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Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

I'm really sorry I offended people. As for those who answered my question with their personal story. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your input. I am so sorry for those of you that had trouble. And I pray that if you decide to try in the future that it works out. And if not than more power to ya. I guess it isn't for everybody. Again for those offended. I am sorry. It was not at all my intention. Like I said before I think we should be lifting each other up. I don't know all you've been through in life and you don't know what I have been through either.

armedmommy · May 2014

I nurse as long as I can. I have friends who gave the following "excuses"

I don't want it ruining my boobs
It's gross
It grosses my husband out
It hurt.

Ktbug613 · May 2014

Moms have many reasons for not breastfeeding its different for everyone. There is no right way to feed your baby as long as you feed them!

Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

I was just curious as to why. I just feel like it's becoming less and less. And I am kind of holistic and feel like it's better for the baby. And also god made us so that we could supply food for our babies. I just can think of a reason I wouldn't. So that's why I asked. So I can better understand.

hollywooeb · May 2014

I've heard many women say it was just too hard and their baby wasn't getting enough food. My SIL didn't even try, but I don't know the reason behind her decision. I'm going to try breast feeding, but I'm determined to keep an open mind about things like delivery and breast feeding vs bottle feeding.

longcat07 · May 2014

well, for me with DS, i formula-fed him because i had zero support at home and was stressed out beyond belief. DS had jaundice early on and it took me FIVE DAYS to get letdown after my milk came it...seriously painful...so during that time i had to give him something. he became a lazy sucker because of that. so i EP'd initially, and when that got to be too much work (twice the work of either method), i gave it a good two weeks of trying to get it going, and then i just gave up, because SOMETHING had to give.

so, that's my "excuse". formula is not rat poison. i really wish people would stop behaving like it was.

edit: clarification

Ktbug613 · May 2014

Dylan&Blakely said:
I was just curious as to why. I just feel like it's becoming less and less. And I am kind of holistic and feel like it's between for the baby. And also god made us so that we could supply food for our babies. And a lot of people don't feel like or maybe don't care anymore.

Does it matter why? Does it make me a bad mother to not breastfeed?

Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

Of course not. And if you personally knew me you would know I am a non judgmental and loving person. I just want to understand different opinions on it. I have an opinion but that's all I know. My opinion is not right nor wrong. I truly want to understand the benefits and the not so good things. I may be in a different place than I would have been before my previous miscarriage. I may not have felt the need to breast feed.

Lalalady54 · May 2014

I know for me I exclusively pumped for a month after trying to get my DD to latch, which she never could correctly (during delivery she was forceped out and the forcep caught around her jaw, which was one of many reasons I couldn't just put her on the boob

) after a month I had to transition to formula bc I was on too many meds for health conditions that developed during pregnancy that they were making DD lethargic and our pedi suggested the switch to formula it was the best decision for my babe. Honestly I don't know what I'll do this time/ bf'ing for me was harder than delivery and I had a third degree tear and pushed for 3 hours with little epidural (it ran out as I began pushing and they didn't give me more

so the pain was still duller then you au natural ladies, but it was still significant) however Id do delivery a million times over breastfeeding at this point. I'm hoping baby #2 comes out easier, no fetal distress, forceps, NICU transition, low sugars due to my BP meds, etc and breastfeeding will be more natural and a great experience, but I will tell you this I will have no guilt like I did last time if we do switch to formula...

mellie86041 · May 2014

Some women can't for one reason or another. It's not always a decision they make for themselves.

Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

Thank you so much for sharing your story and explanation. My mom and grandmothers had an easy time for the most part breast feeding there kids. So I hear the good stories about it. So I don't have the opportunity to see the other side of it. I'm sorry you had so much trouble with it. That's stinks.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

Breastfeeding is hard. Really hard. Its hard to know if you doing right, doing it enough, pumping enough, etc. It's painful and takes a huge time commitment to pump if you are working.

I'm all for breastfeeding but also understand why people turn to formula. There is nothing wrong with formula.

Here is why I turned to formula

1.I had low supply from the beginning.

2. My husband worked out of town during the week and was home on weekends, making me single mom to an infant. Talk about stress, up all night, and no time to pump to increase supply

3. I went back to work and my supply tanked even more b/c I didn't advocated enough for my pumping time.

4. My kid had horrible reflux. Everything we did and tried made it worse. Turns out he had a dairy/soy allergy and needed to be on hypoallergenic formula. That stuff was expensive but it was worth every penny. It did something for my son that I could do. Fed him, nourished him and helped him grow (which he wasn't before)

If you want to BF, go for it. Start educating yourself now on to be successful at it. Ask questions and seek help when you need it.

If it doesn't work out or you don't want to BF. That's fine, don't feel guilty. There are lots of good formulas out there. As long as your kid is growing and meeting milestones that is what it important.

letsgox · May 2014

OP and @armedmommy‌ I'm not sure if you're intending to sound "judgey" but you are. People can't/don't breast feed for many reasons. Guess what? As long as the child is receiving nutrition enough to sustain and grow, why care who/where it comes from if it's not your kid? Sorry, but I hate mommy wars and this one (along with WM vs. SAHM) really get me upset.

As for it seeming like "no one does it anymore," the CDC has released data showing that BF rates have been relatively static after it's resurgence in the late 80's. Now, About 75% of mothers will attempt to BF at birth.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

Dylan&Blakely said:

I'm all for breast feeding. To me there will be no other way to feed my baby. I am just curious as to why no one breast feeds anymore. I have friends that have babies and they were on bottles before they even left the hospital. I'm not, in anyway, saying bottle feeding is wrong I just don't understand why free healthy natural mommies milk isn't much of any option anymore. Any input?

Also be careful with your statements- you are coming off pretty judgy

Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

I'm so appreciative of all the reasonings behind your yay or nay of breast feeding. I can't believe there are so many issues with it and I'm very sorry for the mommies who had problems with it. Thank you all so much for sharing.

motherboy · May 2014

A lot of the aforementioned reasons why moms "dont" breastfeed makes them come off as selfish. In a lot of cases, its not a matter of won't or don't, but can't. Some women can't because they are on medicine. Some women can't because their babies are in the NICU and need specialized formula. Some women can't because they just never produce enough milk. Some women can't because they are struggling with PPA/PPD and trying to get breastfeeding established is incredibly stressful.

Some women can't and they give their kids formula and that is fine. I say this as someone who proudly breastfed her kid for a year. I hate that some women are made to feel inferior for doing the absolute best they can. As long as they are loving and caring and providing for their child, the mom is doing great.

ETA: a bunch of people commented while I was typing out my war and peace-length answer. The selfish sounding reasons i mentioned were in the beginning of the thread. I obviously agree with a bunch of you who just posted too.

Kyleedawn08 · May 2014

I was so ready to breastfeed my first, I didn't even own any bottles. He had a lot of complications early on, and had to supplement.i tried for months to get him to latch again and to pump to bring my supply up. I worked so hard for nothing. He is 1&1/2 and is a healthy little guy formula fed and all. Again this time, I am going to be ready for breastfeeding. But I am not goin to set myself up to be devastated this time around

Ktbug613 · May 2014

Dylan&Blakely said:
I'm so appreciative of all the reasonings behind your yay or nay of breast feeding. I can't believe there are so many issues with it and I'm very sorry for the mommies who had problems with it. Thank you all so much for sharing.

Are you really saying you didn't know women struggle to breastfeed/produce milk

JerseyHopeful · May 2014

I would love to say I will definitely breast feed but so much of it depends on my health. I have a chronic illness and while I'll be off most of the meds for the pregnancy there is a high rate of surges in the illness after giving birth. If I have to take medicine to keep myself healthy and the end result is I can't breastfeed I will be sad but I will do it. I am no good to my newborn if I am very ill. I have friends who say they will donate breastmilk if it comes to that for me but let's see what happens when it actually comes down to it.

Cbeanz · May 2014

It's not as easy as you might think if you've never done it.

I second PP in that you should start educating yourself NOW so you're ready when the time comes. And surround yourself with a support network (your partner, other new moms, etc.) because you will be relying on those around you for encouragement. A lot.

Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

MNgirl326 said:

Dylan&Blakely said:

I'm all for breast feeding. To me there will be no other way to feed my baby. I am just curious as to why no one breast feeds anymore. I have friends that have babies and they were on bottles before they even left the hospital. I'm not, in anyway, saying bottle feeding is wrong I just don't understand why free healthy natural mommies milk isn't much of any option anymore. Any input?

Also be careful with your statements- you are coming off pretty judgy

Definitely not being judgmental. Sorry you are taking it like that. And just so everyone is aware. It doesn't really affect me whether you breastfeed or not. You love your kids and that's what matters. I just want to see all of the reasonings. The moms I know just don't want to do it. So I was trying to see everyone's reasons for what they do. If you are offended it is only because of some way you feel. No one can make you feel inferior about yourself. You have babies. You love them. That's what truly matters. So please stop getting offended. It's not what this post was for.

Mrs_Bennett · May 2014

I will absolutely breastfeed, and I did for both of my boys for 18+ months each. Most of my friends breastfed their babies too.

That being said, there are numerous reasons that women don't choose to breastfeed. I believe that breastmilk is the best option for my babies, therefore that's what I will do. To be honest, I don't really care what you feed your kid.

Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

Ktbug613 said:

Dylan&Blakely said:
I'm so appreciative of all the reasonings behind your yay or nay of breast feeding. I can't believe there are so many issues with it and I'm very sorry for the mommies who had problems with it. Thank you all so much for sharing.
Are you really saying you didn't know women struggle to breastfeed/produce milk

None of my family really has. So no. I didn't realize so many people struggled. I am very surprised at how many people are getting offended and are being so mean and sarcastic in their answers. Not at all what I was expecting.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

Dylan&Blakely said:

Dylan&Blakely said:

I'm all for breast feeding. To me there will be no other way to feed my baby. I am just curious as to why no one breast feeds anymore. I have friends that have babies and they were on bottles before they even left the hospital. I'm not, in anyway, saying bottle feeding is wrong I just don't understand why free healthy natural mommies milk isn't much of any option anymore. Any input?

Also be careful with your statements- you are coming off pretty judgy

Definitely not being judgmental. Sorry you are taking it like that. And just so everyone is aware. It doesn't really affect me whether you breastfeed or not. You love your kids and that's what matters. I just want to see all of the reasonings. The moms I know just don't want to do it. So I was trying to see everyone's reasons for what they do. If you are offended it is only because of some way you feel. No one can make you feel inferior about yourself. You have babies. You love them. That's what truly matters. So please stop getting offended. It's not what this post was for.

I'm not offended, I'm just telling you how you sound. You sound on a high horse for something you have NEVER even tried.

You say you don't care how people feed their babies but in the same breath you are talking about your friends who won't even try. Why do you care if someone doesn't even try.? To BF or Not is a personal decision, that shouldn't really need an explanation? It's really not any of your business why your friends aren't trying.

PS- my mom didn't BF me or my brother 33+ years ago because she was embarrassed of her large breasts and having to possibly BF in public. That was her reason. Everyone has different reasons. You need to respect them.

MaPetiteFamille · May 2014

At 10 days postpartum, I had to give DD formula and pump and dump for almost a week because I was back in the hospital for appendicitis. I was lucky that my supply didn't plummet (I was actually overproducing) and I was able to go back to BFing. Many others in similar situations aren't.

A friend of mine had a breast reduction and had issues with supply. Another friend's baby was tongue tied and it was too painful. Another friend's baby failed to gain weight. Even for myself, I switched to formula during the day and BF at night when DD was eight months because pumping at work was getting too stressful and my supply was plummeting (try achieving let down under duress; it's not possible).

There are as many reasons as there are women for using formula instead of breast milk. I loved BFing and agree that there are some benefits, but it isn't without its challenges and it just doesn't make sense for everyone. Women should do what is best for their family. Having a happy home is more beneficial than any specific feeding method could be.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

I was only able to produce milk for 6 months. Being a working mom, pumping just wasn't stimulating enough production. So we started supplementing and I pumped until I dried up. This post makes me edgy.

MoreThanSparrows08 · May 2014

With my first, I had every intention of breastfeeding as long as I could. I made it to about 6 weeks before my milk dried up. I realize now I wasn't drinking enough water, but I was unaware of that issue back then.

With my 2nd, I breastfed for 6 months, and would have gone longer.

With this one, I intend to breastfeed/pump as long as possible.

vjdk07 · May 2014

I'm an RN in L&D and I would almost disagree that the number seems to be decreasing of those who BF. I would guesstimate that 4 out of 5 of my moms at least attempt to BF.

With DS, I didn't BF. Mostly because I didn't educate myself enough and was ignorant to the benefits. This time I plan to try but the thought of it stresses me out and seems overwhelming so I may end up turning to formula. I figure as long as my baby is eating and being taken care of, then I'm doing my job. My DH works Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. I am basically a single parent from Friday through Monday afternoon because after working 13 hour shifts, he has to sleep.

This debate always makes me angry because people are so judgemental about this.

ETA Spelling is hard

liladelphia215 · May 2014

I didn't make enough to begin with and we needed to supplement because she lost too much weight in the hospital. When I went back to work, my supply tanked more than it was. Easy as that.

Cbeanz · May 2014

I am a BF advocate and this post offends even me.

motherboy · May 2014

I'd really like to see where people were mean or sarcastic. Telling you that your tone and wording is offensive is not mean.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

Dylan&Blakely said:

I'm so appreciative of all the reasonings behind your yay or nay of breast feeding. I can't believe there are so many issues with it and I'm very sorry for the mommies who had problems with it. Thank you all so much for sharing.
Are you really saying you didn't know women struggle to breastfeed/produce milk
None of my family really has. So no. I didn't realize so many people struggled. I am very surprised at how many people are getting offended and are being so mean and sarcastic in their answers. Not at all what I was expecting.

Who is being mean? Or sarcastic? You got answers to your questions.

Just because someone says you are coming off judgemental, doesn't make them mean. It's just pointing out the truth.

Cbeanz · May 2014

Maybe it's also worth mentioning: It's not like you can skip a day. No matter if you're traveling, or sick, or separated from your baby. In your baby's first year of life, you will likely be in all of those situations multiple times. You cannot go more than a few hours without feeding and/or pumping. If you do, it's over. Supply = Gone.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

This thread is bring back nightmares! Shit! Must buy good nursing bra this time around. And stock up on nursing pads.

Edit: and I must find my pump!!!

MNgirl326 · May 2014

Cbeanz said:

Maybe it's also worth mentioning: It's not like you can skip a day. No matter if you're traveling, or sick, or separated from your baby. In your baby's first year of life, you will likely be in all of those situations multiple times. You cannot go more than a few hours without feeding and/or pumping. If you do, it's over. Supply = Gone.

Yup - and even if you are lucky to have a baby that STTN, guess what you don't get to. You get to get up and pump in the middle of the night to keep your supply going.

Good times.

Milagros315 · May 2014

It's weird that you think BFing isn't popular now. I don't know anyone who formula feeds and I know dozens of moms.

I plan to breastfeed for several reasons that I don't feel the need to explain, however I know that it can be difficult and even impossible so I'm not going to put unnecessary pressure on myself. Being unable or unwilling to breastfeed isn't the end of the world or the babies health.

And God didn't give everyone the ability to breastfeed. Just like he didn't give everyone the ability to get pregnant on their own. We make it work anyway.

Eta: Because I left out some really important letters.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

ICarriedAWatermelon said:

Cbeanz said:
Maybe it's also worth mentioning: It's not like you can skip a day. No matter if you're traveling, or sick, or separated from your baby. In your baby's first year of life, you will likely be in all of those situations multiple times. You cannot go more than a few hours without feeding and/or pumping. If you do, it's over. Supply = Gone.
EVERY 3-4 HOURS.

Sh!t is hard. And your partner can't help you.

That includes the middle of the night! No 8 hour stretch of sleep or you will wake up with some hella engorged boobs!

IHeartScience · May 2014

People do what they do, and the reasons are sometimes complicated regarding whether a mom chooses to/can/whatever. Or sometimes they are not complicated. Nobody's place to judge either way imo. I'm still breastfeeding my 22 month old. For our family it has been a very positive experience.

Eta: my son had formula as a newborn to help him deal with a jaundice issue. Despite what an overly enthusiastic lactation consultant had me believing, he neither spontaneously combusted nor was subsequently unable to bf.

Dylan&Blakely · May 2014

MNgirl326 said:

Dylan&Blakely said:

Ktbug613 said:

Dylan&Blakely said:
I'm so appreciative of all the reasonings behind your yay or nay of breast feeding. I can't believe there are so many issues with it and I'm very sorry for the mommies who had problems with it. Thank you all so much for sharing.
Are you really saying you didn't know women struggle to breastfeed/produce milk
None of my family really has. So no. I didn't realize so many people struggled. I am very surprised at how many people are getting offended and are being so mean and sarcastic in their answers. Not at all what I was expecting.

Who is being mean? Or sarcastic? You got answers to your questions.

Just because someone says you are coming off judgemental, doesn't make them mean. It's just pointing out the truth.

I thought this was a place to learn. That's why I joined this group. Not to upset anyone. Not to be judged. We should be in this group to love on each other. And I truly didn't mean to offend anyone. Honestly if I would have known I would upset anyone I wouldn't have posted. I wish that I could delete the thread for fear that anyone else get offended.

mellie86041 · May 2014

ICarriedAWatermelon said:

Dylan&Blakely said:

Ktbug613 said:

Dylan&Blakely said:
I'm so appreciative of all the reasonings behind your yay or nay of breast feeding. I can't believe there are so many issues with it and I'm very sorry for the mommies who had problems with it. Thank you all so much for sharing.
Are you really saying you didn't know women struggle to breastfeed/produce milk
None of my family really has. So no. I didn't realize so many people struggled. I am very surprised at how many people are getting offended and are being so mean and sarcastic in their answers. Not at all what I was expecting.
You have a lot of STMs here who have BTDT, struggled, and are miffed at someone who has never breastfed implying that it's always a choice whether or not to.

This exactly. You can't asked a VERY loaded question like this and then be surprised that people are reacting the way they are. As other PPs stated, it's an aspect of the mommy wars that really set a lot of people off.

BFing is extremely difficult for many women. And those of us who were not able to for whatever reason are never going to be happy to hear that other mothers, especially first-time mothers-to-be who have never tried to BF a newborn, think we're doing our child a disservice because we didn't "choose" to BF.

Please research this as much as you can. And please, please prepare yourself for the very real possibility of having to find another way to feed your child because, despite what your best intentions may be, not everything goes according to plan when it comes to babies.

MaPetiteFamille · May 2014

Yes. I pumped at weddings, conferences, in the parking lot at a job interview, in bathrooms, in the car, in my office, friends' houses...the list goes on. And this was what I think of as a GOOD period, because DD wouldn't take a bottle for the longest time. Once she did, I could finally leave the house for more than 20 minutes at a time. It's more demanding than we are led to appreciate, I think.

OP: If you're serious about learning and preparing, I'd recommend checking out https://www.kellymom.com.

Edited for clarification

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