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adopt or be one and done?

slepertslepert member
in Adoption
We think financially it would be wise of us only to have one. We make less than $40,000 and husband stays home with LO most of the time. We are thinking (I am) think about adopting a child that is at least 4 when our LO is like 6 or 7. wise or not? anyone in that situation?
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Re: adopt or be one and done?

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    This is a deeply personal decision that only you can make. You need to think about how you will be able to support 2 kids, if you plan on seeing salary increases in the future, cost of living in your area, etc
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  • slepertslepert member

    the thing is (i forgot to mention) if we adopt (an older child that is at least pre-school) I beleive we would be able to support 2 kids because my husband would be working full time. As he is only working part time right now.

    2nd concern - if we do - my husband wants our daughter to be the oldest. Does this tend to work out better, or doesnt it matter?

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Now you're just confusing me. If you think you'll be financially able to do it, and your H is onboard at that time, go for it. How old is your LO?

    Birth order is a somewhat hot button issue in adoption, and the recommendation is generally to maintain birth order (eg, your daughter stays the oldest). But there are those who have adopted out of birth order with little/no issue. It's something you'll have to research.

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  • JoyfulJulyJoyfulJuly member
    It is wise to keep birth order and allow your daughter to stay the oldest if you go this route.
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  • MagickalNarwhalMagickalNarwhal member
    What is your primary reason for adopting an older kid in particular? I think that if you really feel like that is the best path for your family that you can definitely make it work. But if the logistical or financial pieces are what is compelling to you I'd definitely consider it more carefully.
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    MagickalNarwhal said:
    What is your primary reason for adopting an older kid in particular? I think that if you really feel like that is the best path for your family that you can definitely make it work. But if the logistical or financial pieces are what is compelling to you I'd definitely consider it more carefully.
    I agree.  If you are interested in adopting an older child simply so that your husband can return to work, you may want to read up a little bit on adoping/raising an older child.  These children have suffered some trauma (even if that's as simple as losing their parents) that made them in need of a new family, and as a result, they typically have needs beyond typical children.  There are some great posts on this board that talk about it a little bit, as well as some great book recommendations in the FAQs:  https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12038758/faq-re-do-q3.

    That being said, if you are up for it, adopting an older child can be a wonderful way to build a family.  I did it, and I wouldn't change it for the world!
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  • mtenderemtendere member
    It took us quite awhile to decide whether to pursue adoption when it became clear that more biological children were not in our future. I think it was really important for us to work through that loss and also allow the time and space to really consider all of our options. We thought a lot about being a one child family and what it would mean for us and also the issues involved with every form of adoption.

    In the end, we chose to become foster parents - not with the intention of adopting, but perhaps open to the possibility if it should arise. We have completed the process and are waiting for state approval. It's an intensely personal decision, so I encourage you to take your time and consider all options carefully.
    ***************************** Our beautiful daughter was born in October 2009. Turns out she was quite the miracle. After two years of TTC, diagnosed with DOR. A couple of failed treatment cycles later, we decided to let go of our hope for more biological children and explore adoption.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    NariaDreaming said:
    wife07mom09 said:
    I am a lurker as we are contemplating adoption or donor embryo right now but my question with such a low salary is how will you fund it? can you save up the cash? Around here adoption is around $35,000. That's what's giving us pause currently.
    If she's adopting from foster care, her costs will not be nearly as high. In my state, the costs for foster-to-adopt are less than $500 per child. 
    In the state I worked in foster to adopt often worked out to be free.  Parents would sometimes have to pay for the lawyer upfront but after everything was finalized social services would then reimburse them.  Some lawyers would defer their fee and collect directly from Social Services.  Also, many of our families continued to receive a monthly stipend to support the adoptive child until the child turned 18.  
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