I'm lol that this WK poster is yelling at people for being high & mighty but she is being so judgey herself. ;;)
Knowing about etiquette & stating our opinions that align with traditional values is not stuck up. It's true consideration for others' guests. It appears that someone has to consider them because so many divas & princesses just don't care.
It is gift-grabby to throw a shower for yourself. That's a fact. There is no opinion leeway there. You are throwing a party that it's primary objective (no matter what anyone tries to say) is to milk your guests for presents. That's the point.
But lol at "Baby Shower Police". I wonder if trying to be The Board Police is a step up?
@AudeSapere89 how many people in your circle of friends has thrown a shower for themselves?
This is a public forum with a broad spectrum of different people from different backgrounds, regions, etc, you are almost guaranteed to get responses that are different from yours. If you don't like the answers, accept it as honesty and move on.
Anyway you slice it - it's gift grabbing and attention seeking to throw yourself a baby shower - in my opinion. Don't feel as though I'm on any high horse or even being rude about it. There's a difference between being rude and being honest. There's lots of honest floating around the bump, a bit of snark as well, but it wouldn't be the bump without the snark
OP asked "Who typically hosts?". She got an answer. Typical, family and friends. Not typical, you. Everyone, save her royal highness of Nebraska, agrees that it is rude as hell to ask or hint for someone to throw it.
She sounds disappointed, which is why I pointed out to Nebraska that it was some next level assholery to be all, "I feel bad for you. They are having sword fights to see who will host my shower because I am extremely loved by all".
.
Personally, I think 22 weeks is still early and she is letting her "planner/control" ways make her anxious about it. If a surprise shower is being planned for her, she needs to come to terms with the fact that no one will be asking for her input.
As someone who recently moved to the US from the land of etiquette (England), I feel the same about baby showers as I do about afternoon tea with the Queen. It's a lovely idea in theory but it's also a social minefield.
So far, the only consistent advice I've heard is:
-You don't host your own shower. It is not the done thing and is extremely impolite.
-Showers are usually for the first-born. You can have them for subsequent pregnancies but this is generally frowned upon.
-MTB has minimal, if any, input on the planning. MiL chose the date, the party planner, the venue, so on and so forth. She has also checked a couple of the snack recipes with me because I have allergies but this is an exception rather than a rule.
-Showers are an interesting but non-essential part of pregnancy. You do not need it but it's nice to have it, therefore do not 'expect' one and appreciate it if you're given it.
-Don't be a "gimme-pig"
-Showers usually take place in the 3rd trimester but this is a general practice rather than a solid rule.
From this, I would assume that asking someone to host it would also be frowned upon.
Because of the fact that MTB is not involved in the planning, I'm given to understand that a lot of showers are a surprise - this could be the case for you but, again, don't expect it to be the case.
*I've never been to Nebraska, nor would I know where it is without google's help, so the above information does not take into account any Nebraskan cultural variants.
Also, wtf is a "save the date" and how is it different from an invitation?
Also, wtf is a "save the date" and how is it different from an invitation?
It literally is just that: asking guests to save the date of the event. A formal invitation follows. People usually do it for weddings, that might be a year or so away, but they aren't ready to send invitations yet. It's weird to do it for a baby shower.
I was not aware this was a thing, thanks for explaining the difference. I guess it makes sense for weddings that may be a year off/require travel like weddings but it seems a bit pointless for a baby shower that's going to be, at most, a few months away. Each to their own.
I know a couple that plans their own baby showers and throws one for every kid. They have 3. I've never gone to any of them because I find all of it to be very rude. Also, they've never sent out thank you cards for any parties.. Birthday, showers, etc.
I have planned all my baby showers. I don't ask who will throw me one. I know my family don't have the funds to do so, and that's totally ok with me. It's totally up too you on what you feel is right. Follow your gut and your heart.
I have planned all my baby showers. I don't ask who will throw me one. I know my family don't have the funds to do so, and that's totally ok with me. It's totally up too you on what you feel is right. Follow your gut and your heart.
Why didn't you buy your own baby things with the funds you have?
Please this is 2014, If you want to plan your own baby shower thats your prerogative. If you want to ask someone you love in your family or friend to host it but you plan it more power to you. People need to calm down its not that serious. Its a gathering with people you care about to celebrate your new baby.
Please this is 2014, If you want to plan your own baby shower thats your prerogative. If you want to ask someone you love in your family or friend to host it but you plan it more power to you. People need to calm down its not that serious. Its a gathering with people you care about to celebrate your new baby.
I'm not quite sure what being in 2014 has to do with anything.....?
And you're wrong. A baby shower is not meant for celebrating the baby. It's for welcoming the FIRST time mother into motherhood.
Please this is 2014, If you want to plan your own baby shower thats your prerogative. If you want to ask someone you love in your family or friend to host it but you plan it more power to you. People need to calm down its not that serious. Its a gathering with people you care about to celebrate your new baby.
I'm not quite sure what being in 2014 has to do with anything.....?
And you're wrong. A baby shower is not meant for celebrating the baby. It's for welcoming the FIRST time mother into motherhood.
It meant were not living in this traditional world that it seems like some of ya'll living in anymore and no a baby shower is not just for first time mothers. Who made these rules for baby showers, I would like to know????
Nobody will make me feel bad about what I said Im a grown women just like you all are grown. Im a do what I want in my own life just like you all will. But no one should make her feel bad for wanting to plan her own shower.
Please this is 2014, If you want to plan your own baby shower thats your prerogative. If you want to ask someone you love in your family or friend to host it but you plan it more power to you. People need to calm down its not that serious. Its a gathering with people you care about to celebrate your new baby.
I'm not quite sure what being in 2014 has to do with anything.....?
And you're wrong. A baby shower is not meant for celebrating the baby. It's for welcoming the FIRST time mother into motherhood.
It meant were not living in this traditional world that it seems like some of ya'll living in anymore and no a baby shower is not just for first time mothers. Who made these rules for baby showers, I would like to know???? _______________
Yeah you're right, it's 2014 and people are greedy as fuck! Not the right way to go, my darling. At least a few of us "traditional" gals are still around to teach the next generation some god damn manners.
Class doesn't have an expiration date. It's 2014 & it doesn't mean that etiquette has to take a back seat. It seems the "gimme gimme" mentality has taken over. The "I do whatever I please & others' comfort/consideration doesn't matter" takes the front seat. That's really sad, selfish & out of touch IMHO.
It takes a happy event meant to celebrate one's entrance into motherhood & makes it an attention grab.
So those that want to plan their own shower, go on. Shamelessly pick your friends' & family's wallets in the name of "celebrating the baby". That's not what you are doing with throwing your own shower. What you are doing is displaying a disgusting show of entitlement. That is what is serious.
Nobody will make me feel bad about what I said Im a grown women just like you all are grown. Im a do what I want in my own life just like you all will. But no one should make her feel bad for wanting to plan her own shower.
Ew. No. Buy your own things. No one is obligated to supply you with baby stuff just because you got yourself pregnant. I totally agree with PPs. You could really use a lesson or two in class and manners. So gross.
Please this is 2014, If you want to plan your own baby shower thats your prerogative. If you want to ask someone you love in your family or friend to host it but you plan it more power to you. People need to calm down its not that serious. Its a gathering with people you care about to celebrate your new baby.
I'm not quite sure what being in 2014 has to do with anything.....?
And you're wrong. A baby shower is not meant for celebrating the baby. It's for welcoming the FIRST time mother into motherhood.
It meant were not living in this traditional world that it seems like some of ya'll living in anymore and no a baby shower is not just for first time mothers. Who made these rules for baby showers, I would like to know????
Umm..what?
When did everyone become entitled to a baby shower? Your friends nor your family helped make the baby, so why should it be expected that they buy gifts for the baby? A shower is done out of kindness, NOT obligation.
But, I have a feeling this will just go right over your head.
You are 22 weeks. Calm down, it doesn't have to be planned right now and you don't have to send save the dates. Baby showers, like weddings and all other parties, have become such huge overproductions.
I don't think you should ask people to plan one or bring it up. If someone steps up, great. If not, a baby shower isn't something you are entitled to or deserve just because you are pregnant. Is it nice to have one? Yeah, but you shouldn't expect one.
You can still register for gifts without having a shower. My MIL was planning on hosting for me, but we live out of state and I am not able to fly home for it. FYI- I'm 24 weeks and she hadn't even begun planning for it or "saving the date" yet. People are still asking for registry info so I went ahead and made one and give it to those that ask.
As someone who recently moved to the US from the land of etiquette (England), I feel the same about baby showers as I do about afternoon tea with the Queen. It's a lovely idea in theory but it's also a social minefield.
So far, the only consistent advice I've heard is:
-You don't host your own shower. It is not the done thing and is extremely impolite.
-Showers are usually for the first-born. You can have them for subsequent pregnancies but this is generally frowned upon.
-MTB has minimal, if any, input on the planning. MiL chose the date, the party planner, the venue, so on and so forth. She has also checked a couple of the snack recipes with me because I have allergies but this is an exception rather than a rule.
-Showers are an interesting but non-essential part of pregnancy. You do not need it but it's nice to have it, therefore do not 'expect' one and appreciate it if you're given it.
-Don't be a "gimme-pig"
-Showers usually take place in the 3rd trimester but this is a general practice rather than a solid rule.
From this, I would assume that asking someone to host it would also be frowned upon.
Because of the fact that MTB is not involved in the planning, I'm given to understand that a lot of showers are a surprise - this could be the case for you but, again, don't expect it to be the case.
*I've never been to Nebraska, nor would I know where it is without google's help, so the above information does not take into account any Nebraskan cultural variants.
Also, wtf is a "save the date" and how is it different from an invitation?
I'm also English and the idea of a shower is alien to me. I'd just find the experience uncomfortable. The idea of a registry makes me cringe. If people choose to give gifts once the baby is born, then it should be up to them. It's my responsibility to provide what baby needs - not someone else's.
09/23/11 - Married DH
04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks
05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d
08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d
09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!
10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!
12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!
05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!
I'm also English and the idea of a shower is alien to me. I'd just find the experience uncomfortable. The idea of a registry makes me cringe. If people choose to give gifts once the baby is born, then it should be up to them. It's my responsibility to provide what baby needs - not someone else's.
Mother in Law made me make one. It took me 4 stressful days to get it to just over 20 items before I gave up. Apparently all the relatives (in the US, there are many) are asking what to get.
My family back in England will just call or email asking if I have a specific thing before they send it IF they plan on sending something. If not for the distance, the England family would just get something and bring it over then deal with duplicates as they happen.
The whole experience is terrifying to me but MiL insists.
Nobody will make me feel bad about what I said Im a grown women just like you all are grown. Im a do what I want in my own life just like you all will. But no one should make her feel bad for wanting to plan her own shower.
I'm also English and the idea of a shower is alien to me. I'd just find the experience uncomfortable. The idea of a registry makes me cringe. If people choose to give gifts once the baby is born, then it should be up to them. It's my responsibility to provide what baby needs - not someone else's.
Mother in Law made me make one. It took me 4 stressful days to get it to just over 20 items before I gave up. Apparently all the relatives (in the US, there are many) are asking what to get.
My family back in England will just call or email asking if I have a specific thing before they send it IF they plan on sending something. If not for the distance, the England family would just get something and bring it over then deal with duplicates as they happen.
The whole experience is terrifying to me but MiL insists.
------------
My step-MIL is from Nebraska, but she's the most hands-off, not-bothered, least maternal woman I've ever met. She's making a baby basket for when LO visits, but that's it. I'm pretty relieved she's not pushing a shower on me.
09/23/11 - Married DH
04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks
05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d
08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d
09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!
10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!
12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!
05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!
Please this is 2014, If you want to plan your own baby shower thats your prerogative. If you want to ask someone you love in your family or friend to host it but you plan it more power to you. People need to calm down its not that serious. Its a gathering with people you care about to celebrate your new baby.
LOL my best friends gimme pig sister planned and threw her fourth baby shower. A grand total of four people attended...and that was counting the gimme pig herself.
Please this is 2014, If you want to plan your own baby shower thats your prerogative. If you want to ask someone you love in your family or friend to host it but you plan it more power to you. People need to calm down its not that serious. Its a gathering with people you care about to celebrate your new baby.
Agree with this. Do whatever you want. If you care about etiquette and norms do some research online but you can still choose to do what you want. The rules about baby showers might be different but who cares. Your relationships are your own. Maybe you actually share your questions and concerns with close friends and get their opinion rather than complaining about them behind their backs. I don't have a sister but lots of sisters share everything...I don't know why this would be such a taboo subject. If you don't know what to do ask someone close to you what appropriate in your social circle. If they know and care about you they shouldn't see that as a round about way of asking them to throw you a shower. Personally I do hope someone will throw me one and a few have mentioned it already but if no one does it then oh well. I'll know the people close to me are happy and are celebrating with us knowing the fertility challenges we've overcome to get here. I don't know why so many people have to attack the person in Nebraska for her opinion - regardless of location maybe that's how her social circle thinks. Final thought since there's so much back and forth about gifts...I'm sure others have thrown our own birthday, house warming, etc parties where guests are expected to bring gifts. For baby showers maybe it's not "traditional or correct etiquette" but to each his own. Politely awaiting the barrage of attacks from other hormonal women.
I know a couple people who threw their own showers. One was my husband's friend who was having his first child (his wife already had 2 children from a previous marriage). He invited us over for dinner and everyone brought gifts. Not sure if there was a registry. I thought it was totally weird (and I wasn't the only one) but I just went because my husband wanted to.
The other is a friend of my SIL. I don't know her personally I just know that she threw her own shower at a fancy brunch place. My SIL didn't seem to think anything of it, I guess because her family is pretty crappy so she had no one to throw it for her? I think it is weird but I am lucky enough to have people who want to give me a shower so I don't know how I'd feel otherwise.
So people do throw their own showers, but just keep in mind people might be rolling their eyes behind your back.
I'm also English and the idea of a shower is alien to me. I'd just find the experience uncomfortable. The idea of a registry makes me cringe. If people choose to give gifts once the baby is born, then it should be up to them. It's my responsibility to provide what baby needs - not someone else's.
This!!! I'm also from abroad, and the idea of registering for gifts is just so cringe-worthy to me.
-----sig and ticker warning---------- me: 37 unexplained infertility, DH 37 normal ttc for 18 months before seeing RE Letrozol on CD 3-7, overdril trigger
IUI#1, 2 follicles 17.4 and 20mm BFN Letrozol and TI cycle BFN IUI#2 2 follicles (RE noted fluid in uterus, and then realized it was there last time too) BFN Letrozol and TI BFN IUI#3 one follicle 21mm (fluid there again) BFP!!! 02/10 beta#1 335 (at 4weeks1day), 02/12 Beta#2 751 :-)
I have thrown all of my previous baby showers and plan to do the same with the third. Your also looking at a girl who planned her own wedding with only a cousin's girlfriend offering help. Unfortunately, If I didn't do it for myself no one would do it for me. I guess I am just really surprised that everyone here says you are not suppose to throw your own. I've never heard of that. Although, I do very much agree that you shouldn't ask others to do it for you. If they wanted to they would offer. Just put one together yourself, the way you want it.:)
I have thrown all of my previous baby showers and plan to do the same with the third. Your also looking at a girl who planned her own wedding with only a cousin's girlfriend offering help. Unfortunately, If I didn't do it for myself no one would do it for me. I guess I am just really surprised that everyone here says you are not suppose to throw your own. I've never heard of that. Although, I do very much agree that you shouldn't ask others to do it for you. If they wanted to they would offer. Just put one together yourself, the way you want it.:)
What part of "you don't need a shower" do you not understand? Why can't you buy your own crap? And a 3rd shower? Damn. Greedy, aren't we?
I have thrown all of my previous baby showers and plan to do the same with the third. Your also looking at a girl who planned her own wedding with only a cousin's girlfriend offering help. Unfortunately, If I didn't do it for myself no one would do it for me. I guess I am just really surprised that everyone here says you are not suppose to throw your own. I've never heard of that. Although, I do very much agree that you shouldn't ask others to do it for you. If they wanted to they would offer. Just put one together yourself, the way you want it.:)
I have thrown all of my previous baby showers and plan to do the same with the third. Your also looking at a girl who planned her own wedding with only a cousin's girlfriend offering help. Unfortunately, If I didn't do it for myself no one would do it for me. I guess I am just really surprised that everyone here says you are not suppose to throw your own. I've never heard of that. Although, I do very much agree that you shouldn't ask others to do it for you. If they wanted to they would offer. Just put one together yourself, the way you want it.:)
1) stop throwing showers for yourself. You don't need one. You're "that person" amongst your friends. Well done. If you can't afford to buy your own baby stuff, stop having babies.
2) you planned your own wedding?! You must be a superwoman! Seriously, most women here planned their own wedding because we're not rich enough to have someone do it for us. I planned my own wedding 90% via the Internet because I live in the uk and got married in San Francisco. Do I get a special award for that?
09/23/11 - Married DH
04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks
05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d
08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d
09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!
10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!
12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!
05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!
Re: Baby Shower - Who Plans it
Knowing about etiquette & stating our opinions that align with traditional values is not stuck up. It's true consideration for others' guests. It appears that someone has to consider them because so many divas & princesses just don't care.
It is gift-grabby to throw a shower for yourself. That's a fact. There is no opinion leeway there. You are throwing a party that it's primary objective (no matter what anyone tries to say) is to milk your guests for presents. That's the point.
But lol at "Baby Shower Police". I wonder if trying to be The Board Police is a step up?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
This is a public forum with a broad spectrum of different people from different backgrounds, regions, etc, you are almost guaranteed to get responses that are different from yours. If you don't like the answers, accept it as honesty and move on.
Anyway you slice it - it's gift grabbing and attention seeking to throw yourself a baby shower - in my opinion. Don't feel as though I'm on any high horse or even being rude about it. There's a difference between being rude and being honest. There's lots of honest floating around the bump, a bit of snark as well, but it wouldn't be the bump without the snark
@Natalie78W
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
And you're wrong. A baby shower is not meant for celebrating the baby. It's for welcoming the FIRST time mother into motherhood.
_______________
Yeah you're right, it's 2014 and people are greedy as fuck! Not the right way to go, my darling. At least a few of us "traditional" gals are still around to teach the next generation some god damn manners.
It takes a happy event meant to celebrate one's entrance into motherhood & makes it an attention grab.
So those that want to plan their own shower, go on. Shamelessly pick your friends' & family's wallets in the name of "celebrating the baby". That's not what you are doing with throwing your own shower. What you are doing is displaying a disgusting show of entitlement. That is what is serious.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
1. A save the date for a baby shower? Oh FFS.
2. 2014 is apparently the year of the rude bitch. The year where manners and common sense go to die.
3. Nebraska sounds magical.
But, I have a feeling this will just go right over your head.
I don't think you should ask people to plan one or bring it up. If someone steps up, great. If not, a baby shower isn't something you are entitled to or deserve just because you are pregnant. Is it nice to have one? Yeah, but you shouldn't expect one.
You can still register for gifts without having a shower. My MIL was planning on hosting for me, but we live out of state and I am not able to fly home for it. FYI- I'm 24 weeks and she hadn't even begun planning for it or "saving the date" yet. People are still asking for registry info so I went ahead and made one and give it to those that ask.
09/23/11 - Married DH
04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks
05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d
08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d
09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!
10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!
12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!
05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!
------------
My step-MIL is from Nebraska, but she's the most hands-off, not-bothered, least maternal woman I've ever met. She's making a baby basket for when LO visits, but that's it. I'm pretty relieved she's not pushing a shower on me.
09/23/11 - Married DH
04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks
05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d
08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d
09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!
10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!
12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!
05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!
Is that in Nebraska?
want. The rules about baby showers might be different but who cares. Your relationships are your own. Maybe you actually share your questions and concerns with close friends and get their opinion rather than complaining about them behind their backs. I don't have a sister but lots of sisters share everything...I don't know why this would be such a taboo subject. If you don't know what to do ask someone close to you what appropriate in your social circle. If they know and care about you they shouldn't see that as a round about way of asking them to throw you a shower. Personally I do hope someone will throw me one and a few have mentioned it already but if no one does it then oh well. I'll know the people close to me are happy and are celebrating with us knowing the fertility challenges we've overcome to get here. I don't know why so many people have to attack the person in Nebraska for her opinion - regardless of location maybe that's how her social circle thinks. Final thought since there's so much back and forth about gifts...I'm sure others have thrown our own birthday, house warming, etc parties where guests are expected to bring gifts. For baby showers maybe it's not "traditional or correct etiquette" but to each his own. Politely awaiting the barrage of attacks from other
hormonal women.
me: 37 unexplained infertility, DH 37 normal
ttc for 18 months before seeing RE
Letrozol on CD 3-7, overdril trigger
IUI#1, 2 follicles 17.4 and 20mm BFN
Letrozol and TI cycle BFN
IUI#2 2 follicles (RE noted fluid in uterus, and then realized it was there last time too) BFN
Letrozol and TI BFN
IUI#3 one follicle 21mm (fluid there again) BFP!!!
02/10 beta#1 335 (at 4weeks1day), 02/12 Beta#2 751 :-)
2) you planned your own wedding?! You must be a superwoman! Seriously, most women here planned their own wedding because we're not rich enough to have someone do it for us. I planned my own wedding 90% via the Internet because I live in the uk and got married in San Francisco. Do I get a special award for that?
09/23/11 - Married DH
04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks
05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d
08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d
09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!
10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!
12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!
05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!