Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR
IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response
IVF #2 Nov '11 8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical
IVF #3 April '12 11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c
FET #1 Aug 2012 3dt x2 - BFN
**new RE**
IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN
IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie
9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!
Twin girls! 3/6/14
Re: Daddy doesn't like babies :(
Maybe talk to him and see exactly what is going on and what he is really feeling. I know I have to prod my husband a bit to see what he is really feeling because honestly he doesn't know until he thinks about it.
We had schedules so we each had "off time" so we weren't so overwhelmed. Unless I really needed help, he could sleep or watch TV until he was on duty.
We hit bottom and I realized I had PPD and PPA so I was put on medication that really helped. A few weeks later he was put on the same medication. Raising kids is hard especially twins. I felt bad for feeling the way I did because I wanted the babies so badly (we has treatments too) but that doesn't mean he doesn't love the babies with all his might.
The kids are 9 months now and he is crawling on the floor with them as soon as he gets home. I always have to remind him to take off his suit!
Just talk and see what is going on and what he needs and what you need. Good luck!
Edit to add:
I remember saying I missed my old life. It is a huge adjustment and it really is survival for a while. As they get older and interact it is a lot more fun. I can't see how old yours are but once they smile and laugh it gets easier. Just remind him that this is just a stage and soon they will be crawling all over and fighting over the pack of wipes.
I'm not a baby/kid person either and I have 3 of them, haha. It is different w your own but you've got to find your groove too. Those first 3mo, 6mo, a year - it's all about working together to find your groove.
I also agree that everyone needs some baby-free and work-free time. H and I both work FT, so finding time to just be you and not someone's mom or dad can he hard, but it feels great.
Hang in there, keep communicating and you both will make it through.
TTC #2 since July 2010
March 2012 IVF (MDL Protocol) Started stims 3/3; ER 3/11 (9R, 8M, 7F) ET 3/16 (5dt of 2 blasts graded 3AB and 3BA, 3 frosties(!!) Beta 3/26 = 386; Beta 3/28 = 827; u/s 4/11 says TWINS! Boy/Girl Twins delivered at 36 weeks 6 days
@carrotcake06 thanks. I hope we find our groove soon!
Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR
IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response
IVF #2 Nov '11 8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical
IVF #3 April '12 11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c
FET #1 Aug 2012 3dt x2 - BFN
**new RE**
IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN
IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie
9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!
Twin girls! 3/6/14
Dx: PCOS and MFI
3 IUIs, 4 IVFs = BFFN
3rd RE: IVF #5/FET = BFP
14dp5dt=1170 16dp5dt=2573
1st u/s=TWINS!
It's a Boy and a Girl!
Born at 34w3d!
That has all changed, thank goodness! They are now 13 months and he loves being around them. Now that they can play and be silly, he has turned into an amazing father. I hope your husband will feel the same way in a few months! Good luck!
Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR
IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response
IVF #2 Nov '11 8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical
IVF #3 April '12 11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c
FET #1 Aug 2012 3dt x2 - BFN
**new RE**
IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN
IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie
9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!
Twin girls! 3/6/14
My DH was terrible during the newborn stage. He mostly just avoided them. He would come home and find all these things that he had to do 'right now' (but really could have waited) so that by the time he finished, the babies would be sleeping or ready for bed. Those first few months I don't think DH did much at all. He would take some night shifts but if the babies didnt' go right back down within like, 5 minutes, he'd just bring the crying baby to me and go back to sleep while I got her down. It was so frustrating. I think he didn't realize what a difficult time I was having taking on so much by myself until I had to go to the doctor and go on PPD meds. Then it was like a light went on and he saw I was struggling and started helping more.
Also, they become so much more fun and interactive around 5-6 months, that he really responded to that. Now they see him and squeal with delight, they laugh and respond to his face and voice and he, in turn, has gotten more interested in them. I find that he has a hard time just sitting on the floor playing with him. Its like, he doesn't know what to do. He just hands them a toy and expects them to play happily while he checks his phone and I keep telling him, he needs to interact with them with the toy. But he doesn't get it.
He does much better in more structured interactive environments. I started having him come out on errands with me and the girls on weekends or take them to restaurants (noisy casual places are great for 6 month olds) and he really likes watching them in these new environments. At restaurants we sit them on our laps or in high chairs and they are so fun to watch as they take in a new environment. I always let him push the stroller. I think he kind of likes the attention we get when we go out in public. We started a baby swimming class this past week. He was a little ambivalent about it when I signed up but he was soo excited about it once we got in there and started playing with them in the water. Now he can't wait for the next class. I'm thinking about trying to get him to go to some other baby and me classes. The structured interaction was really good for him. The teacher tells you exactly what to sing and what to do with the babies and the babies really respond to it.
Try not to be critical of your DH and give him lots of positive reinforcement when he does take an interest. It was hard for me to hold my tongue with DH because honestly, he sucked at most baby related things, but I didn't want to nag or criticize because he would just give up. So, just try to stay positive with him and hopefully as the babies get a little older he'll start getting better with them!
Good luck!
POS+April 2009-M/c May 2009, POS+July 2009-M/c Aug 2009, POS+ Novemeber 2009 -Baby Boy Charlie DOB 07/06/2010, POS+July 2011-M/c and D&C Aug 2011, POS+Dec 2011 -Baby Boy Ethan DOB 07/27/2012, POS+Aug 2013-TWIN BOYS! Jack and Miles born March 23rd 2014!!
I think that's totally different than possible PPD or PPA.
Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR
IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response
IVF #2 Nov '11 8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical
IVF #3 April '12 11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c
FET #1 Aug 2012 3dt x2 - BFN
**new RE**
IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN
IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie
9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!
Twin girls! 3/6/14