were you spanked growing up?

vlagrl29 · April 2014

caybeh said:

Yes and I do not consider how my parents did it as abuse. It was never done right away, and we usually got a few warnings before they did it. My parents used a ping pong paddle. I was only spanked a few times. Just the threat of a spanking was enough to make me listen to them.

my mom told me all she had to do was keep a paddle in her purse and if I acted up in public she would only have to show me it and I would act better. She told me she never had to use it on me. She suggested I do this with DD…..um, no because my kid would not care if I showed it to her because she would still act crazy and I don't want to use it on her.

Andrewsgal · April 2014

You will never convince me that a swat on the butt once or twice a weeks is even close to the same thing as a child being raped and burnt by cigarettes (the first CPS call I made) When you say they are both abuse you put them in the same category and I don't think they are at all.

joyfullyfound · April 2014

I was spanked and have no issue with it. I was a terror, and spanking worked, so I'm glad my parents were able to discipline me even though I was horribly strong willed. There wasn't the same stigma around spanking then either - most parents did it - so they were just doing what everyone else did. *shrug*

meglew · April 2014

Yes, I was spanked. No, I did not consider it abuse. I do not spank my kids.

penguingrrl · April 2014

Andrewsgal said:

You will never convince me that a swat on the butt once or twice a weeks is even close to the same thing as a child being raped and burnt by cigarettes (the first CPS call I made) When you say they are both abuse you put them in the same category and I don't think they are at all.

But then what do you consider emotional and verbal abuse? Because I wouldn't put either in the same category as rape and being burned by cigarettes but I would absolutely consider them abuse.

I spent years being told I was fat, stupid and ugly, that I would never amount to something, that I was a lazy little idiot. The scars from that persist today. They may not be physical but they are certainly there. They are in no way comparable to being raped or burned by cigarettes, not for a second. But I would still say I was abused.

vlagrl29 · April 2014

amy052006 said:

Dude, if you were a terror then no the spanking didn't work. That's the point.

I have to say I agree with this. My DD is strong willed, god help me

I hope I don't get any flaming for this but I'm gonna go ahead and come out with it - I did try spanking with DD in the past because nothing else seemed to work and it did work in the short term but she never behaved better. I realized it was me not being consistent enough and giving too many warnings to where she realized if she pushed me hard enough I would just throw my hands up. Since then her behavior has gotten better, so No spanking doesn't work.

sschwege · April 2014

vlagrl29 said:

amy052006 said:

Dude, if you were a terror then no the spanking didn't work. That's the point.

I have to say I agree with this. My DD is strong willed, god help me I hope I don't get any flaming for this but I'm gonna go ahead and come out with it - I did try spanking with DD in the past because nothing else seemed to work and it did work in the short term but she never behaved better. I realized it was me not being consistent enough and giving too many warnings to where she realized if she pushed me hard enough I would just throw my hands up. Since then her behavior has gotten better, so No spanking doesn't work.

Nobody should flame you for this. It's a hard thing to realize you aren't handling things the way you would like to and even harder to change. I really commend you for that and sharing your experience, you may help another mother who is at her wits end feels that spanking might be the answer.

sschwege · April 2014

Yes, I was spanked as a child and no I don't see it as abuse. That being said I have never used any form of physical punishment on my own children.

It's funny my mother had a super short fuse, but almost never spanked. She says she spanked me when I was really young, but I don't remember it and I only remember her spanking my brother once. My dad on the other hand was pretty easy going, but resorted to physical punishment more. He used to smack my hand a fair bit and my thighs when he was driving (really safe) and I remember him spanking my brother on his bottom.

I think it was harder for our parents not to resort to spankings because there was less information out there. Both of my parents grew up in houses where the belt was brought out quite regularly in addition to other physical punishments. My mom said when I was really young she went to the library to get a parenting book because she said she honestly didn't know how to address misbehavior in any other way than spanking. That's when she read about things like time-outs and as we were older we had to do chores.

Andrewsgal · April 2014

penguingrrl said:

Andrewsgal said:

You will never convince me that a swat on the butt once or twice a weeks is even close to the same thing as a child being raped and burnt by cigarettes (the first CPS call I made) When you say they are both abuse you put them in the same category and I don't think they are at all.

But then what do you consider emotional and verbal abuse? Because I wouldn't put either in the same category as rape and being burned by cigarettes but I would absolutely consider them abuse.

I spent years being told I was fat, stupid and ugly, that I would never amount to something, that I was a lazy little idiot. The scars from that persist today. They may not be physical but they are certainly there. They are in no way comparable to being raped or burned by cigarettes, not for a second. But I would still say I was abused.

well of course because logically they are their own form of abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse are very real. However someone saying I verbally abuse my kids by telling them to suck it up would completely undermine the pain you experienced when dealing with real verbal abuse.

mrscutforth · April 2014

I was spanked as a kid, I see no abuse behind it. I will probably use it in my parenting. Like a PP mentioned, growing up in the South, it's not uncommon to see/hear about kids getting spankings.

penguingrrl · April 2014

Andrewsgal said:

penguingrrl said:

Andrewsgal said:

You will never convince me that a swat on the butt once or twice a weeks is even close to the same thing as a child being raped and burnt by cigarettes (the first CPS call I made) When you say they are both abuse you put them in the same category and I don't think they are at all.

But then what do you consider emotional and verbal abuse? Because I wouldn't put either in the same category as rape and being burned by cigarettes but I would absolutely consider them abuse.

I spent years being told I was fat, stupid and ugly, that I would never amount to something, that I was a lazy little idiot. The scars from that persist today. They may not be physical but they are certainly there. They are in no way comparable to being raped or burned by cigarettes, not for a second. But I would still say I was abused.

well of course because logically they are their own form of abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse are very real. However someone saying I verbally abuse my kids by telling them to suck it up would completely undermine the pain you experienced when dealing with real verbal abuse.

That's a fair point and not a way I had considered it before. I still feel squicky about it being legal to hit children when it's illegal to hit other adults even within the privacy of your own home, but I can definitely see where calling a smack on the bottom abuse weakens the definition of what abuse is.

Andrewsgal · April 2014

Oh an just because I feel the need to say it again. We don't spank, I don't believe in it. There are a million other ways to help children learn to behave correctly. That being said I am lucky I have the tools I do not everyone does, and I don't consider them child abusers.

rosesandpetals · April 2014

mrscutforth said:

I was spanked as a kid, I see no abuse behind it. I will probably use it in my parenting. Like a PP mentioned, growing up in the South, it's not uncommon to see/hear about kids getting spankings.

I think you may have missed everyone talking about how ineffective it is.

mrscutforth · April 2014

roses&65335678 said:

mrscutforth said:

I was spanked as a kid, I see no abuse behind it. I will probably use it in my parenting. Like a PP mentioned, growing up in the South, it's not uncommon to see/hear about kids getting spankings.

I think you may have missed everyone talking about how ineffective it is.

Yeah. I went back and read after I posted. Sorry, pregnancy brain full force with this one.

Dreamingmommy4 · April 2014

I was spanked as a child, but it was only 4 or 5 times ever. I do not consider myself abused. My parents would use spanking only as an extreme measure, like if we were to run out into the road or we persistently misbehaved. They would use time-outs, loss of privileges and talking tos as disciplinary action before spanking was ever used.

rockyrollgirl · April 2014

Yes, but it was more like hitting. Not a pat or anything like that. I have been popped in the mouth a few times, had things thrown at me, got the belt, had my hair pulled....

I do not remember ever getting time outs or being grounded. This was always the way I was disciplined.

A lot of it was unnecessary and it made me resentful, but I wouldn't say I was abused. Although, it probably could be considered as such.

sschwege · April 2014

rockyrollgirl said:

Yes. I have been popped in the mouth a few times, had things thrown at me, got the belt, had my hair pulled....
A lot of it was unnecessary and it made me resentful, but I wouldn't say I was abused.

Do you think if you witnessed this behavior you would consider it abuse? Would you report this if you saw it happening to a child?

rockyrollgirl · April 2014

sschwege said:

rockyrollgirl said:

Yes. I have been popped in the mouth a few times, had things thrown at me, got the belt, had my hair pulled....
A lot of it was unnecessary and it made me resentful, but I wouldn't say I was abused.

Do you think if you witnessed this behavior you would consider it abuse? Would you report this if you saw it happening to a child?

Yeah, I probably would. I think I just make way too many excuses for my mother. This was during the time my dad was having affairs and a lot of other shit was happening.

sschwege · April 2014

rockyrollgirl said:

sschwege said:

rockyrollgirl said:

Yes. I have been popped in the mouth a few times, had things thrown at me, got the belt, had my hair pulled....
A lot of it was unnecessary and it made me resentful, but I wouldn't say I was abused.

Do you think if you witnessed this behavior you would consider it abuse? Would you report this if you saw it happening to a child?

Yeah, I probably would. I think I just make way too many excuses for my mother. This was during the time my dad was having affairs and a lot of other shit was happening.

Just wondering if you truly viewed the punishment as acceptable or if you have just accepted that's the way it was in your house. I figured it was the latter, but wasn't sure.

rockyrollgirl · April 2014

I edited before I saw your reply sorry. I have gone into that story before on here and it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

rockyrollgirl · April 2014

sschwege said:

rockyrollgirl said:

sschwege said:

rockyrollgirl said:

Yes. I have been popped in the mouth a few times, had things thrown at me, got the belt, had my hair pulled....
A lot of it was unnecessary and it made me resentful, but I wouldn't say I was abused.

Do you think if you witnessed this behavior you would consider it abuse? Would you report this if you saw it happening to a child?

Yeah, I probably would. I think I just make way too many excuses for my mother. This was during the time my dad was having affairs and a lot of other shit was happening.

Just wondering if you truly viewed the punishment as acceptable or if you have just accepted that's the way it was in your house. I figured it was the latter, but wasn't sure.

Oh. No. It was definitely not acceptable to me. Trust me. I am probably in denial about it being abuse, but it definitely made me hate my mother.

fivesecondrule · April 2014

I think I was spanked once of twice. I don't really remember it. Other methods worked better for me. My brother was spanked more often. I don't consider it abuse. It was never rage-y spanking it was "if you do X, spanking is the consequence" and it was followed through. I have a lot of issues with my parents parenting but spanking isn't one of them.

AimeeL85 · April 2014

Yes, some...not a lot, not consistently. Anything from a swat on the butt to a slap on the cheek to a belt, and I feel like they sound terrible but no, I don't consider myself to have been abused. I'm not saying it's ok or that I would ever pull a belt on my kids, because I wouldn't, but I don't feel like I was abused. I felt safe in my home and I felt loved.

shortstuff15 · April 2014

I was spanked and most certainly not abused. I actually only remember 3 times I was even punished growing up. One was a spank, one was an outing taken away and one was my access to the car to drive taken away. So I don't think spankings are bad persay, just not needed as a primary or only form of discipline. That is one reason why my kids will not be staying at the inlaws until they are well past spanking age. My inlaws think they are well within their rights to spank their grandkids because "it takes a village" and all that. Sure it takes a village, but as the parent it is my responsibility to discipline not yours.

Chapter79 · April 2014

CnAmom said:

So then when does spanking/hitting become abusive?

I don't think SPANKING does. If it becomes abusive, that (to me) is no longer spanking. Again, while I do NOT agree with spanking (at all) I believe spanking is random swats on the butt. It's not meant to inflict massive amounts of pain when a parent does so. When it becomes ABUSIVE, I believe that's no longer termed as spanking. Hitting and punching a kid is not the same as a swat on the butt from not listening. I'd never say my parents HIT me as a kid, you know? They barely swatted enough for me to feel it. It was more of a startling technique with them. When you are doing it daily (plus), doing it really hard, doing it across the face, etc.. this is abuse to me.

Again, it's not something I agree with. We're a non spanking house. But I can still see the difference between hitting to HURT and spanking to try and teach a lesson (even if I don't believe it works).

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