Expectations vs. Reality

chocoroom · April 2014

Now that our LOs are here, what have you experienced that was way off-base from your expectations? This could be as a FTM or as a mom who has been-there-done-that but adding one more has thrown you for a loop!

chocoroom · April 2014

For me, I envisioned quietly standing over a sleeping baby in awe. In reality, he won't sleep anywhere but on my chest so I can't even enjoy it!

Edited: hit post too soon!

chocoroom · April 2014

Oh, and I also thought it would be much easier to nap when he naps. I'm hard-wired to be awake when the sun is out.

fish8412 · April 2014

The number of diapers LO goes through!! Way more than we had anticipated!

BTBergstrom · April 2014

I thought I would be able to get so much more done around my house! I had high hopes of completing some things that kept getting pushed back. I haven't even started them and am struggling to keep the house clean.

bumpuser1282882 · April 2014

BTBergstrom said:

I thought I would be able to get so much more done around my house! I had high hopes of completing some things that kept getting pushed back. I haven't even started them and am struggling to keep the house clean.

This! People have said to me "if you are fed and the baby is fed, it is a good day" and I never understood that. I do now. I've given up on trying to keep the house clean (and some days even showering). Poor DH has to do all of our cooking.

sebullows · April 2014

Breast feeding. I envisioned putting my boob in his mouth and him latching on and we all lived happily ever after. So far from reality.

Brich3321 · April 2014

chocoroom said:

Oh, and I also thought it would be much easier to nap when he naps. I'm hard-wired to be awake when the sun is out.

This! Me exactly. I also expected him to sleep easily flat either in his PNP or in the crib. Wow was I wrong!

spark88 · April 2014

I totally agree with not getting anything done. If I get the dishes done all while taking care of LO I will brag to everyone. Another thing is that I never expected this to be so rewarding. It makes my whole day when she is crying and then I pick her up and she is smiling. Being a mom is pretty awesome.

clo1982 · April 2014

I underestimated the amount of crap that would cover the floors of my house. Between dd's billions of toys and now the baby's play mat, swing, bassinet, etc..I feel like my house is a cluttered mess within 2 minutes of me straightening up. I also underestimated how much I would feel pulled in twenty directions...DS will need fed at the exact time dd poops in her diaper and needs changed IMMEDIATELY at the exact time I need to pump at the exact time the dog needs out or pukes on the carpet. I feel like the dog now will answer to 'aw dammit Nahla' and Ava will think her name is 'hold on one minute Ava.'

I also underestimated my ability to love another baby so much. I was honestly worried that I wouldn't have room in my heart for another baby because I love dd so much. I thought there was no way I could ever love him as much as I love her. Fortunately I was wrong!

AriaAmante143 · April 2014

People told me the first few months are challenging. I kind of brushed that off, since newborns are kind of like potted plants, right? You can just plop them down anywhere and they're fine with it.

Boy was I wrong.

Sanibel21 · April 2014

I underestimated how long nighttime feedings would take (due to fussing, spitting, changing, soothing) and therefore how much sleep I could actually get in between feedings.
I also underestimated how many newborn diapers we needed.
I also thought I'd be able to get more done around the house.

ring_pop · April 2014

1. I didn't expect that having a newborn in my arms would give me crazy baby fever for another one.

2. I didn't think I'd be so lonely on mat leave. I'm an introvert so I was all like, "Yessss no people for a whole year!"

jbelle · April 2014

I did not expect such explosive pooping.

luvmybundle · April 2014

-I didn't expect to not ever have time to do anything around the house. I thought "oh newborns sleep so much"! Well this baby likes to sleep while being held or riding in the car so nothing gets done.
-I never expected that being able to take a shower would be an accomplishment! I really feel like I've done something when that happens.
-Didn't expect breastfeeding to be so challenging.
-And finally, I did not expect to fall in love with my baby as much as I did. Didn't even think it was possible to love somebody so much you can just look at them and cry!

teachermommy9967 · April 2014

I didn't expect my older 2 kids to adjust so well to baby I thought for sure we would have some major jealousy issues

ErinE683 · April 2014

I feel a lot of the same things!

I didn't expect having a newborn to be so challenging. I have a pretty easygoing baby, and it's still so hard! But we've made so much progress and settled in a lot in the last month.

I didn't expect the level of clutter. We live in a small condo, and between the mamaroo, playmat, blankets, and cloth diaper laundry, it's a mess!

I also had hoped to do some "sleep when the baby sleeps" action, but I've never been good at napping. I should have known that wouldn't have happened

Mrae87 · April 2014

I didn't think I'd love him this much. I am smitten.

Also thought I'd be tired, but didn't expect walking dead most days.

acdiaz11 · April 2014

I didn't expect to not want to go back to work. I thought that I would be itching to get back. I have weeks of mat leave left (possibly 10) and I am dreading going back.

Also, I was not expecting things to be as easy as they are. As a FTM, I was expecting to freak about a bit more and be calling my mom all of the time for help. Luckily, LO is fairly easy. (I hope I didn't just jinx myself.)

novelblessings · April 2014

I did not anticipate being a slave to the couch and not getting anything done. Also like others have said LO has to be held constantly, which makes doing anything difficult.

I also thought it would be no big deal going back to work at 8 weeks because LO would have a schedule then. Nope not happening. If I go back at 8 weeks I'll be a zombie, sometimes I only get a couple hours of sleep before 6am.

pepperedmoth · April 2014

I guess I am the outlier---everything is EASIER than I thought it would be! Soooooooooo many people told me how crazy hard it would be that I was mentally prepped for WWIII. It's not like that at all! Most days shit (dishes, laundry) gets done, baby and mama stay reasonably cheerful (mama has gotten some good reading time in!), and we get out of the house for some fun or errands.

So much better than I had dared hope!

SassyFlats · April 2014

Omg so much of all of this! My main ones:

I also believed the stupid "newborns are like potted plants" line. Yeah, for two weeks. When I was also like a potted plant. Real convenient. She doesn't sleep through a trip to the grocery store or a quick stop at my office anymore. She wails like a banshee.

I thought I'd be able to pop her in a skiing and do whatever I wanted. Laundry, walk around the neighborhood, eat... It still depends on her mood.

I was afraid so much would change between DH and me. Other than loving and trusting him more than ever, we're pretty similar.

I didn't think I'd get so lonely so quickly. I'm a total introvert and was really looking forward to some time off from work. I miss my co-workers and intelligent conversation!

I wasn't sure how my cats would cope. But they've been so awesome! I wish they could understand how much I appreciate that.

KTdid81 · April 2014

I didn't think nighttime feedings would take so long.
I didn't think breastfeeding would be so hard.
I didn't think napping during the day would be so hard.
The house is actually cleaner then I thought it would be. Since I can't nap during the day, I clean.

ring_pop · April 2014

pepperedmoth said:

I guess I am the outlier---everything is EASIER than I thought it would be! Soooooooooo many people told me how crazy hard it would be that I was mentally prepped for WWIII. It's not like that at all! Most days shit (dishes, laundry) gets done, baby and mama stay reasonably cheerful (mama has gotten some good reading time in!), and we get out of the house for some fun or errands. So much better than I had dared hope!

I didn't want to say it

but this has been true for me too. But DS2j is a much easier baby than DS1.

jazzyexpo · April 2014

I didn't expect the second time around to be so much easier. With dd I was so exhausted all the and at my mom's house getting all the help I could get. This time I prepared for it to be just like that, but I was wrong. I am not exhausted like I was and 9 times out of 10, I feel amazing. DH didn't take anytime off with dd, but took two weeks this time. I'm sure that helped.

MayKay12 · April 2014

I actually thought DS (2yo second child) would handle the new baby better than he has. My DD did great went I brought my second home so I just figured the same would happen this time. I was so wrong! DS is so jealous and making things very hard on me. Hopefully things settle down soon.

TX08Aggie · April 2014

I expected her to be about 8 lbs, like her sister, maybe lighter since she came a week early and DD1 was ten days late. Nope, 9 1/4 lbs. Good gracious baby!

jennybean80 · April 2014

I thought DS would have a huge problem sharing the attention with two babies, but so far he loves 'his' babies! He's often a PITA about other things, but being 3 years old is hard!

Honestly, I have unicorn twins. I was expecting things to be much worse than they are. The house is a mess, but I get a shower almost everyday and manage to eat when I'm hungry!

Miliska · April 2014

BTBergstrom said:

I thought I would be able to get so much more done around my house! I had high hopes of completing some things that kept getting pushed back. I haven't even started them and am struggling to keep the house clean.

This. I also though newborns were sleeping all the time. My baby is pretty much awake aaaaall day long, so I don't have a lot of nap time to do stuff around the house!!

jwls84 · April 2014

I really thought I would be able to entertain DS much better, but between no sleep and having to Breastfeed I feel like he watches double the TV he ever has!

WoodShopGirl · April 2014

Pretty much everything already said. The biggest:

I knew BF would be hard, but I had no idea how hard.

And the inability to get anything done.

htn1763 · April 2014

I thought- hey, they eat every 2-3 hours so that gives me tons of time to do things inbetween. Um, nope. Especially since I have a baby that eats every 1.5 hours!

I expected to be going on daily walks with the baby and the dog, taking the baby to the pool, park... in reality we have left the house like 3 times and 2 times was to go to the dr.

I thought I would dress him in these cute outfits. Well he has worn three outfits in a month. He lives in footed sleepers

LittlePigeon · April 2014

Maybe because so many of our friends just recently had babies and we were the last, but it has been easier than I expected to adjusting to life with a baby. General breakdown...

1. I sleep way less, but my body has generally adjusted. I am whooped some of the time but somehow manage.

2. I am another person who has some of the maternity leave loneliness. As soon as DH went back to work I missed him and I get sad that he doesn't get as much baby time as I do.

3. I deserve flaming for this, but BF has come pretty easily to us. I anticipated a HUGE struggle based on my two best friends' experiences, but it has gone really well so far.

4. I never imagined this little person would be such a game changer when it came to my career. I could care less about work and already resigned from coaching because I want to spend those 20-30 hours a week with baby girl and DH.

5. I anticipated being a one and done person, but day one holding her made me want to hold a tiny baby every day for the rest of my life. She is more amazing than I ever could have imagined. I didn't know I could love someone the way I love her.

6. My hair has looked MUCH better.

twinlove314 · April 2014

I seem to have unicorn twins as well, they sleep wonderfully (5-6 hours between feeds) most nights, and are in great moods unless I get sidetracked and they get hangry. I knew I would love them, and I have from the time I found out I was having twins, but I didn't expect the crazy love that I have for them. They melt my heart on a daily basis

ring_pop · April 2014

CANADIANGIRL2987 said:

Pretty much all of this! Sadly, I was naive about several things as a first time mom. I love and adore LO...but feel that I am struggling to truly enjoy him because I'm so wrapped up in the stress of BFing, pumping, worrying about how DH is coping, feeling isolated at home, no sleep, missing family (we live 3hrs away) etc. Baaahhhhh. It gets better right? This is only week 3....

It really, really does. But I understand how hard it is at first, especially as a FTM. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and relive DS1's newborn days with the benefit of the experience I have now. Look ahead to ~6 weeks, that's the first milestone where it starts to get easier

AshleyO925 · April 2014

I naively thought the weight would magically fall off with BFing. Nope! I start work on Mon and my pants are nowhere close to fitting but maternity pants fall down!

Nickiechan · April 2014

You think one is bad... boy goodness I was shocked at how harder it was to transition between one to two. Having 2 is like going from one to 6 someone told me. Especially so close in age. I have hardly any time for myself and I'm trying to make sure DS is safe . Two days ago he pulled the safety electronic outlet out and plugged in my iron and burned the area rug. All in a matter of of a couple minutes whole I was on the phone with work. Thank goodness he didn't burn himself, but toddlers are fast! Sigh... transitioning is hard for me right now. I often think about going back to work earlier to have a break.

kaking78 · April 2014

I'm impressed with how many things I've learned to do fairly well with one hand while nursing. For instance, typing this response.

CruiseGirl28 · April 2014

I did so much research on everything I would need for the baby and the "best" stuff. I thought I was prepared. Then she got here, and we needed more stuff. Also the stuff we thought was the "best" wasn't the best for her.

I didn't expect to have to pump instead of breastfeeding. We had to rush home from the hospital to sterilize bottles.

I worried that DH and I would be stressed and start fighting, but we're an even better team now.

I didn't expect to be so intimidated the first couple of weeks. I had to take her to the pedi alone, and I was terrified. I'm better now.

I knew my mom and MIL were going to help, but I didn't realize how awesome they would be. Either one will come over at the drop of the hat (they both have many times). We've lived here 4 years, and previously they had each been here twice since it's a 30 minute drive.

I didn't realize how much of a pushover I would be. I don't let her cry at all before I pick her up.

Rommel200 · April 2014

I am surprised how much time I have to read. It only takes one hand.
I thought diaper changes would be worse. But they are not bad when it is your kid.
I had no idea she would grow so fast. Sometimes I imagine waking up and her being 16 and it freaks me out.
I knew I would enjoy being a mom but I feel like I have found my purpose.
I thought I would feel so alone but I am socially ocward and I finally have something in common with people .
"Ohh I have a child too, we should hang out "

clo1982 · April 2014

@LittlePigeon‌ in regard to your #4 I was in the same boat with dd 3 years ago. I was so career focused and was so big into saying I would never forego the progress id made in my career for more time at home. I had worked too hard and spent too much time and money on school. Yeah I work 3 days per week now and although I still enjoy my job and don't think I could cut it as a sahm, my priorities have totally shifted and now I do what needs done at work but am not at all focused on climbing the ladder. I definitely ate my own words.

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