Do you say ma'am/sir? Story & Poll

youngin12 · April 2014

Backstory: My family is from the South...all of us were born and raised in Nashville. We've traveled but never lived anywhere else. My mom received a phone call at work earlier this week and I was appalled at the outcome. She deals with the Medicare Drug system....anyway this older lady from the New York area called and my mom would answer her questions with Yes Ma'am/No Ma'am as we do with everyone regardless of age. It's just what we see as manners and proper etiquette. This lady went off on my mom! Said she was calling her a whore. WTF? I don't see how anyone gets whore from ma'am. She said that where she's from a Madam is a whore.

So my questions to you, because now I'm generally curious how the rest of the country sees this topic:

Where are you from?

Is it proper to say ma'am/sir?

Do you use it in your everyday vocabulary?

persephonerose · April 2014

I am from Texas.

I use Ma'am and Sir for those older than me or in business transactions. I also plan to teach my son to use Ma'am and Sir. My grandmother taught me to use it and to never waiver from it because it is a sign of respect. She said if other people want to take it condescendingly then that is their right, but it shouldn't change me being polite.

I think it is rude of that customer to act that way. She should check her dictionary or sign up for a word of the day email. Ma'am is not the same as Madam. While both can be used as signs of respect, it is awful that she immediately thought someone trying to help her would imply she is a whore.

Jennifer18131 · April 2014

Louisiana. At 28, I'm still chastised by my parents if I dont use sir or ma'am. My creating line in letters to a general company is "Dear Sir or Madam." I have been chewed out for saying ma'am, but never sir.

windwithfingers · April 2014

I'm from Chicago, and I wasn't raised to say ma'am or sir. I don't have a problem with it at all. I mostly get "ma'am"ed when I'm shopping and an employee asks if I need help. I grew up calling friends' parents Mr. or Mrs. LastName.

As for your mom's customer, that is super strange. Sure, "madam" kind of makes me think of Heidi Fleiss, who they called the Hollywood Madam, but for that woman to freak out about "ma'am" is just bizarre, in my opinion.

lrobi13 · April 2014

I use them both for all age groups, even babies and my dog. I am in Louisiana.

lct2008 · April 2014

I'm from DE but have lived in Europe, tx, Ga etc
And I use ma'am and sir pretty much all of the time.

Dh is from tx but they moved to ohio when he was a teen and once he got in trouble with a teacher because she thought he was being "smart" and talking back to her by calling her ma'am.

GretchenWeiners7 · April 2014

I'm from Iowa and currently live in Colorado. I use ma'am/sir only in cases like PP mentioned where I would have to say "excuse me ma'am" or something along those lines. It makes me feel old when people call me ma'am.

heathera1979 · April 2014

I am from Texas. I always use sir and ma'am as does DH. I used to laugh at him cuz he even called my cousins sir when we first started dating. LO will most certainly also use ma'am and sir especially when speaking to elders.

SusieBW · April 2014

I'm in Rhode Island, and almost never say ma'am or sir, except maybe in trying to get the attention of someone of an older generation. We definitely didn't grow up with it.

ETA: The customer who reacted that way to your mom was completely wrong IMO. When I am on the phone with someone who is clearly southern and they call me ma'am a lot, I assume it's just because that's a polite thing to do in the south. I like it. I think it's just a cultural thing that it's more often used in the south than anywhere else in the US. Everyone is more polite and friendly in the south, I think.

Sofia2529 · April 2014

SusieBW said:
I'm in Rhode Island, and almost never say ma'am or sir, except maybe in trying to get the attention of someone of an older generation. We definitely didn't grow up with it.

This except substitute New York for Rhode Island.

duckr · April 2014

I'm from St. Louis. I say and most people I know and have met around here Ma'am/Sir/Miss. Ma'am is reserved for ladies with short gray hair - every other lady is a Miss. Older ladies and gentlemen refer to younger individuals as "young lady" or "young man". I say it when I need the attention of a stranger who isn't paying attention.

Sounds like your mom just had a crazy on the phone.

youngin12 · April 2014

Thanks for the feedback, ladies! I'm glad to know that lady on the phones way of thinking is not the norm. Maybe she was just having a bad day....

DreadGamerWife · April 2014

I am from TX and use ma'am/sir for either people older than I am or people in positions of authority with whom I do not have a relationship.

While I got some strange looks using those terms while I was in grad school in PA, no one ever objected to it. That women clearly overreacted.

Sockgnome78 · April 2014

I have a tendency to use Ma'am or Sir if I can not remember a name. Also sometimes the "Excuse me Ma'am". Other then that. Not so much. I was not raised with it. But I think this LO will. It is a sign of respect for the elders in church and for teachers.

fireflyrebirth · April 2014

I grew up in Iowa and my parents were from MI and NY so I didn't grow up saying ma'am or sir that much, however sometimes I do use them if someone is middle-aged or older. I don't take offense if someone uses them with me because I know they're just being polite.

ohioloveyou · April 2014

I mostly say Ma'am or Sir when I'm trying to get the attention of someone whose name I don't know. I did use it a lot when I worked in customer service, but other than that I don't. I will teach my children to call adults Mr., Ms., or Mrs, though, as I think that' s just polite.

Dani0329 · April 2014

I am from southern Delaware, lived in NC for years, the VA. I say ma'am/sir every single day, never had anyone get mad! That is crazy.

MissMandyD · April 2014

I live in Seattle and don't say ma'ma or sir unless I have to at work. Also I hate being called ma'ma and so does every woman I work with.

ashes0219 · April 2014

From NY and spent summers in GA, I have always addressed people as ma'am/sir unless corrected to use something else. For close family friends it would be Mrs./Miss/Mr (enter first name here).

pinkshades05 · April 2014

I'm from Southern California and we don't use "ma'am" or "sir" unless we were addressing strangers or something. "Excuse me, Ma'am" or something similar.

live4thegiraffe · April 2014

Where are you from? Pennsylvania

Is it proper to say ma'am/sir? I suppose so, but people in my experience don't necessarily use it outside of cashiers or servers. It certainly doesn't mean anything vulgar to my knowledge.

Do you use it in your everyday vocabulary? I tend not to, mostly because my immediate family was pretty antisocial (my mom worked nights, so we never went anywhere and my parents made very few friends that I would refer to this way as a child). I was always taught to refer to my elders as "Mr. ---" or "Mrs.---". I also tend to speak to people familiarly-- as if I know them, even if I have no idea what their name is. I've found that I get friendlier responses that way. I also held a manager position at a young age (most of my employees were older than me), so I found that it was easier to work with people if I wasn't constantly reminding them that they were older than me.

wearenutts · April 2014

I am from Texas and my husband and I both grew up with saying sir/ma'am. We us it as a respect thing. My 3 year old says sir/ma'am to us and any other adults. I even call my 3 year old ma'am. For example when she asks me something like "can I play with this?" I'll say "yes, ma'am"

lilmissfancy · April 2014

I from VA but live in TX now. Growing up my mom told me I didn't have to say sir or ma'am. I would still say it anyways to respect my elders. At work we are told not to say it to people when they call because we don't know who is on the other end. They may be homosexual and get offended or someone who just doesn't like it.

IrishHoney123 · April 2014

Hmmm, I've never heard of someone taking offense to ma'am...I'm from NY state and now in PA, and while ma'am and sir aren't used widely, it's polite, especially to address someone you don't know.

miss.brittany · April 2014

I'm from Virginia (which we consider to be the south!). My parents taught me to say ma'am and sir. I still say them to elderly persons and during business/professional interchanges. I always say ma'am and sir when I'm on the phone with a company (whether it's amazon customer service or my insurance!).

I'm surprised that the woman was that offended. I've never heard that before.

miss.brittany · April 2014

PurpleHippo19 said:
Um, how is madam the same as ma'am? I don't get it.

We used ma'am and sir a lot when we were younger, but I don't do it as much now.

My husband does martial arts and respect is a major thing, so you're pretty much required to say ma'am or sir to anyone black belt or higher (and if you're a child, to any adult).

We also know a lot of families that always say ma'am and sir, and the kids always call adults by Mrs. LastName or Mr. LastName and never by their first name (even with Mr. or Mrs. in front of it).

eta: Sorry, forgot to say I'm a 4th generation Floridian. Most of our friends are the southern type of Floridian and not the from-the-north-moved-down-south type.

I'm pretty sure ma'am is the contraction form of madam. But I could be wrong....

MrsL2B · April 2014

I'm from Arkansas and have lived in Florida for 17 years. I use sir all the time and ma'am only when I know I'm taking to someone who won't be offended because she thinks that only old ladies should be called ma'am.

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