Taking control of my life

Eveiii · March 2014

It's been a month and a half since I've lost my angel and I have been struggling so hard and have just gone into a deep depression with very very dark thoughts. I've also been very weak and after a full day at work I get temps and have been throwing up.

I finally did something about it and went to the doctors and we found out I'm still highly distressed with losing the baby and the horrific way it happened out at sea. All my test results for being ill have came back negative so the doctor has put my illness down to my emotions. My husband and I also believe this miscarriage has triggered of my depression I use to battle as a teen and young adult that I had completely under control due to counselling and medication that I've been off for 2 years.

So this weekend I'm going to start back up on medication and to be ohnest I'm scared because I know it can make you feel strange but I know it's going to be good for me and get those suicidal I'm worthless because I can't keep a baby alive in me thoughts out of my head.

I know this is never going to take away the pain from losing my baby and I'm always going to grieve and have a hole in my heart but I know this is going to help with the feelings caused due to the chemical reaction of this miscarriage.

So I just want to put it out there to any girl feeling the same as I do there is no shame in getting extra help. None at all! We all deserve to be heathy and happy x

Maxsmommy123112 · March 2014

It's so great that you are posting this. I don't have suicidal thoughts but I do have trouble just getting through my days without having a breakdown. I have little to no patience and things make me angry or sad very quickly. As my due date month for my first angel baby looms (April) I find myself falling deeper and deeper in depression.

I am seeing a therapist it's helping, slightly, but u feel like I may need to ask for medication. It's silly but I'm embarrassed!! I think my family has been so hard on me telling me I am weak and being dramatic that somehow I feel like if I ask for medication I am a failure or something? I don't even know how to ask or what to say. I have a friend who experienced 2 miscarriages back to back like me and she has told me time and time again the medication helped her greatly.

I have a question for you that's been running through my head...IF (because I'm not sure what DH and I are planning yet) we decide to concieve, does the medication at all interfere with that? I'm assuming if you will be TTC again soon the answer is no.

Again, thank you for posting this. I think it's good for me (and others) to hear it's OKAY to ask for help if I need it.

Eveiii · March 2014

You are not at all weak if you ask for extra help. I actually thinking asking for help at your lowest point shows strength and courage because you are saying no I don't chose to live like this. I can feel a few of my friends are getting a tiny bit tiered with me but they have not been through it and they have no clue so I try my hardest to ignore them (it can be hard at times)

Also going on meds does not make you a failure, how can you be a failure when you are doing something to improve your life. Also don't be embarrassed. I use to be embarrassed as a teen and would never talk about it because I felt like a loser a year after high school I got in contact with a guy I sat next to in maths class and we where both on the same meds at high school.

If you feel you may need them talk to your doctor about how you feel and you think you need to extra help and would meds be good for you and he can help you make a wise decision and get you on ones that would suit you.

I understand about the emotions I'm the exact same as you. I work in retail and I'm shocked I haven't kicked someone yet.

I'm personally not going to try again. Me and my DH did not plan this & our condom broke and I didn't know I was pregnant till I miscarried. We are both happy where we are in life and both decided we are going to wait another 4 years till where 30 to try again or put in adoption forms. But I do wish this baby did survive because I'm in so much love with her and just wish I could be watching my belly grow with her inside.

I know some meds can interfere if your trying but talk to your doctor because there will be safe ones out there.

I was unsure about posting this but I thought no I need to do it because there could be someone with some of the same feelings I have and I want to let people know it's ok to ask for help.

Xxx

gabbagal · March 2014

@Eveiii I'm so glad you posted about asking for help, you put it so beautifully. You are a strong and courageous woman and I hope your message will inspire others to seek help without embarrassment. No one should have to live with depression, anxiety, or other problems that can be helped with some form of therapy and/or medication. As you said, everyone deserves to be happy and healthy! Hugs to you!

stephy1221 · March 2014

**ticker warning**

I am so sorry for your loss and that it triggered such a dark period. I am so glad you got some medical help. Please post here whenever you need suppoert, we re here. hugs.

Eveiii · March 2014

Thank you @gabbagal‌ for your kind words

and @stephy1221‌ I don't think I would at all be as half human as I am if it wasn't for this group and everyone's support, love and honesty.

MelissaL121 · March 2014

I think you're strong for asking for help. Thanks for sharing your journey, I am sure it will help anyone struggling with the same emotions. You will get a beautiful take home baby, stay positive!

NVALDEZ21 · April 2014

Thank you so much for sharing your story... My due date would have been May 20, 2014. The closer the date comes the more I hurt... But I'm slowly coming to terms with what happened. I honestly still can't believe it at times.

Eveiii · April 2014

It is a hard thing to come to terms with or even understand @NVALDEZ21‌ I do hope you find a special way to celebrate your little ones birthday and have a supportive network of friends around you x

NVALDEZ21 · April 2014

Thank you @Eveiii‌... I appreciate your words :-)

nola219 · April 2014

gabbagal said:

@Eveiii I'm so glad you posted about asking for help, you put it so beautifully. You are a strong and courageous woman and I hope your message will inspire others to seek help without embarrassment. No one should have to live with depression, anxiety, or other problems that can be helped with some form of therapy and/or medication. As you said, everyone deserves to be happy and healthy! Hugs to you!

DITTO!! I applaud you for putting it out there, for saying what so many of us want to say but can't. My miscarriage triggered a deep depression. I'm not sleeping at all. Lexapro is my saving grace! There I said it, and if I didn't plan on TTC again when medically cleared, I would be sleeping on a beautiful Klonopin pillow right now

Eveiii · April 2014

@nola219‌

That's the reason I posted it I wanted everyone who's feeling like this that they are not at all alone and they should not feel scared/ashamed to say I'm not happy and I'm not coping well and I need to get help because I deserve to feel good. I hope you start to feel better soon and start get in some sleep x

nola219 · April 2014

@Eveiii you are too sweet. Thank you! Hope you start to feel better soon as well!

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Want a personalized experience?

Taking control of my life

Re: Taking control of my life

" May your hands always be busy May your feet always be swift May you have a strong foundation When the winds of changes shift May your heart always be joyful May your song always be sung And may you stay forever young "

" May your hands always be busy May your feet always be swift May you have a strong foundation When the winds of changes shift May your heart always be joyful May your song always be sung And may you stay forever young "

Choose Another Board

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" May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift

May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young "

" May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift

May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young "