Book request at a shower....and why I love this group!!!!!

cindyNmark2010 · May 2014

Everyone here is so incredibly nice, helpful and respectful. This is why I don't venture away. Moms on other boards can be soooo nasty! I expressed an opinion about a positive shower experience and it bit me. Apparently the "etiquette police" felt like jumping me today! I still don't think a book request at a shower is a bad idea though.

What do you guys think about book requests??

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/81721792#Comment_81721792

mander82 · May 2014

I didn't read all the responses from your other post, but my SIL did it at her shower, and I thought it was really cute. Most kids books are pretty cheap, and cards are usually just thrown out in the end. She just put it in her invites, that instead of buying a card, she requested you bring your favorite book from your childhood, and write a message to the baby inside the cover.

I thought it was really cute, I LOVED a unicorn book when I was a kid, of course its no longer published, but I found a gently used one on Ebay and bought it for her. It was one of the first books I read by myself, and I read it over and over again. I thought that made it special for me to share. More special than any hallmark card I could have bought.

KMW08 · May 2014

I'm not a fan. For a couple of reasons.

First, I would think not many people would want to go shopping for a newborn to only buy a book. Second, the baby isn't going to use these right away. I think books are better gifts from parents/grandparents on holidays (Easter) or birthdays.

From that link, I feel bad for that lady. I'd be livid at the friend who planned the shower.

jf198400 · May 2014

I'll be honest, I don't like the book request. Often I'm getting their present at BRU, which doesn't have a lot of book options, and I don't want to spend an extra $10 on Goodnight moon. I also don't want to make the effort to go to another store to get a book. So I end up feeling pressured, inconvenienced, and guilty if I don't buy a book. I also still end up spending money on a card b/c I don't want to write In the book. So I'm not a fan of it. I don't judge it as a breach of etiquette, I just don't like it and choose not to participate and then feel awkward about it.

Dana633 · May 2014

I love this and I'm already planning to do this. I'm not sure how prices are where you ladies live, but here a small children's book and a doggone greeting card are the same price. I bought a birthday card last week and it was $6!

mommymeg143 · May 2014

I actually love the book idea. I plan to have a book shelf FULL of books before baby arrives. Most of my friends/family know about this and will probably bring a book for baby. I don't think I'll require it though. I also like the idea of personalizing the book instead of a card. I'm super mushy gushy and would love to go back years from now to read the entries to LO.

I've also hit up several book sales and loaded up on some of my childhood favorites for super cheap.

jf198400 · May 2014

Dana633 said:
I love this and I'm already planning to do this. I'm not sure how prices are where you ladies live, but here a small children's book and a doggone greeting card are the same price. I bought a birthday card last week and it was $6!

You can buy cards at the dollar store. I can't find a kids book for less than $5 and for a board book, closer to $10

mb314 · May 2014

People on the Showers board act like a book request at a shower is the equivalent of eating small children for dinner. They need to chill. I never frequent that board because it is the same folks getting worked up about the same stuff (like book or diaper requests) over and over.

I think the idea for a book at a shower is a cute idea. It's not an economic burden for folks - you can get $5 books, and if that's a burden, then just spend less on the gift. Or just get a book as the only gift. Or don't bring a book. Who cares.

And I read to DS from the time he was born. Every day. Even at a few days old. I put to use the books we got at the shower right away.

Allisonville · May 2014

I lurk the baby shower board from time to time and yeah, those ladies are serious about their etiquette. I tend to agree with them, although not as strongly in most cases.

In your case you had a very sweet and sentimental book picked out for your sister, which I love. But if you're trying to follow etiquette then telling everyone to bring a specific thing, in addition to a gift, is simply in bad taste. Of course you know your crowd and maybe they're cool with it. I'd venture to guess that some of them probably cringed at the request though.

jlove253 · May 2014

I am never bothered by the "book instead of a card" request. I love giving books anyways, and I also write in the books instead of a card. I loved reading in books who had given them to me as a kid. I will sometimes by used books in good condition and don't feel bad about it. Andplusalso, if someone gets more than one copy of the same book that doesn't bother me either. Kids will inevitably ruin books so if you have more than one copy you'll probably still have at least one copy by the time the kid is old enough to read it themself.

jlove253 · May 2014

Oh and I never judge the woman who doesn't brig a book because its just a suggestion. It's not mandatory.

Dana633 · May 2014

I agree with PP. I always read to my DS even when he didn't have a clue what I was saying. And yes you can get a card from the dollar store, I understand that, but you can also just get a card. The book is just a suggestion. The card asks "bring a book and sign it so that we can always remember your gift", it doesn't say you have to do it. I just think it's cute and educational.

brooklyngirl18 · May 2014

i think it's a really cute idea. like you said in the other thread, it's the same as asking someone to bring a wishing well item to a bridal shower. i went to a shower recently where the invitation had a letter on the bottom and we were asked to bring a kitchen utensil or small gift starting with that letter. i got 'w' so i brought a wisk. dh and i are both big readers so i think i might ask my mom to do this at my shower.

missnacholover · May 2014

I like book baby showers and I even try to give a book even if it isn't a book shower. I see nothing wrong with it.

MrsLillyG · May 2014

jf198400 said:

I love this and I'm already planning to do this. I'm not sure how prices are where you ladies live, but here a small children's book and a doggone greeting card are the same price. I bought a birthday card last week and it was $6!
You can buy cards at the dollar store. I can't find a kids book for less than $5 and for a board book, closer to $10

they sell books at the dollartree. I don't care either way about the book request. If I have time and feel like getting it- I will, if not - I wont.

cindyNmark2010 · May 2014

THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! To all that realize it's merely a request and not asking to purchase another whole gift. Besides, @dana663 is 100% right...a card costs just as much as a book these days. I think I just needed a little vent bc the lady on that board was just plain mean.

mommymeg143 · May 2014

I wonder how upset they would get about the whole "Help me decorate the baby's nursery...bring a letter for the wall" idea (see picture below). I'm sure they would freak.. I wouldn't do it because I would end up giving everyone the same letters and would only have an F, U, C, K for my baby's wall. hehe

Sarahbeth612 · May 2014

I think it's a great idea and liked the wording of the request too.
Im bad about throwing away cards eventually anyway. I may have kept one or two cards I received at DD's shower.

highbornhunter · May 2014

Everyone here IS so nice! I've seen several of the shower discussions get UGLY. X_X

One of my friends recently did the book thing and I thought it was really great. I am a reader and I love getting kids books and writing in them. I got The Lorax for my friend and wrote a little thing in the beginning about the baby going on adventures with swanny-swans and brown barbaloots. I would probably buy a book as part of my gift even if it WASN'T a book shower.

I can see how some people would feel like they were being asked to spend more money, or feel inconvenienced. Generally though I think as long as it is a suggestion, it's a cute idea, which I may end up using also. My husband and I are both avid readers and we also like the idea of having a way that friends and family who aren't able to see the kiddo on a regular basis can be connected to them.

harmonicbabe26 · May 2014

Ok so I only read the original post and a few replies there, none here and I am just completely baffled...

WHY is it considered tacky to ask for books?? Maybe it's the way it was worded but here is my take on this.

My shower for DD 2 years ago was a book theme. 3 friends threw it for me and I believe they did an evite and people were asked to bring their fave childhood book instead of a card (close to same price anyway) and i believe people could keep track of what others were bringing on the evite site so there were no duplicates.

NOBODY complained and DD ended up with a nice collection of sweet books with well wishes written by my friends inside! I would have been totally screwed without that as i grew up in another country and i was not super familiar with what American babies/kids are supposed to be read to!!! How is THAT in any way tacky??? And i myself have participated in other friends' book theme showers since and love the idea!
ETA: our TJ maxx has LOADS of baby books for around 3.99 and at Target, the dollar bin is usually full of simple Sesame Street and Mickey/Minnie books for a buck!

yess0311 · May 2014

I think its a cute idea in theory. My cousin did this and although I did participate, I struggled to find a book that was for babies so I had to go to a diff store and I normally gift baby shower gifts in gift bags that already have the card attached so I wasn't planning on buying an extra card. So I don't think I would do it for mine. Although I absolutely love books and would like to have a little library for the babies, I would hate to get doubles and not be able to return them if they have been written on.

mussalynn · May 2014

I am a huge reader and would love for my kids to be too. I give books at every baby shower regardless if they ask for them or not. For my shower (it was a meet the baby shower after he was born) we asked for books to build DS' library and I have been reading to him since day 1. To this day I remember who every book was from.

Note - we didn't ask for books instead of cards, but as the gift if people were interested in doing so. I already had all the baby stuff, since my shower was after he was born, and I really just wanted people to come meet him and not worry about buying some crazy shower gift.

DoubleUp8 · May 2014

I haven't been invited to too many showers. I am at the front end of my friends moving to the "baby phase." I did get one for a book shower and I thought it was cute, and I wasn't offended. I couldn't attend, so I sent a gift from the registry and no book, since I couldn't use it as a card.

lizgrace03 · May 2014

Thank GOODNESS I'm not the only one who likes the book idea. My SIL's shower had this and I thought it was fantastic. I love children's books, well really books of all sorts and would be delighted if someone did this for my shower.

ProcessofBecoming · May 2014

I didn't have this at my baby shower--never crossed my mind to ask my hosts to do this, but I am an editor and, therefore, I heart me some books. It has been a request at other's showers that I've attended, and I didn't even think twice about bringing a book along. "Bring a book" is the new "bring something for the wishing well!" it seems.

I find a lot of great children's books on the cheap at Marshalls and TJ Maxx. $4.99 can often get you a cute little baby book.

I lurked over on the baby shower board a few years back and was amused at how worked up some of the posters would get about certain things. Maybe I'm old and cranky, but there are more important things to get one's panties in a wad over than whether someone wants to have a "sprinkle" or some such faux pas. My personal favorites were when girls would post about 'Is it okay to have a second shower if...." (insert whatever reason here). I'd see a post like that go up and go all Oda Mae Brown and be like "You in DANGER girl!!!" to the OP. Those posts always seem to go over like a lead balloon.

Natedawg71 · May 2014

I'm not a fan but I wouldn't bash anyone who did this. I feel like I'm generous enough with my gift and feel pressured to bring something else. The same with diapers. Maybe it's my own mind, but I feel like you can't just bring the little packs. Lol

cindyNmark2010 · May 2014

ProcessofBecoming said:

I didn't have this at my baby shower--never crossed my mind to ask my hosts to do this, but I am an editor and, therefore, I heart me some books. It has been a request at other's showers that I've attended, and I didn't even think twice about bringing a book along. "Bring a book" is the new "bring something for the wishing well!" it seems.

I find a lot of great children's books on the cheap at Marshalls and TJ Maxx. $4.99 can often get you a cute little baby book.

I lurked over on the baby shower board a few years back and was amused at how worked up some of the posters would get about certain things. Maybe I'm old and cranky, but there are more important things to get one's panties in a wad over than whether someone wants to have a "sprinkle" or some such faux pas. My personal favorites were when girls would post about 'Is it okay to have a second shower if...." (insert whatever reason here). I'd see a post like that go up and go all Oda Mae Brown and be like "You in DANGER girl!!!" to the OP. Those posts always seem to go over like a lead balloon.

Haha!!! I'm one of four and my grandmother threw a shower for each of us.....my mom's best friend had 3....she threw a shower for each of them. We were all 4-5 years or more apart. Yeah, those ladies think "shower for the first an no more". Nuts.

ShelleyElla22 · May 2014

I love the book instead of cards request! I have read books to all of my kids daily (even in utero

) and find that you can never have enough books. Granted I am also a reading teacher so books are near and dear to my heart. I have never felt inconvenienced by the request at all!

I also had a book for all of the guests to sign at DS's 1st birthday party as a keepsake for him. I still read all of the comments in it all of the time and my kids like reading them too!

CountryMama1114 · May 2014

I love the book idea. I get every baby a book for every shower I go to.

When I was younger my cousins got my sister and I children's poetry collections. They wrote in them and even noted the poems they loved the best when they were young. We did the same thing for their children a few years ago and this Christmas they did it again for my daughter and my niece.

I don't think it is bad etiquette at all. (I did not read the link) and I wonder how they would feel about my bridal shower invitation asking everyone to write their favorite recipe down on an index card my sister provided with the invitation..

AnnieRoo13 · May 2014

I love the book idea and I'm secretly hoping whoever organizes my shower chooses to do this. We are big readers in our house and I already have lots of children's books for the LO from when I was a child and I am excited to add to it. I don't think it's tacky to ask for a book instead of a card- the organizers are trying for a theme and if you've ever organized a shower you know how much it can feel like herding cats, so it's nice to have people play along with your attempts at making it a nice event.

carcrashheart · May 2014

we did this for my shower. it worked out well. i got a few multiples, but only a couple of books. almost none of them are any of the books that we read on a daily basis though. i wish i had specifically requested board books because anything longer than that loses my sons attention. and while he might be able to flip through a regular book now without causing too much damage, that was not the case for a long time. regular books with paper pages are too easy for an infant to grab and rip. someone bought us a book that has my sons name in it and it's in paperback. i put it on top of his shelf to act as a piece of decor because i knew he would destroy the book and wouldn't have the patience to sit through it anyways. i think we have purchased most of the books that he routinely reads through today. the rest sit on shelves.

highbornhunter · May 2014

cindyNmark2010 - I just went over and read that other board - good for you for being so cool, I'd have wanted to punch that person in the face "We follow proper etiquette on this board" :-P - Proper etiquette also includes not being rude and crapping all over all people's ideas

JamieK1882 · May 2014

jf198400 said:

I'll be honest, I don't like the book request. Often I'm getting their present at BRU, which doesn't have a lot of book options, and I don't want to spend an extra $10 on Goodnight moon. I also don't want to make the effort to go to another store to get a book. So I end up feeling pressured, inconvenienced, and guilty if I don't buy a book. I also still end up spending money on a card b/c I don't want to write In the book. So I'm not a fan of it. I don't judge it as a breach of etiquette, I just don't like it and choose not to participate and then feel awkward about it.

This exactly. I don't get offended if people do this, I just personally don't like it.

Kristy774 · May 2014

ProcessofBecoming said:
I didn't have this at my baby shower--never crossed my mind to ask my hosts to do this, but I am an editor and, therefore, I heart me some books. It has been a request at other's showers that I've attended, and I didn't even think twice about bringing a book along. "Bring a book" is the new "bring something for the wishing well!" it seems.

I find a lot of great children's books on the cheap at Marshalls and TJ Maxx. $4.99 can often get you a cute little baby book.

I lurked over on the baby shower board a few years back and was amused at how worked up some of the posters would get about certain things. Maybe I'm old and cranky, but there are more important things to get one's panties in a wad over than whether someone wants to have a "sprinkle" or some such faux pas. My personal favorites were when girls would post about 'Is it okay to have a second shower if...." (insert whatever reason here). I'd see a post like that go up and go all Oda Mae Brown and be like "You in DANGER girl!!!" to the OP. Those posts always seem to go over like a lead balloon.

@ProcessofBecoming‌

I was actually going to ask you if you were a writer earlier today because of the way you write. Makes sense now

Kristy774 · May 2014

Also, after reading about all the baby shower crazies there is a part of me that's want to go over and ask them how they feel about having a baby shower for a 5th kid, that you would need to bring diapers, books, a gift and wear the moms favorite color.

ProcessofBecoming · May 2014

@Kristy774--aw, thanks! I've often been told "I write like I talk"--which I think is good (maybe?), but the written word has always been my strong suit. However, I have the math skills of a third-grader (literally--I tried to help a friend's son with his homework, and we were both scratching our heads trying to figure out a problem--damn you, Common Core!). I'd love to be a writer (books and such), but I also like to eat and wear clothes, so I stick with the 9 to 5 gig. One day, I will chase the Great American Novel! ha ha!

Kristy774 · May 2014

ProcessofBecoming said:
@Kristy774--aw, thanks! I've often been told "I write like I talk"--which I think is good (maybe?), but the written word has always been my strong suit. However, I have the math skills of a third-grader (literally--I tried to help a friend's son with his homework, and we were both scratching our heads trying to figure out a problem--damn you, Common Core!). I'd love to be a writer (books and such), but I also like to eat and wear clothes, so I stick with the 9 to 5 gig. One day, I will chase the Great American Novel! ha ha!

I love to write too and my math skills are also awful as is common core. There are many nights I can't help my 10 year old with his 4th grade homework!

mommymeg143 · May 2014

Kristy774 said:
Also, after reading about all the baby shower crazies there is a part of me that's want to go over and ask them how they feel about having a baby shower for a 5th kid, that you would need to bring diapers, books, a gift and wear the moms favorite color.

That would be a GREAT thread.

AnnieRoo13 · May 2014

carcrashheart said:
we did this for my shower. it worked out well. i got a few multiples, but only a couple of books. almost none of them are any of the books that we read on a daily basis though. i wish i had specifically requested board books because anything longer than that loses my sons attention. and while he might be able to flip through a regular book now without causing too much damage, that was not the case for a long time. regular books with paper pages are too easy for an infant to grab and rip. someone bought us a book that has my sons name in it and it's in paperback. i put it on top of his shelf to act as a piece of decor because i knew he would destroy the book and wouldn't have the patience to sit through it anyways. i think we have purchased most of the books that he routinely reads through today. the rest sit on shelves.

See for me I would prefer to receive classic children's books over board books. I can appreciate that they wouldn't be read by the child for many years, but personally I have a lot of great childhood memories that involve books that my parents read to me and then I read to myself and none of them are board books. I would prefer someone give me The Velveteen Rabbit than a board book, but if cost is a factor then it wouldn't matter at all, a book is a gift regardless.

TXSparky · May 2014

I feel like I am signing up to buy a gift when I go to a shower. You can make requests the same way you can have a registry. So who cares if the invite requests books as long as it is a helpful suggestion and not a demand?That being said, if I buy an additional book, I usually spend less on the main gift to stay within budget.

ProcessofBecoming · May 2014

MeganMullikin said:

Also, after reading about all the baby shower crazies there is a part of me that's want to go over and ask them how they feel about having a baby shower for a 5th kid, that you would need to bring diapers, books, a gift and wear the moms favorite color.
That would be a GREAT thread.

@Kristy774, if you do make the "Baby shower for a 5th kid" post, I will be sure to reply with:

Want a personalized experience?

Book request at a shower....and why I love this group!!!!!

Re: Book request at a shower....and why I love this group!!!!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards