Spouse/significant other travel for work?

lauralew · April 2014

So tomorrow my husband starts traveling M-F for work. This will last for about three months. Anyone else deal with this? I would love any tips or tricks to keeping my sanity. I work part time evenings and weekends. I have babysitters lined up for the evenings I'm working and my husband will be home on the weekends. So I'm kind of worried about finding sitters when I need a break from the kids.

I appreciate any insight you can give me!

Edited: So I just thought I would clarify. I'm not suggesting I am expecting to get breaks from life. I meant I am just wondering how other parents have survived this situation without going absolutely crazy.

lauralew · April 2014

mbenit4 said:

My only "breaks" are when I'm at work so I have no clue.

Yeah, I don't really get a ton either...and I do in-home family therapy, so my work isn't really a break either. I do my paperwork at my home office while my children are napping/sleeping. I'm really asking how people survive being completely on their own 70% + of the time. I was just trying to head off the suggestion of "can you get a baby sitter for when you need to get away, just to run errands?"

lauralew · April 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

DH travels often for work. I don't really get a break per se. I do get like an hour after they are both down but I'm generally getting ready for the next day. And I work full time. But I don't think of work as a break. I have on occasion hired our babysitter to come over and help with dinner prep, bed time etc if I know I'll be working late. Occasionally she stays so I can run or work out. But most of the time I'm on my own and just try to survive

I'm assuming it'll be hardcore survival mode. I think the word break is the wrong one...I guess I mean how do other women do this without pulling all their hair out/losing their minds/etc.

PrimRoseMama · April 2014

H travels a lot for work. I tough it out.

lauralew · April 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

I guess I'm just not understanding the question. I mean yes it's hard when I don't have DH around to help , but lots of women do it all on their own 100% of the time either because they are single, or their DH is deployed or whatever. I do think planning helps. I pack lunches on Sunday for the entire week so I don't ever need to worry about getting that done. I cook before DH gets home nightly anyway so his traveling doesn't change that routine but I do keep dinners simple just in case.

I guess I was hoping for some magical tip like, "I always do xyz and it makes things easier." Like your lunch idea. We did a lot of meal prep today because my husband cooks. I suck at it, and he loves it, so that's a big change. I am not saying this is a unique situation...it's just unique for us, and since I haven't done it before (for this long anyway) I thought I'd get some veteran advice or encouragement or whatever.

It's making sense in my head what I'm looking for, but I guess I'm not communicating it too well. It seems like I'm sounding clueless or entitled or something...?? Maybe I shouldn't have put a question in this and just kind of said "Fuck, I am worried how I'm going to survive three months with twin two year olds while I'm pregnant. Without killing them or my husband on the weekends. And how the hell do you maintain a decent relationship when one of you is absent for almost 3 months." I do most of the child care related stuff, unless I'm working. My husband does errand running and cooking.

Ultimately, I don't want it to sound like I don't get that parents do this type of thing all.the.time. On the contrary, I know a LOT of parents do this on their own the majority of the time...which is why I was looking for thoughts/advice on how to handle it. Sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring or minimizing what many parents do.

RondackHiker · April 2014

Meal plan. Do simple crockpot meals.
Consider grocery delivery or shop when you have a sitter or on the weekends. Do a bit of cleaning each day so it doesn't build up and overwhelm you. Have a schedule and stick to it!

Use text messaging to communicate your day and more minor things to your H. That way you can talk about bigger things on the phone and get that accomplished in less time, since you're busy. Do some small nice things for each other each week. It could be buying him a candy bar. Remember you're both busy and tired.

If you can afford any services (grocery delivery, cleaning, lawn, dog walking), use them.

Meet with friends for play dates during the day to vent and decompress, or consider occasionally using a mom's day out program.

When dh is on long shifts, I find evenings are the loneliest times. You'll be working then so that'll help. You can also call a friend or chat on here when you're not working.

I don't really get breaks when dh isn't home (though again, he doesn't travel just does long enough shifts there are times he's only home to sleep), but it's doable. Just do it.

kmm2150 · April 2014

I would suggest talking beforehand with YH about how you will use your time when he is home, whether that's him giving you a break, doing errands and chores, whatever. Dh occasionally travels for work for up to 4 weeks at a time, and frequently has weeks where he leaves very early and gets home very late. If we aren't careful we spend the whole weekend chillaxing and hanging out as a family and suddenly it's 5 on Sunday and we've done nothing to prep for the week...or we have a fight because I want to go to target by myself for 30 minutes but he's tired too and blah blah. Just saying, have that conversation in advance, hopefully he'll agree to meal prep and giving you a break when he is home - makes it easier to get through the week when you know you have a Mani-pedi or whatever coming to you on Saturday.
When I'm home alone, I often feed DD a really easy dinner like some deli meat turkey, cheese grapes crackers or a pbj sandwich, and then eat myself after she goes to bed. Even if I'm just having a lean cuisine frozen dinner, I get to relax for a minute.

kmm2150 · April 2014

Also I totally get what you're asking - it's a big change to on your own all the time when you're used to having a partner and it takes some getting used to, both in getting things done and in emotionally adjusting to it.

katlizabeth · April 2014

My Dh is has been gone during the week since January. I know people do it all the time, but yes, it's a hard adjustment. I didn't read all advice, but planning ahead is key for me. I meal plan and write all of my daily "to dos" on a whiteboard. I wrote my routine down (with times) for the before work/school time. I simplify-we don't do any really cool things-I'm just enjoying our basic life-we play in the year daily, but we don't venture out to the park on work days. I save errands for when Dh is home, or I do really short ones before picking the kids up at daycare. I organize the kids outfits in a hanging closet organizer for the week, so I can just grab an outfit and go. We're lucky because we kow there is an end to this (2015 Dh goes back to day hours at a local office). We don't spend a lot of time on our relationship-after he's done working for the night, I'm too tired to do much talking. We have two kids he's bonding with when he's home on weekends. We do what we can.

lildevil968 · April 2014

My DH traveled for work for 3 years. He would be gone for a month, then home for 2 wks, and gone again. My advice to you is not to sweat the small stuff. If the house doesn't get clean, that's ok. Also, skyping is important. Wewould skype with DH almost nightly so he got to see us, and we got to see him. That was the one thing the kids always looked forward too. Also,

WasNotWas · April 2014

Get to bed early and do as much as you can before bed to make your mornings easy.

Try to plan outings with other parents so that you don't have to be entertainment 100% of the time.

exactly what @clarypax said about your week starting strong and then digressing, have your big plans early in the week (food battles or limited tv time for example) and then be ready to eat bagels and cream cheese and watch Frozen twice in a row by Thursday...

Unknown · April 2014

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lauralew · April 2014

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! While I had considered meal prep/freezer meals/etc, I hadn't really thought much about some of the other things that were suggested. I especially liked the suggestions about figuring out expectations for the weekend and not over planning the weekends with activities. I also appreciate all the insight about how the week may start out strong but by the end I'll be over it. Hearing it said outright makes it more real, so I will implement a lot of the things you suggested (play dates/outings at the beginning of the week, save TV time for the end of the week). Also, thank you for the reminder that my kids will have difficulty handling this. I wasn't sure how much they would notice his absence since they usually only see him for an hour or two on weekdays. I imagine the first week won't seem weird to them, but as this goes on they will miss him.

Thanks again for the help. I really appreciate it.

Edited: OH, and whoever suggested stocking up on children's meds, thank you. I would never have thought of that. It would royally suck to have a kiddo with a fever at 2am and having no Tylenol or Motrin.

JourneyToBaby · April 2014

My husband travels out-of-state Mon-Thurs every week and I work full time during the week. There are difficult moments but I try to concentrate on the positives. For me, they are:

1. Meal are simple. I often reheat some kind of meat I had precooked and frozen, add a veg and fuit and done. I would typically cook something less simple of my husband were home.

2. When I parent alone, I am "right" 100% of the time.

3. When my husband is out-of-town we talk on the phone every night for 30-60 mins when the kids go to bed. If he were home, the tv would be on, I would be doing chores and we just wouldn't sit and have an uninterrupted conversation.

4. There is always positive anticipation for "daddy to get home on Thursday night".

5. The boy and dad facetime every night. My husband has said that this is key to helping him stay/feel connected.

RondackHiker · April 2014

Never run out of beer.

It sucks to be home alone and want a beer to relax and you can't do a thing because the kiddo is sleeping and stores are closed.

lauralew · April 2014

RondackHiker said:
Never run out of beer.

It sucks to be home alone and want a beer to relax and you can't do a thing because the kiddo is sleeping and stores are closed.

Trust me, if I weren't pregnant in pretty sure the liquor store would be special ordering cases of beer for me. I love beer...I'm going to miss it this summer.

RondackHiker · April 2014

lauralew said:

RondackHiker said:
Never run out of beer.

It sucks to be home alone and want a beer to relax and you can't do a thing because the kiddo is sleeping and stores are closed.
Trust me, if I weren't pregnant in pretty sure the liquor store would be special ordering cases of beer for me. I love beer...I'm going to miss it this summer.

Replace beer with ice cream.

lauralew · April 2014

RondackHiker said:

lauralew said:

RondackHiker said:
Never run out of beer.

It sucks to be home alone and want a beer to relax and you can't do a thing because the kiddo is sleeping and stores are closed.
Trust me, if I weren't pregnant in pretty sure the liquor store would be special ordering cases of beer for me. I love beer...I'm going to miss it this summer.
Replace beer with ice cream.

Done!

smc008 · April 2014

My husband travels 3-4 days a week. It sucks. I work FT. Keep it simple and just get the basics done each day.

My husband is great about taking care of our LO one morning on the weekend so mommy can get an extra hour of sleep and take a shower undisturbed. It is the best!!!

Also remember, it is not fun for them either. We facetime each night and send a lot of pics... it helps him when he is missing us. At least it is only 3 months... you will make it.

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