Is this a thing now? wedding related

steponalego11 · May 2014

It's been a few years since my wedding so let me know if I am missing something here...

I have a childhood friend who is getting married in a month or so. We were close growing up but as adults have drinks a few times a year and chat on social media and attend one anothers events maybe once a year. She told me right away they were engaged but I never expected an invite - one of those might be invited might not but not really invested either way things. No save the date no invitation and it's a little over a month away so my DH and I rightly assumed we weren't invited.

Flashforward to today - we get a pre-printed cardstock stationary in the mail, all done up like a fancy invite BUT with a note saying how the couple had ran the numbers mutilple times but had to let us know we were not going to be invited to their wedding but hope we would keep them in mind on their date. Is this a thing? A ploy for gifts? Just bad taste?

Prior to recieving the "note" I wasn't invested either way but the note was pretty off putting.

TheBub · May 2014

I feel like it is fishing for gifts.

PeanutButterFox · May 2014

That's weird.

"Sorry we couldn't afford to invite you, but we wanted to make sure you knew we're still getting married so you can send us a gift anyway."

missyishere · May 2014

I'd say that's pretty shitty and totally gift grabby.

Karbird5 · May 2014

That's tacky.

bumpuser1691848 · May 2014

missyishere said:

I'd say that's pretty shitty and totally gift grabby.

+1

steponalego11 · May 2014

The gift fishing thing never crossed my mind but my DH said it right away. I just assumed no save the date and no invitation means you aren't invited but didn't know if it was a new trend.

kellyrn9956 · May 2014

Gross.

missyishere · May 2014

Maybe take their invitenotinvite and wipe your ass with it, take a pic, and send it to them with a, "we thought of you on your wedding day!"

msdrdg · May 2014

Maybe if they didn't spend all that money on stupid rude cards telling you that you aren't invited, they could have afforded to actually invite you?

And yes, I see it as rude gift grabby.

PeanutButterFox · May 2014

Send them back a note:

"After crunching the numbers several times, we've come to the conclusion that you're a fucking asshat. No gift for you. Kthxbai!"

mschoepp · May 2014

Unless they are saying "feel free to crash our reception, but don't expect dinner, or free drinks, or a favor. Also bring a gift."

steponalego11 · May 2014

msdrdg said:

Maybe if they didn't spend all that money on stupid rude cards telling you that you aren't invited, they could have afforded to actually invite you?

And yes, I see it as rude gift grabby.

That's probably the best part - the envelopes were pre-printed and the card stock was NICE - like way nicer than my actual wedding invitations.

LaurelBee · May 2014

Wtf is wrong with people?!

jesuisfatiguee · May 2014

Gross.

mschoepp · May 2014

It also seems very playground, like "nananana boo boo, you can't play with us."

Smootchy · May 2014

I really have no words. My jaw is just kinda hanging low.

Littledeer84 · May 2014

Awful. I second just sending a card.

wiggyslilsis · May 2014

Wow that just seems rude. Like they needed to point out you weren't invited?

I'm not sure of the intentions but gift grabby does seem likely.

jorkz821 · May 2014

Maybe they were thinking to let you know so no upset feelings about being excluded? Not saying it's right or a good idea AT ALL, but maybe that was their messed up thought process? I hope it's not a thing. Ugh.

steponalego11 · May 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

We got a similar note for our niece's upcoming wedding. But at least (/sarcasm) ours had a handwritten , heart felt, message about how since DH is only a 1/2 sibling they just couldn't make it work.

ugh - sorry to hear that. Hopefully you weren't hoping to attend it.

PeanutButterFox · May 2014

Oooh I have another one:

Send them a card, on the outside "You're invited!" On the inside, "To go fuck yourself!"

NotSharknado · May 2014

What the motherfuckingwhat?

And a big wtf to your niece @PrivacyWanted‌. He's a half brother so he's not loved as much?

PeanutButterFox · May 2014

jorkz821 said:

Maybe they were thinking to let you know so no upset feelings about being excluded? Not saying it's right or a good idea AT ALL, but maybe that was their messed up thought process? I hope it's not a thing. Ugh.

I believe phones were invented for this very purpose.

NotSharknado · May 2014

Send her an empty boxed gift.

steponalego11 · May 2014

PeanutButterFox said:

jorkz821 said:

Maybe they were thinking to let you know so no upset feelings about being excluded? Not saying it's right or a good idea AT ALL, but maybe that was their messed up thought process? I hope it's not a thing. Ugh.

I believe phones were invented for this very purpose.

Exactly. It's not like we were all besties for life so lets braid our hair type crap - so the no invitation was suffiecent. And if she was worried she could have called or something and just explained funds were tight blah blah blah. The thing I get hung up on is by the quality of the cards and the way the addresses were printed I clearly was not the only one that got this.

@privacywanted I can't get over that at all - I feel horrible for your DH

Pips09 · May 2014

So instead of just excluding you from the wedding, they want to make sure you know you've been excluded. And ask for a gift. Nice.

virgin4lyfe · May 2014

That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard of.
I'm pretty sure it's not a new wedding trend, it's just people being outrageously stupid.
At least I hope.

psychdoc12 · May 2014

Looks like it is a thing. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2276016/Youre-NOT-invited-Bizarre-new-wedding-trend-sees-couples-alert-B-grade-friends-theyre-wanted-big-day.html

klondikebar · May 2014

Ew. We had a very small wedding by choice. I don't like large gatherings or people. If our wedding happened to come up in a conversation with a person that would've been invited if out list was larger, I made sure to casually mention that we decided to have a small, intimate event. There was no need to go out of my way to tell someone they weren't invited.

vandelay · May 2014

psychdoc12 said:
Looks like it is a thing. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2276016/Youre-NOT-invited-Bizarre-new-wedding-trend-sees-couples-alert-B-grade-friends-theyre-wanted-big-day.html

Ugh, the whole thing is gross, but I would rather get a you're-not-invited card than a notification that I'm on the waiting list in case of a cancellation. The idea that anyone would hold a date open just on the off chance that a spot opens up at your wedding is insanely arrogant. It's a wedding, not an Ivy League college.

Snapdragon750 · May 2014

I thought second-tier invites were bad, but this is worse.

fancynewbeesly · May 2014

Gross

Unknown · May 2014

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Speshul · May 2014

Benefit of the doubt: She felt super guilty she couldn't invite everyone and felt the need to justify it.

Most likely: This is going to be an awesome party but you can't come!!! So just get me a gift instead. KTHX!

missyishere · May 2014

I didn't do any save the dates (I'm typing that out because sexually transmitted diseases). That shit was too expensive.

MissyC979 · May 2014

I've never heard of that before. Weird.

I'm not a big fan of wedding announcements, in general, but it seems like just sending a wedding announcement after the fact would have been more appropriate here.