3. What are your favorite books related to adoption?
For giving an overview, we used Adoption for Dummies. My understanding is the international adoption piece of it is out of date.
Adopting After Infertility is VERY out of date in the back end that talks about adoption. But the upfront part that discusses the things to think through when shifting from IF to adoption is pretty much timeless IMO (and very helpful)
In On It is a good book to pass on to friends and family so they can understand the adoption process and their roles
Adoption-related reading that I found enlightening were Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother, A Love Like No Other (a collection of essays written by adoptive parents), and The Open Adoption Book by Bruce Rappaport (if that is your path)
In terms of kids books, I like I Wished For You. We also put together a photobook for DD with the story of her adoption.
Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption <http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Adoption-Second-Edition/dp/159257274X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497478&sr=8-1&keywords=idiots+guide+adoption> - Great introductory guide that sets out the
basics of adoption, the different types, and common issues that can arise
Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew <http://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-7&keywords=toddler+adoption> - My first insight into the fact that there
is pain/loss involved in adoption, and it really prepared me for some of the
things my children go through and what kind of things might be triggers for
of an Adoptive Mother <http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Thoughts-Adoptive-Mother-Wolff/dp/0967214319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498125&sr=8-1&keywords=secrets+of+an+adoptive+mother> - Geared more toward mothers who adopted
after IF, but has stuff for all adoptive mothers. Let me feel normal about some of my mixed
feelings about adoption even when I felt the world expected me to always be
over the moon happy
Adoption: Sensitive Advice for Prospective Parents <http://www.amazon.com/International-Adoption-Sensitive-Prospective-Parents/dp/1556522118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355499045&sr=8-1&keywords=international+adoption+sensitive+advice+for+prospective+parents>
an Adoption <http://www.amazon.com/Supporting-Adoption-Pat-Holmes/dp/0961187212/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498883&sr=8-1&keywords=supporting+an+adoption>
Friends Ask About Adoption: Question & Answer Guide for Non-Adoptive
Parents and Other Caring Adults <http://www.amazon.com/When-Friends-Ask-About-Adoption/dp/0961955902/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498913&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=when+friends+ask+aboutadoption>
With Love And Logic <http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Logic-Updated-Expanded-Edition/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497593&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic> - This book's main premise forms the basis of
our parenting philosophy, but as with all parenting books, there are a lot of
specifics that you have to sift through and take only what you are comfortable
Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 <http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497624&sr=8-12&keywords=parenting> - This book helped us get through the worst
period with M, when he threw every acting-out behavior at us he could think
of. We never applied it the way the book
explains, but just clung to the principle of not letting him see us affected by
his behavior and always remaining calm and enforcing discipline with cool
reserve. It was a life-saver!
for Your Baby and Young Child, 5th Edition: Birth to Age 5 (Shelov, Caring for
your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5) <http://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Young-Child-Edition/dp/0553386301/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498984&sr=8-1&keywords=Caring+for+Your+Baby+and+Young+Child%2C+Revised+Edition%3A+Birth+to+Age+5+%28Shelov%2C+Caring+for+your+Baby+and+Young+Child%2C+Birth+to+Age+5%29>
Parenting Adopted Children
Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the
Teen Years <http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-Internationally-Adopted-Child/dp/1558323252/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-6&keywords=toddler+adoption> - Great guide for what your child's
adjustment will entail and points out all the issues that may present
themselves with advice on how to deal with them
in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents <http://www.amazon.com/Attaching-Adoption-Practical-Todays-Parents/dp/0944934293/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497540&sr=8-2&keywords=attaching+in+adoption> - Great book on attachment
You Rituals <http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Rituals-Becky-Bailey/dp/0688161170/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498685&sr=8-1&keywords=I+Love+You+Rituals> - If things are really tough and you are
looking for ways to reach out and foster attachment even when you don't think
you have it in you (and believe me, I've been there), this book has great ideas
for little things you can do to break through
Adopting Older Kids/Parenting Hurt Children
Adoption: The Weaver's Craft <http://www.amazon.com/Toddler-Adoption-The-Weavers-Craft/dp/1849058946/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-1&keywords=toddler+adoption>
the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow <http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hurt-Child-Adoptive-Hollywood/dp/1600062903/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498193&sr=8-1&keywords=hurt+children> - This book is the one that I always
recommend first to parents adopting older children. It really helped us understand what we were
dealing with and how to best approach it.
It can be scary, because they talk about really bad cases, but it was so
relatable and helped us avoid many pitfalls--especially triangulation!
Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster
Families <http://www.amazon.com/Wounded-Children-Healing-Homes-Traumatized/dp/1615215689/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498468&sr=8-1&keywords=wounded+children> - This book was the first that really
captured how I felt. It's more about the
impact that raising a hurt child can have on the rest of the family, and was
very honest. I couldn't believe that the
emotions I felt were actually being written about so openly.
Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts <http://www.amazon.com/Next-Steps-Parenting-Child-Hurts/dp/1853028029/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498516&sr=8-1&keywords=Next+Steps+in+Parenting+the+Child+Who+Hurts>
Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD <http://www.amazon.com/When-Love-Not-Enough-Parenting/dp/0970352549/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498619&sr=8-2&keywords=When+Love+Is+Not+Enough>
, Healing Trust (3 CD set), and Taming the Tiger While It's Still a Kitten
(lecture on CD with booklet, http://www.attachment-store.org/taming-the-tiger-while-its-still-a-kitten.html)
are good resources to understand children with attachment difficulties. They really helped me get the full
understanding of the child's mentality as they go through the process. I personally felt that the techniques were
too heavy-handed, but that's likely because I wasn't dealing with a child who
had RAD. Still, the insight into their
fear and how they act and manipulate relationships because of it was invaluable
in understanding my sons. These
books/CDs really made me feel like I had a better understanding of what they
had to go through, how they were going to do it, and why they were acting the
way they were. It made me feel more in
control, because I knew what we were going through was normal, I wasn't
completely messing up, and that this was all just part of the process they had
to go through.
Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based
Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors
- Presents a different/new way to
interpret (and therefore respond to) the behaviors of children with traumatic
pasts. It was recommended to me by many
parents of children with RAD and FASD, and they swear it’s the only thing that
worked with their kids. Basically, it
urges parents to first foster a non-punitive, non-judging, nurturing
relationship with the child to quell their fears, calm them, and build a
relationship of trust and respect before focusing on correcting their
behaviors. This book is pretty much the exact
opposite in many ways to Nancy Thomas’ approach and many of the others above,
but I think they all have their place, depending on the child and situation.
In On It: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption
As a prospective adoptive parents, I've enjoyed reading this book and I think it will go a long way to helping our families understand our journey and will help spur questions.
15 treatment cycles: four early m/c
Moving forward with domestic infant adoption!
Home study approved 5/13, now just waiting...