November 2014 Moms
mamatohne
member
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Since there are 20 posts about this BS let's discuss this here!
mamatohne
member
First of all I cannot believe how many times these conversation has come up in last month.
"Cool kids" vs not. It's FING BULLSHIT. A lot of people have made the point that the supposed "cool kids" are the ones making connections, which is true however, they are are also people who read and want to know what is going on on the board. The problem on this board is when people come in, without Taking a single second to involve themselves in other people's posts at either AW or make a most that people have already spent their time answering. I can honestly say people on here tend to give advice about how board etiquette goes, and get their heads bit off by lurkers. And then of course the people who HAVE made connections stand up for each other and it turns into ww3.
I'm going to post this again. Bullying-use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
I have never seen this happen here. Stop fing using this word for circumstances of people just fing disagreeing with what you have to say!
As for plain ol' disrespect, I don't see these "cool kids" disrespecting anyone like what happened here today. I get an apology was issued afterward and the person it disrespected fully accepted it. That's truly all that matters.
I think we should all start over. I think most of the people here go things out that they needed too and if not I think this is a perfect thread to do so. But it's getting hard to be here with all this extra bull shit!
Opinions anyone?
"Cool kids" vs not. It's FING BULLSHIT. A lot of people have made the point that the supposed "cool kids" are the ones making connections, which is true however, they are are also people who read and want to know what is going on on the board. The problem on this board is when people come in, without Taking a single second to involve themselves in other people's posts at either AW or make a most that people have already spent their time answering. I can honestly say people on here tend to give advice about how board etiquette goes, and get their heads bit off by lurkers. And then of course the people who HAVE made connections stand up for each other and it turns into ww3.
I'm going to post this again. Bullying-use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
I have never seen this happen here. Stop fing using this word for circumstances of people just fing disagreeing with what you have to say!
As for plain ol' disrespect, I don't see these "cool kids" disrespecting anyone like what happened here today. I get an apology was issued afterward and the person it disrespected fully accepted it. That's truly all that matters.
I think we should all start over. I think most of the people here go things out that they needed too and if not I think this is a perfect thread to do so. But it's getting hard to be here with all this extra bull shit!
Opinions anyone?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Since there are 20 posts about this BS let's discuss this here!
Yes people on here have already formed bonds because they have come in with caution ( yes I was even late to the game) but never did I demand attention or actually start a thread without reading what was said before. I found a ton of info by just reading. They bonded with other ladies because they put in effort. And I for one love the N14 board people are super accepting I may not share every view on here but that doesn't mean I can't like them.
Thanks for all the support ladies and thanks for answering all my dumb newbie question. Again I love you.
The thought was beautiful. The words were beyond helpful. But I knew some would get all kinds of aggravated.
Really...?!
P.s. I'm not a cool kid but I'm just awesome like that
Oh yea and sorry for the run ons and whatever else cause I'm lazy right now lol
This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection (
This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection (
You forgot are also whore's knighting!
You forgot are also whore knighting!
Also this would be a great place to post the gif. Come ooooonnnn! (I would but I am a little slow, and still haven't done it)
I've stayed out of most of this this weekend but I agree on most parts.
- The "cool kids" aren't that at all- they've just invested time, made friends and have built supportive relationships.
- It's disrespectful to those who have truly been bullied in their lives to use that term in reference to what goes on here. Just like everyone feels that they should be free to come here and ask anything- everyone else is free to disagree, make a smartass remark, etc. Calling it bullying seriously burns me- there are sad, horrible, hurtful and dangerous situations in the world where bullying really happens and to compare some of the comments here is just absolute idiocy.
- No one person or post is going to change the tone of this board. It's made up of its participants and those who spend time here establish it. If you truly want to change how things go here- PARTICIPATE in ways that are valuable (offering support, insight, etc) not by spending half of your posts complaining.
- Overall- things will settle in here, it's still very early but I think it's obvious that there are some seriously great people in this group. We'll see a big drop in participation as we continue through our pregnancies and then again after the babies are born. I feel confident in saying that those who stick around will be better for it. I have a fantastic group of ladies I'm close with from my daughter's BMB and I don't know what I'd do without them. If this board isn't for you, then please leave- there's a reason they call it the world wide web- there are plenty of other boards to check out. I don't say this to be mean, but I think life is too short to spend your time and energy on something you find negative.
Motherhood is a whole new world of judgment from all angles, so find a group that helps you deal- just know that it might include hearing some hard truths. I've got some great ladies in my corner and I think I'll find a whole new group of great ones here. I hope that for those who want it too.
BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
I'm a loser. I don't have the gif
I don't know how to gif from my iPad
The fact that "bullying" is thrown around here whenever someone gets upset someone doesn't share their opinion is repulsive to me.
I was bullied badly in high school, to the point a TEACHER joined in. A grown man allowed his students to use his office white board as a list of all the terrible things I supposedly was because the drum major (and my ex bf) got in trouble for shoving me after we got in an argument. Bitch, whore, cunt. I was 16. I had multiple other teens tell me I should die, that the world would be better without me.
I dropped out. I couldn't take it. All they did was make the band director's office off limits and that made me more the subject of ridicule and verbal abuse.
ETA: Mobile posted before I was done.
I started cutting and had been made to believe I was worthless. I was toying with the idea of suicide. Getting out of high school was healthier than staying in. I'm better now but still have self confidence issues and still need to talk to my therapist frequently. Its awful.
Even when people here, "the cool kids," disagree with something I've said, I've never felt bullied, shamed, or hurt.
I don't think this conversation will change anything though - we are still going to get ignorant and insensitive people breeze through here and annoy us, or park their asses and piss us off.
Logan born October 31, 2011
BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
He eventually was but it was because he was allowing students to have sex in the band storage room and someone showed proof. Not because of what happened with me.
Logan born October 31, 2011
Wow. Just wow.
I see other people get bullied all the time and I always say something. There are times when I can understand why someone feels hurt by what something is said - but I've never seen anything harsh.
Like I said, though, this word isn't just casually used here. I lurk all over the bump just to see what other boards are like and I see the word "bullying" thrown out everywhere and over the smallest things. That's not going to change.
I don't know how we can make it seem like the "cool kids" aren't out to get the newcomers when the "cool kids" are not actually out to get the newcomers. I'm lost as to why some of these people think that's a problem, and how they can be so ignorant.
Logan born October 31, 2011
This is so terrible.
Those of us due at the end of Nov. haven't been around as long as those due at the beginning of Nov. I can't Bump from work AND I'm on the West Coast, so I'm late to respond to everything. I know this. The entire time I've been on the Bump, I've been in that middle group of regulars who aren't quite in the "cool group." It is what it is...(I hate that phrase.)
It's too bad that some people equate "cool" with "bully" just because the regulars are the first to respond with tips for following the rules of etiquette on this board. It's sad, but that's how things are on the Bump and I don't see that changing any time soon.
Regarding the board, I tend to agree with PPs that BSC people are probably never going away. Sometimes it can be entertaining- this time it was upsetting because of the timing.
People will be people, for good or bad. I try hard to focus on the good. I am thankful for the board because of the "connections" but also the information. I have learned so much from the STMs+ and some of the FTMs too.
I know that "cool kids" is a term that to some just means the regular posters who clearly are friends and have clicked, but it's such an exclusive term that I don't think it really applies here. This board has been very inclusive, while also feisty as hell. I think that regulars fits better.
I almost didn't comment because I kinda want the thread to die, "cool kids" makes me that uncomfortable. My own school trauma I guess
Formerly Aaren91011
Post a lot, or don't, but don't get all insulted when the ones that do post a lot seem to know each other better. It's not rocket science.
Eta: spelling
So sorry @RedBirdFly and @Maelara that's horrible. I had a really shitty experience in high school too that I don't want to share the details about but I know exactly what you guys are talking about.
I haven't seen anyone make anyone bullied.
There are 900 million baby-related websites. If the tone of this one isn't for you, find another one who is. Be a fucking grown up instead of crying and calling us all "bullies" and trying to change the tone of this board.
ETA: I can guarantee if any of the regulars/cool kids actually saw real bullying behavior, they would be the first to step in and shut that shit down.
I will gif something so ridiculous behind every single one of your comments that you will have no choice but to shut up or leave. Or we can have a gif war. Whichever.
I'm not wasting anymore energy or time on these assholes.
The way I see it, we're all equals. How you choose to play here is your choice, just be prepared for the ignore gif war if you start the shit.
These types of dynamics emerge every time! People get to know each other better than others and form insider relationship which sometimes is perceived as exclusionary to others. I think the only way around that perception is to get to know people and let them get to know you. Share, relate, show your humanity. Reflect back to others and be yourself.
I do think the newbies (old school) should get some leeway if they break rules, even where they could have read about things if they'd looked. Frankly, most people don't look before they leap!
And I think that people with complaints should be heard and not burned at the stake. Even if you don't agree or in fact think they are offensively wrong! No situation improves when the personal attacks start flying, imnsho.
I'm enjoying getting to know you ladies better. I know there are going to be up's and down's coming our way over the next 6mths and I'd rather ride the storms than drown along the way