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Baby Shower - Who Plans it

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Re: Baby Shower - Who Plans it

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  • Melemon02Melemon02 member
    Thank you for the responses. I really appreciate all the advise.

    My MIL offered to co-host with my step mom. She decided that it would be family only at her home, which is fine of course.

    My husband and I decided to host a pre-baby BBQ to include our friends in the celebration and to thank them for their support. Most of them have kids and have helped us over the years with various things, but most of all showing such amazing and different examples of parenthood. We are not asking for gifts but will be doing a fun wipes/diaper raffle where they can win a prize (as we are not doing any baby related games).

    I hope I don't get the disappointed comments or worse about this but I wouldn't feel right not including our friends and again, we aren't asking for gifts, it's not a traditional shower, it's a family friend BBQ. Two of my friends are helping with food (each bringing a salad). So hopefully that doesn't appear as desperate.


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  • 12bailey1812bailey18 member
    Skip the raffle and just have your friends over to hang out with. Also, you might find some of your friends (especially since you said they had kids) will offer to throw you one. Just have a little patience. You're actually still pretty early for shower planning anyway.

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  • marina3203875marina3203875 member
    Ask your mom to host it & you can plan all by yourself! It's ok to do so since its not such a big deal. If ppl thinks its tacky, well, they can just stay at home. I don't think it's is at all. Or you can ask your MIL to host, cousin, sister. These days it's much easier then it was before.
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  • SuperCerealSuperCereal member
    edited April 2014
    marina3203875 said: Ask your mom to host it & you can plan all by yourself! It's ok to do so since its not such a big deal. If ppl thinks its tacky, well, they can just stay at home. I don't think it's is at all. Or you can ask your MIL to host, cousin, sister. These days it's much easier then it was before. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do people need to have a shower? What is so important about having one that a person would feel the need to throw themselves a shower? As previously stated, a shower is thrown by a friend or family member out of kindness,     NOT obligation. You and your SO are the ones that made the baby, therefore it is YOUR responsibility to buy the things your baby needs.

    I've been pregnant a total of three times and not once have I ever had a shower thrown for me. My friends and family have helped enough by just being supportive. 

    ETA: I don't even know what's going on with that quote box.
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  • HoshikitsuneHoshikitsune member
    RedFirePhoenix25 said:
    marina3203875 said:
    Ask your mom to host it & you can plan all by yourself! It's ok to do so since its not such a big deal. If ppl thinks its tacky, well, they can just stay at home. I don't think it's is at all. Or you can ask your MIL to host, cousin, sister. These days it's much easier then it was before.
    Oh hell. My sphincter tightened a little when I read this in preparation. 

    Quick lesson: TB is not the place to laud self-thrown baby showers or encourage asking someone to do it for you. I hear the gals on BC are huge fans.
    I agree.  This is my first child, the first grandchild in my family...am I getting a shower?  I honestly doubt it.  Do I care, no.  It isn't my friends or family's job to provide for this child...it is mine and my husbands' job to do so.  Would it be nice to have one...yes...I don't disagree with that.  With that said...asking for gifts are tacky as all get up.
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  • GhrianDamhsaGhrianDamhsa member
    edited April 2014
    I guess I *sort of* disagree with the majority, too. I am a young FTM and have a great relationship with my whole family. They're with me every step of the way and I didn't ask my mom and SIL directly to throw one, I just asked how they worked and if I was supposed to throw it myself and when. (I thought all mothers threw their own showers until my pregnancy, honestly, and got their family or friends involved in the planning.) I had a lot of questions because I had no idea. I've only attended them when I was a young girl, so I just remember going for cupcakes and games. XD
    They giggled and told me "No, no, we're already on it. We're planning it. We're throwing it. You just tell us what colors/ theme you want, who you want to come, and it's done." 
    I think it depends what kind of relationship you have with your family/ friends and "how things are done" in your area of living. If you don't have the best relationship with these people, then don't ask. If you do, then what's there's no harm! They love you, anyway! Also, I'm from a small town in the Midwest, so things that are socially acceptable here may be appalling on the West/ East Coasts/ South. Do what you think is right and most comfortable! 
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  • shaylagirlshaylagirl member
    GhrianDamhsa said:
    I just asked how they worked and if I was supposed to throw it myself and when. (I thought all mothers threw their own showers until my pregnancy, honestly, and got their family or friends involved in the planning.) I had a lot of questions because I had no idea. 
    Personally, I don't think it's any kind of fax pas to ask how the process works if you don't know (I'll probably get blasted for that opinion, but that's how I feel).  I asked lots of questions regarding wedding planning because I just didn't know how it worked. 

    All I DID know about any of these big life-planning processes (weddings, showers, etc) was that Google was a good starting point, and message boards were good places to go and lurk/read/educate myself and ask questions.


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  • marina3203875marina3203875 member
    Hoshikitsune said:
    RedFirePhoenix25 said:
    marina3203875 said:
    Ask your mom to host it & you can plan all by yourself! It's ok to do so since its not such a big deal. If ppl thinks its tacky, well, they can just stay at home. I don't think it's is at all. Or you can ask your MIL to host, cousin, sister. These days it's much easier then it was before.
    Oh hell. My sphincter tightened a little when I read this in preparation. 

    Quick lesson: TB is not the place to laud self-thrown baby showers or encourage asking someone to do it for you. I hear the gals on BC are huge fans.
    I agree.  This is my first child, the first grandchild in my family...am I getting a shower?  I honestly doubt it.  Do I care, no.  It isn't my friends or family's job to provide for this child...it is mine and my husbands' job to do so.  Would it be nice to have one...yes...I don't disagree with that.  With that said...asking for gifts are tacky as all get up.
    Girls! I'm all with you, agree with all words you say. Same for me, I throw so many showers just bc I like to do it but if not me or someone who can do this, for some girls it will be impossible to get a shower even from their cousin or such one. But recently I went to so many showers where parents to be, or their mother/father throw them a baby shower. Guess what? Did I think it's tacky? No, I don't. It's their decisions, their life of what to do right or wrong, like it's require an etiquette or not. So I won't be discussing behind their back how was that tacky and so on. Ppl usually thinks to deep about everything and it if it bother them, I think the best way will be is not showing up for such shower. It's like a wedding, guests are not going to a wedding just to hang you a gift, they don't even required to do it, they are just going there to celebrate your one of the biggest events in your life and it's all up to them bring you a gift or not, since you want to see them to join your special celebration but not looking "oh, what do you think he/she brought us?". Same for baby showers, why ppl expecting to give gifts, they can just join this event with future mommy to be, that's all. They can or can't bring you something or anything at all. Ppl needs to be more simple, not carrying about those deep thoughts going around your head and trying to figure out why her mom did her a shower and we are all invited.... and continue...

    So same for me, I'm not getting a shower, Am I upset? No. Bc all this huge list on registries I did for myself and I know that I'm the only one (well, plus my DH) who are going to buy all these stuff for over 6K. 
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  • kmbk27kmbk27 member
    edited April 2014

    kareik01 said:

    *eye roll* Yes I'm telling her she should cry and pout until she gets what she wants...good grief

    Why do I even write MY OPINON on the majority of my posts when I get ridiculed for it every single time.

    I live in Nebraska, our "norms" are different from most people, I understand that. Here, it isn't a question if someone is getting a bridal or baby shower, it's a given. Here, it isn't "who" is giving the shower, it's "when" is the shower. That's why I feel this girl isn't in the wrong asking who/if someone has anything planned, because where I'm from, someone is and would love her input since she has some.

    I just wanted to swing by and say, as a born and raised Nebraskan, I could not disagree more with what she has been saying. Etiquette here is the same as I hope it would be anywhere.
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  • Yellow578Yellow578 member
    Arguing etiquette over entitlement is very different. For those of you so adamantly arguing it isn't proper etiquette to throw your own then I hope you also sit down to dinner dressed up for your husband don't have your tv on and no phones at the table and make sure the bread knife is in the right spot or whatever proper etiquette rules apply at the dinner table. It must also suck to live such an uptight life where you don't have anyone close enough to ask...what am I supposed to do without sounding gift grabby. I'd hate to have to be on my toes with my closest friends and family. For the entitlement argument I do agree, I don't think anyone should feel entitled to one but hopefully friends and family want to celebrate with you and do throw you one. A close friend said that actually did volunteer to help throw mine said it's the last time you'll have time to spend quality time with your close girlfriends for a while so it's a great excuse for everyone to get together. Most of my friends can afford to get their own stuff so it's less about what can I get but more about catching up and spending time with each other.
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  • Meery82Meery82 member
    Yellow578 said:
    Arguing etiquette over entitlement is very different. For those of you so adamantly arguing it isn't proper etiquette to throw your own then I hope you also sit down to dinner dressed up for your husband don't have your tv on and no phones at the table and make sure the bread knife is in the right spot or whatever proper etiquette rules apply at the dinner table. It must also suck to live such an uptight life where you don't have anyone close enough to ask...what am I supposed to do without sounding gift grabby. I'd hate to have to be on my toes with my closest friends and family. For the entitlement argument I do agree, I don't think anyone should feel entitled to one but hopefully friends and family want to celebrate with you and do throw you one. A close friend said that actually did volunteer to help throw mine said it's the last time you'll have time to spend quality time with your close girlfriends for a while so it's a great excuse for everyone to get together. Most of my friends can afford to get their own stuff so it's less about what can I get but more about catching up and spending time with each other.
    LOL, wat?
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  • Kelsey11610Kelsey11610 member
    My mother and my DH step-mom are going to be planning it. I think my aunt may help too. My MIL should help, but she has never done anything for us including anything for the wedding. My mother just asked me for a guest list and she will do the rest. Have your DH ask around if anybody plans on giving you one. I too feel that everyone one deserves a baby shower for their first born.
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  • awc1986awc1986 member
    When will people realise that nobody NEEDS a shower? It's a privilege to have someone offer to throw a shower for you and it's a bonus if people bring gifts. Demanding your own and telling people what to buy you is vomit-inducing.

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  • chokri007chokri007 member
    I am 25 weeks preggo and no one has offered on mine either. I have a cousin who is due around the same date and I already got the invite for hers. I am just going to wait and see, I hate probing and I definitely do not want to ask/hint. It not only creates an awkward situation, but I would forever remember "asking" for a shower.
    I just got married last year, so there was a bridal shower too. I feel bad for the hosts, that within a span of a year, there has been a bridal shower, a wedding, and now I have a baby on the way.

    As the due date will approach, someone is bound to have an "oh sh!t" moment, and get one together.
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