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One & Done: Only child
Marriage Woes
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Re: Marriage Woes
I love the GIFs @hopefulmom81. Conan is my favorite!
Thanks @tittsmcgee-- feeling all sorts of loved right now
:xBFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Okay, @TittsMcGee, I think we have similar marriage situations here.
I love my husband and we are a bit rocky right now, but I think we'll pull through. Of course, DH doesn't see any rockiness at all and wants me to provide concrete evidence of that. I'm not sure what he's looking for, but we are in therapy right now working through it, so I appreciate that he is willing to do that with me. Right now he blames a lot of it on my depression, but I think that is a cop-out for him to not work on anything himself or be open to my opinion about things. I get really tired of my depression being blamed for things. I've had major depression diagnosed since college (but manifested at least since high school), so I have had it under control for quite a while with medication and therapy.
I think DH is pretty self-centered and stubborn. His step-mom describes him the same way as a kid and his dad is that way too, so I don't see that changing any. I just wish he'd open his mind to everything I do to contribute to this family - I take care of finances, the majority of the cleaning, all the appointments, enrolling, and scheduling (I think this is more work than even I anticipated), insurance and benefits, organizing, trip planning, child care arranging, half the meal planning and cooking, etc. It really pisses me off that the past few times he's mowed the lawn he said "I've mowed your lawn." Excuse me? MY lawn? What's hard is that when I start to feel overwhelmed, it all falls apart because I'm the one taking care of it all. I don't think he knows how to access our finances or anything like that. He isn't careless with money, he just has no clue what goes on behind the scenes.
January OAD Siggy Challenge: Creative Snow Sculptures
January OAD Siggy Challenge: Creative Snow Sculptures
I am sorry. I know its hard. I really do.
I was so close to packing my stuff and just moving out. I didn't know how I would make it or how we'd arrange with who DS would stay but I was just so fed up..
I was doing everything you wrote and finding myself exhausted and depressed. I wasn't happy at all. I was blaming him for my depression and we'd never spend any time together and he'd blame me for this. I told him that I cant see myself doing anything fun with him because I felt so disconnected from him. He wasn't doing anything to help me around the house. I clean OUR house, I write/pay OUR bills, I cook US dinner, I take OUR kid to his appointments, everything that needed to be done it was me doing it.
He agreed to therapy and marriage counseling and we're still seeing a counselor once a month.
What helped us (this is what the therapist recommended) is making a list of chores and we'd alternate. One night he'd prep dinner and I would do the next night. Same with after dinner clean up and dishes.
We also both made a list of our own complains and grievances and we read it to each other. We both have weak points that need to be worked on and we both agreed on working this out. Marriage takes a lot of effort on both sides.
our one and only *
DS - 2011
I am actually not afraid of being alone at all.
I am worried about 1) damaging Josie and 2) I am worried about my H, actually. He doesn't have much family, so it makes me sad to imagine him alone.
I am also of course worried about doing everything on my own, but somehow that's probably 3rd place for me.
Hugs to everyone who needs them today.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
our one and only *
DS - 2011
@helendahandbasket I apologize you took such offense to my comment. If you would have noticed my last comment it states that there is OBVIOUSLY more going then we know about. I was trying to support your decision because you are the ONLY one that knows all the details, while I guess being sensitive to my own experience and offering that to the conversation.
I didn't use your screen name because I was mobile and I was typing fast and didn't want to botch it. Again apologies.
My favorite.
our one and only *
DS - 2011
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I know it bums me as well but it really helps to vent.
our one and only *
DS - 2011
Throwing leaves
Throwing leaves
Thanks @jellybean529-- my parents split when I was really young also (I was 4) so I am worried about making similar mistakes.
I keep trying to tell myself that my H and I are completley different people and parents then mine were and will handle things more appropriately, if need be.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I know you didn't mean anything bad by it.
There's so many couples with marriage problems and they have no one to share it with. It helps to have a place to vent that will not judge and will offer advice.
our one and only *
DS - 2011
But the follow up studies made it clear that it is actually exposure to conflict that can mess up children. It doesn't matter whether the parents stay married or not. It's how much fighting the kid sees and hears. And of course kids whose parents eventually divorce are often exposed to much more fighting up to that point than kids whose parents stay together. Statistically. But staying together and openly hostile actually does them more harm.