More MIL Drama

MrsB924 · March 2013

Surprisingly so far, there has been much less MIL drama than I expected. She is super excited and has been really supportive. However, DH and I got home tonight to find a very lengthy email from her talking about how she is going to quit her job (see is not very skilled and was very lucky to get this job), sell her condo, and up and move across the country to be here before the baby arrives. She also said if she can't sell her condo, she will be coming anyways and wants to stay with us for a few weeks before and after the baby arrives (about a month and a half total)... Needless to say, that is not what either of us want.

She is very helpless and would drive us both completely crazy. Not to mention I have a very stressful job and am already worried about going into early labor because of it, without having her here to make it worse. DH called her to explain how she is more than welcome to stay with us for a week or two, but 5-6 weeks is just not going to work for us. We even tried explaining there are 3 other sets of grandparents (both of our parents are divorced) who would be wanting to stay at some point and see the baby also, but that just upset her about how my parents already have grandsons (my nephews who live in Germany) and his stepmom should have less rights to the baby than she does...

I still don't think she gets it and will be pushing until the very end to be here for as long as possible. I think I will have nightmares tonight of her just showing up on my doorstep with a suitcase and saying she isn't leaving.. Thanks for letting me rant

lifeissweet0703 · March 2013

Oh wow... She sounds like a real treat makes my MIL seem like a dream come true. Lol stick to your guns...you will NOT want house guests of any kind in the early weeks. We got sick of even the short visits very quickly.

Publius · March 2013

It sounds like having her for a house guest even for a week or two is going to be very stressful for you. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Lga1224 · March 2013

You def hit on one of my frustrations; I have 12 nieces and nephews and love them all like crazy but I am super close to my parents and I know this baby is just as exciting to my parents as it is to my husband's (this is their first). This is your first baby and it is going to mean the world to your patents. Thanks for letting me piggy back off your vent

VitaLuna · March 2013

What a crummy situation. I would not want MIL or my own mother (who I am very close with) to stay with us at all. Personally, I wouldn't even allow her to stay the 1-2 weeks, because once she's there, it's going to be really hard to get her to move on, and cause you even more stress trying to figure out how to get her to leave.

kdv77 · March 2013

My MIL welcomed herself for 2 weeks and it was the longest 2 weeks of my life. Don't make the same mistake I did and let her come for more than a few days or a week max.

katiebenes · March 2013

I hope you can get her on your mindset. Granted, my Mom is coming over the week after the twins come so that I can have a restful recovery and she can take thousands of newborn pictures with her DSLR... mind you she lives all of five miles away and would be there during the days anyways, and her theory is "let the baby cry for a few minutes and if we don't wake up knock on the door" and if FIL and SMIL want to come stay a few days, we do still have a bed, but it is in the nursery.

my MIL will never try to stay with us. she knows her husband (a creep who, when he thought he was getting kicked out of the house, took a dremel to ALL their doors and windows so none of them locked anymore- PS that was five years ago and he has not fixed a damn one) is not allowed to stay in my house, and neither is her smoking... not sure which prevents her more.

mello13 · March 2013

It sounds like she is using your baby to give her life some sense of meaning. But here's the thing, you shouldn't have to raise and support her in addition to you new child! It would be different if you invited her there, but you clearly do not want her there. She invited herself to move in (and is clearly irresponsible) and she will dictate to you how to care for/raise your baby. That can only end badly for everyone involved, as you will eventually have to kick her out. I encourage you to have your hubby tell her in no uncertain terms that she cannot move in with you, nor can she "visit" for an extended period of time, and that frankly, her moving across the country isn't in her (or your) best interest. It's not as though if she lives in town she will be able to see the baby every single day, but I assure you that is what she is expecting. You need to set parameters for this familial relationship now, before it gets worse. Good luck!

CaliMcKenzie · March 2013

Your husband needs to give her a hard "NO." Tell her exactly when she can stay with you - anything outside of that, she's welcome to stay in a hotel down the street.

And don't let her emotionally blackmail either of you. If you give in to the guilt trip now, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of it.

Ashleycerasuolo · March 2013

Tell her no. You want to start your family and don't need to worry about her. You need to get used to having a baby in the house and do not need her telling you what to do or trying to take over.

charpe · March 2013

I feel like I wrote this myself. My MIL lives far away and is talking about moving also. She sounds similar...helpless, dramatic, etc. has a huge heart, but would drive us crazy. The move has been put off temporarily, but I just had to have a conversation with her that I don't want any overnight guests the minute I get home from the hospital. I tried to be nice and tell her she's welcome after that, but just needs to give us a few weeks. Or if she really wants to be here when the baby is born, then she'll have to stay with brother in law or someone else. It seemed to go ok... But who knows how she was when I hung up. Either way, I felt better knowing that she knows my wishes. I say, put your foot down soon or have your DH say something. Good luck!!

staceymack · March 2013

Set your boundaries now and stick to them. If you give her an inch, she will take a mile. I would not let her stay at all. I might possibly offer to have her stay in a hotel a few nights but that is it. That insane she has made up her mind about all these plans without talking to you both first. I have a feeling if she gets in the door, she will never leave.

1026pumpkin · March 2013

Uggg- unfortunately DH and I have a lot of family like this and they all think they can just show up whenever, camp out in the guest suite, and have us cater to them hand and foot. Depending on your relationship with family, I feel like it's actually better to have NO house guests for the first few weeks so you can feel comfortable figuring out breast feeding, walk around in your undies, and start to get into a routine without a bunch of people giving you their opinions.

I would pick a week about a month after your due date, ask MIL if she wants to book a one week trip that week so she can be "first on the books" and then let her know other family will be scheduling visits after that week, and she'll need to find somewhere else to stay.

You may also want to let her know what your plans are after maternity leave- will you be staying home, going back to work and using daycare, etc. so she doesn't get the idea she can just jump into that role if you don't want her too.

You can't stop her from making dumb decisions about her job and condo, but you CAN be very firm upfront about when you can visit with her and for how long.

MJHershey · March 2013

have your DH repeat "No, that will not be happening and will not work for the family". When she pushes he should just repeat that over and over- no giving excuses nothing.

If she shows up your DH can say "I told you it was not happening, so there was no mis communication on my part. I will drive you to a hotel for your short stay".

AngelMommy11211 · March 2013

I wouldn't even allow 2 weeks. I would go completely insane and you do not want guests during that time, especially unhelpful guests. I'd tell her if she wants to stay at a hotel or somewhere, that is reasonable. Or if she absolutely can't afford it, maybe a couple days, but not weeks. That will be very stressful. I was even annoyed that my SIL stayed until bedtime when we brought home our 2nd. I had told her I didn't want guests staying late too! Do what's best for you, this time is about you, your baby .and husband. Not hosting for inlaws. You will be beyond tired, crabby, etc.

MrsB924 · March 2013

Thank you so much everyone for all of the support and advice. As much as I don't wish this upon anyone, I am glad I am not the only one dealing with it. I will keep you all updated!

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