****Pre-School/School-Aged Check-in****
stefuge
member
Welcome to the pre-school/school-aged kiddo check-in!
This check-in is for all you ladies with pre-school aged and school-aged kids. @MoreThanSparrows08 and myself co-run this check-in, so feel free to PM either of us if you have any questions. Our goal with this check-in is to have a space to come brag about our kids, vent as needed, ask questions or share concerns, and share this experience of being a loss mom with fellow loss moms who can relate.
Milestones:
Challenges:
Cute/Funny Stories:
QOTW: We were discussing this over on the Loss board this week and I thought it was an interesting question - Do you find that you parent your sunshine children or rainbow babies differently after your loss? Do you find yourself being more lenient, less lenient, more prone to spoil, or more cautious having lost a child?
Re: ****Pre-School/School-Aged Check-in****
Challenges: Because he is an old soul, Monkey worries about things most kids wouldn't, and has an awareness about the world that causes quite a bit of anxiety. His anxiety gets much worse when his dad is away, or if something is really bothering him. This week is Spring Break, so there is less to worry about. He has been extra neurotic about safety and rules lately though. We went to the airport the other day and I intentionally didn't buy a parking pass right away just to show DS that they don't come and arrest you. He has a fear of failure that just can't be healthy, and I need to find ways to ease that pressure.
Milestone- Cute/Funny Stories: DS spent yesterday at his grandparents farm out of town. They raise cattle, and one of the cows was having a baby. My IL's are wonderful people, but definitely don't think like I do, especially FIL. They also aren't aware of how intelligent DS is. Anyway, they made sure he didn't see the cow being born, so they wouldn't have to explain where babies come from... this they told me. They then took him out to see the mama and baby, right afterward. Um... guess what happened. Yep, the afterbirth came out while DS was standing right there! He's not dumb. Now he knows where babies come from, and I had to explain what that "thing" was. I mean, I would have explained anyway, but I totally side-eye my FIL for patting himself on the back for making sure Monkey didn't see the "birth". (Sidenote- Monkey is super squeamish, and I can't believe he didn't faint!).
QOTW: My losses occurred after we had Monkey, and he was already school age, so I don't think I parent him any different. I worry I've been shorter and more distant at times with him, while privately dealing with my IF struggles and losses. Watching him get older has been really bittersweet, but I think we would have a rough time with that losses or not.
Milestones:
Caleb seems to be eating a little more and more lately. He is such a picky eater now! It drives me crazy. I'm glad it seems to be passing. I don't know how he is not passed out from hunger. I put out a bunch of different foods for him to pick at. It's probably not the best method to get him to eat but at least I know food is going in him. At day care he eats well, but other kids eat in a group and monkey see, monkey do, I guess.
I have NOOOO idea where he picked this up (maybe daycare??) but all he says is "I'm scared of the ghosts/monster/dragon". This really upsets me. I don't want him living in fear. I know some parents who say "behave or the monster will get you". This is soooo bad! I hate it as much as when parents say "behave or the nurse (me) will give you shot". ( I look at the child and tell them "Don't worry, I'm not giving you shot"). We are always praying with him.
He also started lying to us. I find it crazy that lying is just in human nature. I can see him do something and he immediately blames Max and Jasper (our dogs) or his cousin, who isn't even at our home at the moment. He will also just make up stories like the dog bit him or something. I tell him mommy, daddy and Jesus doesn't like it when we lie. He will smile and say "oh, sorry."
Challenges: Getting him to sleep in his own bed. He sleeps with us...I want him OUT and he refuses!
Cute/Funny Stories:
He loves getting our plastic laundry basket and uses it as a boat but Caleb has a pop up hamper. He will empty all this clothes and put Jasper in it (Jasper is little dog and maybe weighs 3 pounds). He will carry Jasper all over the house in the hamper over his shoulder like a purse and hang the straps on the kitchen chair. He will hang there until I finally see him and help the poor dog. One day, they were BOTH hanging in the hamper on the chair. His booster fitting snug on the chair under the table and kept the chair from tipping over. I thought DH had put him in there and told him he was dumb for doing it. It was not DH. Somehow Caleb just did it. We still scratch our heads.
Caleb also has this obsession with our drier. I often find him in there alone, with Jasper or only Jasper in the dry. He can't turn it on, but does close the door. He is able to push it open, thank God, but it drives me crazy and scares me! We are working on that one.
QOTW: We were discussing this over on the Loss board this week and I thought it was an interesting question - Do you find that you parent your sunshine children or rainbow babies differently after your loss? Do you find yourself being more lenient, less lenient, more prone to spoil, or more cautious having lost a child?
I don't spoil him more than usual. When I MC twice after he was born, I did cry on MH shoulder many times, but I remember this one time crying and holding Caleb in bed while he was sleeping one night. I cried myself to sleep holding my baby. It brought me comfort, joy and peace in my sadness. I appreciate him (as we do all our children) but on hard days, I remind myself that right now, this moment, he is the only baby I have and I will choose joy even in the most frustrating, overwhelming, difficult, stressed out moment, hard moments. I refuse to take any moment with him for granted.
As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen - Winnie the Pooh
Married 8/22/09
Pregnancy 1- EDD 11/21/10 NMC @ 6 weeks
Pregnancy 2 - Rainbow DS born 1/15/11
Pregnancy 3 - EDD 5/2/14 NMC @ 6 weeks 9/4/13
Pregnancy 4 - EDD 6/11/14 BO @ 9 weeks D&C 11/8/13
AF arrived 12/18/13
BENCH IS BURNED 2/2014
TTA until May/June
WOW!!! I'm pregnant!!! BFP 6/8/14 Rainbow on the way EDD 2/14/15
Winnie the Pooh
Milestones: She's gotten amazing at reading! Also, she's recently gone through a major growth spurt, so we had to go update her wardrobe.
Challenges: Aside from the challenges from last week in regards to listening, just what I mentioned above to esd as far as talking too much at school.
Cute/Funny Stories: M has developed her own sense of style! When we took her shopping, she picked out pretty much everything!
QOTW: I do notice a difference with DS more so than with DD. With DS, I am trying to soak in all of the newborn things, just because I know I will never have this chance again.
Milestones:
DS - Not much, but one thing DH and I have noticed is that he's gaining confidence in his baseball skills. He's not as experienced as many of the kids on his team, but I think he realizes that he can be just as good as they are when he works hard and does his best. It's nice seeing him make the plays he needs to because he knows that he can do it and he's much more sure of himself and his abilities.
DD - Her speech has improved drastically. We had concerns for a while because she was unable to produce a few letter sounds (th, j, k, sh, v, ch sounds) and I even applied for special services (which we were turned down for) because of how concerned we were. Well, it turns out they weren't needed after all because she has overcome her speech difficulties all by herself and speaks so well. I'm amazed at how far she has come.
Challenges:
DS can be a very sensitive boy - not that that's bad, but sometimes it can get in the way of his friendships and relationships with other kids. When kids play rough with him or playfully tease him, he can take it very personally and can get pretty upset about it. We are trying to get him to not take so many things personally and to brush things off a little more.
DD likes to throw tantrums when she doesn't get to do things she wants to do. I often have to deal with her screaming or crying in front of people when she's upset with me for not letting her do something or for disciplining her. Also, she LOVES dogs and I always have to remind her not to run up to strange dogs at the park. As soon as she sees one she will make a beeline for the dog no matter how big it is. This worries me a lot and we've tried to talk to her about being more careful but for now we just have to keep a really close eye on her when dogs are around.
Cute/funny stories: DD is really into 'Frozen' and loves singing the songs. We have a speaker with a microphone hooked up to it and he will stand there with the microphone and sing her little heart out along to the music with hand motions and everything. I really need to get her into some kind of performing arts!
QOTW:
DD is my rainbow baby, conceived the cycle after my first loss. I don't treat her any differently than I treat DS.
Milestones: DD is doing a better job at picking up after herself without being asked.
Challenges: potty training. I have heard every excuse in the book from I don't know how to my pee pee can't come out right now they are watching t.v.
Cute/Funny Stories: DD is addicted to frozen right now (aren't we all) and there is a song where Kristoff sings about how reindeers are better than people and she has edited the lyrics to fit for our dogs and I caught her singing "doggies' are better than people, paisley don't you agree but people smell better than doggies" to our beagle.
QOTW: I find myself more cautious with her and not liking her being out of site. The other day she was going grocery shopping with DH and I warned them to be careful, of what I did not know but I just had that anxiety. I think after my loss I am just more aware of how bad things just happen.
Challenges: po tty training, that's a hard one especially if ds doesn't tell me if he has to go
Cute/Funny Stories w took the kids to Disneyland this last weekend and I heard ds say " me so happy " made me want to cry. Any words he says makes me want to cry.
I don't think I parent them any different since my losses. I definitely hug them a little tighter, and I think that the fear of losing then is ten thousand times stronger t han before