2 weeks behind)--Cytotec 1/9/15
January 2015: Off to RE for RPL testing
Everyone is so different. For some people it helps so much to have people ask about and talk about their babies; for others it helps to not be reminded.
I know for myself it would mean the world to me if someone other than my DH acknowledged that my losses happened; sadly, nobody says anything to me.
IMO, it might help for you to put the necklace away and let your SIL know that right now the necklace is a very tangible reminder of pain that you want to move away from and perhaps as you gain distance from the pain you will be able to reflect on your journey by wearing the necklace.... That way your SIL understands that the necklace is appreciated but is a very sad reminder of your pain.
I'm sorry for your loss. (((Hugs)))
DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant
DH: 34
MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012
IVF w/ICSI #1
10 little polar bears
FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN
FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
Beta 1= 276
Beta 2= 662
4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
5/3/14 ~ D&C
FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
Animals Interacting with Snow