Books, books... and more books

jmichlik · April 2014

Hi everyone,

I'm mostly just a lurker on here, occasional contributor on the Knot. I've been reading a lot of posts on here lately about the tackiness of showers where guests are told to bring a book along with their gift and thought I would share a story of what happened to my friend at her shower, mostly because I feel bad for her. Another friend of hers who we will call Alicia offered to throw her a shower and decided to go with the book theme. Since Alicia had asked for my help in planning the shower I tried my absolute best to convince her out of the book theme. I told her it was rude, that people might buy the same book, that people might write in the books and make them unable to be returned... nothing could change her mind. To add to that she created an online list of "popular children's books" and requested that people check off their selection when they purchased it. Since she was hosting I had to basically "agree to disagree" and was not happy about it, but I was still excited about the shower for my friend. So Alicia created and sent out e-vites to people literally two weeks before the shower (another issue I could do nothing about, many people did not even get their invites due to spam filters or infrequent email use) and I did not see them, but she told me about them and they sounded okay. Well apparently, as I found out later, the way they were worded made it sound like people were ONLY supposed to bring books... so guess what happened? My friend got almost all books. Luckily a few people, myself included, decided that items such as blankets, clothing, etc might be more appropriate gifts. I estimate about a 50/50 split between book gifts and non-book gifts. But wait, it gets better... how can it get better, you may ask? Well the list of "popular children's books" included books for children of many ages, so I kid you not my friend received books for children ages 12 and up. YES, AGES 12 AND UP. Sigh. As much as my friend was very gracious and appreciative for the shower on the surface, she told me in private how she was rather upset by the way things had been done and wished I had been able to plan her shower instead. I just thought I would share this story with folks, I know this situation is a bit worse than some of the others I have seen on here, but given how disappointed my friend was with the multiple levels of rudeness in her shower I hope this is something that can be avoided for others.

MMason12 · April 2014

I cannot stand the whole bring a book thing. You can bet if I am asked to bring a book instead of a card, I am going to write in it. How the heck else will the Mom-To-Be know who is giving the gift. Oh wait, I'm supposed to get a card too for that. Screw that! I purposely make sure I write in the book so it can't be returned. It may sound heartless or rude, but I could careless if they end up with 10 copies of Good Night Moon if that's what their host decided to do.

I do feel bad for your friend though, because your story just sounds horrible and like her friend is 100% full of tacky!

bohemianlc · May 2014

I think that the book idea has the potential to be really fun and cute, but it sounds like the way your friend handled it took all the fun out of the idea and turned it into an absolute mess! I've only heard of book showers where a book is given in lieu of a gift, not as an additional cost to incur to guests who are already bringing gifts!

I actually went to a book shower one time for a "teacher friend" of mine who was pregnant. She and her husband weren't in need of a whole lot of baby stuff, but her aunt still wanted to throw her a shower just to show moral support. My friend is an English teacher and really wanted her baby to have a big collection of books at a young age, which is why the idea worked so well for her, but it was run by her first, and she loved the idea.

On the invite, it asked us to refrain from buying gifts and just bring a picture or board book and write a note inside the front cover wishing mom and baby well. The books would then line the bookshelves of the baby's nursery. There was no big list from which we had to choose; I gave a copy of a book that I remembered my niece and nephew absolutely loving when they were toddlers, so I was able to share that special story with her. There were a few duplicates here and there, but that was bound to happen and didn't seem like a big deal. It was actually easier on us as guests and much less expensive than buying a regular shower gift.

cindyNmark2010 · May 2014

When I planned my sister's shower I added an insert to the invitation that encouraged writing in the books. This isn't the exact one, but I'm sure you get the jist:

We can't wait to see you at the shower
When (mom-to-be's name) will be the woman of the hour
We have one request we hope isn't too hard
Please sign your name to a book instead of a card
Then mom and dad will be ready when the baby arrives
To read to their darling for the rest of their lives

We are a family that always had books in our home, my sisters and I always read together...so it was something that suited my sister and her wishes. It may not be for everyone, but I kind of want to have this at my own shower too.

However....sending an e-vite.....BIG mistake. 2 weeks prior...BIGGER mistake. Sounds like the OP's party planner was pretty terrible at communication. If it's done correctly and clearly, the book theme is a really nice addition to a shower.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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cindyNmark2010 · May 2014

MrsFinni said:

When I planned my sister's shower I added an insert to the invitation that encouraged writing in the books. This isn't the exact one, but I'm sure you get the jist:
We can't wait to see you at the shower
When (mom-to-be's name) will be the woman of the hour
We have one request we hope isn't too hard
Please sign your name to a book instead of a card
Then mom and dad will be ready when the baby arrives
To read to their darling for the rest of their lives
We are a family that always had books in our home, my sisters and I always read together...so it was something that suited my sister and her wishes. It may not be for everyone, but I kind of want to have this at my own shower too.
However....sending an e-vite.....BIG mistake. 2 weeks prior...BIGGER mistake. Sounds like the OP's party planner was pretty terrible at communication. If it's done correctly and clearly, the book theme is a really nice addition to a shower.
@cindyNmark2010‌ Yeah, no. We like to follow basic etiquette on this board.

@MrsFinni Please explain, I must be missing something. Do you think an optional request for aid in futhering a child's education in the form of a book rather than a card (which would still have a sentimental note written by the gift-giver) is somehow improper ettiquiette?

If you know your crowd then you know what things are acceptable for those you are hosting.

It's pretty much the same concept as a "wishing well" at a bridal shower. Guests most likely already bought a gift, yet they are asked to buy a "little something extra".

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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cindyNmark2010 · May 2014

cindyNmark2010 said:

MrsFinni said:

When I planned my sister's shower I added an insert to the invitation that encouraged writing in the books. This isn't the exact one, but I'm sure you get the jist:
We can't wait to see you at the shower
When (mom-to-be's name) will be the woman of the hour
We have one request we hope isn't too hard
Please sign your name to a book instead of a card
Then mom and dad will be ready when the baby arrives
To read to their darling for the rest of their lives
We are a family that always had books in our home, my sisters and I always read together...so it was something that suited my sister and her wishes. It may not be for everyone, but I kind of want to have this at my own shower too.
However....sending an e-vite.....BIG mistake. 2 weeks prior...BIGGER mistake. Sounds like the OP's party planner was pretty terrible at communication. If it's done correctly and clearly, the book theme is a really nice addition to a shower.
@cindyNmark2010‌ Yeah, no. We like to follow basic etiquette on this board.

@MrsFinni Please explain, I must be missing something. Do you think an optional request for aid in futhering a child's education in the form of a book rather than a card (which would still have a sentimental note written by the gift-giver) is somehow improper ettiquiette?
If you know your crowd then you know what things are acceptable for those you are hosting.
It's pretty much the same concept as a "wishing well" at a bridal shower. Guests most likely already bought a gift, yet they are asked to buy a "little something extra".
Telling anyone what gift to bring is rude. Furthering the education of the child? Please. Buy your own books.

As for wishing wells, donations are for charities.

@MrsFinniIn that case then isn't registering in and of itself rude....MTB telling guests what to bring? I don't think so at all, but to each his/her own.

Point blank, wishing wells and inserted requests (whis is exactly what they are...not demands) should always be deemed as optional extras.

It's an opinion, you're entitled to yours. The book request just happened to be a very good experience for my family to share in. Don't suck the fun out of other's joy.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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RibbitGrl930 · May 2014

cindyNmark2010 said:

When I planned my sister's shower I added an insert to the invitation that encouraged writing in the books. This isn't the exact one, but I'm sure you get the jist:
We can't wait to see you at the shower
When (mom-to-be's name) will be the woman of the hour
We have one request we hope isn't too hard
Please sign your name to a book instead of a card
Then mom and dad will be ready when the baby arrives
To read to their darling for the rest of their lives
We are a family that always had books in our home, my sisters and I always read together...so it was something that suited my sister and her wishes. It may not be for everyone, but I kind of want to have this at my own shower too.
However....sending an e-vite.....BIG mistake. 2 weeks prior...BIGGER mistake. Sounds like the OP's party planner was pretty terrible at communication. If it's done correctly and clearly, the book theme is a really nice addition to a shower.

LOL. The book instead of a card thing is okay with you, but an evite with two weeks' notice is crossing a line.

Samiantha101 · May 2014

I think the whole book instead of a card debacle is really silly. I've never personally experienced it.

With that said, I think the notion that a registry is only meant to be a "shopping list" for the parents to be is silly on the same level. I'm pretty sure I shop for all sorts of occasions where I make lists, yet a registry is never involved. A registry is more than just a shopping list, in my opinion.

OP, that sucks for your friend to a slight degree. I imagine, if she isn't past it already, she will be shortly.

Unknown · May 2014

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