Party gifts question

magentawarped · March 2014

When your kids have a birthday party, do you open gifts at the party? We always did, but I've been to a couple recently where the kids never opened gifts. Personally, I think that if I spent the time picking out a gift for your kid, I want to see them open it, and it seems a little rude to just skip it. The only reason I could see not to is if it's a huge party with dozens of gifts, but this wasn't the case. Thoughts?

eaglesfan700 · March 2014

No one opens gifts at parties here. Most parties are at a place where you have a time limit on a party. But even at home parties, the kids want to play. It seems mean to make kids sit and watch another kid open presents

We have family over for dinner for the kids' birthdays, and that is different. They open presents then

notkateanymore · March 2014

We don't open presents, except at 1st birthday parties. It takes up time that the kids should be having fun together and since the party is about the kids and not the adults, we don't do it. I've never understood wanting to see the kid's reaction...they're kids, it's probably not going to be what you're looking for anyway!

LoriLee14 · March 2014

We opened gifts when I was growing up, and we will continue it with little man

jenniann87 · March 2014

We open presents at the party. I would love to just leave that time opening gifts and let the kids play and do it later on when all the guests are gone. DS gets so bored opening presents and it really takes for ever. But unfortunately everyone we invite always wants to see him open his gifts.

magentawarped · March 2014

Yeah, one party was a first birthday at a park (not a rented space, just open park area). I saw no reason not to do gifts. I figure the older kids could just keep playing if they didn't want to sit and watch.

jensriot · March 2014

We do open for home parties, but not at party places with time limits. That has been the pattern for all the parties we've gone to since DD1's 1st.

id012 · March 2014

At his big party when he turned one we skipped it but we had 100+ people there and ot would have been insane. And plus we had a clown and all this other stuff for r he kids to do. It was nice because thr next day we left him tear into them through out the day.
at his 2nd party he opened presents and it was a shit show. All the kids were vCard dying because they couldnt open a present and then they all wanted to unbox them and take all the stuff apart.
At his 3rd birthday he opened presents snd it went much smoother.

chardonnay24 · March 2014

We do, but it's never a forced thing. The kid opens gifts, and whoever wants to watch can watch. Usually the adults and a couple kids watch, and the rest of the kids play. I've never been to a party where they didn't open gifts.

spring_time · March 2014

It is a bit of a pet peeve of mine when gifts are not opened. I spend a good amount of time looking for a gift. A lot of times, I let DS pick out a gift to give to his friend. I think it is good for him to see other children receive gifts, not just him. It is also nice for him to see their joy in opening a gift he has given. For the receiver, I think it is a good lesson to accept graciously those gifts he/she does not like, or has duplicates. It takes all of 20 minutes. The kids can stop playing for 20 minutes to open gifts.

I do understand when their is a strict time limit, however it still annoys me to watch the parent pull their trunk up to the front door and load the gifts even before the party is over. It just rubs me the wrong way.

ETA At DS's party, the other kids were just as excited about the gifts as he was. They were excited to give their gift to him. Two girls were tumbling over each other to give their gift first. They also liked scoping out what toys they were going to bust out as soon as the gift opening was over.

bhuffman · March 2014

LalaMama81 said:
Kid parties, no. Family parties, yes.

I've never been to a kid party where gifts were opened around here.

This exactly

Andrewsgal · March 2014

Diapers&Wipes said:

I'm going to be rude, fair warning. If you are buying my kid a gift just so you can see her reaction feel free not to buy anything. A gift isn't required and I wouldn't be butt hurt if you didn't bring anything.

FTW You don't buy gifts to get a reaction.

magentawarped · March 2014

I'm not giving the gift JUST watch them open, but that doesn't mean I don't WANT to watch them open it.

magentawarped · March 2014

Jinx Hav.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

Interesting my 5 and 7 year old are wonderful at opening gifts and being gracious, yet did not have it learn this by opening gifts at parties. Weird. I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes then watch random kids open gifts.

notkateanymore · March 2014

I rather see children have fun at parties. Crazy I know. I agree with D&G...if you want to give my child a gift just to see the reaction, keep it. The gift isn't about the giver.

That being said, we actually request no gifts or charitable donations {books for the tutoring program at our church, art supplies for Camp Smile A Mile} so that solves the opening issue...unless people want to go see the underprivileged child learn to read the book.

notkateanymore · March 2014

BTW, Hav, kids do in fact get their feelings hurt if their friend doesn't like their gift. I've seen it happen.

notkateanymore · March 2014

No, older kids are not dying to see their friends open their gifts...they're dying to have fun at the party and do whatever the activity is.

notkateanymore · March 2014

Hav=Fath said:

Andrewsgal said:

Interesting my 5 and 7 year old are wonderful at opening gifts and being gracious, yet did not have it learn this by opening gifts at parties. Weird. I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes then watch random kids open gifts.

Then glad you don't come to Hadley's parties because you'd be blind from the hot pokers.

And you're foolish if you think I was implying (or springtime) that it's the only way to show kids to be appreciative when receiving gifts.

And you're crazy if you think people enjoyed watching Hadley "read" 75 cards...which btw sounds like complete BS. No 1 year old has that kind of attention span.

notkateanymore · March 2014

80s...if you carry them home sherpa style on your back THAT will make you appear grateful...anything less and you're an ass. Sorrynotsorry.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

I agree with Kate LOL that you think people enjoyed watching Hadley open that many presents. I have a feeling reading social cues is not your best gift.

notkateanymore · March 2014

So this is one of those Bump things that is so odd to me. I could not imagine caring if a child opened my gift or not. I mean, if they opened gifts at a party, I'll sit and watch, but to worry/side eye or judge people for it? LOL No.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

I seriously think this is a prime example of loving your special snowflake so much you don't see what others do. I mean seriously I don't care if people open gifts or not, but I am not buying for one second tha other kids would rather watch a kid open gifts then bowl or jump.

notkateanymore · March 2014

Oh Hav...you are so full of shit. Seriously.

notkateanymore · March 2014

You said it was "75 people, so it was a lot of gifts." 15-20 gifts is not a lot. So which is it? Again, such bullshit.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

Diapers&Wipes said:

KateB1984 said:

Yes, we always open the gifts at the party. It's the norm here. Party venues automatically factor it into the timeline. At DS1's 7th party, we did an activity, then lunch and cake, then presents, then other activity. About half the kids there asked if it was present time yet because they were excited about that part. DS1 and DS2 are always really excited for their turn when other kids are opening presents from them.

Some of my favourite pictures of my kids' parties are of the friends' faces when the birthday boy opens the gift. Beaming grins. At DS1's 7th birthday, all the Grade 1 friends made a card instead of buying one, and 75% of the kids had to stop Owen after he opened his card to excitedly tell him about everything that was drawn in the picture on the card. It was adorable.

I'm really glad we don't live in an area where it isn't the norm. I don't know if I would push it or not.

I'm glad that someone that people like are saying that other kids can actually find joy in watching their friend opening their gifts/cards.
At 5 or 7 or 10 or 15 maybe they will enjoy it. I seriously haven't seen a 3 year old care yet, just my experience.

Eh my five and seven year old will watch quietly but I guarantee you they would rather be playing with their friends then watching their friends open presents. But then again parties for my kids are way more about the experience and friends than gifts.

Chapter79 · March 2014

KateMW said:

No, older kids are not dying to see their friends open their gifts...they're dying to have fun at the party and do whatever the activity is.

I think this depends on the kids and their friendships, too. As soon as my DD's BFF walked in the door to her party.. "when are you going to open my gift?????" because I think she picked it herself, so was excited to see her reaction.

We do open gifts here at parties- I've never ever been to one who didn't. But I don't care what others do. As per usual, this is a "thing" that will vary among different groups of people, different states, different areas, etc etc.

AimeeL85 · March 2014

We opened presents at DS' first birthday party - we had it at a banquet hall and had time to do so, but there was a lot of people and I do think they got a little bored.

At the kids' 3rd/1st birthday combo we decided not to and honestly I'm glad we did, because we opened the presents with DS the next day and even though he loved everything, he would have seemed ungrateful. It's just his age...he wants to move onto the next thing as soon as he's opened one - he loves clothes but he will toss them aside without a thought to get to the next thing - if he already has something, which he often does, he will say it - not rudely or anything, just in observation, but the person would still feel bad. He really did love everything he got but you wouldn't know it watching him open them, so I'm glad we skipped it.

notkateanymore · March 2014

LOL Ok Hav, whatever.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

Cue white knights in 5,4,3,2.....

notkateanymore · March 2014

Diapers&Wipes said:

Oh Hav...you are so full of shit. Seriously.
Oh.my.stars

LOL I just can't anymore with her. Sorry.

notkateanymore · March 2014

Chapter79 said:

KateMW said:

No, older kids are not dying to see their friends open their gifts...they're dying to have fun at the party and do whatever the activity is.

I think this depends on the kids and their friendships, too. As soon as my DD's BFF walked in the door to her party.. "when are you going to open my gift?????" because I think she picked it herself, so was excited to see her reaction.

We do open gifts here at parties- I've never ever been to one who didn't. But I don't care what others do. As per usual, this is a "thing" that will vary among different groups of people, different states, different areas, etc etc.

Can't get out of the box...

I will say that DD's close friends have brought her gifts in addition to the charitable thing we do and they are excited. But as a general rule, kids IME want to have fun.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

I guess my kids are the only kids who don't give a flying fuck about presents. Like seriously they would be totally fine just spending time with friends at an art place without gifts. I am totally good with that.

magentawarped · March 2014

See, at DD's last party (and with most of our friends) people aren't "obligated" to watch the entire gift line. The kids will play, the adults will chat, we just call out whose gift we're opening next and if they want to watch (which they usually do), they will. I'm not clutching my pearls over it or anything, but I do find it weird to not open them at the party. I guess that's our circle though.

Chapter79 · March 2014

KateMW said:

Chapter79 said:

KateMW said:

No, older kids are not dying to see their friends open their gifts...they're dying to have fun at the party and do whatever the activity is.

I think this depends on the kids and their friendships, too. As soon as my DD's BFF walked in the door to her party.. "when are you going to open my gift?????" because I think she picked it herself, so was excited to see her reaction.

We do open gifts here at parties- I've never ever been to one who didn't. But I don't care what others do. As per usual, this is a "thing" that will vary among different groups of people, different states, different areas, etc etc.

Can't get out of the box...

I will say that DD's close friends have brought her gifts in addition to the charitable thing we do and they are excited. But as a general rule, kids IME want to have fun.

For the most part- yes, I agree. We only invite close friends to parties right now, because I leave that up to DD. She doesn't want to invite her whole class yet or anything. So the people at hers are close friends, and probably more excited than if there were 30 kids there and everyone wasn't really close. I'd assume it would be more boring then. But it's still the norm to open gifts here at parties. We haven't been to one yet that hasn't.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

I Heart The 80s said:

Can't remember who said they spend a good deal of time selecting gifts for kid's parties. I suck, because I spend about 5 minutes at Target. I mean, obviously if it's my nephew I'll ask my sister what he's into (he lives far away). But half the time DD doesn't know what she's giving the kid. No big deal…she's not there when her friend opens the gift anyway.

I will one up you on that. For classmates the kids shop my gift closest, full of target clearance. My friends kids and family get special gifts chosen, but not some random kid.

spring_time · March 2014

Diapers&Wipes said:

I'm going to be rude, fair warning. If you are buying my kid a gift just so you can see her reaction feel free not to buy anything. A gift isn't required and I wouldn't be butt hurt if you didn't bring anything. At DDs 3 rd birthday I didn't have her open gifts at the party. I got a couple of side eyes but I don't care. We took the gifts home and she took her time opening them. A few of the gifts she wasn't in to. I was so happy I didn't have to deal w that in front of the gift giver.

Since you want to be rude, then I will feel free to say what I am really thinking. The people who are so vehemently opposed to opening gifts at a kids birthday and would rather stick hot pokers in their eyes than watch a child open gifts are not exactly the people I would choose to be friends with IRL. In my own experiences with my own friends/family, the children who could use a bit more humility and graciousness are the ones loading up their cars with all their loot and driving off.

BTW, opening gifts at 2 years old was chaotic. At 3 years old, it got better but the kids all swarmed around. At 4 years old, both the guests and DS were pros. Like everything else it takes practice and experience.

And for those who insist they would rather see the children play, it is really 20 minutes. Seriously. They can sit, participate, or play in the vicinity for 20 minutes.

spring_time · March 2014

Diapers&Wipes said:

Andrewsgal said:

Interesting my 5 and 7 year old are wonderful at opening gifts and being gracious, yet did not have it learn this by opening gifts at parties. Weird. I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes then watch random kids open gifts.

Then glad you don't come to Hadley's parties because you'd be blind from the hot pokers.

And you're foolish if you think I was implying (or springtime) that it's the only way to show kids to be appreciative when receiving gifts.
And you may not be implying anything but it's annoying to hear "I took my time finding a gift the least you can do it open it in front of me" and such nonsense. Look, I appreciate you buying the gift, I really do. I'm not trying to insult you by not opening it at the party. It isn't about the gift giver. I know my kid. I'm doing what's best for her so she can enjoy the party. It has nothing to do w the gift giver.

I also do not think it is the only way to appreciate gifts, but there is the art of graciousness as well. They are not the same. As one poster pointed out, her child was not into some of the gifts and was happy she didn't have to deal with it. How else do you model and teach your child to be gracious with disappointment if they never have to do it.

Also, I am not an idiot, I recognize there are other ways to do it. But gifts at a birthday a perfect opportunity.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

spring_time said:

Diapers&Wipes said:

Andrewsgal said:

Interesting my 5 and 7 year old are wonderful at opening gifts and being gracious, yet did not have it learn this by opening gifts at parties. Weird. I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes then watch random kids open gifts.

Then glad you don't come to Hadley's parties because you'd be blind from the hot pokers.

And you're foolish if you think I was implying (or springtime) that it's the only way to show kids to be appreciative when receiving gifts.
And you may not be implying anything but it's annoying to hear "I took my time finding a gift the least you can do it open it in front of me" and such nonsense. Look, I appreciate you buying the gift, I really do. I'm not trying to insult you by not opening it at the party. It isn't about the gift giver. I know my kid. I'm doing what's best for her so she can enjoy the party. It has nothing to do w the gift giver.

I also do not think it is the only way to appreciate gifts, but there is the art of graciousness as well. They are not the same. As one poster pointed out, her child was not into some of the gifts and was happy she didn't have to deal with it. How else do you model and teach your child to be gracious with disappointment if they never have to do it.

Also, I am not an idiot, I recognize there are other ways to do it. But gifts at a birthday a perfect opportunity.

Well,honestly my kids are not into gifts at all. Like seriously they would rather spend time with their friends. In the end isn't this the best lesson? I would rather have kids that value friendships and time over gifts any day. So while you are teaching your kids to appreciate the new lightning McQueen I will teach mine that gifts are just stuff and can never ever trump time and memories with friends. You feel free to think your lesson. Is better I will think mine it. I adore my friends and they adore me not because of the gifts we provide each other but because of the times we are there for and support each other. So you are right I probably wouldn't be friends with people who think gifts are so important, they just aren't to me.

spring_time · March 2014

Andrewsgal said:

spring_time said:

Diapers&Wipes said:

Andrewsgal said:

Interesting my 5 and 7 year old are wonderful at opening gifts and being gracious, yet did not have it learn this by opening gifts at parties. Weird. I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes then watch random kids open gifts.

Then glad you don't come to Hadley's parties because you'd be blind from the hot pokers.

And you're foolish if you think I was implying (or springtime) that it's the only way to show kids to be appreciative when receiving gifts.
And you may not be implying anything but it's annoying to hear "I took my time finding a gift the least you can do it open it in front of me" and such nonsense. Look, I appreciate you buying the gift, I really do. I'm not trying to insult you by not opening it at the party. It isn't about the gift giver. I know my kid. I'm doing what's best for her so she can enjoy the party. It has nothing to do w the gift giver.

I also do not think it is the only way to appreciate gifts, but there is the art of graciousness as well. They are not the same. As one poster pointed out, her child was not into some of the gifts and was happy she didn't have to deal with it. How else do you model and teach your child to be gracious with disappointment if they never have to do it.

Also, I am not an idiot, I recognize there are other ways to do it. But gifts at a birthday a perfect opportunity.

Well,honestly my kids are not into gifts at all. Like seriously they would rather spend time with their friends. In the end isn't this the best lesson? I would rather have kids that value friendships and time over gifts any day. So while you are teaching your kids to appreciate the new lightning McQueen I will teach mine that gifts are just stuff and can never ever trump time and memories with friends. You feel free to think your lesson. Is better I will think mine it. I adore my friends and they adore me not because of the gifts we provide each other but because of the times we are there for and support each other. So you are right I probably wouldn't be friends with people who think gifts are so important, they just aren't to me.

You are so full of crap.

They are not mutually exclusive. A child can be kind, appreciative, and gracious while also appreciating time with friends and family. However, if those friends and family also took the time to purchase a gift for a child, as is what typically happens at birthday parties, the least that child can do is open their gift and thank them in person.

My kid doesn't care if someone purchases him a gift. He literally jumps up and down when friends arrive at the door because he is so excited to play with them. However, if those friends are generous enough to give him a gift, he can take a few minutes to open it and thank them for it.

Andrewsgal · March 2014

cjcouple said:

lol but just because people open gifts at a party doesn't mean they don't appreciate family relationships and friendships over gifts. it's just part of the day.
I certainly don't have issues if you choose not to open them.

eh I only took it that far because crazy hav white knighter basically said she could never be friends with people like us. You know because we don't open gifts at parties.

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