Help me, J14ers... you're my only hope. (This is so long, HAS MY SORRIES)

AKbadwolf · May 2014

Sounds like you are going with Option A. Great choice!

Coming from the "Mom's" point of view, I am glad you are making a place for your step children in your home. I can tell you my oldest DS had to give up his bedroom for the new baby when he was 6. He went from a room of his own at his dads house and his grandparents house to sleeping on the couch at both places. He hated it and totally felt like he was worth less than the new baby. He also didn't blame his dad or the baby, he blames the step mom.

My DS felt that way and he didn't even have to share with an older brother or sister. The SD is old enough that she should have a private place to hang out, change, etc.

AKbadwolf · May 2014

Also, DD didn't have her own room till she was 6 months old and it worked great. It was so nice to work on the nursery and not have to worry about trying to paint over a big belly and all. When we finally got in our new house and I was able to decorate the nursery, I was able to do it exactly how I wanted.

tealowl · May 2014

I don't think there is anthing wrong w/having the two older children share a room for a few months. If they are every other weekend, that's a pretty short amount of time. A few weekends isn't going to hurt them. 5 and 8 is young. If the were 13 and 16, that would be different.

Giving them your bigger bedroom would be really nice, if you guys are up to moving another room around.

Siblings share rooms all the time. My cousins were 3 years apart and shared a small room with a bunk bed until they were older elementary school/junior high age, then they moved into a bigger house. And they were boy/girl.

I understand wanting to nest and make a cute nursery. We will be cosleeping/bedsharing, and this kid won't have its own bedroom till we move and buy a house next year. Even though thats what I want to do, I still love to decorate and would love to do a nursery myself.

drunkenhandstand · May 2014

Option A, definitely.

cookieinva · May 2014

tealowl said:

I don't think there is anthing wrong w/having the two older children share a room for a few months. If they are every other weekend, that's a pretty short amount of time. A few weekends isn't going to hurt them. 5 and 8 is young. If the were 13 and 16, that would be different.

Siblings share rooms all the time. My cousins were 3 years apart and shared a small room with a bunk bed until they were older elementary school/junior high age, then they moved into a bigger house. And they were boy/girl.

While I think these points are generally true, I think it is also true that it is a little different when you throw in that the sharing will be so that the new baby (who is a half-sibling) can have his own room. Adds another dynamic since it is too easy to "blame" the stepmom and/or new baby situation rather than it just being like oh this is all the room there is so you have to share. It can become well, there *is* room but the new baby gets it because ___

JayBzo · May 2014

cookieinva said:

tealowl said:

I don't think there is anthing wrong w/having the two older children share a room for a few months. If they are every other weekend, that's a pretty short amount of time. A few weekends isn't going to hurt them. 5 and 8 is young. If the were 13 and 16, that would be different.

Siblings share rooms all the time. My cousins were 3 years apart and shared a small room with a bunk bed until they were older elementary school/junior high age, then they moved into a bigger house. And they were boy/girl.

While I think these points are generally true, I think it is also true that it is a little different when you throw in that the sharing will be so that the new baby (who is a half-sibling) can have his own room. Adds another dynamic since it is too easy to "blame" the stepmom and/or new baby situation rather than it just being like oh this is all the room there is so you have to share. It can become well, there *is* room but the new baby gets it because ___

I second what cookie said - when I was not given space it was because they (she) refused to give up her guest room. Yes, I was only there a few days a month but it would not have taken much to make my happy as a kid. This kind of stuff is hard for kids to understand or reason with, so to them it is hurtful no matter the intention. Sure, some kids might not take it that way but why risk it when you have another option and already have a great relationship as their step mom? Just my feelings, though I think you can recover if you do choose another option, I think it might be better to do A. Though I totally understand the nursery feeling and it would make me sad too - just plan plan plan to fill the void for now, and then when you can do it you will have everything decided!

TurtleMonsters · May 2014

Option A, which totally doesn't even consider your step children because i found that Ds slept with us for the first few months (I set up a pack n ply in another room if we wanted mommy daddy time). There was no reason for him to have his own room until he had enough toys and "stuff" to warrant. We didn't get him in one until he was ~ 4 mo. or more. Also, even then, we didn't do anything besides change and dress him there. He didn't sleep there. Even if you're not co-sleeping or into sharing the room for many months (fall isn't many), having them closer is better- literally, baby crying rang in my ears for like 2 years, because his bed room was across the house and he was always crying (allergies). It took many months to stop hearing phantom crying and being on edge all the time.

If I considered that you had step children too, I'd say suck it up. Not to mention, everytime the baby cries it's going to wake them TOO and then you get mad cranky step children who have less sleep then you. IDK, doesn't seem fair to me. I won't be torturing DS with this baby crying all the time, and he's my own (and there are lots of times I WANT retribution on my 4 year old

).

likeanoldtimemovie · May 2014

JayBzo said:

cookieinva said:

tealowl said:

I don't think there is anthing wrong w/having the two older children share a room for a few months. If they are every other weekend, that's a pretty short amount of time. A few weekends isn't going to hurt them. 5 and 8 is young. If the were 13 and 16, that would be different.

Siblings share rooms all the time. My cousins were 3 years apart and shared a small room with a bunk bed until they were older elementary school/junior high age, then they moved into a bigger house. And they were boy/girl.

While I think these points are generally true, I think it is also true that it is a little different when you throw in that the sharing will be so that the new baby (who is a half-sibling) can have his own room. Adds another dynamic since it is too easy to "blame" the stepmom and/or new baby situation rather than it just being like oh this is all the room there is so you have to share. It can become well, there *is* room but the new baby gets it because ___

I second what cookie said - when I was not given space it was because they (she) refused to give up her guest room. Yes, I was only there a few days a month but it would not have taken much to make my happy as a kid. This kind of stuff is hard for kids to understand or reason with, so to them it is hurtful no matter the intention. Sure, some kids might not take it that way but why risk it when you have another option and already have a great relationship as their step mom? Just my feelings, though I think you can recover if you do choose another option, I think it might be better to do A. Though I totally understand the nursery feeling and it would make me sad too - just plan plan plan to fill the void for now, and then when you can do it you will have everything decided!

This is my thought, too. I can't see them being that upset, but I don't want to risk it. I want them to be just as happy and excited about their little sister when she's here as they are now. We're also going to talk to their mom before school starts back about having the kids more than every other weekend, so having their own rooms will only help that decision.

Also, DH told me last night that the reason he always says "the baby will be in our room for x amount of months anyway" is because that's the way he wants it to be. He feels better having her in our room for the first few months, which I didn't know. He was planning on buying a bassinet for this very purpose, even if we did have a room for the nursery. So might as well make him and my big kids happy! (And me, too. After all, I'm still getting a sweet baby, no matter where she might sleep.)

LenaLove · May 2014

I'd go for option A for sure. I feel like making the other kids share will make them resentful of the new baby. They will remember this, but the baby won't care where it sleeps. I'd make the sacrifice for a few months.

unaveragejane · May 2014

More support for option A here. Like other PPs said, DS wound up sleeping in our room for the first 3 or 4 months. I had planned on having him in his room from nearly the beginning, mostly for the sake of DH's sleep, but DS wound up having reflux and spitting up a lot at night. I was terrified that he would choke in his sleep, so he slept in a PNP next to our bed until we got his reflux under control.

PS Kudos to you for being a caring step-mom!

chevronseven · May 2014

Man that is tough.... My first instinct was option B but after thinking about it and reading previous responses I'm thinking option A. Like PP said, the baby won't remember but the step kids will. And if your room is so big, you could get your nesting fix by doing a whole corner of the room with baby stuff.

Pinksundrops · May 2014

I made my oldest a nursery complete with new carpet, then we moved three months after he was born. He didn't sleep in there once. Especially since your room is huge and you will either be moving in a few months or have an extra bedroom at that point, I'd choose option A.

Mrs.DeRuysscher · May 2014

I would say option A since your living arrangements arn't set in stone. Dh an di recently had to move back into my fil's house bc dh lost his job this ment I lost the beautiful nursery I had in mind for my little one but she will have a crib to sleep in and I have done some little crafty things for her. We had also been planning on her sleep in our room for first little bit. I would say make a small area for baby in your room once you have your living arrangements set then build the beautiful nursery/room you want.

Yes it is difficult because all you want to do is nest and design what's in your mind even harder when you have two friends who are doing this as well right now. But she won't even know the difference and sacrifice is what you do as a parents.

Alibabs · May 2014

I thought it was always said that a baby should always room in with the parents for the first 6 months. It helps reduce the risk of cot death and it is so much easier to do night feeds/changes etc.

Regardless, I would put baby in our room until the other room was free.

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Help me, J14ers... you're my only hope. (This is so long, HAS MY SORRIES)

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